The Way I Really Need You
by EnglandOCfan
Summary: The sequel to Forever Young! R/M Takes place 5 years where last one finishes! xoxo
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey Im back with sequel ! Just give it time - i promise it will pick up! Thanks for the amazing reviews for the last story!ILY YOU ALL! this takes place 5 years after last one finsihed!**_

_**Let me know what you think!**_

_**Here it goes:** _

Courtney Draper was running late, her mother had always taught her that first impressions count forever, no matter how well you get to know a person, your first meeting will always be in her mind. This didn't help her current situation, her Mother and her had been estranged since she went off to college. Throughout her teenage years they had fought constantly, Courtney had said it was because she was married to her business, leaving more time for her magazine that she was Editor in Chief of than her family, well it was hardly a family, Courtney was an only child and her Dad run off with the Nanny when she was just 6. Leaving her and her Mom, she knew that her mother fought depression and alcoholism, this didn't help Courtney's upbringing especially when her mother loved her job more than she loved her.

By the time that Courtney got to UCLA deciding to not be like all the other Barbie's in Los Angeles and marry rich, but major in Law. However her rocky relationship with her mother was mended a year ago when her mother was diagnosed with lung cancer, and Courtney took over the family business. Of course she messed up and needed her personal assistant to get her through everything, and absolutely everything, she still tried her hardest but on days like this when she had to stop by her boyfriends house on the way to the office to pick up her blackberry and then get caught in the mandatory LA traffic were the worst. She unlike her Mother, did not know the first thing about fashion and running a fashion magazine, and she knew that there were talented and more qualified people in her office that would of killed for her job, but a her promise to her Mom she had to stick it out for 5 years.

"Hey Grace, Look I am running late" she then closed her eyes and took a long drag of her cigarette, while she blocked out the Creative Directors moans this early in the morning,

"I know that we have the big meet with the her today, and I promise that I will be there, look the dam models plane is only just landing in LAX for Christ's sake, I will get there before she does trust me" She was just passing what looked like to be an accident when the speed started to pick up again,

"The reason I am so late was because we went to Les Deux, doing just what was asked, to get my face recognised, and I left my blackberry at Ryan's before we went out so I had to go and pick it up from the concierge and there was traffic getting there and traffic getting to the office" She stopped again and closed her eyes, blinking out the sun light and the shrill voice of her older more experienced co worker.

"For the last time I am taking this job seriously, but I am only 23, I have a life you know and it is possible to have both - even though my Mother never knew that. Look I am only a half hour away from the office now, the model won't be there on time anyway, she's a model, is she on time for anything?" She put the phone down in anger and took another drag of her cigarette. She cursed her ring tone after a minute of silence when her incessant phone began to ring again, she looked at the picture flashing at the screen, pleased to see that it wasn't her assistant but her boyfriend instead.

"Hey Baby" she purred seductively into the phone, "Miss me this morning?" She grinned at his response and lit up another cigarette.

"Yes I did, I hate waking up alone, Its not for too much longer, as soon as she gets a little bit closer to you to understand how important you are to me, she can find out who you really are and we can stop hiding around,"

"Well only if you promise? I absolutely hate it when she isn't at someone else's house, it means I can't stay over. Are you late for work as well, I didn't realise we would be out so late last night, or that we would drink that much"

"I did try and stop you but you were too drunk to take any notice, and I quite enjoyed the way you were dancing so I wasn't complaining, I am just on my way to the office now, I was just wondering if you wanted to have dinner tonight, all 3 of us?"

"Ryan, I have a hangover the last thing I want is to spend another night at Chuck E Cheese while your kid spends the whole time telling me about her last dance class and her perfect Aunt Summer - no offence"

"I just thought that you might like the chance to get to know her, but if its too much for you then don't bother, I was going to ask if you might want to stay over after, clothing optional, but if you don't want to go to Chuck E Cheese then I suppose we can give it a miss" She smiled happily into the phone,

"Well I suppose, when your twisting my arm as much as that then we could come to some arrangement, I will be at your apartment by 8"

"Make it 7 and we can be home a lot earlier"

"7 it is, love you bye" , when she finished her cigarette and had a quick sing along to the radio she was finally at the Gabbandio Publications building central LA, taking an elevator to the 17th floor which had an amazing view over LA. It wasn't the normal magazine building considering that it was based in Los Angeles and not in Manhattan but you couldn't fight with the numbers, it was greatly loved and had a loyal fan base issue in issue out.

As soon as the elevator chimed and she began the walk to her private office, she was met with a magnitude of questions, 'Which colour should this skirt be in for the August shoot','Which font', 'Did I see you in Les Deux last night, and who were you practically sucking the face of off?"

"Where the hell were you Courtney, we are behind schedule, she is already here! And this is bad really bad, you already insist on doing the interview yourself! Your Mother never did things this way"

"Just shut up Grace, I have a headache" Courtney barked at the older women whilst she had a smug look on her face.

"Someone party hard last night did we? just brush your hair, get some gum and go interview the famous Marissa Cooper before she gives her exclusive story to InStyle.We need the publicity Courtney, if you fail this then you failing your Mom" The botoxed women swaggered away awhile Courtney was trying to think about all of the prep she had done on Marissa Cooper.

All she could remember was the girl was from Orange County, started modelling when she was 18, gave a child up for adoption and has been the latest 'It' girl since Paris Hilton. She was the new Kate Moss without the drug scandal and was engaged to the hot actor from that film Ryan took her to see last week, not that they had been watching it. She knocked tentatively on the door , wondering why she was knocking on her own office door, what was it about famous people that made her so nervous.

"Hi, I am so sorry I am late, LA traffic is such a bitch" Courtney hoped that this model had a heart and wasn't up her own.

"Don't worry about I am sure its not as bad as New Yorks. I am early anyway I flew in last night instead of this morning, my boyfriend was headed out in this direction so I thought I would travel too" She gave her a polite smile and Courtney took a seat at her desk

"Ok then Miss Cooper, I want to thank you for coming out to California for the interview, I know that you usually base from New York so this is a big honour. I thought that we could maybe do some questions here, and then move on to lunch on Robertson's and then take you over to you photo shoot." Marissa nodded for her to go on and Courtney looked down into her Louis Vuitton Notebook where she had previously scribbled in some notes.

"Well I guess I should congratulate you on two things then, first of getting Chanel for the 2nd season in a row and your engagement." Marissa smiled proudly and looked down at her ring, she knew that he wasn't what she thought of marrying, and maybe there was still someone she loved but she wasn't going to let her past get in the way of her future. Especially when she new there was no way of ever getting it back.

"Thanks, for both"

"Your ring is gorgeous, I must say, clever you marrying a man with such good taste" both of the girls shared a giggle, "and money, I think it always matter what size the bank account it" Courtney said as she scribbled down in her book. Marissa took a deep breath, it must look like that, like she was marrying for money, when she wasn't, she just needed someone to love her, and she knew she was settling for second best.

"So have you got a boyfriend?, I hope you don't mind, its just I have to ask questions otherwise I feel like I'm being interrogated."

"No worries, It will just be like a girly chat, yes we have been together a few months."

"Don't you just love it when relationships are new and exciting,?"

"I really do, I know its so early to tell but I love him, he is so caring and we are doing so well, but its still early days yet, Do you still get that with Jake?" Courtney blushed with excitement as she took more notes on the gorgeous famous women sitting opposite her.

"Erm yeah I suppose, I remember when I was a teenager though, I thought I was in love at 16, now it's a little different" They both smiled at being so adolescent.

After a little bit longer they both decided that they were hungry enough for lunch, the decided on a quiet cafИ near Kitson and they took their seats outside in the LA sun only being bothered by a paparazzo once but they finally went away after they Marissa sat with their back to them.

"So what first got you into modelling" Courtney asked as she tucked into her chicken salad.

"Erm, I don't know, at the time I was really quite young , I had just came out of a major stressful time in my life, and it was difficult, I was torn, and I got a call from Ford in New York saying that they had seen me do some shoots and they wanted me to fly out, I discussed it with my then boyfriend which ended in an argument, we had been rocky for a few months and it was the straw that broke the camels back, he told me that he no longer wanted to see me and so I packed my bags and I went to stay with my Dad's sister out in New York, I stayed with her for a little while, then within a few months people started to know my name, want to know my name, I was getting more and more and more phone calls about model castings and shoots and everything, then after fashion week I apparently turned into the next 'big thing' "I just think it happened being in the time and place, I am not anything special at all. "She put her knife and fork together on the plate and took a sip from her margherita.

"Is it being too nosy to ask why you were fighting with your boyfriend? I mean we are the first magazine to ever have the exclusive of before you were famous."

"We were just not as right for each other as we thought we were."

"Is he anything to do with the child you put up for adoption at such a young age?" Adoption, the lie that she told to keep the identity of her baby hidden, to keep her out of harms way. At least she did at least one thing right as a mother.

"If you don't mind, I would rather keep that part of my life separate, I was ever so young and that choice I made then was right for me at the time, I would just rather not have the whole world know my business." Marissa absorbed some more sun whilst she waited for the next question.

"No of course, Don't you just love Robertson?"

"Yeh its great, I hardly ever come out to LA, there isn't any need, not now I'm an east coaster." Well that wasn't the reason exactly, she never came out here because she knew it was where Ryan lived, and where he lived with their child she gave up, not a day goes past when she doesn't think about them, Ryan and her little girl ,granted she wasn't ready to be mother at the time, and fighting the depression made it so much harder, Ford gave her a way out, which meant leaving before her child could hate her, he would be a much better parent then she ever could, but if she could change one thing in her life it would be the choice that she never left, never became famous, and never gave up Ryan, and Ottilie of course.

"So are you out tonight? Hitting the famous LA clubs?" Courtney asked her as Marissa snapped out of her day dream.

"Huh" Marissa asked dazed

"Are you going out tonight?" Courtney asked slower and added a laugh on the end

"Erm, yeah I am meant to be going to the opening of the LA Bungalow 8." Marissa said distractedly. Courtney's eyes opened quickly and then she put her head in her hands

"Crap!!"

"Excuse me?"

"No, not you, erm, I am actually supposed to be going to that but I made plans to go out with my boyfriend, I am meant to show my face at these sorts of things for the magazine" Marissa looked at the young blonde girl interviewing her. Marissa hated to use her celebrity status to get her places, and that was one of the many things she hated about Jake, the fact that he would. But as she looked at Courtney she looked like the kind of girl who thought she was bigger than she was. Living in LA doesn't make you a superstar.

"O right"

"Well I guess I could call him now and re-arrange, I absolutely love Bungalow in New York, no way am I not going to the LA opening." Marissa eyed her strangely as she clicked her fingers for the waiter and asked for the bill.

"Excuse me I won't be a minute" She got out her blackberry and dialled Ryan's number, Marissa not wanting to intrude on the phone call excused herself and found the bathroom, when she got there she looked in the mirror. She always hated her reflection, gaunt and skinny, tired, and unhappy - that was her main one, when she was with Ryan, she never looked as unhappy as she does now.

A few hours later, Summer had let herself and Ottilie into Ryan's penthouse apartment with her spare key. Ottilie ran out to her bedroom while Summer unloaded some of the shopping that Ryan had asked her to pick up that day. He hadn't done bad for himself considering that he had so much to cope with at such a young age, he somehow managed and went on to be one of the junior directors and one of the best architects that LA had to offer. Of course it was hard, he ended up taking extra classes at school so he could finish a year early, he also cut out all of his other courses and only took Architecture, by the time Ottilie was 3 and a half he started working full time, raising Ottilie the best he could with the help of Kirsten, and Summer, and a Nanny when neither of them could make it.

A few minutes of Summer braiding Ottilie's blonde loosely curled hair, Ryan walked in the door after a tiring day at work. Immediately Ottilie jumped up from the floor and ran straight over to her Dad.

"Daddy!!" He picked her up and kissed her cheek as he usually does .

"Hey Princess, have you been good for Auntie Summer?" Ottilie nodded angelically,

"Look at my nails, and Auntie Sum let me get a pedicure too, just because my Dance teacher said that I was really good today! I even managed to do a proper twirl without getting dizzy!!" He smiled enthusiastically at his excited daughter, she was his whole world, and even when he had a terrible day or he thought he couldn't handle anymore, one smile from his daughter and he would forget there was even a problem. She was also, the last thing that could keep him connected to Marissa, and he loved her so much it hurt.

"That is true - only girl in the class who could do it," Summer said butting into the conversation, it made her choke up thinking how could Ryan was as a father, and balancing his life, when Marissa was out there living a celebrity lifestyle and missing out on her daughter.

"The groceries are in the refrigerator, Otty why don't you go and get changed into the clothes we left out on your bed, if Daddy is taking you out tonight, you don't want to wear your Juicy now do you?" Ottilie shook her head and began to skip back to her bedroom all you could see was her blonde hair bouncing as she did, and swishing all over her 'I'm a Juicy Girl' baby pink sweat top.

"Thanks for this afternoon Summer, you're a star"

"O its no problem I enjoy my days off with her - her ballet classes are the reason I don't work on Wednesdays, but I have something to tell you". Ryan walked over to the fridge and offered her a bottle of water and lent up against the side of the unit.

"Is there a problem? Something wrong with Seth? The baby?" Ryan asked worriedly and the last part quietly.

"No, no, well there is a problem but not with Seth? And sssssh I still didn't tell her today its too soon" Summer said as she kept her hands on her toned stomach, she didn't quite know how to tell him, he had worked so hard to try and forget about her and here she was bringing up the girl they all fight so hard to not talk about

"Well then what is it? Come on your like my sister you can tell my anything" it was true, her and Ryan were so close nowadays, he was one of their best friends, and he was always there for her and Seth.

"I know that this is hard for you Ryan, but for a while now, Ottilie has been asking a lot of questions about her" Ryan just carried on staring at the water bottle he was holding

"Well it was only a matter of time before she started creeping up again"

"Look I have been saying to her, why don't you just ask your Daddy, but she says she doesn't want to make you mad. I just thought I should let you know, en case you want to talk to her about it, have a nice night tonight" Summer picked up her made her way to the door

"Bye and thanks Summer, take care of my brother for me, and baby Cohen" he whispered,

"O I always do■ she smiled and shut the door being.

"Daddy do I look pretty?" Ottilie said spinning round in her skirt, in the kitchen. She had the biggest smile on her face, she always managed to brighten up Ryan's life.

"Sure thing Otty" Ryan said as he swooped down to her level to pick her up. He hugged her close as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Daddy"

"What is it pumpkin" Ryan asked as he walked into the lounge area and sat with her on his lap. She leaned into his side, still holding him close.

"Is your special friend Courtney coming with us tonight?"

"Erm, yeah she is sweetie is that going to be a problem?" He hoped that Ottilie would say no, and he hoped that Courtney would be a another good female figure in her life, better than Marissa could have been. They had been seeing each other for about 6 months, Courtney was never too keen on being in Ottilie's life, but when she had started making an effort it had made him see her in a whole new light, but just because she was making an effort didn't mean the Ottilie had to like her.

"Daddy, do you love Courtney?" Ryan shut his eyes and sighed, he didn't know if he was ready for that talk with his daughter,

"Well maybe a little, but I love you more ok, if that is what your worried about"

"I'm not worried," Ottilie said trying to sound brave.

"Ok well, would it be a problem if Courtney started to hang around here more? what if she took you shopping a few times would you like that?" Ryan looked at his daughter, trying to illicit some response.

"But Auntie Sum always takes me shopping? Why would Courtney need to do that?" Ottilie said in a 'duh' tone.

"Umm, because Courtney knows that you are important to me, and she would like to get to know you better, that's if you want to"

"Well I guess, but you know she doesn't even like the colour pink" Ryan smiled at his daughters simple logic.

"How do you know that she doesn't like pink?"

"Well everyone who likes pink where's pink duh, and I have never seen her wear pink" Ottilie looked up at her father and rolled her eyes

"Well you might want to ask her about it later then sweet pea."

"Just so you know Daddy, I am busy Wednesdays because Aunt Summer takes me out Wednesdays."

"I know my darling"

"Yeah but Courtney doesn't, so tell her I am not free Wednesdays and she can take me out another day" Ottilie said with a simple tone to her voice,

"I will tell her that sweetie, now why don't you go and play in your bedroom for a little while, Daddy just has some paperwork to sort out" He kissed the top of her head and she ran off to her bedroom singing along happily.

_It was 8:30 at night and Ryan had just driven all the way home from LA, they had both decided that it might be best if they not move out there straight away, taking them out of their environment, but instead commute. Well Ryan had to commute, while Marissa still lived at home with Julie, they had had many arguments, and Marissa realised that she didn't want her baby to grow up in a place where their Mom and Dad argued constantly, she had lived it and it had made her overdose. Ryan drove up to LA early in the morning and took a full day of classes then he would come home at night and spend hours with his daughter, mainly to give Marissa a break. He knew that she was depressed. He knew that she had been prescribed pills but refused to take them, he knew that al of this was much harder than Marissa had ever imagined. He pulled up tentatively at the mansion doors walking quickly to the front doors, it was now November and she had been home for 1 month, and it amazed him how she was so healthy after being born so early, and it also amazed him how much love he could feel for such a tiny person. Ryan hoped that Marissa would already be asleep by the time he got there, him not needing to get in to yet another argument, although he wished that she was awake so he could apologise yet again and ask her again to move into his empty Los Angeles apartment. _

_Once he got there he knocked on the door again, still as excited as when he first did. Everyone in the Cooper Roberts house was slow to open the door, it was times like this when he thought they may as well leave the door open so he could just let himself in. When Mima got to the door she said something in Spanish which Ryan pretended to understand and walked on through to the kitchen to see if anyone was around. He saw Julie crying into Neal's shoulder and thought it maybe wasn't a great time to go and interrupt, so instead he walked up the marble stair case taking two steps at a time to get to his baby quicker. At two months old she had Ryan wrapped around her finger - if that was even possibly, Ryan would give her anything and everything in this world to make her happy. He could hear the quiet cries of his daughter as he got nearer the room and silently cursed Marissa for letting her cry. He knocked on the door and pushed it open, expecting to see Marissa with her eye mask over her eyes trying to block out the noise, instead all he saw was the dark room, cluttered with everything for the baby of course and an un-made bed. _

_"Hey my darling, don't cry now, Daddy's here" he picked Ottilie out of her crib and held her closely so she could listen to his heartbeat. The nurses had told him that is was a natural sotthing technique was to hold the baby closely so they can hear their parents heartbeat. The baby immediately stopped crying, and he smiled proudly knowing that he was the reason for that. He then shifted her into a carry position , so he could take a walk around to see if he could find Marissa. _

_"Hello Ryan" The gruf voice of Neal Roberts startled Ryan a little but nevertheless he walked forward and shook his hand. _

_"Look why don't you come downstairs for a while?" Ryan raised his eyebrows sceptically, Dr Roberts had never hated him, he was just protective of his step daughter, which Ryan didn't think as unfair, in fact he now respects all the fathers of the girls he has dated in a different light since being one himself. Ryan followed the man back through the mansion, with his daughter in his arms. He then followed him into the kitchen where Julie was seated dabbing at her eyes, however as soon as they made eye contact she broke down again. _

_"Julie, is everything ok?" Ryan asked the elder women, they had never had the best relationship, but she was still Marissa's mom and Ottilie's grandmother. The redhead shook her head, and Kaitiln came in to hug her mother. _

_"I think there is something that you should know Ryan" Julie swallowed thickly and rubbed her face, not knowing how what she was about to say to put it into words. _

_"Today we went into Marissa's room because Ottilie was crying and she wasn't there" the first thought that Ryan could think when Julie said, has she hurt herself? _

_"We found 3 letters Ryan, one for us, one for you and the other for Ottilie for when she_ is _older. She's left Ryan, and form what it says here, I don't think she is coming back' Ryan's whole face paled, he felt sick, Marissa had just gone, that was it, she had walked out on him and their daughter. Ryan's face was still and composed, even though inside his heart was breaking, his baby would never have a Mom, he would never have her back, she didn't want them anymore. That night he packed up all of Ottilie's things and she then moved into the Cohen's with Ryan, then a while later they both moved out to LA, never once thinking of Marissa, after all she never thought of them. _

_He walked into his study, and went to the back of his draw, trying to find that envelope with his name written in pink pen, he came across 2 of them in his box with all of Marissa's things. He sometimes read his letter whenever he thought about her, to remind himself about how much she doesn't care. He unfolded the torn paper, as promised he had never read Ottilie's one, she was her mother and that is her wish, for her to never read it until she wants to get to know her, like that will ever happen._


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey this carries on where the last post left off!**

**Thanks to my reviewers! and to RjMoonspell! all of your comments not only make my day but make the writing better!**

**Have a good week! xoxo**

_Dear Ryan,_

_I guess you found the letter, believe me it was no easy thing for me to do. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to in my life - and possibly ever have to do. But I have to, I can't keep on the way I am. I'm not a mother, I'm a mess. My precious baby deserves so much better than me in this world, and so do you Ryan. I love you so much, I love you so much it hurts, but is we carry on we are just hurting each other._

_I am doing this now, so in years to come when its to late, my baby won't wake up in the morning to find her mother gone. In time I know I can be good enough, but I don't know how long its going to take. I would love it if you could e-mail so pictures of her growing up, and maybe a little note every now and again to let me know how she's doing._

_I am sorry that it has had to end this way Ryan, and I know that we are fighting right now, but I love you so much and I love Ottilie so much it hurts. But I just can't be there, hopefully you can understand my reasons. Take Care. I love you_

_Forever Yours Marissa Xoxo_

He sighed again after reading the letter, laughing sardonically how she had such a laid back approach she had to leaving them. An e-mail every now and again isn't going to make up for not being there, especially when she is off partying and getting her name in the tabloids. He thought about her a lot. That love for her still burning deep, if he was doing grocery shopping or jogging and saw her picture, he would notice how different her eyes were, they were a dark blue, and didn't have that sparkle. He often thought about the day that they would meet again, would he welcome her with open arms, would she want to be with him?. All of his questions were unanswered though and would stay that way. She would never come looking for him and their daughter, his 'Marissa Cooper' was gone, it is soon to be 'Marissa Cooper-Marshall' anyway, her new life left no room for him or Ottilie. His train of deep thought was interrupted by his cell ringing, and Courtney's name flashing on the screen.

"Hey Court" He said whilst putting his past back in the box that he hides in his office.

"Is that all I get, a 'Hey Court' I was expecting something a lot more sexy from you Ryan Atwood." She put a small smile on Ryan's face, but not like another women from his past

"hello gorgeous, that good enough?"

"No but Im sure, I will have you left with more options later" she replied sexily

"Well that's something to look forward to" Ryan replied,

"It is indeed, except one small thing"

"and that it...?" Ryan questioned her, he was so happy that they were taking Ottilie out with them, it was like she wanted to be more than his friend with benefits/girlfriend, but like she wanted to be his proper girlfriend.

"I was hoping that we could post-pone tonight, well me and you still go out, but just not with Ottilie, see I have tickets to the opening of Bungalow 8 in LA, and I really have to be there to make an appearance, and I really want you buy my side, please Ryan, please, please, please" Ryan sighed. He had Ottilie who he had promised that he would take out that night, and he did go out the night before, but then there was Courtney and she was a really attractive, smart and funny girl that accepted him and his daughter, and he didn't know how much he could trust her in a new club with booze coming at her like a tap. "I just have to go and show the face of the magazine then we can come home, after all's said and done we can be home by 12" Courtney said hoping to swing the bargain, if Marissa was going with her hot boyfriend, she wanted to be able to show off her extremely hot one too. She didn't know what it was about Marissa but she felt like she had to compete with her.

"Court, what about Ottilie, I said that we would take her out tonight, and nows she all dressed and I did go out and leave her last night, I'm sure that Seth and Summer have better things to do than constantly look after my daughter"

"Well I am going whether you like it or not, and I will be dancing on the dance floor much like I id last night, and I heard there's going to be free champagne, so I am obviously going to get wasted, and I have made some new celebrity friends today and I am sure they know some hot young guys that we can have fun with" Courtney said all of this hoping that Ryan would change his mind, in fact, she knew Ryan would change his mind, even if he wanted to spend the night with his daughter and girlfriend.

"Court this is really unfair on Ottilie, you have to understand that she is my top priority and that she does come first."

"Fine if your going to put her first, again, then you know I can find someone else to party with"

"I will come with you on one condition,"

"What?" She replied smiling that she had gotten her own way.

"That you take Ottilie out and try and get to know her a little better please, it would mean so much to me and to her"

"Fine, Ok, and thanks Ryan, I will make it worth you while, and by the way, I don't want you getting the wrong idea, I'm not Ottilie's mother, I don't want that responsibility at such a young age. Pick me up at 8" she put the phone down and Ryan sighed.

"No your nothing like her".

Marissa walked back to her table and notice that the same photographer was still there, and there probably would be more within minutes.

"So its all sorted, manipulation is the key to any relationship." Courtney said happily. Marissa nodded pretending she understood.

"So it looks like I will be joining you tonight at Bungalow."

"Ok Cool, I will save places for you at our table," Marissa decided to stay on the right side of this girl, he manager had told her it was crucial for publicity that she did this magazine, and even though the girl was pissing her off, she decided against being off with her.

"I think we should start to leave in a few, we need to get you in hair and make up ready for a few shots this afternoon, and then others tomorrow."

"Yeah that should be fine." Marissa reached into her signature chanel clutch and got out some money but was quickly stopped by Courtney putting in it on her card. within a 10 minutes they were back in the chauffer driven car, to do what Marissa did best, stand in front of an amazing photographer and pretend to be happy.

"So whats your secret to staying thin?" Courtney asked curiously

"Erm, is that for the interview?"

"No I was just wondering?"

"O right, well not much really I have always been thin" Marissa answered carefully, never telling anyone, that sometimes she might not eat for a while, and a while being a long time, and sure she might exercise a lot and eat everything low carb and low fat, but Marissa Cooper didn't have an eating disorder did she?

"Baby can you come out here a second" Ryan called through the apartment to where Ottilie came skipping down the corridor.

"Yep Daddy? Am I allowed some of that cake auntie Sum bought me today?" Ryan pulled her over to sit on his lap, as they lent back against the sofa.

"I know that me and Courtney said that we would take you out tonight sweetie. But something has come up and we will have to do it another day." Ottilie sighed, her Dad really never let her down, and she knew that, but she didn't want to spend yet another night away from him while he was out with her.

"So can me and you watch Beauty and the Beast instead?" Ottilie asked hopefully. Ryan looked at her, she had so much hope in her eyes, and she trusted her with her life, he was the only thing that she could depend on, then why did he feel like such a bad father all of the time.

"Maybe not tonight sweetie, but I already called Grandma and she said that she was happy for you to go and stay with her while I went out, and that way you can spend the day with her and Grandpa before I come home, how does that sound?" Ottilie cast her gaze downwards sadly, she knew how to play her dad at such a young age already.

"But you were out with her last night, why don't you want to stay here with me Daddy?"

"Don't try and do this to me, I know what your doing, just go and get your toys ready you want to take, Grandma is driving back through LA and she should be here in about half hour, I am just coming to make sure you have got all of your clothes." She looked at him with her arms crossed and walked back towards her bedroom, she really didn't like this Courtney girl, especially when she was making her miss her daddy.

Marissa walked through the marble foyer of the Beverly Hilton where she was staying. She called the elevator and waited as she flicked through her Blackberry trying to find a familiar number.

_The Roberts house 555-6756 Mom and Neal._

Her finger lingered over the button, her and her mothers already rocky relationship completely frazzeld out pretty soon after she got anti natal depression, she blamed her own Mom for the reason she couldn't take care of Ottilie. When she got up to the penthouse suite, she put her handbag down on a chair.

"Hey Babe" The voice from the balcony startled Marissa,

"Oh hey I didn't realise you were back at the hotel already"

"Yeh the meet finished up early, so I decided to head back, I actually stopped by one of the many shops that LA has to offer, there may be something for you in the bag" He walked over toher and put his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek.

"Really," Marissa smiled as she walked over to the red package. She carefully looked inside, and took out the tissue paper, to reveal a low cut black dress. It was gorgeous , she knew she would look amazing in it, it was her style, she had the figure to pull it off, and it would hug her in all the right places. It was just, since she had been with him, he had always told her what to do, what to wear, at times what to eat, somedays it was like she was a robot and programmed to do whatever he said, he was bossy and she was vulnerable, in a crazy way it was the perfect match.

"Marissa, don't forget that we have to go to that opening tonight" Jake said as he carried on fastily pushing things on his blackberry

"Can't we just go for dinner or something?"

"We can do that another night, besides, the people who I spoke with today thought it would be best if I got a place over here anyway so we can go for a meal anytime!"He casually dropped in the important news disregarding it as unimportant

"Were moving??" Marissa asked shocked, she only prayed that he hadn't already bought somewhere, he was the type of guy to act quickly

"No I'm moving," he said quickly

"WHAT THE HELL JAKE? YOU WANT ME TO LET YOU LIVE IN LA ALONE, COME ON, YOUR NOT AS FAITHFULL AS YOU MAKE OUT"

"Marissa you are not bringing this up again! The only reason I volunteered myself is because I knew you would never leave the city! Look we can talk about this later, you've got like an hour to get ready, Im going to the bar" and with that he slammed the door and Marissa sighed loudly, this was all she needed, there was that chance she could run into Ottilie and Ryan on a few week visit, but if she was constantly over here with Jake, then it was bound to happen more than once, and she didn't think that she could ignore it,

Seth was sat in the living room of their similar apartment complex with their dog, Thurman at his feet. So many years later, he and Summer were still in love, there was a month long period when they weren't together in college, but apart from that, they have been going strong more or less since day one. He was casually watching t.v waiting for Summer to finish on the phone so they could then make dinner together.

"And your watching E! News!" Seth heard the overly cheerily entertainment reporter say. He sighed and reached over for the remote control, but as he was about to change channels a familiar face come on the screen.

"Model Marissa Cooper landed last night in LA, with now fiancИ Jake Mathews supposedly to do the front cover of LA's very own fashion rag - Fabulous. Our sources say that she is going to do a one on one interview with Editor in Chief Courtney Draper herself and do a tell all. Well we are all hoping that Courtney digs deep into Marissa's very very shady past, and now future, all about the couples engagement and what she thinks of the tabloid rumours that he has a tendency to lets say, have a wondering eye, and are these pregnancy rumours true?? Here is a picture of Marissa last month at the Victoria Secrets show, still her normal thin self? But could there be a bun in the oven? Well I think you can agree, that we will all be impatiently waiting for the release of this story, when it is due to hit shelves in a months time., In other news..." Seth looked at the TV with a blank face. They were all used to see her up there, except she wasn't the same Marissa Cooper, she no longer had that sparkle in her eyes, she was thinner than normal, and they all knew that the new Marissa Cooper would never come back to what she left years ago.

"That bitch, how could she ever just come here, knowing its where we live, and not expect us to run into each other" Summer sat down next to Seth on the sofa and cuddled into his side.

"Shes working with Courtney, does she even?"

"No, Ryan has never told her, I don't think he ever will, to Courtney, Ottilie's mom died in child birth, well she practically did, my Coop would never do that."

"Things change Summer, she made her choice"

"Yeh but 9 months to late, I spent the whole day with Ottilie, taking her to get a manicure and dance lessons, but she will never call me Mommy, she will never have a Mommy, I know how she feels, I grew up without one, and I never want her to feel that" She wiped a stray tear that had come down her cheeks, usually it never upset Summer, but seeing Ottilie sometimes and then thinking about Marissa, it all got to her.

"Otty is better of without her, look she has the best dad and us and possibly even a new step mom?" Summer sneered at the thought.

"Don't even mention that, she would be a complete step monster, all of the chrismukkahs and birthdays and Sunday and Wednesday dinners, that would be your sister in law"

"Yeh, and yours too remember Mrs Cohen. Anyway I know that Ryan likes her" Seth kissed her cheek and Summer sighed

"Well she is making him do bad father things, I drop Otty home sometimes and she's just there in her underwear. We don't all need to see the tattoo she has on her back, and its like last night, Ottilie stayed with us and we got the tears about Daddy leaving her, and now he's doing it again!" Summer ranted, she knew it wasn't easy for Ryan, and she gave him all of the credit she deserved, but 2 hos of Ottilie crying last night because she thought Daddy wasn't coming home was tough on her, especially being pregnant, it made late hours even harder. She smiled at the thought, of her and Seth's baby growing inside of her.

"What do you mean he's doing it again" Seth questioned as he put his hands onto Summer's stomach.

"He's going out again? Leaving Ottilie"

"Is she coming here, because I got this new game today and I think if we practised"

"Seth she's 5 and not a boy,. She doesn't want to have stupid sword fights on the play station"

"Whatever" Seth mumbled,

"That was Julie on the phone, she's having Ottilie tonight instead"

"Julie?"

"Well yeah she was in LA today and Ryan rung her and she said he would take her, she was wondering if we wanted to go back to my Dad's tonight for dinner, I said no y the way,

"I'm in a hot bubble bath and Thai kind of mood"

"Well anything my baby wants,"

"Thanks Seth, I love you"

"I meant the actual baby," Summer laughed and pushed his side

"Just get the menu's asshat" Seth laughed and kissed her temple as he stood up to retrieve the Thai menus. She really was happy, happily married, had a wonderful family with their first baby on the way, it was like everything had been to good recently, she was waiting for something as Seth would say 'to come knocking'.

REVIEW XOXO


	3. Chapter 3

**_Hey Guys! I am so sorry it has taken me this long to update! I had to make a quick unexpected trip to my sister in spain - it did put me behind :P_**

**_Thanks to everyone who reviewed my last 2 chapters! This is a long one, i think its the longest one I have ever written in 1 night! _**

**_Some of the ideas in this chapter were made a 1000 times better by RJMoonspell - who kindly personal messaged me and told me some amazing amazing ways to better this chapter, including a new character, and an adaption to what i had written for the _****_confrontation- I hope that I did your fantastic ideas justice!_**

**_So this chapter is dedicated to RJMoonspell (and my newborn baby Nephew the reason you guys had to wait so long for a post) xoxo_**

The music pounded loudly through the new club, Ryan had been waiting a long time outside in the queue to get in, he knew that Courtney was already inside with her model friend that she had came with. It annoyed Ryan that he had let down his daughter to go out again to another noisy club, but he rarely ever goes out and with him and Courtney getting more serious, he thought he should make that extra effort. Ottilie had gone with Julie quietly, she had her arms folded and the stern Atwood look on her face, at least everyone tells Ryan its an Atwood look, but he is certain that she is Marissa's double. The club was dark and loud, there were people everywhere, trying to talk over the already loud music, increasing the volume. As the lights were dimmed he strained to find Courtney at the area she said she was at. Ryan blinked, he saw a woman, she was tall, thin, had a mix of blonde to brown hair and she was exactly like Marissa. Sadly this woman didn't possess the life in her eyes like Marissa had, she looked lonely and like she hadn't eaten in days, there was no passion in her smile that would make your heart melt, but she could have been Marissa's double. Ryan blinked again convinced that his eyes were playing tricks on him. It couldn't be his Marissa, she would never show up again, she didn't want to be in their lives, she didn't love them anymore. All of Ryan's attention was used solely on this one woman, she felt his gaze and turned to face him, her expression resembled his, confused and partially shocked. 'It can't be' Ryan thought to himself as people shoved and walked between his eye line with the girl, he felt a tap on his shoulder and was met with an already drunk Courtney. She pulled him close to her and kissed him hard on the lips, Ryan could already taste the alcohol and cigarettes. 'great' he thought.  
All Ryan could think all the way through the kiss was about the girl sitting a few feet from him. She was so like Marissa, he could see Ottilie in her. 'Stop thinking it, she's not here, she will never come back'

Marissa sat uncomfortably in the club, already bored and wanting to leave, she had spent way to long living this sort of life already, the celebrity life, where you are always recognised, followed, stalked. You never have the normality back, you can never be your won person, the world is always watching, and always waiting for you to fall. She sat there patiently and smiled when she had too, Jake was talking to some guys who had recognised him, Marissa envied him, she was comfortably with being recognised where she, hated the scrutiny and wanted her normal life. Then there was the pathetic excuse for a magazine editor sitting next to her. She had followed Marissa around all day like a bad smell to a homeless man. She was always incessantly asking Marissa questions, personal questions, ones that Marissa was sure would make the interview. Considering that she had a boyfriend joining them soon, it hadn't bothered her when she had agreed to dance with and make out with some investment banker from Ohio. Marissa could never understand why someone was faithful in a relationship, you don't commit yourself to one person entirely then keep a secret on the side. Although it was a bit like the pot calling the kettle black considering, she was certain that Jake was cheating on her and she was almost even more certain that there had been other girls before the current one. But she wasn't going to do anything about it, what was the point, she thought he loved her, and she was never going to find anyone she loved as much as a past life so she may as well stick it out. He also bought her security, the security that money can buy.

Marissa sat bored and looked amongst the busy crowd, Courtney had left her some fifteen minutes ago, not that Marissa minded, it was nice not to have a shadow for that short amount of time. Marissa nursed her Champagne, wishing it was something stronger when she thought she saw a familiar face. The man had piercing blue eyes that stared into her soul, he looked slightly older than the person she was comparing him too, although Marissa knew if she was ever to see him again, being a single parent would give him a weathered look. Marissa hastily put down her champagne glass. 'How many have I had?' She asked herself. Marissa looked again and couldn't see past all of the other people pushing and shoving their way through the crowd. Marissa could feel tears burning, she laughed at herself for being so immature. Even if that was Ryan, who she still loved more than anything, why would he run back to her, times have changed, she is no longer the same person as when she left them. She hated the knew Marissa Cooper.

"Hey Sexy" Courtney said as she played with the buttons on his shirt.

"What took you so long?" Ryan just blinked and tried to look over her shoulder casually to see if the woman was still there, unable to see past people dancing he was convinced more than ever that his eyes were playing tricks on him.

"Ermmm, O yeah, Ottilie wouldn't go without a fight and then I had to queue for ages outside"

"Whatevs, I don't care, that was more rhetorical. Anyway I would like you to meet a friend of mine," She took Ryan's hand and dragged him through a crowd. When she finally bought him to that secluded booth, she sunk down on the sofa, leaving Ryan shocked, angered and surprised.

"Marissa, this is my boyfriend, Ryan Atwood," He stood there gob smacked. He wanted to run, hide do anything to avoid this long awaited confrontation."

"Ryan this is my new best friend Marissa Cooper" He looked across at his former love, and she was again mirroring his expression, but maybe, just maybe he saw that spark re-ignite in her eyes.

Ryan stared in disbelief, his face as stern more stern than she had ever seen it. He had lost his look about him, not he looked stressed and unhappy. He shook his head and laughed to himself, not believing the far fetched situation that they all found themselves in. She felt like the walls were all closing in around her, she couldn't swallow and her breath was tight in her chest, she put her drink down on the table and tried to get up, tried to move, tried to run again from the situation.

"Court I'm going to the bar," he said at her as he turned around quickly and headed in search for some liquor.

He walked away, How dare she just show up again after all this time and pretend that nothing is wrong? What does she want from him, he can't just be there whenever she wanted him. They were over, she meant nothing to him. Marissa was long gone, this clone of her who is thinner and a lot tired round the eyes was not the girl he fell in love with, not the mother of his daughter. He felt a tap on his shoulder as he carried on walking.

"Just leave me alone Marissa"

"Marissa, why did you call me Marissa?" He turned around and was met with the hazel eyes of one of his closest friends.

"Erm, no reason" he answered gruffly,

"I will have 2 7 and 7's please" The bartender took his order and Ryan took a seat at the bar.

"You look a little tense, seem a little tense" Sarah said as she took note of Ryan downing his first drink, and quickly ordering more.

"Well I am ok,"

"Want to talk about it?" She asked him friendly, as she put her hand on his knee.

"No I really don't" To anybody they would look more than friends, especially the way that Courtney thinks of it, but really she knew lots about him, helped him, and was there for him if he should need her, not that he would ever call her and ask for her help, Ryan Atwood never leant on anybody else, he wasn't built that way.

"So partying hard tonight?" She said sarcastically as he downed yet another drink.

"Look I really don't need you fussing over me right now, I'm not in the mood"

"Ryan I know there is something that you are hiding and I know whatever it is its important, and you know that I am going to find out in the end so-"

"Just leave me alone ok please"

"Ryan," She said his name warningly treating him how he treats Ottilie when she wont eat her vegetables.

"She's back"

"Who is she?," she was silent for a minute while she tried to work out who he meant, suddenly by the expression on her face he could tell he had worked it out. Sarah looked behind them at the table he had emerged from to see a sad looking woman staring at Ryan, she looked familiar, like she had seen her before, she showed a striking resemblance to Ottilie, but it couldn't be possible, she looked like Marissa Cooper

"Oh my god" She said quietly as she looked at Ryan then at Marissa, Ryan nodded confirming her suspicions and Marissa's eyes started to water, not that anyone on her table noticed.

"Well what are you going to do?" Sarah questioned him,

"I don't know I haven't had time to think yet,"

"Well I think that you should think about it, I mean come on what if she wants Ottilie back or if she tells Courtney?"

"Let her, but she won't get anything from it,"

"But why didn't you ever tell me her full name? I mean, thats Marissa Cooper!" Sarah tried to protest

"I just need to be alone for a little while," He motioned for another drink, it had been a long time since he had pounded the drinks that hard, he thought he might have lost his touch, en fact the last time he did so was when he first met Sarah, he looked over at his close friend who had a worried look on her face whilst staring at Marissa. She had been there over the years, for him, helped him with Ottilie unlike others present.

"Lets not think about it, but you might want to lay off them for a while, you drinking isn't going to help the situation now is it? I haven't seen you go through this many drinks since that night" she hoped he would utter something to her to let her know exactly what he was thinking, not much has changed in a few years.

_She saw the guy she had had her eyes on, he was casually drinking beer after beer at a booth that his friend had just vacated, she thought now might be time to move in for her kill so to speak. She walked casually over to the booth, swinging her hips, he seemed like he hadn't __notice and carried on drinking his beer,_

_"Hey handsome" She purred, he looked up at her and she smiled at him seductively,_

_"I'm Sarah," instead of shaking his hand, she sat next to him on the plush leather sofas and gently kissed his cheek,_

_"Ryan" he said a bit stunned that someone he didn't know could be this forward, he really should get out more he thought_

_"So Ryan, why are we all alone tonight?" She asked him, she knew why she was, she had made herself available, not that she would tell him that, she had planned on 'running' into him for a few weeks, but all the times she had assumed he would go out, he never did. She heard on the grape vine that he lived off campus with family, but she didn't know what to believe, right here right now he didn't look like the 'family type'_

_"Im nottt not alone"_

_"O know," she whispers as she takes a swig of his drink and moves_ closer to him,

_"Look Sara,"_

_"Sarah" she corrected him, as she went in for it and kissed him, it took him by surprise but he quickly got used to it as he kissed her back with just as much force, she moved quickly onto his lap not taking her lips from him. There kiss soon went from innocent and shy to hot and passionate, they both broke apart for air and she smiled at him hoping that things would lead to more_

_"Look Sarah"_

_"Don't ruin this come on, no talking"she kissed again with force and Ryan was too drunk to put up a fight_

_"I am really drunk"_

_"You say it like it's a bad thing, she said as she started to nibble his neck - thank god they were in a semi private booth._

_"Well if you say so then why not" he continued kissing her for a while longer, eventually moving her t-shirt up and stroking the soft skin of her stomach. He broke apart quickly and looked at her wide eyed_

_"Look Sara,"_

_"Sarah" she repeated again agitatedly_

_"I am really drunk" he stated for the second time in a row_

_"I know you already said"_

"_Sorry I used to do that when I was really wasted,"_

_"yeah well, now its old news" she wouldn't waste her time with him if he wasn't so hot, he acted like he had never been drunk before, stumbling on his words and shaking his head._

_"I think that's your phone," she said annoyed as she moved off of his lap to the seat, her legs still entwined with his._

_"o right, I have,I have to erm take this Sara"_

_"Sarah" as he answered his cell and turned his back away from her._

_"Ok, well how bad is it?" He asked into her phone, she suddenly become very interested in what he had to say,_

_"Ok well of course, yeah I will be home as soon as ok?"He put down his phone and shook his head, quick to get out of there,_

_"Everything ok" she asked pretending she wasn't listening intently to his private phone call_

_"Look I'm sorry but-"_

_"You have a girlfriend,"he stood up and tried to feel around_ for his keys

"No _girlfriend - look I really need to get home" He seemed really panicked - the colour had washed from his face and she thought she saw his hands shaking. Suddenly more appealed to her than looks of this stranger._

_"Look your in no state to drive, I will come on, where about's do you live?"_

_"West Hollywood Condos" She nodded and quickly followed him as he walked (not in a straight line) to the door of the club, he was murmuring something under is breath but she couldn't make out what he was saying, something about a sick otter, she thought. Once they were in the car, he tired ringing someone,_

_"How is she" Sarah laughed sardonically when she heard the 'she' part, of course he had a girlfriend._

_"She wasn't like this this morning, there should be some of her medicine in my room, its got her name on the front, try opening the window and letting the cool air come in, and turn up the air conditioning in there, I am on my way now" He slammed the top of his phone down and sighed and rubbed his eyes._

_"Is everything ok? With your girlfriend?" Sarah asked, somewhat disappointed at the fact he was already taken_

_"It's n__ot my girlfriend, Actually hadn't had one of those in just over year"She didn't know why she was opening up to him, all she saw him was a random hook up, but he looked sad, worried and she wanted to try and help him, because he didn't look like he could handle whatever the news was on his own._

_"Oh right sorry"_

_"Its nothing I mean she left me, actually a year ago today, the reason for the drinking"_

_"Oh I didn't know I wouldn't of.."_

_"I don't know why I am telling you any of this, Its not as if you care?" _

_"If you want to talk about it then you can, I don't mind"She actually did mind, but she wasnt about to let him get away because he hadn't gotten over an ex, she really did think he was hot, _

_"On the phone, it wasn't a girlfriend or anything, it was the babysitter," _

_"Babysitter?" She asked him confused, he wasn't? was he? _

_"I know, its not a secret or anything, but I have a baby daughter, she's just over a year old, she's perfect" she watched the way his face lit up as he spoke about this baby. _

_"I never knew that about you, that you had a daughter" _

_"It;s not a secret, but people don;t need to know, anyway she has been really ill recently, she had what the doctors thought were some sort of chicken pox, and she gets really high fevers, and is really sick, I know I sound like a really bad parent just getting up and leaving her with the Nanny when she is sick but I couldn;t look at her and see Marissa, not today of all days." _

_"Totally I understand, So what's her name?" _

_"She's called Ottilie" Ryan said hazily, the affects of his stress and alcohol getting to him. _

_"Oh my god that is so pretty"She said as she turned a corner, nearing Ryan's house. _

_"Its hard sometimes but I am so completely in love with her, its just the weirdest thing, Sorry I bet you really don't want to hear my life story on your night out." _

_"No its fine honestly, my Mom's a therapist so listening its one of my many talents, who does Ottilie look like, you or her Mom?" Ryan's face changed at the name of her, Marissa isn't a Mom, but as sad to say, he is convinced that Ottilie is her double, with the eyes, to the hair, mannerisms, although others disagree. _

_"Sorry I didn't mean to pry, its totally none of my business"_

_"Its fine honestly, her Mom, my ex, Marissa, she is her double, or that's what I think anyway, but I suppose I am being bias" Ryan said as they approached his house and she reached for his phone _

_"Look, we should do this again sometime, I really like you Ryan, as a friend completely, and I can be there to help if you need anything, I don't know many people in LA and I am the eldest of 6 children, so I can handle babies" _

_"Thanks Sarah"_

_"You got my name right" She said as she typed her number into his phone, smiling at the picture of him and a baby dressed in pink. _

_"Well I'm not a total ass, thanks for the lift" he smiled at her before he jogged up the pathway and let himself into the building_.

Sarah's deep thought was interrupted as she saw Courtney make her way over to Ryan and her. She was staggering all over the place and wrapped her arms around Ryan's neck as he tried to shrug it off.

"Come back to the table babe, I want to show off"

"Hey Courtney" Sarah said, faking a smile

"Sasha, come on Ryan" Courtney greeted Sarah with a total fake smile,

"Ry don't forget your wallet" She called out to him but he had already gone with Princess Courtney as her and Summer liked to refer to her.

Marissa watched Courtney traipse off of Ryan, he was never one for public displays of affection when they were together so what had changed him, she saw the other woman put her hand on his knee, he wasn't supposed to be like this with other women, especially not in front of her. She hadn't taken her eyes of him since he walked through the doors of the club. She was trying to figure him out, but to her he seemed like a different person, different to the one she left years ago. She had the worst feeling in the pit of her stomach, one of guilt, sadness and possibly her old feelings, because lets face it she would never truly get over him. She could see Ryan grudgingly walk behind the petit blonde as they made their way to the booth , Marissa tried to look away, pretending that she hadn't been looking at him - for the whole time. Courtney collapsed next to Jake and smiled flirtatiously, Marissa felt like jumping and saying something but it's a bit like the pot calling the kettle black, considering how she had spent the last few minutes. Ryan sat down awkwardly and averted his eyes from Marissa. She saw him rest his hand on Courtney's thigh, and Marissa felt like she had had her heart ripped out and stamped on.

_"Two can play at that game" She thought_

"Hi I'm Jake"Jake stuck out his hand and shook it with Ryan's, this poor guy is so unaware quite of who he is.

"Ryan"

"I'm Sarah, Jake I'm actually working with you in your next project" Sarah smiled at him and a scowled at Marissa, Marissa looked at her and looked away, it was the single most awkward night of her life.

" It's nice to meet you all, everyone this is my fiancИe Marissa" he smiled at Marissa who leant in and kissed his cheek and then his neck,

"So Ryan man, Courtney said to us, you never go to clubs like this, how could you resist, living in LA and all"

"She did, did she?" Ryan asked her with a questioning look,

"Well he is always at work and he has a kid"Courtney said flippantly, not realising that bringing up Ottilie was the worst thing to be doing right now. Marissa's head shot up and she tried to blink away the salty tears she could feel about to fall.

"That sucks man, I mean you make one mistake and your stuck for the rest of your life" Jake said to him, Ryan shook his head at the guy, he was a complete tool, he felt like getting up and punching him for bad mouthing Ottilie, and probably would if he carried on, Ryan Atwood may be a Dad now, but he still is the rough kid for Chino who punches people at Debutante Balls and sets fire to houses.

"So do you have to like give the Mom money and shit?" Jake said, Ryan laughed about how ironic this situation was.

"It's not like that at all," Sarah said trying to step in.

"Her Mom died," Ryan said looking straight at Marissa, his cold eyes matched her clouded ones, she grabbed her clutch from the table and stood up quickly hoping to make an exit before anyone realised she was upset.

"Excuse me" Marissa said standing up and excusing herself from the crowd, she walked as fast as her Jimmy Choo shoes would allow her to the ladies room,

"She must need to re-do her make up, I swear living with a model is the biggest bitch in the entire world" Jake said disregarding the fact that she was upset, he probably didn't even notice Ryan thought. Sarah surveyed the situation, Ryan was pretending to listen without hitting Jake, Courtney was flirting with some other guy right under his nose, but he chose to ignore it. She saw Marissa's thin frame walk quickly into the bathrooms, which was where Sarah was headed before she could stop herself, with Ryan's wallet in hand. She walked into the girls lounge which all wallpapered in Red and Gold, she saw Marissa about to walk into a stall and decided it was now or never.

"Erm, excuse me, Marissa?" Sarah started talking politely and Marissa turned round with an icy glare.

"I don't know who you are, or what the hell you are doing here but--" Marissa started

"Don't even get started on me whore, I know your whole story, he has told me everything."

"Are you trying to threaten me?" She asked as she wiped a tear that trickled down her cheek.

"Not really but I thought you might like to see what you left behind" She took the wallet sized picture of Ryan and Ottilie both laughing and he is holding her in his arms, they don't realise that the picture is being taken and it adds to the beauty of it.

Marissa took the small picture in her hands, she touched the side of her face, and broke out into tears, she saw the small child laughing as Ryan tickled her and kissed her temple, this could have been her family, and that's what she left behind. Now Ryan is going around telling people that she is dead when all she wanted to do was swap her life for her baby and Ryan, the guilt that she felt every single waking hour of her life - would never go away. Her precious child that she had so many plans for would never really be hers, she would wake up and call someone else 'Mommy', she wouldn't have a Mom she could lie to about boys when she got older, A Mom that could braid her hair and put band aids on her cut knees, a Mom that was there for her.

"I would give anything you know" Marissa tired to say but her voice was too consumed with tears,

"But you can't can you? I think you should know there both much happier without you"

"How can you even say that?" Marissa asked her wide eyed

"Because, Marissa, its not you that is there to help them, I'm not calling myself her mother, because she doesn't have one, as sad as that is to say, but she has so many better people in her life that are so better suited for the job than you ever could have been slut. She has Summer, Kirsten, Me, for god sakes she even has Courtney, where does that leave you?" Marissa was a mess completely, she was crying, and was being verbally abused by some girl who knows her past, but still she couldn't take her eyes off of the 2 in the picture.

"Look you don't know what I went through, what I go through everyday for them, you don't even know me and you don't know what happened, you may of heard rumours through some people that hate my guts, but I had my reasons, now I would like to be alone please, Sasha"

"Don't worry I am going, I'm scared if I stand around you for too long I might catch something, but he is happy Marissa, I really don't think that you should do anything to jeopardise that, I mean you have already done that once, and my name its Sarah" She said angered as she began walked away.

Marissa walked into a bathroom stall and put her head in her hands, her chest racked with sobs as she wept as quiet as she could, although some people still knocked the door asking if she was ok, as she wiped her eyes and looked at the picture, she promised to herself that she would someday make Ottilie proud, be what she deserves. She knew that when the doctors handed her the baby for the first time, she knew she would never be a good enough mother, but now, with the surge of love that comes rushing through you when you are proud of a child, it had made her determined to make herself good enough, maybe meet Ottilie, the only problem she still had though, was Ryan. He would never forgive her, never let her see their daughter, never let himself love her again, but she had to do it, she had to try, how could she make him understand?

**_I hoped you like it guys, let me know what you think as always your comments are really taken to heart - and if anyone wants me to add anything, feel free to message and if it fits i will try to include your ideas! although, i have a LOT LOT LOT planned for upcoming chapters in this story!_**

**_have a nice weekend xoxo_**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry about the long wait! I am committed to this, but things have been super hectic, and there isnt enough hours in the day! Thank you to all of my reviews from previous chapters! I have now figured out how to work the annonymous reviews button, so everyone can tell me what they think if they like!**

**Again, my chapter is dedicated to RJmoonspell! For helping through writing again! and to my Cat Armani, who has sat right beside me when i have been writing hthis on my laptop! **

**Here it is xoxo**

Marissa walked into a bathroom stall and put her head in her hands, her chest racked with sobs as she wept as quiet as she could, although some people still knocked the door asking if she was ok, as she wiped her eyes and looked at the picture, she promised to herself that she would someday make Ottilie proud, be what she deserves. She knew that when the doctors handed her the baby for the first time, she knew she would never be a good enough mother, but now, with the surge of love that comes rushing through you when you are proud of a child, it had made her determined to make herself good enough, maybe meet Ottilie, the only problem she still had though, was Ryan. He would never forgive her, never let her see their daughter, never let himself love her again, but she had to do it, she had to try, how could she make him understand?

After a long while of Marissa hiding out in the bathrooms she decided if she didn't show her face soon, someone would come looking for her, and that would most likely be Courtney, and somehow she thought that Ryan wouldn't want to share their story with her. Because they way she had acted her, Marissa was happy to put money on the fact she didn't have a clue who she was. Pretty much how Jake was clueless around Ryan, what had they gotten themselves into. She walked back towards her table, and relieved that Ryan wasn't sitting there, she couldn't deal with him at the moment, but she would, she had to at some point.

"There you are Riss we were about to send out a search party" Jake said as she neared them, still seeing Courtney hanging another stranger, not that she cared at this moment in time, it meant that wherever Ryan was he was alone, and maybe if she could find him then she would be able to talk to him for a few seconds, although the chances of him hearing what she had to say were slim to none and the thought of facing Ryan again were so nerve racking for her she thought she was going to throw up.

"Erm yeah, I ran into a friend from Chanel and got talking,"

"Oh my god, was it Karl Lagerfield?" Sarah asked sarcastically as she raised an eyebrow at Marissa,

"Who's Karl Lagerfield?" Courtney asked naively, she had forgotten that she was trying to impress her new friends by pretending she knew a thing or two about the business she worked in.

"I think I need to step outside for a minute, it's a little stuffy in here" Marissa said, Jake immediately stepped up p grab her hand and follow her.

"I will come too," he leant in and kissed her cheek.

"If I'm not back in 20 minutes, don't bother looking, we've most probably gone home to have more fun, if you know what I mean" he winked at his friends, and Marissa cringed at him, sometimes, he was a public embarrassment.

"Jake, really" she asked raising her eyebrows and sneering, he shrugged his shoulders and directed her towards the side door. Once they were there he pushed her up against the wall and kissed her hard, although he was her fiancИ, with other things in her mind at the minute, kissing back with all the force was fairly low on her list. They stayed that way for a while, until the broke apart for air. Marissa looked at her fiance, wondering if she should be completely honest with him. She did love him, and she was happy, at least she thought she was. That was what she often told herself anyway.

"I was getting kind of bored in there" Jake said leaning in again, he was never usually this affectionate, he was probably drunk, and just not showing it.

"Other guys had been staring at you all night, its nice to have you to myself for once." Marissa pulled an unconvincing smile, he did have this crazy jealous, over protective streak. He couldn't handle her being around other men that often. The worst time for her was when she was doing a cover shoot and he insisted on being there, she thought it was because he liked other people to know that she was his. He broke their kiss to look down at his phone, he had Marissa pretty tight against the wall and when she took a deep breath and brought her head up, to acknowledge the people they hadn't already. She saw Ryan, he just shook his head and looked away, Marissa suddenly felt guilty she never meant to rub it in his face. They kept there eye line, it felt like they had been there before, when one of them would be with another date and they would stare across at the other, wishing they were with them. Like the Valentines where Theresa came to Newport, or at her Moms wedding.

"O hey Ryan," Jake said casually, noticing him nearby. Ryan cringed at how Marissa could be with someone like that,

"Hey" he said in a fake voice that Marissa could read,

"I couldn't keep away from my gorgeous fiancИ for too long," he said winking, Ryan just nodded and looked away while Marissa flushed with embarrassment.

"Right" Ryan said uninterested, he felt Marissa gaze and met her eyes, he silently read that they should talk, but right now, he couldn't even give her the time of day.

"Your Courtney is a wild one" Jake said trying to spark up conversation,

"Yep" Ryan said, holding his cell phone giving one word answers.

"He's a quiet one" Jake whispered to Marissa, Marissa looked at her ex boyfriend, she may of changed but he was still the same, still quiet, still brooding, still able to make her insides flutter at a glance.

"I'm going back inside, Coming Marissa?" Jake asked her although it sounded like a demand.

"Actually I think I will wait her for a little while longer."

"Suit yourself. Ryan dude, keep an eye on her for me," Ryan nodded at him and turned his back against Marissa. She was unsure who would make the first move, it was inevitable that they needed to talk but now she had to, she hadn't a clue of what she should say, or how she should say it. She couldn't exactly say 'what's up Ryan, how are you, how's our daughter, you know I have just been so busy with my life the last couple of years I decided it would be best that I never spoke to you or contacted you, so what's new with you?'

"Are you going to say something? Or carry on thinking over it in your head" Ryan said to her, she walked around to where he was standing with his back facing her, she looked him cold in the eye and rubbed her arms up and down for warmth, in the old days that would have been the time when Ryan would of offered her his jacket, but not a movement, o how things had changed.

"I don't know where to start..." She said timidly.

"Right then, well this has been nice, see you again in another 5 years" He began to walk off when she grabbed his arm,

"That didn't mean I wasn't going to say anything now does it? Ryan there is no need to be sarcastic with me, we are both adults and grown up enough to have a mature conversation" A new confidence had empowered Marissa, one that had never been there when she was younger that was for sure.

"Marissa, now isn't a great time"

"Ryan there never will be a good time for this." Marissa answered him back, she could tell he was trying to dodge her, all questions avoided.

"Your right and whose fault is that?" He asked her raising his voice

"So your going to act like a child now? Real Grown up of you" she said scowling,

"Me act like a child? You have got to be kidding me!! IT WASN'T ME THAT RUN AWAY WHEN I COULDN'T HANDLE RESPONSIBILITY!!" This was too much, everything of that night had gotten to him, First seeing Marissa, then the emotions of seeing Marissa, then seeing his girlfriend make out with another guy, then Marissa confronting him, it was a bad dream, he wanted someone to pinch him now and get it over with.

"I DIDN'T RUN AWAY!!" Marissa countered.

"You knew where I was, I was hardly running away" Marissa said trying to not let him see she was upset and probably going to break down in a few minutes

"I don't know why I am even having this conversation with you? What is the point, what you did is done and there's isn't anything that you can do to change it, so just do what you do best Marissa and just leave, again"

"RYAN I AM TRYING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT BUT YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO LISTEN TO ME!!"

"YOUR RIGHT, YOU DON'T DESERVE IT,"

"you don't know how hard it was, to just leave, to say goodbye to my daughter, to go without saying goodbye to you, to wake up every day knowing what I left behind, to have a the marks on my stomach from where I carried her Ryan! It wasn't easy for me either!!" Marissa's chest was panting from the emotion, but still she felt strong, a lot stronger than the last time she and Ryan had had an argument.

"I'm sure it wasn't" Ryan retorted sarcastically.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Marissa asked hurt.

"We both know what it means Marissa, think of the year you went out to New York, I stayed at home with our daughter, trying to make it work here in LA, I was a wreck I couldn't actually make it work without you here and I was crazy because I still loved you"

"Past tense, ouch" She said looking at the ground.

"You don't expect that you could just walk back and I would love you, Marissa are you on drugs? Or that delusional in real life"

"Ryan there is no need for that? Since when have you ever been so hurtful, I get what I did was bad, but..."

"What you did was worse Marissa, I just came home to find you gone"

"I wasn't any good for her in Newport Ryan, I was relying on anti depressants to get me through the day and I couldn't even look at my baby you don't know how that felt" Marissa was crying, she was thankful that no one was paying attention to them outside and too engrossed in their own lives.

"Marissa I came to New York, I went to your building, your Mom gave me the address" Ryan admitted not looking at her in the eye,

"You came to New York? When? Why?" She asked confused, she wiped a tear that was coming down her face, she finally thought that they were getting somewhere, in there, discussion/argument and now he has taken his usual quiet turn.

"I didn't come in and see you, you were to busy, with someone else's kid with some other guy, laughing and smiling, so I thought, why take that away from her? We are so much better without you anyway, to have you with us would of only held you down, but it was a good thing, you got what you wanted in the end, a rich boyfriend , modelling career, the upper east side life." His words were like a dagger in her heart, she was babysitting for her cousin and was with a boyfriend of the time, the worst thing for Ryan to ever see.

"Ryan I didn't know┘┘ I had no clue that you were even there, and don't say┘. that I want that stuff, that isn't me at all┘ you know me" She tried to touch his cheek with her hand but he shook his head and turned away.

"Whatever Marissa, this has been good for us, talking about what happened, maybe who knows I will see you again someday" He began to walk away from her but she chased after him, tears falling from here eyes and stumbling over her words.

"Ry," She hoped that his old pet name would soften him like he once had, but it wasn't working as she had hoped.

"Please things are different now, I have changed, I am not some manic depressed Mom anymore, heck I never was a Mom to begin with, but please just talk to me about this so more maybe we could..-" He silenced her by kissing her with all the pent up passion he had kept locked up from the last 5 years, it was unexpected, but passionate and he didn't even know he was going to do it, he still hated her, he didn't think he could get back with her, but he had to kiss her, one last time, that had been his biggest regret when they were younger, not saying goodbye properly.

"Goodbye Marissa" He said and walked away from her, he jogged over the road to an empty taxi, thinking of the mistake that he had just made, where as she was stood stunned on the other side of the road,

"O crap," she said to herself, she had gotten what she had least expected when she saw him in that club earlier on in the night, that fluttering feeling in her stomach.

**Hope you liked it? I was not sure about how to write the confrontation at all, this was my 3rd draft! Another post should be up soon, let me know your thoughts. Thanks xoxo**


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

**Hey guys!! This is possibly the single most longest chapter I have ever written!! There was some major dedication this week ;) lol**

**Thanks to all of my reviewers - i can't remeber if i had any annonymous ones, but for those of you who are annonymous, dont be scared to leave a little thought if you want!**

**and ofcourse my story wouldnt be anywhere without RJmoonspell!! thank you so much **

**Enjoy**

The first thing that Ryan Atwood could see, early that Saturday morning was bright sunlight, definitely too bright for the headache he was feeling, He winced and shut his eyes as the sunlight hurt his eyes, until he felt he had enough strength to even open them again. He glanced at the clock next to him, 6:45 in the morning, he didn't remember the time he had got home, he knew that he had drunk more than he usually did last night, and slowly he was starting to get vague recollections of what had happened the night before.

Ryan sank his already heavy head back into the soft white pillows, never in a million years did he think that would be how their reunion would go, he wanted to say so much to her, ask her so many questions, find out where she had been for the last 5 years, but instead of saying what he really thought, he just kissed her, most likely giving her the wrong impression and getting them further into the mess. He rolled over to check his phone, no doubt he would have a lot of messages from Courtney complaining, again because he 'abandoned' her at the club, she always used the word 'you abandoned me' when truth be told, she didn't really have a clue what 'abandonment' really was, unfortunately Ryan had experienced abandonment first hand on many occasions. Which promptly bought him onto the other woman of his night last night, Marissa. There were too many thoughts swirling round his brain, every time he thought of seeing her again, he would think of the pain she caused him years ago, and he would think about how much he didn't need her, but that was need. Wanting was a different story. He couldn't help the fact that she was the only girl in his life that he had ever loved, that all those years ago when he was with her he loved her so much his heart hurt. Now his head hurt, he didn't know if she was back for good, for him, for Ottilie, he didn't know if she wanted to speak to him, to try and smooth things over, to get custody of Ottilie, there were so much for them to talk about, but he couldn't talk to her, things got awkward, he got angry, she would cry. It was like they were on a rollercoaster and it would come with highs and dips, they couldn't just talk normally, hash everything out. No, they were always Ryan and Marissa, it was never a smooth ride.

"Just stop thinking about her" Ryan said to himself, he knew that wasn't the thing to do, she has and always would be at the back of his mind, but what about Ottilie?

She was him main priority, and it would really confuse things for the poor girl, she thinks her Mom died when she was a baby, of course she had always said "My mommy will come back one day" but she had never said that to Ryan, she had mentioned it a few times to Summer when she had been looking after her once, she used to try and grill Julie about her as well, she knew that her Julie's daughter was her Mom, she would ask question about when she was younger and what she was like when she was her age, Julie would shrug it off and ignore the situation. They had all tried to ignore any Marissa talk for Ottilie, removing pictures and memories of Marissa so she would never know who her Mom was, but it was bound to come out one day. But Ryan hadn't been expecting to see her in a club any day soon, so it had thrown his plan out the window. Like their kiss, he hadn't expected to kiss at all ever, and now he was left wondering, would she go back to her normal life and forget about them all over again or would she contact him, try to find him, want to be with him. Ryan sighed and put his head in his hands.

"Just stop you are not doing yourself any good sitting her thinking about what ifs," He had reached a new low, their break up had made him do some pretty stupid things, but talking to himself was a first. He was interrupted by his phone ringing, he glanced at the clock again to see it was 7:30, he had just wasted 45 minutes of his life pondering Marissa and her return?

"Hello" he mumbled tirelessly into his phone,

"Hey Daddy" Ottilie whispered happily, her young happy voice bought so much happiness to Ryan's situation, she seemed so excited to talk to him, as she always did when she hadn't spent the night at home. Ryan smiled and relaxed against his mess of pillows.

"Hey Princess, this is a bit early don't you think?" Ryan questioned her but with a smile on his face, he would never turn down time talking with his daughter.

"That's why I'm talking in whispers! Silly! Grandma said that I couldn't call you till later, but Aunt Kaitlin snuck me in the phone because Grandma is still sleepy" She giggled from excitement by telling Ryan her little 'scheme' like she was causing a lot of trouble, even though Julie wouldn't be angry with her in the slightest.

"Well I won't tell her if you won't, Is Aunt Kaitlin there?" Ryan said as she giggled.

"Yeh, because she got me the phone, Here's what I have to do : I have to say that she stayed home all last night and was asleep in my room, even though she was with her boyfriend and she just got in" Ryan laughed as he heard his daughter burst into a fit of giggles,

"Daddy, Kaitlin has a boyfriend!!" Ottilie sung tormenting her aunt, he could hear Kaitlin's teasing her in the background _'Hey munch I tell you one secret, your not meant to share, I bet you wouldn't want Daddy finding out about your little friend Adam from nursery'_ Kaitlin teased, Ryan arched an eyebrow over hearing the conversation.

"Daddy don't listen to her, she crazy, more crazy than uncle Seth!" Ottilie cried as she laughed from Kaitlin tickling her.

"Well I hope so, your too young for boys," he said going along with the joke, that's all he needed his daughter turning into Marissa at 5 years old.

"DADDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYY TELL HER TO STOP" Ottilie laughed, he could hear Kaitlin laughing along and he was glad that the Senior was keeping his daughter happy.

_"Ssssshhhh Otty we have to be quiet, and Aunt Kaitlin has a bit of a headache."_

He could hear walking around in the bedroom and he assumed the 18 year old had a night of partying the Friday night before and was feeling the effects, she was still a wild child, but she was a wild child with a good heart, she had a steady boyfriend called Max, whom Ryan had met, he had sort of taken on the big brother roll in her life, and her and Max were the new Seth and Summer. But Ottilie always finds the fact she had a boyfriend hilarious, nobody knew why.

"Hey princess, I'm going to leave home in a while with Uncle Seth and Aunt Sum, were all going out today for a big picnic on the beach" Ryan said moving about their apartment and clearing away some things.

"REALLY??" Ottilie shouted excitedly_."Otty, indoor voice b"_ Kaitlin murmured from the bed, with an eye mask over her eyes

"Who's going Daddy?" Ottilie asked happily

"Well, me and you, Seth and Summer, Nana and Gramps, and Grandma Julie and Neal," Ryan said trying to see if he had forgotten anybody from their extended family.

"Is Aunt Kaitlin coming as well?" Ottilie asked hopefully, she loved her Aunts and thought the world of both her and Summer, she loved that Summer was like a Mom and she loved that Kaitlin was like a sister, she had the best of both worlds, at least in her eyes anyway.

"If Aunt Kaitlin wants to come then yes,"

"O Daddy can we get Balbalbaloa Bars" Ryan laughed at her tongue tied she was whenever it came to pronouncing the words 'Balboa Bars'.

"Of course if you want sweetie, do you want me to bring anything from home?" Ryan asked as he walked into her pink covered bedroom, there was a big wall covered with a fairy tale castle, courtesy of Seth, one wall of plain baby pink, then on the opposite walls it was covered in pictures, and then the middle picture was a big one of her and her Dad taken at Chrismukkah, the same one that Ryan kept in his wallet, and the same one that Marissa now had, unbeknownst to him.

"Can you bring my pink dotty bikini and my pink beach bag, It has all of my beach stuff in it" She said sweetly.

"Well I don't that that should be a problem, I will see you in just over an hour, me and you can go out for breakfast if you like." Ryan offered having felt extremely guilty about not staying home with her the previous night.

"Ok bye Daddy, Love you!!"

"love you too baby" Ryan put down the phone and went to go and get ready for his day at the beach with his daughter and family, there really was two sides to Ryan, the quiet guy from work and the family man.

* * *

Marissa had laid awake all night, just thinking about what Ryan said and what he did. She didn't know how to feel or what to think of any of it, she was so confused. She didn't come back to LA for them, she hoped she would see them, but she knew that they wouldn't want to see her though. But when she heard Ryan talking about her as if she was dead, and hearing about her little girl from Sarah, she felt compelled to talk to him, and now, she laid her wanting to see her daughter, even if it was from a far. She had to do it, she may never get the chance again, If she didn't see them she would spend the rest of her life wondering what it could have been like, although that's what she did already. Her thoughts were interrupted with Jake quietly shutting the door and accidentally hitting his foot on the coffee table, not realising Marissa was awake.

"Shit" he mumbled and tried to stagger back to the bed,

"Morning sunshine" Marissa said sarcastically and his head shot up quickly.

"Hey babe, I didn't know that you were awake, I just popped outside for some fresh air quickly," Jake lied.

"That's the worst lie you've ever told me Jake, Worse than the time when I found texts from another girl on your phone and you said you sent them to yourself?" Marissa arched an eyebrow at him, it really didn't bother her than he hadn't come home the night before, she had only been sitting at the hotel thinking anyway, and she wouldn't of been able to do that with Jake there.

"I am so sorry baby, but when you left last night I was so worried that I didn't know where you had gone so me and Frankie have been driving round LA all morning"

"I don't believe you for a second, for one, Frankie is in rehab, in Arizona and he didn't even travel to LA with us, and two, I told you I was coming back to the hotel and you said you would finish one drink then come back as well, but who ever it was you slept with I hope they make good money when they sell the story to the tabloids, as they always do" Marissa said exasperatedly, she stood and up and grabbed her house coat and began to walk towards the bathroom so she could get ready for the day. She thought she would go and visit her Mom in Newport, they had stayed in touch relatively, they sometimes e-mailed, but a while ago Julie had stopped replying and Marissa had given up, the only family she had left was her Aunt and her Dad. She had originally thought she would take Jake home and introduce him but now she couldn't be bothered with it.

"Don't speak to me like that Marissa" Jake warned.

"I don't care Jake, I am going out for the day, you can come with me and we will most likely get chased by the paparazzi because I know for a fact that you hooked up with another girl last night and now the pictures are all over the tabloids, or I can go alone, see my family again for the first time in years and just have a peaceful day. When I get back here tonight, you are going to apologise and I am going to tell you whether or not I can be bothered with our relationship anymore" Marissa slammed the bathroom door behind her and could hear Jake knocking on it from the other side, until he gave up.

"WHATEVER MARISSA, I AM GOING TO GO NOW AND SEE IF I CAN BE BOTHERED WITH YOU ANYMORE" Jake said mimicking her tone, she heard the door slam and it didn't even elicit a response from her, she didn't cry or anything. Now that she had seen Ryan again, and he kissed her, he had given her hope that maybe just maybe they can get back together, it seemed like a far off shot but she had to give it a go, she still loved him, she had just been denying it these past few years.

* * *

"Summer are you nearly ready??" Seth shouted through their apartment, Ryan and the married couple were all heading to Newport that morning. It was an important family lunch for Seth and Summer today, they were going to tell the everyone that Summer was pregnant, well everyone but Ryan, he was the only person that knew.

"How about this one?" Summer asked as she stood in front of Seth in yet another long billowy sun dress. This time it was black with a white pattern, which was designed to make you look thinner and she had her long dark hair loosely put behind a head band leaving it long past her shoulders. She had tried on what felt like 500 outfits that morning, but would change each time because she was convinced that she was showing or '_looked like she had swallowed that fat kid from Charlie and the Chocolate factory'_ It had been a long 2 hours for Seth, she kept coming out in different dresses, in which Seth would reply _'Sum, you look fine'_ then she would storm back into her wardrobe trying to find another, then she had a bad batch of morning sickness and when Seth had gone into help and rub her back, she had said back to him_ 'If you ever touch my back with your greasy paws again I will personally make sure this is the last baby you will ever produce'_. Seth then learning that the rage blackouts are so much scarier when she is pregnant, decided to leave her to it.

"Summer you look beautiful" She smiled happily and started packing all the things they would need for the day into her beach bag.

"Seth am I going to look like a beach ball if I take the dress off?" Summer asked him shyly as she sat in his lap in their chair. He smiled at her and placed his hand on her slightly rounded stomach.

"I promise you, you get more gorgeous everyday and being pregnant has only added to that quality." She smiled at him and kissed his lips.

"I love you," she replied. "And I am so excited to tell them today" her face lit up with excitement, that only mirrored Seth's.

"It should be a good day, I mean all of us hanging out on the beach,"

"Yeh it will, and your Mom and Julie have made a super huge picnic, so me and baby can eat all we want all day" Summer smiled happily, she loved going home to Newport, they went back most weekends, but the giant family picnics were her favourites, especially since they hadn't had one since last summer.

"Yep, and maybe later we can take the Summer Breeze out?" Seth asked hopefully, instead Summer just shook her head, she had never been a fan of the tiny boat.

"I don't think so Cohen, the boat is too small, and besides I am carrying precious cargo now and your boat usually makes me feel nauseous, which will double with the baby nausea." Seth feigned hurt but kissed the temple of her head. Their romantic moment had been interrupted with a knock on their apartment door.

"Its open man!" Seth shouted as Summer stood up,

"Hey guys" Ryan said, he walked into their apartment carrying two big bags, one for him and one for Ottilie.

"Hey Atwood" Summer went over and hugged her back,

"Your paper was outside," Ryan dropped the paper he picked up and left it on the counter, there was a headline with Marissa on the front, they all saw it but chose to ignore it.

"Ready for the big Cohen/Cooper-Roberts picnic of the Summer 2011?" Seth asked sarcastically as Summer gave him their bags for the day.

"Yeh, well Ottilie is excited, she phoned me at 7:30 this morning,"

"Wow, I bet that was good for a hangover" Summer said a bit sarcastically.

"Where's Princess..- I mean Courtney" Summer asked faking concern. Ryan laughed and shook his head at his sister in law,

_"_We had a little argument last night, I haven't spoken to her since."

"Oh sorry" Summer said a bit embarrassed,

"No worries, I don't mind driving today Seth, that way Otty has her car chair for when we come home later?" Ryan offered, taking the bags from Seth and leading them to the elevator to take them to the garage.

"Yeh thanks man" Seth and Ryan were loading the things into the car while Summer got in and turned the radio on.

"_Hey your listening to Fame fm, and your waking up to a very sunny LA morning today. Quite a night also for the stars, most went to the opening of new club Bungalow"_

"Hey Ryan, isn't that where you went?" Summer asked him as he got in the car, Ryan nodded and started the car up and drove out of their apartment building.

_"The biggest surprise to see was actor Jake Mathews and Marissa Cooper, an even bigger surprise to our sources, were seeing the young Supermodel lock lips with a blonde stranger outside the club, they guys face wasn't seen but as soon as he got in his taxi, Marissa left the club, sans actor fiance and retreated back to the Beverly Hilton alone, now this morning pictures have surfaced of Jake and a mystery brunette getting cosy, hmmm could this mean trouble in paradise for the newly engaged? Also spotted last night--"_

"Sorry but I can't stand to listen to them talk about her on the radio" Summer said angrily as she turned the radio off.

"Summer," Seth said, sending a message with his eyes, saying 'Don't talk about her in front of him, sensitive subject'

"No its ok, don't worry, I saw her there anyway last night" Ryan said trying to keep his concentration on the road, when there was sure to be a throng of questions to follow.

"What?? You saw her? As in Coop, as in my step sister? As in your ex girlfriend Marissa Hilary Cooper??" Summer asked him surprised, she knew that if Marissa and Ryan ever saw each other again it would be awkward, and now she is just surprised, he was acting very cool about it, not angry or upset, but quiet.

"No I saw, Marissa Cooper soon to be Mathews. Which is hardly the same person" Ryan said sadly.

"Sorry man, how are you? I mean did you talk about anything? What is she here for? Does she want to get back together with you?"

"You have got to be kidding, I mean no offence Ryan, but living in New York, being a model has changed her, she isn't going to want to trade that in now at least, her face is everywhere, it's the pinnacle of her career, if she wasn't going to come home it would have been years ago, she isn't the same, I'm sorry Ryan but someone has to say it" She said honestly, Ryan just nodded and thought about what Summer had just said, realising now how much of a mistake kissing her really was.

"Well anyway, today she be could, I think my Dad said he was going to give us all another surfing lesson, which is always fun" Seth said trying to lighten the sombre mood that had spread round the car.

"Great, a Journey song" Ryan said unenthusiastically and turned up the radio, Summer looked at Seth in the rear view mirror and shot him a look, it would be a long drive down there.

Marissa started up the rental car that her and Jake had hired. Her modelling agency had sent a car to drive her everywhere she needed to go, because of her doing a few shoots while she was out there, but she thought if she was going to keep a low profile in Newport today she would have to try to act less like the supermodel she is now and try and be her old self. She got into the silver BMW convertible, at least that way she would blend in with the crowd, and headed for the old route she once remembered taking to get to LA.

It had been truly forever since she had driven herself home, especially to Newport, home. New York was weird, whenever they would drive home, it would mean drive from one side of the city back to their Upper East Side apartment, but seeing the sun glistening over the ocean as she felt excited to be driving back to that gossip filled town that she grew up in. First on her list of to do's was to go to that familiar old diner and order a short stack of pancakes she had been longing for for 5 years, it would take a hell of a lot of time in the gym to work them off, but she needed them, she needed some comfort food. She was also going to take a long long walk around the pier, walk on the beach and breath in the sea air, and rest for a long time at the lifeguard stand, that romantic place that had made her feel secure when she felt so lost. She didn't care if a few people would recognise her, with big sunglasses and her blonde long hair matching everyone else's in Southern California, would hopefully keep her in cognito, after all, it was her first day home in 5 years, she really really wanted this to be drama free. Who is she kidding, if she didn't want drama why was she heading to Newport?

Ryan, Seth and Summer all got out of the car when they were finally at Newport and walked up the steps to the Julie and Neal's mansion. The same set of stairs, where Ryan found out Marissa was pregnant, where crazy enough at the top was where Ottilie had taken her first steps, where Seth had proposed, where Ryan had carried Ottilie and her things to the car when Marissa had left them, where Julie had broken down once they had all gone. A lot of things had happened in that house, those stairs, but the feeling of it being tainted had effected Julie and Neal's relationship, the second longest marriage Julie had ever been in, and she had mellowed, enjoyed being a wife, a mom to Kaitlin and a grandma to Ottilie, although she was still a women who had just hit her early 40's she wasn't going to cool down on the Cardio Bar and botox just yet, she did still live in Newport after all.

"Daddy" Summer said as she ran up the rest of the stairs to see her Dad, he had been away with business when she had visited the last few times and hadn't seen her in about two months.

"Hey pumpkin" Neal greeted her as she ran into a hug.

"DADDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" Ottilie shouted as she came running out the house and down a few steps until she launched herself at Ryan. Ryan smiled as he picke dher up and twirled her around, even though its been a day since he saw her last he still missed his baby girl.

"Ottilie" He said as he picked her up and held her close.

"Have you been a good girl for Grandma" Ryan asked her as she nodded happily.

"O yeah she was a Peach" Kaitlin commented sarcastically as she came walking down the grand staircase also.

"Kaitlin" Seth said holding his arms out mimicking Ryan and Summer. Kaitlin just raised an eyebrow and carried on walking while Summer laughed at her husband,

"Come in guys, we have breakfast all set up on the terrace"

"Actually I said I would take Ottilie to the diner for breakfast, then meet you all at the beach later if that's ok with you?" Ryan asked his sort of family.

"Yeh that's fine, Otty are you going to want your handbag?" Ottilie nodded to her grandmother and Julie passed it to her, it was a white chanel bag with a chain handle, it was Marissa's but she had left it when she went away so Julie had given it to Ottilie to put her crayons in, but she had soon decided it was her 'grown up bag' and would only carry around a fake cell phone, a lipstick that she took from Kaitlin, and a fake credit card and a pair of Summer's old sunglasses. She would really go everywhere with her bag, carrying in on the smallest setting so it didn't drown her, she also loved it because it once belonged to her Mom. That was the only thing she had that was hers, she didn't even have a picture, now she was crazy about anything that had her bag on it, it was quite strange, she loved the ad campaign of her 'grown up bag' but would never know that the woman modelling it was her Mom.

The bright sun was being reflected off the sea as Marissa walked down the pier that used to be so familiar to her. It was still busy, like it used to be on a Saturday morning, there were families and couples walking along holding hands. The same man who used to sell Hot Dogs and Quesadillas was still there. Although she had been away for a long time, it was only the people that had changed in more than one meaning of the words. If someone had said to her when she had boarded her plane in New York, that her business trip with her fiancé would turn out like this, she would of laughed and denied any link to Newport Beach.

It was really strange, it was like something had clicked and had made her want to do all of the things she wanted to do today. She had never wanted to come home and see Ryan, until she saw him she hadn't realised the feelings she still had for him. She hadn't intended on coming home and seeing her Mom but now she was in Newport she was excited to see her family again, she could only hope that they felt the same way too. But then there was Jake, sitting back at their hotel, she would go back later and he would of bought her something expensive to apologise, saying that he never meant to hurt her, and she would most likely take him back, to look the fool once again. Because even though the West Coast had the life she wanted, it was back East where she had to stay, unless Ryan wanted her here that is. She walked into that familiar diner, thankful that no one had noticed her yet, she smiled, it still smelt the same to her, still the same décor, still the same plastic flowers that separate the tables, still the same menu. She walked over to an empty booth and was hit with a sea of flashbacks, the most prominent one, being in here shortly after she told Ryan she was pregnant, the night they thought they made all of their plans to be together and what they would do, but when it came to it, it was totally different.They had been argfuing that night, and it had contined to arguing on the beach, Marissa was walking away from Ryan when he convinced her to talk, they had to talk, eventually.

"_Fine, but your buying me fries" she said stubbornly, Ryan caught up with her and he noticed her hands on her stomach, and his whole body ached to be with her, comfort her, tell her that everything was going to be ok, but he couldn't cheat on Sadie, and Marissa would never take him back_

_"it's the least I can do, the diners still open" he ushered the both of them to the pier so they could go to their usual café ._

_Marissa sat down uncomfortably at the booth, feeling awkward with Ryan there, the waitress came over and as she was about to order, Ryan interrupted,_

_"I will have 2 coffees, some fries, and a strawberry milkshake for Marissa, o and a banana split thanks" he handed back the menus as Marissa looked at him strange,_

_"Come on, you don't expect me to not know what you want, we used to come in here all the time and I figured if you have had a rough time, a banana split would cheer you right up - you used to have them when you were nervous" he said smiling at her, trying to break the ice_

_"Operative word in that sentence, 'used to' I haven't really seen much of you recently"_

_"Its because you didn't look, I'm sure you would have been able to find me if you wanted to Marissa, but I don't want to argue with you please, we need to make it easier on the 3 of us"_

_Marissa smiled as she heard him refer to their baby as a person, it seemed like he accepted the fact that they were going to become parents._

_"and I just think that it will be better for all of us if the time we have together isn't spent arguing, instead talking about this mess we got into "_

_Marissa raised her eyebrows sceptically at him - it was only his mess if he wanted it to be, he was a minor factor in her giving birth._

_"Riss the only reason I called it a mess, is because neither of us have no clue what we are going to do when the baby comes, we will both be in college and I'm positive that I don't know how to change a diaper." He smiled nervously at his former lover, he still couldn't get his mind over the fact that his baby was growing inside of her._

_"And I think that we should tell the Cohen's soon, I know that your mom is away and you want to wait but straight after we need to tell the Cohen's, they will be able to sort out anything that we need, or what you need." Marissa fiddled with her fingers on the table_

_"My mom knows" she said quietly_

_Ryan raised his eyebrows in confusion, surely if Julie Cooper knew she would be round at the Cohen's threatening to get him arrested or_ _something_

_"When I took the test, I found out and started crying I was on my bed and she came in and saw the pregnancy test box and she assumed that the reason I was crying was because I didn't know who the father was, which was a stupid idea because its only ever been you, and well Luke" she laughed off the second part, hoping that her and Ryan were making some breakthroughs_

_"She left me some money , for as she so kindly put it 'take care of it' and then left on her honeymoon, we aren't expecting them back anytime soon"_

_Ryan looked over at her. He felt sorry for her, Although the Atwood Family was rarely a happy one, All Julie Cooper-Nichol-Cooper-Roberts ever did was make her family unhappy. He then felt anger for someone wanting to kill his child, even though he has just found out about it._

_"Typical Julie," he laughed sardonically, "What did you do with the money?"_

_"Marc Jacobs tote bag," she said whilst licking her strawberry milkshake off the spoon_

_"mmmmmmmmmmmm!! That is exactly what you have been craving isn't it" Marissa said to her stomach, then flushing with embarrassment when she realised she wasn't alone in the diner, like she usually is nowadays ._

_"Sorry I usually talk to the baby, it sometimes makes me feel less alone" Looking Ryan in the eye felt so like such a difficult thing to do for her. She couldn't face the fact that he had someone else in his life, she couldn't when she found him with Gabrielle and she couldn't when he was with Lindsay._

_"That's fine really, I actually have a few questions about…….ummm…….it? If that's ok"_

_"Ryan., I'm not sure if I comfortable with this - I mean what are you going to say? There is nothing that you can do to change my mind, I'm keeping it.?"_

_"Well if we were still together I would say we would move in together and get married, but seeing as we are apart, I want to be there and help you, you aren't going to do this alone, I will be there whenever you need me, and if that means living together in LA or whatever, that's great, Sandy and Kirsten have bought me and Seth our first places to live while where there, and I would be lonely by myself I am going to be there for the baby and you, I promise" he looked into her eyes and straight to her soul and smiled sheepishly_

_Marissa started to cry and tears came down her face. Ryan reached out and dried her tears, a surge of electricity shot through her whole body as he did that. She was just staring into his eyes and reading his face like used to, a few seconds passed her by quickly as the waitress coughed announcing her presence and they quickly separated. Marissa started to think as they quietly ate their food; she couldn't be with him if she had the baby and she couldn't act like nothing was there. What happened if she had the baby and then what, Sadie, Ryan, Marissa and Baby Cooper-Atwood living on the UCLA Campus. She had always wanted to play happy families with Ryan but maybe now wasn't the time._

_"Have you been going to the doctors and stuff? Taking vitamins?" Ryan asked nervously, he knew how it felt to lose a baby, he didn't want to lose another one, and he didn't want to put Marissa through that._

_"Yeh I have, I went this morning and I have another tomorrow"_

_"So soon, is everything ok?"_

_"Yeh, its just for me to meet my doctor for the pregnancy, it will carry through to post natal and things like that"_

_Ryan smiled in relief, Marissa felt pleased at the interest that he was taking, he seemed fairly committed, even if he had only just found out._

_"You can come if you want?"_

_Ryan's whole face lit up, Marissa just took in his every move, it had been a long time since she had seen Ryan act that happy in front of her, his smile used to light up her world, the most terrible things would be erased with his classic half smile. He never smiled in the whole Trey thing, but the moment that he did, Marissa knew they would be ok._

_"I would love to, thanks. You know Marissa we will get through this together and it will be ok, I promise"_

_Marissa started to cry and Ryan moved round in the seats to stop her tears,_

_"Hey hey why are you crying?"_

_"I'm just so scared Ryan, about everything" she wept as Ryan held her close, she once again smelt her familiar scent and started to cry even more,"Excuse me, Miss,……Miss, hello?" The young waitress said to her, whilst waving her hands. Marissa snapped out of her gaze and embarrassedly smiled._

"I'm sorry, I will take a black and white milkshake, and a short stack of pancakes please" The waiter nodded and took the menu from Marissa,

"Has anyone ever told you, that you are the double of Marissa Cooper, if you were with that hot guy she was dating I would of believed it myself_."_ The waitress commented while Marissa rolled her eyes, couldn't she have just one day to forgot what she had become and just be her old self.

"Nope, no one has ever said that before?" Marissa smiled back and the waitress walked away, leaving Marissa with her thoughts, at last.

* * *

"So what's good here" Ottilie said, pretending to be grown up, although it only made Ryan burst into a fit of laughter, she could always do that, make him laugh. When he was with his daughter he was a different person.

"O so your being Miss grown up today huh sweetie" He pulled her onto his lap so she was sitting on his knee and trying to read the menu out loud. They both sat in silence for a while until his daughter started talking again.

_"_Daddy," Ottilie started out not sure how to broach the topic with her father,

"Yes princess" Ryan replied not noticing her 'serious' tone.

"I think…" Her usual up beat mode was replaced by a strangely quiet one and it had Ryan worried, she was never usually this quiet,

"What's wrong Ottilie?," Ryan moved the little girl so she was sitting next to him, so Ryan could face her, and hold her hands. She shied away from his gaze and looked in a different direction.

"You can tell Daddy" Ryan looked at his daughter, that was the striking resemblance of Marissa. Her big doe eyes that were really his only resemblance.

"Is this…-" She reached into her Chanel bag she kept so close by and pulled out a picture, it was of Ryan and Marissa, New Years 2004 , the day after he told Marissa he loved her for the first time, and showed it to her Dad. "Is this my Mommy?" She questioned, her eyes looked like there were about to pool over any minute. She looked like she had been so let down by him, and that was what pained him the most. The picture held so much happiness, probably one of their happiest times in their relationship, Ottilie face demanded many answers from Ryan.

Marissa was sitting alone at her booth, looking around at the other people in the restaurant, more people had started to leave, eventually lowering the usually loud volume of the restaurant, so you could overhear other peoples conversations.

"_What's wrong Ottilie?"_

Marissa's head shot up, her eyes widened, it sounded like Ryan's caring voice with a child. Her heart was pounding and she felt like she was going to be sick. She sunk back lower into her chair, this could not be happening. She had been talking herself into meeting Ryan again, but sitting in the booth behind her wasn't the way she had envisioned, and he was with their baby. For the first time in 5 years Marissa was in the same place as her baby, she longed to turn around and see them both, but it was too risky for Ryan to see her and her little cover she had created for herself would be blown.

_"Is this….-Is this my Mommy?"_

Anyone could hear the tone of sadness in her voice, it hurt Marissa to know that she was the creator of the sadness in the young girls voice was too much to handle, tears crept down Marissa's face, she quickly put on her sunglasses so nobody could see why she was crying, and sat silently, waiting ot over hear the what Ryan was going to say to her.

Ryan sighed, he had told Ottilie so many lies about her Mom in the past, it didn't seem far to keep feeding her more stories, in 10 years time when she knows the truth, all of the lies she heard in her childhood won't make it any better.

"Erm.., yes baby it is" Ryan said regrettably as Ottilie's eyes clouded over with more tears and her lip began to quiver. Ryan moved next to her and picked her up to sit on his lap again and she cried into his chest. Ryan tried to soothe her by stroking her back and placing kisses on the top of her head.

"But…..but you said that…-" Ottilie whimpered against his chest.

_"_I know sweetie, and I am so sorry,"

"But why did you lie?" Ottilie asked him, looking straight into his eyes.

Marissa overheard everything she was sitting there in her own batch of tears, she wished that Ryan didn't have to lie about who she was, she wished that she could go over there now and Ottilie run into her arms and Ryan kiss her. But nothing can change the decision she made, she thought she was doing the right thing by them by leaving, now she realised that the only person she was suiting was herself.

"when it all happened I thought it would be best, I know I said there wasn't any pictures of her, but I had to do that" Ryan carried on stroking her back as he looked onto the horizon out of the window in a daze.

"I loved her so so so much baby, It made Daddy to sad to see pictures of her everywhere, and then when you started asking about her, It made Daddy sad again so I lied, so I wouldn't upset anyone" Ryan said guilty,

Marissa's chest was racking with silent sobs, she realised how shellfish she was, leaving them because she couldn't do it herself was the most shellfish thing she could of done, she left behind Ryan to cope by himself, in more ways than one, coping with a baby and coping with her going, as a child, everyone he loved had left him, and she was no exception, what she had done to him didn't even bare thinking about.

"Can you tell me about her" Ottilie's voice squeaked, and she wiped some tears, she looked up at Ryan and he smiled at her proudly. She wasn't being demanding for answers or explanations, and Ryan admired his daughter for that.

"Yeah if that's what you want" Ottilie nodded and Ryan hugged her back into his chest, she was his security, this painful trip down memory lane wouldn't be easy for Ryan, dredging up old memories and the feelings that went with it, but he would do it for his daughter, he would do anything for his daughter.

"Well, I met her when I was 16, I was in the car with Grandpa Sandy and remember I said to you that I used to live in that place called Chino?" He felt a nodded and carried on,

"Well, it was my first night in Newport, and Grandpa had gone inside the house to talk to Nana and I got out of the car and walked down to the end of the driveway and she was standing there," Ryan smiled at his memory of seeing the girl he loved for years for the first time, as did Marissa in the booth next door.

_"_I thought she was so beautiful, she just looked at me and smiled, she had a gorgeous smile baby, it lit up her whole face, as soon as I saw her smile at me I know that I had fallen for this girl, I felt so nervous, I had never spoken to anyone that had literally taken my breath away before, so when she asked me who I was, I just said - whoever you want me to be," Ottilie looked up at him, she had never seen her Dad talk about someone like this before, he was smiling into the distance as he retold the story. Ottilie snuggled into him, eager to learn more about the mother she never had.

"It was possibly the dumbest line I have ever said in my life" Ryan stated honestly

"Yeh, it doesn't sound too good" Ottilie fired back, Ryan just laughed and carried on.

"But I got to see that gorgeous smile again, so the sheer embarrassment was worth it. Then I told her a bit about myself, and her boyfriend showed up" Ottilie looked at him curiously,

"She had a boyfriend? But you loved her?" Ottilie said to him, like it was a completely obvious thing,

"Yeh she had a boyfriend, but before she left she invited me to a fashion show the next day, I tried to play it cool and act like I wasn't bothered but really I was so excited to see her again. So the next day, me and Uncle Seth did a bit of sailing and then we headed on down to the fashion show and we had to sit on the kiddy table, and I was trying to act cool to impress her but I was so embarrassed" Ottilie giggled a little, and Ryan was pleased to her that her cries had subsided. Unlike Marissa, who he was still listening to every word of the story with her back towards him, crying silently. Hearing him tall about her like that was possibly the most painful thing she has ever had to hear him say, she wanted to run into his arms and say that she still loved him as much as she did back then, but not knowing what his answer would be really put a damper on her ideas.

"At the start of the fashion show she came out and was talking with so much passion about what she cared about, I looked on at her and thought, how could I ever get a girl like that, she announced the show, and Aunt Sum was the first to come out of the curtains, Uncle Seth was babbling on about her to me, saying that it was the woman of his dreams" Ottilie laughed then showed confusion,

"Wait, Aunt Sum and my Mom were friends?"

"A long long long time ago, before everything happened, they were even sisters at one point."

"Oh, why has Auntie Summer never told me about her?"

"Because she never wanted to cause any trouble, and it would have been hard for Aunt Sum too" Ryan said pointedly

"That night I was so excited to see your Mom again, all of the models were walking along in front of me but none of them were as pretty as your Mom was , then when your Mom finally came out, she was wearing a pale pink dress and her hair down, by far the most beautiful thing I had seen until I saw you of course," He kissed her temple ad Ottilie carried on listening

"She locked eyes with me as she was walking on the stage and smiled, I felt so lucky, like out of all the guys she could have had, she chose me, her smile made me smile, but I was still trying to play it cool but I couldn't help but grin, then that night I spoke to her a bit at a party, then the next day I had to go back to Chino and I didn't think that I would ever see her again, but I then ended up staying here in Newport, and we finally together and we fell in love, it wasn't easy though, like a long time ago, Grandma Julie hated me, and we sometimes would fight, but were still together in the end, then one day she told me the best news I have ever heard in my whole entire life, that she was going to have you" Ottilie smiled at her Dad, Ryan thought about all the drama he had left out of the tale he was telling his 5 year old daughter, but for her own good, she didn't need to know that her Mom was once kept hostage by a crazy manic depressive or that she was nearly raped by Trey.

"I can remember when we had just found out, we came to this very restaurant and we talked about what you would be like all night," Ottilie smiled happily, as did Marissa, she smiled through her tears as she heard Ryan tell their story to their daughter.

"Then on September 18th, you were born, it was the happiest day of my whole life, I remember going into the delivery room after, and your Mom was sitting there, totally warn out but still she had the happiest smile I had ever seen on her, and she told me you were a girl, and I went straight over to your bed and sat with you and your Mom. It was the happiest moment, we were just such a small little family, then we got to name you, and take you home, your Mom always dressed in pink, you were loved by everyone around you, and we both loved being parents. But then one day…-" Ryan paused trying to think of what to say.

Marissa also sat on the edge of her seat waiting to hear the next part, dreading to over hear what Ryan would say.

"Its ok Daddy, you don't have to go on anymore," Ottilie said kindly, she could read Ryan like a book, and she knew what happened anyway, she knew her Mom died when she was a baby, and assumed it was now

"Are you sure" Ryan asked her brushing some hair of her face.

"Yeh, I know what happens next anyway, and you loved her so much, it will really upset you saying how she died," She kissed Ryan's cheek and in perfect timing the waiter came with their waffles and pancakes, Ottilie quickly chowed into her breakfast, Ryan was scared that she might be quite silent and upset, but she was acting her usual self, telling Ryan what her and Kaitlin got up to that morning and what she did at her grandmas, Ryan's ear began to wonder as he started to listen to the conversation next to him.

"Are you all done miss?" The waiter asked her, as she snapped out of her daze and realised she had barely eaten her food she was craving so much.

"Err, yeah just take it," Marissa said, closing her knife and fork together and pushing her plate away. The waiter took it and turned around to her one more time.

"Are you alright?" He asked her, Marissa simply nodded and left 20 on the table, and rushed out of the diner and onto the bench outside she slumped down and began to cry again, not beliving what she had just heard. It was hard to hear when she heard Ryan tell everyone she was dead at the club last night, but to hear it coming from Ottilie it was like a stab in the heart. Ryan's gaze was set on her as she run out of the diner. His heart sank a little knowing that Marissa had just heard every word he just said to Ottilie, and judging by the tears, he was guessing he upset her.

"Daddy, can we go now?" Ottilie asked snapping him out of his daze.

"Huh, yeh," Ryan left some money on the table and moved to get out of the booth and watched Ottilie put the picture of him and Marissa back in her bag. She held up her hand and Ryan took it, leading her out of the diner, she was talking to him again and Ryan locked eyes with Marissa as he walked off. She lifted up at her glasses and he could see her tear stained face, his heart swelled and he wanted to go and comfort her, she looked dejectedly at the floor and he carried on walking.

"I love you Daddy" Ottilie said as Ryan bent down to pick her up and place her on his hip, all Marissa thought as she watched them both walk off was how that could have been hers and how she stupidly gave them up.

**Thats it for this chapter :) Sorry That i made it quite so long! Have a nice weekend ****xoxo**

'God that went fast' he thought

Marissa, the bar, Sarah, Marissa again, Courtney making out with some other guy, some more Marissa, then her and Jake making out, uggghhhh, then me and Marissa shouting, then me kissing Marissa. Crap.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to my reviews again on the last chapter, and also I can not belive how many hits this story has had, it is really grounding :)**

**Thanks again to RJMoonspell4 for your comments **

**Read, Enjoy, review lol :P**

"Hey there you guys are" Sandy said welcoming Ryan and Ottilie as they walked towards their picnic on the beach. Their spot was secluded and there was a small fire and huge big blankets on the sand packed with lots of home made food that Kirsten had bought along.

"Auntie Sum" Ottilie said excitedly, Summer smiled at her niece that was running over to her, she bent down to her height and hugged her.

"Auntie Sum, look Aunt Kaitlin gave me another lipstick" Ottilie said as she knelt on the sand next to Summer and tipped the contents of the chanel bag out. Ottilie shook it and her picture fell out, Summer glanced down at all of her old make up falling out of her bag. Until she came across a familiar picture of a familiar face. Summer held up the picture as Ottilie carried on looking through her things, Summer's eyes began to water, her pregnancy hormones running riot. It was her Coop, the person she hadn't seen in face to face in 5 years, her best friend who didn't even write or call or come to her wedding.

"Otty where did you get this" Summer breathed as her tears made her voice shaky. Ottilie looked up at her aunt Summer.

"I found it at Grandma's house in the closet of the room I stay in, there is so much stuff in there, but lots and lots of pictures…." Ottilie said carefully,

"Of my Mom," Summer looked at her confused, Ottilie had never known this before, and Ryan hadn't told them in the car that they had finally had the talk about Marissa. Ottilie crossed her arms over her chest and frowned slightly, to Summer it was the 5 year old Marissa looking at her, not her daughter.

"Oh Sweetie," Summer said as Ottilie tried to take back the picture from her.

"Daddy already told me all about her this morning, but I can't help it Aunt Sum," Ottilie leant into her shoulder and Summer could feel a little tear, she rested against the sand and hugged her niece.

"Auntie Sum, why is it that all girls have a Mommy for their whole life's and never got one"

"Ohh baby, it wasn't your Mom's fault, she just got really really sad when you were born, she had to move to New York but she does love you kiddo" Summer rocked her back and forth, and wiped her own tear away, she felt Ottilie's body freeze and look up at her, her innocent blue Atwood eyes were clouded with confusion.

"What?" Ottilie asked, Summer tried to read her face, if Ryan had explained it all to her this morning, then why did she look so confused, then it dawned on her the look of surprise and upset on Ottilie's face.

"Oh my god, you didn't" Summer said talking more to herself. She gasped and bought her hand up to her mouth,

"Why….. Why would my Mom go to New York, did she not love me? But I thought she was in heaven why is everyone changing the story…why?" Ottilie asked her, Summer looked round and could see Ryan talking to Seth, and then punching Seth in the arm when he said something most probably 'Coheny' .

"Auntie Summer, why wont anyone tell me" Ottilie demanded getting annoyed with the situation, and again crossed her arms over her chest, her lip began to tremble and she sniffed a few times,

"Otty, look lets get Daddy over here" Summer moved Ottilie onto the sand next to her and stood up and rushed over to Ryan,

"Hey Sum" Ryan opened his arms and hugged Summer, when they parted he saw she had tears in her eyes,

"Is everything ok?" Ryan asked concerned, Summer shook her head and looked up at him,

"Look Ryan, I though she knew, she was just talking about her and I… It just came out, I thought you were honest with her……I am so sorry" Ryan looked over Summer's shoulder and could see Ottilie staring out at the ocean, just like her Mother used to when she was confused.

"Oh my god," Ryan said as he rubbed his hands over his face

"How much does she know?" Ryan asked not needing to know any questions, it was weirdly like he had been prepared for this to come out for years.

"New York, I am so so sorry Chino, I just.."

"Don't worry Sum, honestly it was bound to come out sooner or later" Ryan began walking over to Ottilie who had her arms crossed over her chest giving her Dad the 'Atwood Glare'.

* * *

"Hey guys is everything ok?" Sandy asked Seth and Summer as they stood at the shore line hugging each other,

"Dad way to kill a mood" Seth said jokingly, Summer laughed at her husband and swatted his chest

"Haha son, your hilarious, I meant with Ryan and my granddaughter she looks a little upset." Sandy said worried as Ryan walked over to where Ottilie was sitting 'brooding' alone.

"She finally found out about my bitch of a stepsister and didn't take it to well" Summer said snappily, Sandy raised his eyebrows at Seth and he shook his head, Ryan had taken Marissa just leaving terribly as expected, but what wasn't expected was how Summer reacted, it was like Marissa had died, she never wanted to have contact with her, then one day she just refused to talk about her anymore, she never really had a best friend much after that, they moved to UCLA, in the January of Freshman year, the East Coast not being for them and had helped out as much as they could with Ottilie.

"So she knows then huh? I wondered how long he would keep it a secret?" Sandy said procrastinating out loud whilst walking back to the others.

"It will be ok Summer I promise" Seth kissed the top of Summer's lips as she stood with her arms around her his tiny waist. She really did love her husband.

* * *

"Ottilie" Ryan said as he bent next to his daughter on the sand, she ignored her Dad and looked away from him.

"Look baby, you need to talk to Daddy," Ryan was unsure about how to talk about this with his daughter. After he got no response for a little while he tried again.

"Ottilie, you need to talk to me, are you upset or angry?" It would be so much easier if this talk was happening when she was older, a little less stubborn and idealistic so she could see his point of view also.

"I should never of said what I did, but I just didn't expect you to ever-"

"You said she died" Ottilie's lip quivered and Ryan immediately moved to be closer to his daughter.

"You said that she was in heaven, when really this whole time you lied to me" She looked up at her father again that day with demanding eyes

"I never did it to upset you Ottilie, it seemed like a good idea at the time, I never thought you would find out about her, I know you are too young to understand where I am coming from" Ryan sighed again, deciding if he really had to do this he had to be honest with her, even though she was only 5. He picked her up and he felt her squirm, which she he hardly ever did when she was held by Ryan.

"Look sweetie, when you were born, me and your Mom were so happy, but as time went on she got sick. Not anything life threatening it is just a little illness that some people get after they had babies."

He tried to read Ottilie's eyes, but she seemed expressionless.

"She got really bad, to sick to even hold you, or feed you, she was just to ill, then her and I broke up and I would still come to you every day before and after school, It seemed like so much but I learned to deal with it, and so did your Mom in time, Well one night I came to visit you, and I went upstairs to your room, got you out of your crib, you were crying so much and Grandpa Neal came upstairs and he and Grandma Julie told me that your Mom, had……." Ryan shut his eyes, reluctant to relive the memory,

"Your Mom had gone away sweetie, and she left us with a letter. She moved to New York" Ottilie began to cry and Ryan rocked her back and forth.

"Did I make her go away?" Ottilie asked hiccupping more tears.

"Don't ever think that, this wasn't your fault at all, promise me you wont ever blame yourself."

__

"If its anyone's fault its mine for pushing away, not wanting to be a couple when she was born, none of this would have ever of happened."

"Is she ever going to want to meet me?" Ottilie asked whilst looking out at the sea. That question really did stump Ryan, he had no idea, maybe that was Marissa's ulterior motive for coming back, maybe she wanted to see her baby , who knows Marissa was so unpredictable it was hard to ever know what she was thinking.

"Um, I'm not sure Otty, maybe someday. If she ever comes back from where she is" Ryan said avoiding eye contact with his daughter. He couldn't let his baby be dragged around by Marissa. She would always be travelling and there would be a media frenzy whenever she would go to Marissa's and Jakes, which would most likely scare the little girl, and as sad as it sounded Ryan didn't think he could handle the fact that his daughter and the love of his life where living with another man.

"Daddy," She wiped her eyes and got Ryan's attention,

"I want you to find her, wherever she is" Ryan sighed and Ottilie pleaded with him,

"Please I just want to have a Mommy." Ottilie started to cry again and Ryan nodded unable to handle it when his daughter was sad, it tore his heart in two.

"Ok baby, if that's what you want." He held her close and kissed her temple, now all he had to do was convince Marissa to want to be a part of her daughters life. After her reactions last night he didn't know how hard it would be.

* * *

**I know this is a short one guys, but it was sort of a neccessary filler chapter, I couldnt write too much more otherwise it would be too much to take in at once. Let me know what you think!**

**xoxo**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone, sorry it took a while - I didnt know where to start :P**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Hope you enjoy this installement. **

* * *

As the day went on Ottilie began to act like her normal self again, She spent most of the day not talking to Ryan which was to be expected, but she said it was only because Summer was having a baby that she needed to spend more time with her, but she was 5 and her lies weren't exactly up to scratch. Everyone was thrilled by Seth and Summer's news, it kind of made him sad thinking back to when they had told people Marissa was pregnant, and the couple not getting the happy joyous responses that his brother had gotten.

"So now she wants to meet Marissa" Ryan said rubbing his tired face as he watched Ottilie dance with Summer by the cold sea, Ryan finished telling Julie and he thought he saw a bit of an eyebrow move, which wasn't common on Julies botoxed forehead.

"So are you going to do it?" Julie asked concerned for him, he looked particularly not himself today, and Ottilie wanting her Mom all of a sudden wasn't helping him

"Well, the thing is, I know that she isn't going to want to see her, and how can I tell Otty that?" Ryan asked her hopelessly, since Marissa left Ryan and Julie had sort of become friends and she was always there to help him, and he couldnt deny, she really was a _great_ Grandma.

"Well how do you know that Marissa won't want to see her? Just because she left doesn't mean she didn't care, I hate to say it but I offered her money for an abortion but she didn't take it, and you have to think of her as well, post natal depression is a serious thing, you can't cure it in a second. Marissa just had a bad case is all." Julie questioned him. Ryan shook his head and laughed sardonically,

"Because and no offence Julie, she has had the opportunity to come back and never wanted to, what is worse, me going out on a limb and her rejecting us or not having any contact at all." Ryan said matter of factly although his heart was saying something different.

"I'm not going to argue with you, or try to convince you what my daughter did was right, its just when your Mom left, she never stopped loving you did she? When you visited her in Albuquerque, there wasn't any hatred between you two, she didn't run away from you, or swear that she never had you, and you have to believe but Marissa won't do that either, it comes from this maternal instinct you get when you have a baby, I can't explain it." Julie said hoping to get through to him, like Ottilie she knew that Ryan was stubborn and it would take a lot of convincing for him to make his decision . She could see Ryan's face brooding over it in the darkening setting of the beach.

"In magazines it quotes her as having lost her baby, she tells people that she never even had Ottilie, when the truth comes out, that's going to effect her as well, How do I know she is ready to give up her career to take Ottilie to Ballet Class twice a week."

"Ryan I get that your trying to create excuses not to do it, but Ottilie did ask, she has some interest don't forget, and I thought you had her best interests at heart too." Julie said contradicting Ryan.

"I do, its just-"

"You're still in love with her." Julie said trying to be understanding. She watched Ryan's face change slightly.

"That's irrelevant Julie" Julie smiled at his but he was determined to look away.

"I will always love her, she was the first person she met in Newport, she was my first love, we went through so much together, but that changed when she went away, I am not in love with her anymore, I can't be, because there is no way that she would ever feel the same for one."

"You really don't know until you tried, Why don't you just take her number, I mean you did promise Ottilie and she may be a supermodel now Ryan, but I can guarantee somewhere deep down is my daughter, even if she doesn't appear it now and she would want to meet Ottilie, all she wants is a chance Ryan," She dug around in her beach bag for her cell phone and scrolled down to find the number, just the Ottilie came running over, holding Kaitlin's hand.

"Dad," Her voice wasn't filled with excitement that she usually brings,

"Can I stay with Aunt Kaitlin again tonight, Max and her said they will take me to the movies" Ottilie was holding hands with both Kaitlin and on the other side Max, it was their age that Ryan and Marissa had fallen pregnant. All they had to worry about at the minute were applying to the same colleges and getting in, while Marissa and Ryan were in college they were worrying about, shootings, rapes, Johnny's death, that crazy Volchuck guy and so much more.

"Atwood I promise we will take care of her, we can take her out tonight, she can stay at home with me and Mom then Seth and Sum are driving back to LA tomorrow anyway so they can drop her home then" He silently thanked Kaitlin, he knew that she had figured that he was a little torn over Marissa and could do with a night on his own.

"Are you sure Otty?" Ryan asked, his daughter never wanted to spend more than a night away from him, and then she would go with some fuss but for her to actually want to go made him feel a little useless, like he had let her down even more than he already had.

"Yep" Ottilie said whilst looking away from him, she couldn't help but feel angry at her Dad, even though from what he had told her it wasn't her fault. Ryan felt like the worlds worst father at that moment, never had he felt so disappointed in himself over something so small with Ottilie.

"We will take good care of her honestly man, I promise that I won't drive to fast or anything" Max said nervously, with Ryan being so protective over his family he always felt like he was under intense scrutiny,

"Come on Max, Ryan would never hurt you, I think he has forgotten how to throw a punch" Kaitlin joked as Max just looked scared.

"Say bye to Daddy then Ottilie and then Mom we will go, we will be back later" Kailtlin leant down to air kiss her Mom, but Ottilie didn't budge. Ryan tried to look in another direction so he didn't have to see her face ignore him.

"Bye Dad" Ottilie turned around and was quickly followed by Kaitlin walking after her, Ryan just stood there looking even sadder than before.

"Give me her number Julie" Ryan said quietly.

"I think I need to get this over with."

* * *

Marissa sat quietly at a deserted part of the beach, she never used to come to this bit when she was younger, they would always go to the lifeguard stand or the beach of the side of the pier, but she had been walking aimlessly thinking about what she had overheard and just stumbled upon it. She had been sitting out there most of the day, screening calls from Jake. She wasn't in the mood to deal with him tonight, she just wanted to be alone, to think about everything. Mainly to think about her daughter.

Seeing her today made Marissa fell a sense of pride, she had so many plans for when she had been pregnant, about how she was going to raise her daughter and what she was going to do with her as she grew up, wondering about what type of Mom she would be. Marissa had always thought that she had done what she did for her daughter, knowing that she was to sick to look after her at the time, but seeing her today she wouldn't wished to be left motherless on anybody.

Marissa had been waiting around in Newport all day today, not actually doing anything but she couldn't be bothered to go back to her hotel in LA. From memory of living here her whole life she knew there was the Newport Marriot and decided that she could rest there for the night instead of going back to LA and having another argument with Jake.

As Marissa got to the hotel it was more or less the same as she remembered, being a model you grow over the first hype of going in a nice hotel, especially since she grow up going to them also. For her if it had a mini bar, a bath and a big bed, that would be where she would rest her head. She hardly ever did this, ever. Jake would always come with her or want to know where she is going, but now she is doing her own thing completely, yet it didn't feel exhilarating, she had too many guilty thoughts swirling round her head.

"Hey, I know this is short notice but have you got a room for the night?" Marissa asked tiredly as the receptionist.

"Are you Marissa Cooper?" They young girl asked start struck.

"Yeh I am" Marissa said embarrassed, having people know her name wherever she was was so strange.

"Well of course, we can give you our best suite in the house, have you got any luggage Miss Cooper?" The woman asked looking at a slightly dishevelled supermodel as she just carried her Chanel Bag and nothing else.

"No," Marissa responded tiredly,

"Well here is your suite key, I will have someone take you up there" She offered,

"There's no need, thanks" Marissa smiled her way and made her way to the lift and soon found her room for the night. It was nice but when she had stayed in some of the most amazing hotels in the world, somewhere where she and Summer stayed when they were avoiding their parents in the summer of 9th grade didn't seem to impressive. She relaxed on the bed and closed her eyes, her day had been emotionally draining, she had sat and thought mostly about Ottilie all day, it was odd her fate had decided that she should over hear that particular conversation between them. Her cell phone began to ring again, looking at the screen it was a number she didn't know, she assumed it was Jake calling from the hotel, she exhaustedly picked up her phone and answered it.

"Jake, I told you I needed some space, did you even read the note I left you? all you had to do was give me one day, you can't even do that!?" Marissa told the phone furiously.

"So, it is a habit of running away when and leaving notes for the boyfriend, I thought I was just special." Ryan said sarcastically, mentally hitting himself for not doing this the adult way.

__

Marissa, that was expected, say something, don't just stand there, you need to speak, its easy, open your mouth and words come out. Start with apologising that could always work.

"Ryan?" Marissa asked him whilst she held her breath, Ryan thought she sounded surprised, like she did when he was late for prom.

__

Your doing this for Ottilie, think about your daughter, just come out and say you saw her today, tell her that her Mom gave you her number, say something!

"I hope this alright, um….me calling, your Mom gave me your number"

__

Oh my god what if he was calling you to tell you that he was still in love with you, don't be a bitch Marissa, and breathe and relax.

"Erm, yeh that's fine…..look Ryan at the diner today…I didn't mean to….I shouldn't of listened I'm sorry." Marissa waited for him to say something, anything to know that he didn't completely hate her.

__

Ryan stop dawdling, tell her the real reason you phoned, tell her about Ottilie.

"She's gorgeous Ry" Marissa said as she smiled happily into the phone, wiping away a tear,

"I know, I did a really great job" Ryan snapped back

__

There it is again Ryan! You snapped, now her wanting to see you and Ottilie are completely out of the window, you had to do one thing for your daughter, and you couldn't even do that.

"Right, yeah…"Marissa said, Ryan could tell she was upset.

"Look, I'm sorry….I don't know how long your in LA for but can we meet? I think there are some things we need to talk about" Marissa heart jumped at the possibility to talk to Ryan, she just hoped it wouldn't be an argument talk but instead a 'I forgive you' talk.

"Uh, yeah of course, I'm staying in the Newport Marriott for the night, If you wanted to come here, and feel free to bring Ottilie, we could take her down to the pool or something" Marissa said hopefully,

"Um, no I am going to come alone, If that's ok?" Ryan asked her, he could practically hear her voice hitch as a fresh batch of tears started to roll down her cheeks.

"Oh yeah, no that's fine, I am at the Hennigham suite on the top floor." Marissa said as she wiped her tears, she didn't know why crying, but Ryan could always make her feel crazy emotions.

Marissa sat there and anticipated him coming, it felt so good just to talk to him, and maybe he would want to just get on with her. Although a serious talk was inevitable. She just wanted to say so many things, why she went away, what she had been up to the last few years, why she had tried so hard to see him, even though she wasn't sure she wanted to come back anyway. She wanted to finally prove herself to him, and their daughter. She tried to spruce herself up in the mirror, reapplying the faint make up Ryan always loved on her, she unbuttoned a button on her shirt but quickly re did it, realising that Ryan doesn't want her in that way anymore,. She heard a knock at the door and downed the small glass of vodka she prepared for herself before he got there- Dutch courage never did anyone any harm. She rushed over to the door taking a quick reassuring breath when she got there and opened the door she smiled a shy nervous smile at her ex-love and opened to door to the suite to him, it was going to be a long night.

"Hey"

"Hey"

* * *

Ryan was so nervous, he didn't know how he was going to tell her, without the fear of his own rejection. The last five years of trying to hate her seemed pointless now she was back. A part of him wanted to open the door and tell her how much he loved her, another part was just wanted to scream. But he had to remember something they both had parts in Ottilie. She opened the door and she looked more amazing than she did last night, it wasn't hard to believe that she was a supermodel, she was beautiful, always was, always will be. She gave her million dollar smile, that every brand wanted on their advertising campaigns, it was also Ottilie's smile.

"Hey"

"Hey"

She heisted a bit, they were both taking each other in, they got over the original shock of seeing the other the night before, both of them not living their finest hours.

"Erm.. come in." Marissa extended the door and they both stood in the entrance awkwardly. Ryan half smiled at her and she just stared at him, in her mind she was shouting at herself to move or do something, yet both of them were stuck.

"Shall I..?" Ryan asked pointing to the array of chairs that the suite had and Marissa nodded and followed him.

"Can I get you anything to drink? Raid the mini bar?" Marissa said hoping to break the ice, to her surprise Ryan responded,

"I'll have a beer, but only one I'm driving back to LA tonight." Ryan said watching walk towards the mini bar, still admiring her beauty.

"So…What's it like living in Hollywood?" Marissa asked him, trying to put off the obviously upsetting questions until later.

"Good, I mean the beach isn't anything like Newport's but we come home most weekends." Ryan said, Marissa nodded and looked away when he said 'home' making her realise she was no longer a part of it anymore.

"So where are you living?" Ryan said trying to make conversation as they sat on the sofas spread out watching the dark lights over the harbour.

"Well mainly I live in New York, but I also have a place in St Bartz" Ryan arched an eyebrow, why would she need a place in St Bartz? She barely had time to visit her Mom because she was so busy with work, having a second house seemed utterly pointless.

"Whereabouts in New York" Ryan asked again, betting his money it was the Upper East Side, after all she had been born and raised in Money.

"Upper East Side" She said awkwardly, knowing that Ryan was judging it immediately.

"With Jack" He asked nonchalantly, trying not to let on that he really cared.

"With Jake, yeah" Marissa looked down and Ryan moved to her eye line.

"Well if your happy Riss, congrats" Ryan tried to act mature, and tried not to think about what it would be like if it was him with her.

"Yeah, well" She shrugged it off, and locked Ryan's eye line. God he had amazing eyes she thought, she could feel herself inch closer subconsciencly, even though Ryan was her ex, and being with him would complicate things by one hundred, she couldn't help but wonder.

Ryan could feel them move closer. It was eye contact like they had always known, when the hadn't been together but both wanted the other.

"We should, you know talk" Ryan said, talking his way out of the obvious. Marissa looked down embarrassed and insecure.

"Where too start? I mean, we have to go through all of it." Marissa fiddled with the same tiffany ring she wore from years ago, still on her right 'ring finger'. Although the matching giant rock on the other one was kind of distracting.

"I just have to say that, I told Ottilie everything today, as I'm sure your aware. But she got really curios, and I told her everything, about how you were in New York and how you got sick, everything" Marissa didn't know whether to be happy or sad, she was certainly pleased her daughter didn't think she was dead but she didn't know where she stood in her rights, and of course there was Jake, she couldn't exactly take a 5 year old home and expect him to be ok with it, because she knew he would definitely not be ok with it.

"Well how did she react?" Marissa asked concerned, Ryan sighed and put his beer on the table and leaned back against the pillows.

"That's why I'm here, and I really don't know what to do Riss" He looked her in her gorgeous blue eyes, again, as he tried to read her.

"What do you mean? You don't know what to do Ryan? Anything she said couldn't of been that confusing, she's 5" Marissa said worriedly, Ryan knew that she always acted like this when she was worried, she rambled and was short tempered.

"What I mean is that she wants you to be around, and she wants to meet you, she wont take no for an answer, is what I mean" Ryan sighed again, anticipating her answer, although from the huge smile on her face it eased him a little, making him see the Marissa he knew and loved in the run up to the pregnancy.

"Oh my god" Marissa started to cry again, for reasons unknown to her, this was the happiest news she heard in a while.

"So you want to…You want to see her?" Ryan asked unsure. Marissa nodded and laughed, laughed like she used to, like she had everything going for her.

"Of course, I just didn't think I could" Marissa smiled still, no matter what happened now, she could see her baby.

"Look I know that everything has happened between us, and it hasn't been ideal but I want to try and make the best of it, and if that means me and you getting together again then…-" Ryan stopped Marissa before she could go on much more,

"Look Riss, too much has happened for me to say we can get back together, I mean you have Jake, your engaged to be married for god sakes, and I mean although me and Courtney are barely together, we still are if that makes sense." he said guiltily.

"Ryan can you honestly tell me from the bottom of your heart, you don't feel anything like I do?" Marissa asked him earnestly, he searched her face for an answer, and he couldn't say no, because the truth was he completely agreed with her.

"Ry…just kiss me, just one, and if you can tell me that there is nothing, nothing that there used to be, we can be those parents that will only see each other when they drop the child off. I promise you, I just want to try." Ryan nodded and by this time there faces were so close they could read each others eyes anyway. Marissa closed the gap and kissed Ryan with all the passion she had within her, she smiled into the kiss as she felt him kiss back. She knew this was the right thing to do, they needed to confront their feelings with each other. Things quickly heated up, as they always did with those to.

Neither one was thinking, as their hands got reacquainted with skin, and somehow Marissa lost her shirt as did Ryan, she could feel Ryan kiss her neck like she used to and felt her insides melt. They were still kissing now on the bed, about to take things further. They hadn't been together in 5 years, and neither could stop.

"Wait," Marissa was now on top of Ryan and their breathing was laboured as she looked down at him, with her big doe eyes.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Ryan asked concerned, he didn't want to go any further if the next day she would go back to being engaged, and forget about him. It hurt to much to get attached.

"Do I look like I want to stop?" Marissa asked him questioning him, she stepped up and removed her jeans now standing there in her underwear.

"We have so much more to talk about Riss" Ryan said distractedly as he let his eyes wander over her slim frame.

"After, I promise" Marissa leaned in and kiss Ryan, as he rolled her over. She reached over and turned off the light, and they both remembered something that night, not only how good they were together, but how much they needed one another, another things that would have to be discussed over their talk. Ryan prayed they eventually would have that chat, a lot was counting on it.

**Hmmmmmmmmm hoped you liked it guys :) twas a tricky one to write, have a nice weekend **

**xoxo**


	8. Chapter 8

**This is a longen guys :P**

**I had so much to write, my fingers couldnt hit the keys quick enough - thanks to all of my reviewers -you know you mean a lot**

**and a special mention to: michelle1249 - I really appreciated that you took the time to sit and read Forever Young and The Way I Really Need You, it means alot that you wanted to read them so much - thanks for liking my writing, and yuor lovely review you left me, it encouraged me to write a whole load faster - hope you lile the chapter**

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Ryan eyes strained open the next morning, the bright Newport sun was shining through the curtains that weren't pulled too the night before. In his arms, he awoke to that similar feeling, a naked Marissa in his arms.

_"This can not be good"_

He said to himself, her face looked so radiant, so happy, he remembered last night, they were both so carefree, like dong what they did, didn't have complications. Wrong. He could see her phone shake on the side of the table, and he prayed that it wouldn't wake her up, he eased away from her warm body slowly and began to re-dress, not wanting to face the awkwardness of when she woke up. He never thought in a million years that he would be the ditching Marissa so early in the morning, acting like it was a one night stand between the two, when really it was so much more. When he was all ready and about to leave, he turned to look at Marissa's sleeping form once again, taking all of her beauty in, she was beautiful, and for one night she had been his. Ryan walked for the door and opened it being as quiet as he could be, one of the many things he remembered about his ex-girlfriend, was that she was an light sleeper, he would have to try even harder to not make any noise. When he reached the other side of the beige door, he sighed, what a way to complicate things Ryan.

Marissa awoke out of her sleep when she heard the door shut. Her heart sank when she realised who had left. She felt a tear pool in her eye, last night had been amazing, both of them realising how much they had missed each other, in more ways than one. She sank back into the pillows, feeling let down and ashamed, She wasn't what Ryan had wanted, she knew that, but she knew he wasn't the type of guy to leave as soon as a one night stand was over, she thought he was so much more than that. Obviously she was wrong. She heard her phone buzz again, seeing Jakes name on it she was hesitant whether to answer it. After all, she was set to marry Jake in a months time, he deserved to know why his bride to be was acting quite so flaky all of a sudden.

"hello," Marissa asked tiredly, the effects of last night evident in her voice.

"Marissa, please just talk to me" Jake sounded kind of helpless, before her reunion with Ryan, Marissa was kind of certain that she would marry Jake, he was the sensible choice, he would provide her life with security, and her celebrity would rise, not that she needed it to, and she was 80 sure she loved him, like Luke, she thought she loved him, but it only took that boy from Chino to contradict her feelings.

"Marissa please listen to me, I am sorry, I love you M" Marissa listened to him, still not replying, she knew that he loved her, the only times she doubted it was when she saw him around other girls, the way he acted was not that of an engaged man.

"Marissa, please, are you even listening to me?" He pleaded, Marissa was struck with a pang of guilt, she had lied to Jake from the start, and she had also betrayed him by sleeping with someone she thought she loved.

"Yes, I'm here" Marissa insecure voice squeaked,

"O thank god, please tell me your ok? Where are you, do you want me to come and get you?" Jake asked her, although what he did may seem like he didn't care for her, to him, she had been missing for a day and a half.

"I'm fine, I just needed a little space" Marissa stood up and found the complimentary bath robe, and wrapped it around herself feeling used and upset.

"Marissa please, I am so sorry, I love you, you know that I just make an idiot out of myself when I'm out, please M, you can't just leave me like this"

"I'm not leaving you" Marissa answered into the phone, that was semi true, Ryan ahd said the night before how they weren't getting back together, so she wasn't leaving Jake any time soon.

"I love you, and I am sorry that I did anything to make you doubt that, it was one time," Marissa sighed, if she could forgive Jake over what he did, then if he ever found out about her and Ryan he would be most likely to forgive her.

"Your forgiven, I'm sorry for running out on you like that, I just.…I haven't been home to Newport since I left, and I just… I left behind so much, I wanted to find it again by myself" Marissa looked out onto the Newport Harbour, still as beautiful as ever.

"That's ok, take as long as you need," Jake tried to be understanding, although it was pissing him off that she was acting so different, I mean, its only her family she left behind, and its not as if they didn't visit New York, actually thinking about it, the only family of Marissa's he had ever met was her Dad and that Aunt she lived with, when they first started dating.

"Why Don't we go out tonight, I or I could come to you, I mean hI have never been to sSoutnher California, I would like to meet your family and friends? Is that who your with now? Your Mom?" Marissa thought fast, spinning now an even bigger lie.

"Yeah I'm with her right now, actually, I am just going to spend the day with her, we might go to the spa or something, so I will just come back to LA tonight, and maybe we could go to dinner or something," Marissa reasoned with him her lie was too big to tell over the phone, he was going to ask questions, and she really was going to be in Ottilie's life, he did have the right to find out who Ottilie really was.

* * *

Ryan headed down onto the beach, opposite the hotel he and Marissa had been in the night before, he walked heavily onto the sand, and towards a array of Rocks, deciding to sit down and think heavily about what had just happened. He selfishly wanted last night to be a one night thing, him and Marissa were already to complicated to be friends with benefits, they couldn't afford to be anything but amicable for Ottilie's sake. Although he would probably have to see his baby traumatised by the paparazzi that followed his ex-lover around, he would probably have to see that asshole Jake fawn over his daughter in magazine spreads with two most important people in his life. He would probably accidentally turn over the news channels sometimes to find Marissa playing in the park with Ottilie, but it sadly being publicised to the high bidder, to him life wasn't fair, he knew that. But Ottilie shouldn't have to grow up in such public spotlights. These were all important things Ryan would have to discuss with Marissa, when she finally gave up being angry at him for ditching her that morning. Ryan jumped at the noise of his cell phone ringing, he silently prayed it wasn't Marissa asking him to come back to the hotel - because he knew the same would happen, until the could act like adults and see past there chemistry it would be a never ending cycle.

"O hey Sum?" Ryan said into the phone, glad it wasn't the woman he spent the night with,

"Hey Chino, I thought I should let you know that Otty and I are going to head down the Harbour with Seth this morning, he has boat crap to do" Summer moaned into the phone.

"That's fine, where are you guys anyway?"

"We stayed at the Cohen's last night, because of Stupid Cohen with his stupid sperm I felt too nauseous to drive home, and Mr Lightweight, said he was to drunk, a complete lie, believe me. We just went down to my Dads and got Otty though for you, do you want her back this afternoon? I said we would bring her home remember?" Summer hoped he remembered, he had been…struggling, with Marissa's return to say the least.

"O yeah that would be great, I drove back to Newport this morning anyway" Ryan said quickly inventing a lie.

"Why would you drive back to Newport?" Summer questioned him,

"Erm….I had some paperwork I needed to pick up from the Newport Offices, then I thought I would pick Ottilie up on my way through, I told her ages ago that I would take her to that cinema in downtown LA to see a special screening of Beauty and the Beast. She got really excited when we spoke about it a while ago." Ryan had secretly helped by indulging his daughter it would replace the upset she felt about Marissa,

"Ok well seeing as your in Newport, why don't I meet you at the beach by the pier in about 20 minutes? Is that alright? Kirsten said she wouldn't mind going to South Coast with me today for baby stuff, and Otty didn't seem to excited about it."

"Was she trouble? You know for Kaitlin or you" Ryan asked, probably knowing the stubbornness of his daughter that she hadn't been the easiest thing to handle the night before.

"Erm, its just a lot to deal with in such a short space of time, she just needs to spend some time with you, and she will be ok, she's strong Chino, I mean, she is an Atwood." Summer said trying to help him.

"half Cooper as well, it does show so much, I mean she is exactly like her and..-"

"Don't start worrying about it Atwood, well see you by the pier in 20."

"Thanks, and Bye Sum"

"Bye" Ryan put down the phone, and began to walk slowly towards his car in the car park of the hotel he and Marissa were in last night, still contemplating what he should say to her, would he apologise or tell her how he felt? What would she want to say back to him. Ryan sighed heavily only one thought through his mindThis is too complicated.

Summer held hands with her niece and walked along the beach, Ottilie hadn't been her usual chatty self, but Summer knew why. Ottilie was torn, she was torn in siding with her Dad, who had been there her whole life, or be around Marissa. It wasn't that anybody told Ottilie to chose, because everyone knew that Ryan would never put her in that position. Although it didn't stop her wondering.

"Hey sweetie, why don't you go find some pretty shells while we wait for Daddy, you can put them up on the mantle when you get home that way can't you" Ottilie nodded and Summer was happy to see for once she had her pretty smile back on her face. Summer leant down and kissed her Ottilie's hair.

"Thanks Auntie Sum, here look after this" She unattached herself from her Chanel bag and handed it safely over to her aunt, and began to run towards the shore line, studying it carefully for the marble coloured shells, that her Dad always said were his favourites. Summer sat down contently on the sand watching her happily run around frantically looking for the small shells to show her Dad. Summer realized for the first time that day, and could feel the baby move around inside her, still not getting used to that odd feeling, but yet so excited.

* * *

Marissa wandered endlessly around Newport, she did notice a few of the peoples she passed heads turn. Now her time for not getting noticed was up, she may as well get over what she came here to do, she had already checked out of the hotel and was just absorbing some of the Newport air before she went back to see her Mom.

Marissa again thought back to all of the memories she had on this beach. She thought about the one time that that Kevin Volchuck guy had hung around with her after her and Ryan broke up, Marissa laughed at her naivety, wondering what ever happened to that waster.

Her eyes travelled around the few people that were on the beach early on a Sunday morning, couples sunbathing, the traditional Newport surfer, dogs running along the public beach, two teenagers gossiping in their Juicy Sweats and big sunglasses gossiping about their big night previous. Marissa Hadn't even realised that when she was wandering across the beach, she was wandering towards her best friend, the one she used to gossip with, the one that she thought we always be there for her. A few steps in front of her was Summer, her Summer Roberts. She looked different, she looked happy really happy. She still looked stylish as ever, with the bronze skin and impeccable taste in clothes, now she looked a little bit bigger than she did when they last saw each the. Marissa remembered her Mom sending her over some pictures from Summer's wedding, careful not to include any of Ryan or Ottilie though. She did know that Summer was a radiant bride and she wished she hadn't burnt that bridge. They had been friends their whole life's, and yet she seemed so alien only a few feet away. Marissa plucked up her courage and walked a few steps closer, Summer looked up, to see what was causing her block from the sun, to see her stepsister, her Marissa, her Coop.

"Hey" Marissa broached her first, Summer's face was unreadable, which was odd for her, she used to have an emotion written across her face in a millisecond, but it looks like a lot has changed since.

"So its true then." Summer said, her eyes dead straight on Ottilie, making sure not to loose her niece.

"What's true" Marissa asked sadly, she felt intimidated by Summer, and a little worried about what she would say.

"Your back" Summer said, still not moving to face her again.

"Well it sure looks that way," Marissa said, removing her sunglasses and sitting next to Summer on the beach , smiling at her, hoping to break the thick ice between theme.

"So how long for?" Summer asked her timidly.

"Ermm I don't know yet, Jakes filming doesn't end for a while" This was really hard for Marissa, never had her and Summer had such a conversation that was so distant and cold.

"So your planning to just see her until then?" Summer questioned her, they both knew what she was talking about, and Marissa bowed her head not wanting to cry in front of her. Summer although had her eyes fixed on the little girl playing by the shore line, unbeknownst to Marissa.

"If he lets me then yeah….I hope to at least-"

"Why did you just go Marissa?" Summer asked her out of the blue. She had been wanting to ask her for years but had never gotten around to it.

"I mean you just left," Summer said holding back some tears, Marissa had seen this before, when she talks, and her voice gets higher and squeakier and she takes deeper breathes to stop the tears from falling out.

"I had to Sum, I was sick I…-" Marissa tried to make excuses for herself, but there was no point, she knew she wasn't about to win Summer over anytime soon.

"I know that, I mean, wy did you just go away, never phone me? Never write?" Summer wiped a tear a way which made Marissa feel even worse.

"I just, things were--"

"I had to find out about you from magazines and interviews and what Julie passes on, you were my best friend for 18 years Marissa" Summer wiped her eyes, and didn't see Ottilie walking back to them.

"Summer I'm sorry, that's all I can say, I'm sorry for everything, I am not the same person as when I left, I know that now, but I am here, and I am willing to change and try again with everything, Ryan knows how I feel, I just want a second chance, please Sum" Marissa wiped her eyes as well, and Summer felt anger

"Only my friends call me Sum, and as far as I'm concerned I have never seen you before, except for when your plastered all over the National Enquirer" Summer said venomously and looked at Marissa.

"You don't mean that Sum, we were best friends our entire lives, I told you first about Ottilie, you where there with me when I give birth, I can't pretend like you don't exist, I just can't" Marissa should have been shocked about how Summer was acting, but that was Summer's way, she would always hurt someone else before they could hurt her.

"You do a pretty good job of it, pretending we don't exist I mean, I mean you 'lost' your baby didn't you?" Marissa looked her in the eye, not believing that her best friend was saying all of this to her.

"I did that to protect her, I did all of it for her Summer." they both held each others stare, as if challenging the other, Marissa hadn't suspected her hardest person to deal with would be her best friend, but it has turned out to be a rather odd weekend, so anything can happen.

"A,A,A,Auntie Sum" Both of the women turned their heads almost automatically, faced with a confused little girl. Marissa's heart leapt, ,Summer could see the visible change in Marissa's attitude, sure she had a few tears the crept out of her eyes, but she would have to be blind to not see the smile that appeared on her face. Summer put a reassuring hand on her own stomach, too caught up int eh Mother/Daughter moments.

"Are you, erm, are you?" Ottilie stuttered, her eyes transfixed on Marissa. Marissa looked at the little girl, the perfect image of the blonde little girl. She had the bluest eyes, Marissa could definitely see herself in her, more so than at the diner yesterday .

"So your really my Mom" Ottilie asked nervously, Marissa looked at Summer for guidance, but Summer was expressionless. As Summer viewed the situation, everyone was tense, everyone was on edge, but yet everyone was so happy, at least Ottilie and Marissa appeared to be

"Hey" Marissa whispered softly, Ottilie walked closer to her, holding out her hand, displaying her finds.

"Hi" Ottilie suddenly become nervous, Summer was watching her every move, knew what she was feeling, it was overwhelming for a child to know what to do, but Summer was proud, Ottilie was handling it well so far.

"You can have one if you want" Marissa nodded happily and took one from her daughter,

"Thank you sweetie, there gorgeous, did you find them here?" Marissa asked her, Summer could tell she was nervous also, maybe not handling it as well as the 5 years old. The hormones in her body wanted to help them both, give them a what they both wanted, but then there was Ryan, she was torn, and didn't know where her loyalties should lie.

"Yeh, I did, you can have them if you want, I have some more in my bag look. Grandma said it used to be yours, you can have it back if you like" Ottilie said trying to be nice, she showed Marissa her bag from Summer and opened her bag to show more of the collections she found earlier in the day. Ottilie bent down to open the contents of her bag next to Marissa's, and show her each individual item, including old make up, and old tiffany box, things that she found on the beach and her Uncle Seth's old Blackberry that she liked to pretend was hers.

"What, what do I call you?" Ottilie asked more relaxed, she had now sat on Marissa's lap, fiddling with her hair, Summer had kept quiet the whole time, now wondering when she should speak up.

"Well, erm, you can call me Mommy I suppose" Marissa said, taking a side glance at Summer, as if to double check. Ottilie gave her Mom a big hug, it made Summer's eyes water, not knowing how long Marissa would be like this for.

"OTTILIE" All 3 of the women turned round immediately recognising the voice. Summer was first to jump to her feet, and make her way over to him while Ottilie, instead of moving, snuggled closer to Marissa, not wanting to leave her newly found Mom.

"Ryan, she just came, look I don't think you should-"

"She's my daughter Summer," Ryan said with conviction, heading to over where they both were sitting, ignoring Marissa, he bent down to pick up all of Ottilie's things she had tipped into the sand, then holding his hand out to Ottilie.

"Come on Otty , we have to go home now," Ryan briefly looked Marissa in the eye but turned away not wanting to deal with her at the moment.

"I don't want to go" Ottilie said her bottom lip trembling, holding onto Marissa. Marissa stood up and placed the younger girl on the sand, holding onto her hand.

"I want to stay with Mommy," Ottilie then said more determined, and began to cry.

"I can take her if you want Ry," Marissa said offering her hand, although she only got a glance in response

"That's not necessary I can handle my own daughter, I said were going Ottilie, come on" Ryan was beginning to lose patience in himself, he had done everything he ever could for his daughter, yet she still loved Marissa more.

"IM NOT GOING WITH YOU I WANT TO STAY WITH MOMMY" Ottilie said to him, loosing her own patience, Ryan laughed to himself, there's the Cooper in his daughter.

"Ryan I really am capable you know" Marissa said, making herself heard.

"O yeah because you know loads about children" Ryan said sardonically, Marissa raised her eyebrows at him

"Your both acting like children, look Ryan I will stay with both of them for the rest of the day, and then I will bring Ottilie home to LA tonight, I promise you" Ryan turned to Summer, she was trying her best to please everyone, and that was the only way he was going to be able to do this without a scream fest on Newport Beach.

"I would really like that" Marissa said earnestly,

"Its not about what you want Marissa, its about Ottilie," Ryan bent down to her level

"Is that what you want sweetie?" Ottilie shook her head and wiped a tear, Ryan kissed her temple and sighed in defeat.

"Fine, if that's the only way we can do this" He sighed and said bye to Ottilie, and thanked Summer

"I will see you back at home later then" He began to walk off with slumped shoulders, all of them knew he would spend the day brooding , they all knew him too well.

"Come on, we should probably go get some food" Summer said picking up her bag,

"Thanks Sum" Marissa said thankfully

"I told you, only my friends call me Sum" Marissa looked down, and saw Ottilie smiling brightly up at her, at least she had pleased her daughter, that was her main concern in all of this. She picked Ottilie up to carry her, making sure she had her Chanel bag, remembering how much her Mom had paid for that bag when she was younger, while Ottilie kissed her cheek and told her joke that Marissa laughed animatedly at, they all had to pretend, pretend this was easy, for the sake of the little girl they all cared so much about.

**This was quite hard for me to write **

**Hope I did it justice**

**Let me know guys**

**xoxo**


	9. Chapter 9

**Here's Chapter 9 - enjoy all, and thanks to my reviewers **

* * *

Ryan raced straight over to the Cohen's help., he needed legal and parental advice, and there is only one man in the world that he would trust with it. Ryan let himself in, never needing a key for his old home.

"Hello? Anybody home"

"Ryan?" He could hear Sandy call from his office,

"Yeh its me."

"Il be down in a second, let me just finish this letter, and I will-"

"No need, I'll come to you" Ryan walked through his old home to Sandy's office, to see Sandy concentrating hard something

"Yeh everything's fine, Sometimes I wonder why I'm back at the PD's office, there is always so much work, and it isn't bad botox jobs believe me" Sandy said, taking a break and smiling at his son, while Ryan peered over the table to look at the folder Sandy was writing in.

"A kid, lives in foster care, 13, and has been caught shoplifting 7 times." Sandy said shaking his head, and removing his glasses.

"So what can I do you for?" Ryan looked up and relaxed into the leather chair opposite Sandy and took a deep breath, he needed to get everything that was on his chest off, and telling Seth would result in Seth getting a dead arm and he couldn't exactly tell Sarah or Courtney, and there was one person that would always give him the best advice.

"Ryan are you ok" Sandy asked him again, all lawyer talk was vanished, now his only tone was a concerned parent.

"Well, no." Ryan said hanging his head down, he took another deep breath and prepared to tell his story.

"Is it the company, if the work in the LA group is too much Kirsten can always downsize it. Is it money, because you know that you would even have to ask, and if Ottilie gets too much, well I am always around-"

"No its none of those things, well actually it has a lot to do with Ottilie, but that's besides the point."

"Right, well I can possibly help you if you don't tell me what's wrong, so?"

"Well as you have probably heard, Marissa is back" Ryan said solemnly.

"I had heard, I was going to talk to you about that actually,"

"There's no need, because what I am about to say, covers it all believe me, basically I went to this new club on Friday, and she was there, with her new boyfriend or whatever, and she is doing an exclusive interview with Courtney , anyway when we were at this club, Courtney had mentioned to Marissa and her fiancé that I have a daughter. Because lets face it, Courtney isn't exactly a shy girl when it comes to airing dirty laundry." Ryan deadpanned as Sandy laughed a little.

"Right, then what happened." Sandy urged him to continue

"Well this idiot fiancé was like, 'I bet you have to pay the Mom' and stuff, and I really didn't want to be out, and it was pretty weird seeing her there again, so I basically said that she was dead, which meant she ran off crying to the bathroom, and then I felt bad, but in my defence it had been like she died, and that is what we told Ottilie anyway, well then something happened with Courtney that isn't relevant to this situation, and I was outside, and so was she and we kissed" Ryan could see Sandy's eyes widen in surprise, not expecting him to come out and say it, and it surprised Ryan, he was never very 'sharey' and here he was, baring his soul story to Sandy.

"I realised how much I had missed her Sandy, its like, she had been gone so long, and if things would have been different I would of taken her back in a second. Anyway, I went home, then yesterday morning, I woke up, possibly with a sore head, and came to Newport, well I took Otty out to the diner for breakfast, and she had found a picture of me and Marissa when she was staying with Julie the night before and ad asked me point blanc if that was her Mom, and I told her yes, I thought I couldn't lie anymore to her, so I told her everything, all about how we met, and adapted the story so she would understand, telling her how I always loved Marissa and that we were happy, the thing is, I couldn't sit there and tell her that Marissa had shot my brother or that I had got another girl pregnant, I wanted her to have a perfect picture in her mind, like I always knew my Mom and Dad had gotten together because my Mom was pregnant with Trey, but I wanted her to have a story like Seth and I do, with you and Kirsten meeting in Berkeley and falling in love" Sandy smiled at him appreciatively and let him carry on, never having seen Ryan like this before.

"Well anyway, I didn't know that Marissa was in the booth next to us, and listening to everything we were saying, otherwise I wouldn't of said it, and then later on the beach, Summer accidentally told Ottilie that her Mom lived in New York, so I rang Marissa last night, and it turns out that Marissa had stayed in Newport last night, so I went to see her and now she wants to see Ottilie, and Otty wants to see her, this morning Ottilie was out with Summer when they bumped into Marissa, and Ottilie refused to come home and is now with Summer and Marissa, and what I need to know now is, where I stand, legally. Because, if Marissa did want anything, who would get what?" Ryan looked up at Sandy helplessly, and Sandy could tell how worried he was over the subject. Although Sandy highly doubted the fact that Marissa would want her child back, it hadn't been him that had seen her talk so highly of it last night, where as Ryan thought he should be worried, that he should definitely be worried.

"You don't seriously think that she would want Ottilie back do you?" Sandy asked him incredulously.

"Yeh I do, otherwise I wouldn't be so worried, she seemed pretty determined"

"Well you never actually arranged an agreement before, but however she did leave Ottilie in your care, and never made any contact, that would give you the upper hand. So she would have to conferrer with you before anything happened, also it would be on your terms, if however she chooses to fight you on this well….that could change things a bit."

"What do you mean change things?" Ryan asked quickly

"Well what I mean is….The law on these sorts of things have been, that the child should stay with the Mom, so that would be the only thing favouring her, although you could fight that she was sick before, but she is also in a stable relationship, so that might spite you as well" Sandy looked incredibly guilty telling Ryan all of these things, Ryan took a brooding moment to contemplate the actions before him. Whatever happened Marissa would get what she wanted, but there was no way that he was going to let someone take his daughter away from him, not after everything they had been through.

"Thanks Sandy, look I need to go but I will call you later." Ryan rushed out of his office

"Kid, if you need anything else, I'm here" He heard before he slammed the door, Ryan sat in his car for a good five minutes before starting it up. Upon the radio, he heard a story about Marissa being blared through and decided to turn it over, as if he needed anything else on his mind? His one and only concern right now was that Ottilie could be taken from him, and there was no was he was going to let that happen.

* * *

Ottilie held Marissa's hand tightly as she swung it as they walked, they had decided to go to Fashion Island, Ottilie had been the one who suggested shopping, it was her second favourite pass time next to Dancing, and her it was something that Mom's and Daughters did in the movies, and that's all she wanted, a Mom, to do 'Mom-like' things with. She hadn't even been worried the whole day, in her eyes it had been fantastic, they had had ice cream, and shopped, and her Mom even bought her a new Ballet Bag and Juicy Sweat suit, not that she needed anything, but being an only child, you learn never to refuse a gift, and her Mom, she was just the coolest, it did confuse her why so many people were following them and asking her Mom too sign a bit of paper or have their picture done, but she wasn't about to let that bother her, the first time she had met her real Mom in her whole life (that she remembered anyway) she was going to enjoy it.

"So Otty shall we make a move home soon?" Summer asked her, Ottilie had noticed that she had been holding her belly a lot today. '_Maybe she was scared that the baby was going to fall out' _Ottilie thought. Ottilie tightened the grip on Marissa hand, not wanting to leave her so soon.

"No" She said stubbornly

"We have hardly done anything, I would like to go to the movies now" Ottilie said smiling at her Auntie Summer, Marissa bent down and picked Ottilie up and placed her on her hip, hugging her close making Ottilie grin.

"Well if you want to go to the movies, then that's where we will go. There's one round the corner isn't there Sum" Marissa cursed herself on her old habit. Summer had been off with her the whole day, mumbling things behind her and Ottilie and ignoring her.

"Summer, and Yeh, but I told Ryan that we would have her back, its already 5:30, we really should be heading home by now, Ryan was going to take her out for dinner" Summer smiled at her niece, hoping to convince her, whilst Ottilie put her 'Atwood' look on her face, and clung closer to Marissa, Summer sighed, it had been quite a day, her ex best friend had come back, and she had a huge craving for waffles with peanut butter and ketchup, and she didn't need Ottilie playing her up as well.

"You don't understand Auntie Sum," Ottilie whined

"What if she doesn't come back again" she whispered more quietly, tears sprung to both Summer and Marissa's eyes , and Marissa bent down to her level.

"O sweetie, please don't talk like that" Marissa hugged her into her chest and looked at Summer for help.

"But….I don't….want…..you to go again.." Ottilie wept, she felt Marissa started to stroke her hair, passers by turned their heads, wondering why Marissa Cooper was consoling a weeping child but that didn't matter.

"I won't go sweetie, I promise" Summer glared at her, how dare she give the girl false hope, Summer felt like jumping in when she spoke again

"Its just that I promised your Dad, that I would take you home," Marissa kissed her forehead and Ottilie moved to see her face.

"How about I drive you back to LA, and then I will walk you straight to your door, and ask your Dad if I can see you again tomorrow? Huh, now please dry those eyes." Marissa lifted her up again and ignored the glares form Summer.

"She doesn't have her chair she needs Marissa, kids can't get in the car without a chair if there under 5 foot", seeing as you're a mother you should know that" Summer hissed at her, exaggerating the 'mother' part. Whilst Marissa carried Ottilie, who staring blankly over Marissa's shoulder.

"Well fine, but I will go buy one now, and Summer, remember who's daughter she really is" Marissa said sending her a glare. She was unsure where the maternal instinct had reappeared from but all she knew was that it was here to stay. Summer raised her eyebrows, not believing what Marissa was saying, go 3 days ago, the woman was a model walking in a show, now she was a determined Mom, slightly unrealistic.

* * *

Marissa carried Ottilie who was asleep to the apartment block. It had been a great day in her eyes, although things had been beyond awkward with Summer, and there was no conversation except for directions about how to get to their apartment block. Marissa had tried to make conversation, but every time she did Summer would ignore her, so she thought it would be best just to leave it, she wasn't back for Summer, to start with she wasn't even back for Ottilie, but she wouldn't change anything that had happened so far.

"I can take her from here," Summer whispered as they reached the doors, Ottilie began to stir slightly and Summer stretched out her arms.

"Nooooo" She heard Ottilie grumble and snuggle more into Marissa's shoulder as Summer used her key to get them into the building

"I may as well take her the rest of the way, shouldn't you be going home now?" Marissa asked her, as she followed them into the vestibule.

"Actually I live here" Summer said to her

"What can't be away from my daughter for more than five seconds" Marissa threw back, Summer looked at her in shock.

"No you anorexic skank, its because Seth and I moved to help Ryan, you wouldn't know but, its hard looking after a baby by yourself and going to school and working at a part time job, we moved over here a month after you left, so keep your opinions to yourself" Summer smiled smugly, having shut her up. They both stepped out onto the penthouse floor and Summer let them in using her key.

"Hello, anyone home?" Summer said in the apartment, Marissa took in her surroundings. It was modern and homely, she loved that Ryan could do so well for himself, but when she realised this was probably the place they were planning to move into guilt washed over her again.

"Yeah, I'm here," Ryan jogged from the back room in a wife beater and sweats, Marissa smiled at him, obviously happy to see I'm in such a state of little dress but unfortunately it wasn't reciprocated .

"Here give her to me" Marissa grudgingly gave over their daughter as she stirred more and opened her eyes, straight away she wriggled and cried, trying to get away from Ryan's grip. Marissa had to had to hand it to him, he looked as if he knew what he was doing completely, he looked like an amazing father, ready to handle any situation and not have to hesitate like Marissa did through the day.

"No Daddy" Ottilie complained against him

"No I don't want you" Ottilie moaned, Ryan seemed natural in those situations, he didn't panic at anything he did and didn't hesitate in placing her down and talking to her, never would she had thought that at 23 Ryan Atwood would be a perfectly able Father.

"I'm going to go now" Summer said quietly and headed for the door,

"Hey Summer, thanks" Ryan said appreciatively, although Summer didn't even wait for Marissa to say anything, it would take a lot to repair that relationship.

"Ottilie, go and get ready for bed I will be there to tuck you in in a second" Ryan looked down at her but she didn't go towards her pink painted bedroom, instead she moved over to where Marissa standing, and grabbed her hand. Staring up at her Mother.

"Ottilie, I wont tell you again" Ryan said sternly, Ottilie instead shook her head, and Marissa sensed she would have to intervene.

"Why don't you do as your Dad tells you sweetie?" Marissa said to her softly

"No, I don't want to, I don't want to stay here with Daddy anymore. I want to come with you!!" Ottilie said stubbornly

"Ottilie Atwood, you go to your bedroom this minute" Ryan said to her, trying not to feel heartbroken by his daughter.

"You promise I can see you again tomorrow?" Ottilie asked with teary eyes, looking up to Marissa. Marissa looked sideways at Ryan and he rolled his eyes and laughed ironically

"Sure sweetie" Marissa kissed the temple of her head and Ottilie wandered slowly back to her bedroom sniffling, both of her parents wanted to sweep in and be the hero, but they couldn't spend the rest of their time acting off against one another, it wasn't fair. When she was safely in her bedroom, Ryan turned to Marissa and sighed

"Thanks for that Marissa, now then in the morning, and most likely for the rest of the day I will get the tears, you can't just promise kids things you don't mean, its not fair to them!" Ryan said, sounding fed up.

"I'm not making empty promises Ry, I will come and pick her up again in the morning, I know what my rights are" Marissa said confidentially whilst Ryan laughed sardonically,

"Be that way, take me to court on it, but I wouldn't want to be someone of your name famously having lost a custody battle." Ryan spat venomously

"Ryan what about last night? Did that not mean anything to you?" Marissa asked him, wiping a quick tear that had made its descent down her structured cheek bones. Ryan looked away, when a voice piped up from the room he had appeared out of.

"Is everything ok?" Marissa started wide eyed at the girl from the club on Friday, She was the one saying the odds to Marissa about not being a good enough mother, Marissa looked at the girl was protective of Ryan, wrapped in nothing but a sheet, her hair all tousled.

"Oh my god" Marissa said embarrassedly, it was obvious what had been going on before they arrived hom, he had to pick the one person in the whole world, who made her feel even worse about being a shitty mother to sleep with.

"Yeh, S, this is nearly finished I will be back in a minute" Marissa looked on embarrassed more than anything, even though she was engaged, she kind of hoped that last night between her and Ryan meant something.

"Hi Melissa" Sarah said sarcastically to Marissa, although Marissa, trained in the way of being a bitchy model, made it easy to look un-phased by someone who was obviously trying so hard to piss you off.

"I will be waiting for you Ry" She turned around and left Marissa and Ryan in silence once again.

"As I said, I will come and pick her up tomorrow morning." Marissa said blankly, and she thought Ryan looked slightly apologetic.

"It won't be as easy as that Marissa" Ryan said angry

"I see no problem, she loved being around me today, and I think her opinions count for something, don't you?" Marissa questioned him,

"If that's the way its going to be between us, you can't let her compare us between each other Marissa, you just can't"

"Ryan you can take me to court, I don't care,. I will fight my case, she's my daughter, and I am going to get what is deserved Ryan, you cant have me around when it suits you, I have only just got her back, and don't you think for a second that I will let her go again" With one last angst covered look, she headed for the exit and slammed the door, leaving Ryan speechless and saddened. Was he about to lose his daughter to the love of his life. He walked to his daughters room, to see her all curled up in her bed, sniffling loudly, facing away from him. He tentatively walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, and bent to kiss her forehead, hoping to subside some of her tears.

"Hey Baby, please stop crying" Ryan asked her, stroking her cheek, trying to calm her.

"Leave me alone," Ottilie said stubbornly,

"Ottilie, I don't think that is anyway to speak to Daddy is it?"

"I don't care, I hate you, You kept Mommy from me, and now she has to go away, its all your fault!!" Ryan stood there dumbstruck, feeling like he had let his daughter down royally. He didn't know what to say, without getting upset with her, so instead he turned off light, and once again kissed her forehead, that had been their routine for years, and just because Marissa was back, didn't mean Ryan was going to let her mess up the routine, mess up their lives they had together, take away the one thing that meant the absolute world to him, she couldn't, he wouldn't let her.

**Hope you liked the little twist ;) **

**Let me know, Thanks xoxo**


	10. Chapter 10

Soon after Marissa discovering the shock in Ryan's apartment, she decided to go back to the hotel and smooth things over with Jake. She had kept him in the dark long enough , she let herself into her suite, that was they part time home and switched on the light.

"Jake?" She called out, she heard some rustling and a door opening, and the man she told herself she loved stepped in off the balcony ,

"Oh my god Marissa, there you are, did you have a good time back home" He moved straight forward and hugged her tightly, Marissa was surprised by his embrace , he was never usually that friendly or loving - ever.

"Errr yeah" Marissa said, trying to free his grip.

"I've decided, I want to meet all of them, all of your friends in Newport, I mean were getting married and I haven't met anyone but your dad and your cousins." he said as he kissed her

"With that in mind, I have something to tell you" Marissa took his hand and led him to sit with her on the big chairs in their room.

"Right……so…., basically there is something about me that you don't know, and I never meant to lie,……this is really hard for me to say Jake," Marissa said quietly, scared of what is reaction would be .

"You have to promise to understand, promise not to judge" Marissa asked him, Jake didn't respond and she chose to go on

"Well there is always something that you never knew about me, it happened before I moved to New York….you know how you say about that weird mark on my lower stomach, that is always covered with make up?, well that isn't a scar from when I had appendicitis, it's a mark from when I was pregnant"

"Well I had always assumed it was from the mysterious pregnancy that you never talk to me about" Jake said accusingly

"I did ask you not to judge, and if we are going to" Marissa paused

"Get married, then you have to know about this." Jake nodded and Marissa continued with her story,

"It happened in my last few months of senior year in High School, I still lived in Newport, and I was with this guy, but he broke up with me for someone else before he found out, but then we got back together, and I stayed pregnant," Jake looked at her confused, trying to add up things in his head

"I already know all this, In all your interviews you say you lost your baby, why are you retelling me" Jake asked her, Marissa took a deep breath and continued

"That's the thing, I didn't miscarry, I had the baby when I was 18" Jake looked surprised at Marissa, although to him there was always something a little sad about her.

"I'm so sorry Marissa, If I had known that you had a baby but it died then I --"

"Jake the baby didn't die" Marissa said quietly, Jake thought for a minute, working things out in his head

"Well if it didn't die, then that means that you, you have, you have a kid?!" Jake looked t her surprised and Marissa ignored his gaze

"You don't though do you Marissa" He voice sounded scary to her, like he was being forceful and she would turn around and say that she didn't, he could be like that sometimes when he didn't get his own way.

"I don't want to lie to you anymore, and the truth is, 5 years ago, I had a daughter" Marissa could feel the tears pool in her eyes,

"her names Ottilie, and when after I gave birth, I got post natal depression, I wasn't a good mother for her then, So I left, came to New York, where I met you, I hadn't had much contact with her Dad at all, which is who she lives with, but I had sent him some letters, but he didn't reply, but when we came to LA, which is where they live, I found them again, and I have spent all today with my little girl, she's so gorgeous baby, she's really really chatty and I'm sure you would get on" Marissa shined with pride

"I cant believe you never told me this, when we get married I will have a step kid, Do you have any idea what this sort of information could do to your career Marissa? The tabloids would have a field day if they knew" Jake said shaking his head at her.

"Well if your going to react like this then??" Marissa walked away from him and into their bathroom, he could hear her running the taps and filling the bath.

"Reacting like how, M it's a big deal for anyone." Marissa rolled her eyes at his nickname for her, he had never been able to shake the name M, its so annoying and not one she found endearing.

"So, try having to live without your child for the last 5 years and hiding her for everyone and get back to me" Marissa frantically threw all types of complimentary bath salts into the hot water,

"Fine, So do I get to meet her then?" Jake said succumbing to the idea. Marisa turned around and smiled at him, she lifted her eyebrows, as if to ask him if he was serious, when he nodded Marissa leapt to hug him, glad that he was being supportive.

"Why don't you have a bath, and we can get ready to go out to dinner, my treat" He kissed her lips, and all Marissa could feel was guilt, the night before with Ryan had changed things for her, but obviously not for him, considering after a few hours he was shacked up with the wanabee actress.

"Thank you for being so understanding about this, I know how hard it must be for you"

"Don't even think about it, what's yours is mine right? Ill make the reservations for dinner now"

"Anywhere baby, as long as where alone, and there are no paparazzi, you know how much I hate them trying to get a picture of us together." Jake nodded and with that he kissed her cheek and walked out of the bathroom. He dialled a familiar number on his phone,

"Hey, is that Light Photography Agency?" Jake asked the voice on the other end of the telephone

"Hi I have confirmation that Marissa Cooper and Jake Matthews are going to be at Lola's in Hollywood tonight, from about 9 onwards."

"Thanks, we will send some photographers over there" said the monotonous voice, Jake smiled and put down his blackberry and smiled to hear Marissa singing in the bathroom, he dreaded the day when they eventually had children, and it all coming so fast, he wanted to remind Marissa what she was going to lose, if she kept on playing 'Mom'.

Ryan shuffled back into his bedroom, to find Sarah sound asleep in his bed, he sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He walked back into the living area and checked his phone. He had missed 3 calls from Kirsten in the last half hour, having trying to settle Ottilie, after she didn't talk to him for a while, he just waited until she had finally gotten to sleep.

"Hey Kirsten. Sorry I couldn't get to the phone earlier" Ryan said apologetically

"Oh that's ok Sweetie, is everything ok" Kirsten asked full of concern, Ryan blinked tiredly and tried to cover a yawn.

"She's back Kirsten, and I just don't know what to do about it"

"Well, from what I hear from Summer, they have already met and Marissa had her for the day?"

"Yeah, that's right, well when she dropped her off, Ottilie didn't want to stay with me here, and wouldn't answer me or anything, she was so clingy around Marissa and I have just had the tears saying that she hated me, and Marissa is going to come and see her again tomorrow, and its big enough her coming back, so big, I haven't even managed to get my head wrapped round it, I think all of it might be too big for Ottilie to handle to young,"

"Well that's probably what it is Ryan, but Ottilie will get over the initial shock of having a Mom around, that's all it is at the minute Ry. She doesn't hate you, she just upset, but not with you, with everyone, and you're the only person she's taking it out on, I'm sure if she was staying over here right now we would have the same trouble."

"Its just, how Is Marissa going to handle a child, she couldn't last time, and this time with all the paparazzi following her, imagine how scared Otty is going to get so confused, she isn't going to know why all of these crazy people are following her and her Mom, and then what is she going to say about the whole thing, I'm sure Marissa is going to make up some story about this, and--"

"Ryan, I can read you like a book, no doubt the whole Marissa coming back thing has upset you, but what's really on your mind here?" Kirsten asked him, her voice full of concern.

"She's threatened to take me to court on this, and Sandy told me earlier, that it might not be in my favour as much as we had expected."

"Oh my god" Kirsten said in surprise

"I cant lose her Kirsten, she's my whole world, I cant just let someone take her away from me like that, what if Marissa takes her to the other side of the country, there is no way I'm-"

"Well first stop panicking" Kirsten said in her motherly tone,

"Your not going to lose her, full stop. But in the event Marissa does decide to fight you on this, I'm pretty sure that you could find an self righteous lawyer, who is currently trying to eat some of my Apple pie - one sec Ryan," Ryan could hear Kirsten slap away Sandy's hand and him whine, 'Honnneeyyyy', like father like son.

"Sorry Ryan, I have a Newpsie Brunch here in the morning, and he's been trying to eat all the food since he got home from work, what's was I saying, o yeah, you can fight and you can win Ryan, don't make this doubt your ability of a father, because Ottilie couldn't be luckier ok, she is so lucky to have you. Night Sweetie, we love you."

"Thanks Kirsten, I really appreciate everything,"

"Don't mention it, go give my granddaughter a kiss for me already." Ryan smiled and hung up the phone, feeling much better than he did when he picked it up. He looked up and saw Sarah standing there in his wife beater and boxers. As if he needed another thing going through his mind right now.

"So, Ryan Atwood, not that I didn't really enjoy our afternoon together, but what exactly are we doing here? I mean, my feelings for you haven't exactly been a secret over the last couple of years, and this isn't the first time that something like this has happened between us." She moved to sit next to him on the couch and looked over to him hopefully, now that there was no more Courtney she hadn't needed to worry, but now that there was a Marissa, that kind of made things a little bit harder. Ryan stared at her, she was so hopeful, truth be told, all Ryan wanted this afternoon was someone to talk to, and over the years, it had generally been Sarah whom he has called, but one thing had led to another, and Ryan couldn't bare to let her down like that, it would look like he had used her, and he did care for her a lot. But just not as much as the leggy blonde threatening to sue him for sole custody. Besides, he couldn't fight Marissa alone, not if she ahd Jake, he needed some support, and over the years Sarah had made it plainly obvious that she would be his shoulder to lean on, if he should ever need it.

"If we take it slow--" Ryan said without thinking, Sarah's whole profile changed, she immediately perked up and threw herself at him, her arms wrapping tight around his neck.

"That's perfect, I cant tell you how happy I am right now" Ryan tired to smile along with her, but she kissed him full on and tried to escalate things, but Ryan had to stop, he knew what kind of mood Ottilie was in, which meant she was bound to wake up multiple times in the night and him walking in on him and his new _girlfriend_, it felt weird even to think it, would definitely scare his child for life. As Sarah moved closer to him, he withdrew his lips, and she rested her forehead on his,

"What's wrong" She asked curiously, Ryan had never noticed how green her eyes were before, they were really stunning, but al that time he could only think of how Marissa's eyes sparkled, _Stop thinking about it!_ he said to himself.

"Its just, I know when Ottilie gets upset she doesn't usually sleep the whole night, and--"

"You don't want her to find us horizontal," Sarah said smiling at him, Ryan shook his hand and she stood up taking his hand and leading him back to his bedroom,

"That's fine, but I wouldn't want you to miss me tonight, and besides all I have at my apartment, is a2 cats and a most likely drunk roommate, I like your place a lot more." Ryan laid down on his back and she leant into his, draping her leg over his and throwing an arm over his stomach, she immediately feel into a sleep again, the days activities wearing her out. Ryan took a deep breath, knowing that he wasn't about to fall asleep for a long time, he had way too many thought swirling around his head.

Jake and Marissa, had long entered the restaurant, Marissa was startled by all of the paparazzi, she was not in the frame of mind to stand and pose for pictures. Jake had immediately pulled her next to him, and obviously flashed his movie star smile to the crowd of photographers, all shouting at them for them to look that way.

"Are you nearly read to go back out again," Jake said as he paid for the meal. Marissa shook her head solemnly and proceeded to pick her bag up from the floor.

"I still cant believe you bought us a house here," Marissa said in disbelief

"Well we were going to need one anyway, and If you don't like it we can get somewhere bigger, its just like the New York house, but with a swimming pool and pool-house and staff, it will be great. You'll love it" He kissed Marissa's cheek and led her out of the restaurant, into the sea of photographers,

"Marissa, Marissa, this easy please, flash us the diamond"

"Marissa, is it true your off to rehab"

"Marissa how does it feel to be the new face of Gucci and Chanel"

"Marissa, Marissa, a smile please, what about the Victoria's Secrets show, are you going to be an angel?"

"Marissa have you got any words for Paris Hilton"

Jake took her hand and lead her towards the car he head hired, slightly angry that not many of the reporters wanted his attention, when they were safely in the car, he dropped Marissa's hand like it was a hot potato and got out his blackberry and immediately his fingers started pushing different keys as quickly as he could.

"I really hate that" Marissa whispered overwhelmed, she sat next to him close, hoping that he would take her hand, and try and shelter her from some of the craziness, but surprisingly he was as cold as an ice sculpture.

"Thanks, ass" Marissa mumbled, Jake took the hint, and moved closer to take her lips in his, after a while Marissa gave in and kissed pack, still with the thoughts of the night with Ryan stuck in her head.

"I really missed you when you weren't around baby" Jake said to her

"Well you've changed your tune, and besides we've been apart longer than a weekend before,"

" I know but not since we got engaged," Marissa nodded and fell against his shoulder, while he placed his hand on her knee,

"So your really alright with us having Ottilie tomorrow, I thought we could maybe take her to the zoo, and I know she really likes to shop, so I thought we could maybe find some nice little places to take her, and then for lunch we should go to somewhere child friendly,"

"Marissa, child friendly? Are you kidding me" Jake asked her incredulously

"Well we couldn't exactly take her to the Ivy, I'm sure she knows where she usually goes, she can be our very own LA tour guide." Marissa said happily, although Jake just rolled his eyes in the dark car.

"Great" He mumbled.

The next morning, Ottilie woke up excitedly at 6 o clock, it saddened Ryan to see that she hadn't come into his room bright and early, instead he could hear her talking animatedly to the many characters in her Victorian dollhouse, about her exciting day with her Mom. Ryan loosened himself from Sarah's grip and walked into the kitchen to put on some coffee,

"Hey Ottilie, do you want some breakfast." Ryan called through to her, when she walked toe the door, she had already put together an outfit, of Ugg boots, a pink summer dress and a Christmas hat, Ryan smiled at his daughter and walked over, then bent down to her level.

"Got yourself dressed hey princess," Ryan asked her, she nodded and kept her glare on her face.

"How long are you going to be angry at Daddy sweetie?" Ryan asked then sighed, Ottilie took in his sadness, and then instantly felt guilty for having upset him, she knew how to play her Dad, at such a young age (although her Auntie Summer, had insisted that it was a good thing) and she never liked to upset anyone.

"I'm sorry Daddy, I didn't mean to make you sad yesterraday" Ryan smiled at his daughters inability to pronounce some harder words, he hugged her closely and accepted her apology, glad to know his daughter wasn't upset with him anymore.

"That's ok, I'm sorry to" Ryan said earnestly, she hugged him again and then fell into his lap, they both laughed, and Ryan continued to tickle her, much to her delight, she was squealing and screaming, and Ryan completely forgot about Sarah asleep in the next room.

"DADDDDDYYYYYYY" Ottilie laughed, Ryan stopped and kissed her forehead.

"Please can I have pancakes" She asked with her sweet smile that Ryan fell for every time, he remembered when he was younger, probably a bit older than Ottilie, his parents had been apart for a brief time, before his Dad went to prison, and all he could remember was the arguing, and it was obvious that he and Marissa would fight, after all they were Ryan and Marissa, but he made a promise to himself that they wouldn't in front of Ottilie,

"Sure princess," Ryan said happily

"Daddy what time is Mommy coming for me today?" Ottilie asked him cautiously

"Erm I think she said she would try and get over here for about 9 o clock" Ryan said looking at the time seeing it was only 7:00, he knew Ottilie would be extremely impatient in the waiting time.

"Do you want to change your outfit maybe sweetie? I don't know much about clothes but -"

"Daddy you don't know anything about fashion" Ottilie interrupted,

"Well maybe I can help" Sarah offered, still in Ryan's clothes, Ryan panicked at first, as he had not had time to talk to his daughter about it, but after her casual 'Hey Sawah', Ryan smiled at his daughters slight lisp, he sensed that Ottilie might not be upset like he thought she would be.

"Daddy can I do some drawings before I go out" Ottilie asked while she walked over to the cupboard and got out her Disney colours and paper, and moved to her special chair that her Dad had made her at their dining table, it was covered with pink paint and had a crown carved on the top and her name written in swirls by her uncle Seth, another one of her little touches she had all over their home.

"Yeh sure, will you do some drawing with Sarah while I go and get ready for work, then we can get you bathed and ready after baby. Or maybe we should do that before, Sarah would you mind running her a bath, in her bathroom while I go get in the shower, then I will come in there and bath her afterward" Sarah nodded helpfully

"Or I could bath her, if you doing mind petal?" Ottilie nodded and ran off to her bathroom to turn the taps on, when she was gone Sarah walked towards Ryan and kissed him, before things could get to passionate, Ottilie called out for Sarah from her bathroom.

"I think I'm needed, unless you cant handle the big shower by yourself" She suggested huskily, Ryan raised his eyebrows at her and kissed her lips quickly

"I think I'll be ok" Sarah nodded and walked into Ottilie's room,

"Ready sweetie," Ottilie nodded and dove happily into the big bubble bath she had made herself with her own Disney Princess bubble bath, her and Sarah laughed and played with the bubbles, pretending Sarah was Santa Claus with a big old beard on.

"Sawah, are you going to marry my Daddy" Ottilie asked while Sarah wrapped her up in her Dressing gown with 'Ottilie' written all over the back, earlier that year, Summer had completely gone crazy with buying Ottilie everything monogrammed in her bathroom, and most things she had either Barbie, and Disney Princess, or Ottilie written on them some how. Sarah thought about the question - it was too early to think about marriage, period. But she had always had strong feelings for Ryan, and them being together was a step forward, and besides whatever she said would instantly get back to Ryan, which might not be so good, but if it got back to Marissa, then that wouldn't be a bad thing.

"Not yet sweetie, Is it a problem that I'm here though?" Sarah asked her carefully.

"Nope, I like you a lot more than that other girl, but not as much as my Mommy, but I don't mean that horribibily I just love her a whole lot, but you're like number 6, after my Mom, then Auntie Sum, then Auntie Kaitlin, then my Grandmas, then you. But that's really good though. Will you help me pick out my outfit please, Daddy said I didn't match earlier." Ottilie wandered into her bedroom, her semi wet hair already starting to form very light curls she opened her pink wardrobe, to find more pink. Sarah had seen inside it before, but she had never looked at the labels before, of course the little girl had more designer clothes than she did, she went to private school, her Aunt Summer was a buyer at Kitson, her Dad made good money, very good money being the junior VP at the Newport Groups sister office, her Grandmother was Julie-Cooper-Nicol-Roberts, whom she had never personally heard of but had been informed she was notorious, and they were all from Newport Beach and had trust funds. A huge difference from a girl who grew up on a farm with a therapist mother and 6 brothers and sisters.

"Sawah, do you think this is pwetty?" Ottilie pulled a dress from a hanger quickly, Sarah only got a quick look at the label but was sure it said 'Juicy Couture'

"I think you would look even more gorgeous than you already do" Sarah unhooked the dress and helped Ottilie into it, when Ottilie was pleased with her reflection she trotted out into the kitchen, to find her Dad in the midst of laying out breakfast for all 3 of them, besides the fact he already had his shirt and tie on. He smiled at the two of them walking out of her bedroom, his daughter looked much more presentable now,

"Looking sharp Papa Bear" Something that her Uncle Seth had told her to say every time Ryan was in his suits. Ryan chuckled at her and sat her down at the table, then moving to put some towels on her lap so she didn't spill anything down herself.

"I'm not a baby you know?"

"You're my baby," Sarah walked over to eh two of them and took her place on the table next to Ryan, he smiled at her appreciatively, she placed her hand over his at the table and the 3 of them happily enjoyed the breakfast, when Sarah had insisted on clearing away, Ryan was sorting through some of the files in his briefcase for his day ahead of him, he had called and told them that he might be a little bit late that day , as he would have to wait for Marissa to get there before he left. There was a knock at the door, unheard by Ryan and Sarah announced that she would get it. She opened the door and her happy face of that morning was quickly replaced by a solemn one.

"Good Morning" Marissa said sarcastically, she stood there with Jake Mathews hanging on her arm, not that he seemed remotely interested about anything that was going on.

"Hey Melissa, what can I do for you" Sarah replied equally sarcastically

"I'm here for my daughter, if you don't mind" Sarah opened the door a little further and Ryan looked up from his briefcase on the table, and made his way over.

"Ryan" Marissa said to him, he knew her voice, it was one that was small and upset, he also knew she couldn't look him in the eye, another thing that she always did when she was too scared to talk.

"Erm, Ryan this is my fiancé, Jake" Marissa looked awkwardly between Jake and Ryan, Ryan stuck out his hand and Jake just stared at it, Marissa nudged him and he took it half heartedly. Ryan couldn't believe how much this guy was up his own, considering they had already met a few days before and Marissa and him had pretended that they had never met.

"MOMMMMYYYYYYYY" Ottilie came running out of her bedroom, straight over to Marissa who bent down to pick her up, Jake just looked on uninterested while as Marissa hugged her daughter, he figured that the Mom phase would pass eventually.

"Hey Ottilie, erm, I have someone you would like to meet, Darling this is my fiancé Jake" Ottilie gave him the once over Atwood Glare and thought hard

"What's a feeemonsayy?" Ottilie asked with difficulty.

"It means that me and Jake are going to get married,"

"At Christmas-" Jake added, and looked at Ryan.

"Chrismukkah" Ottilie corrected him and continued

"Like my Dad and Sawah?" Marissa's eyes opened wide and she turned to look at the other two adults, Ryan got a look of confusion on his face and opened his mouth to respond

"Were not, I mean, We aren't" Ryan said shaking his head, Sarah took his hand embarrassed also. Marissa swallowed thickly, obviously having to get used to Ryan having someone else, She knew it was shellfish, but just because she wasn't doesn't mean he couldn't, _That's Jealousy for you_ she thought.

"Can we go now please, I packed myself a bag, I didn't know what I would need, but I think I have got everything" Ottilie said excitedly

"She has another change of clothes, mainly encase the ones she wearing get dirty, or she feels like she needs to change her outfit" Sarah answered for her, Marissa just nodded, not even looking her way and turned towards the door.

"What time should I come get her?" Ryan asked

"We will drop her home later on tonight," Marissa suggested and motioned for Jake to come with her

"Well, all of our numbers are in her bag, Mine, The Cohen's, Seth works from home, and then there's My office and Sarah's and -"

"I'm sure we will be perfectly fine, don't panic Ry, Ottilie say goodbye to your Daddy sweetie" Ottilie walked over to her Dad and he kissed her cheek, and she did the same with Sarah, then her and her Mom walked out hand in hand.

"Jake, a minute please" Ryan walked nearer to him, and Jake just sneered

"Just so you know, mess this up for my daughter, no, mess this up for either of them, and I will kick your ass" Ryan said threateningly, Jake just laughed,

"Dude, get over it, You had her years ago, and I've got her now, you lost bro" Jake walked away smugly and Ryan looked at Marissa as she waited for the lift, there was no doubt there was 'smouldering eye-contact' as Seth would say, but as Jake put his hand around her waist, Ryan wondered if he would ever be ok with it, with their situation? With her being in his life and not being with her.


	11. Authors Notes

**Hey Everyone **

**This didnt add to the last chapter **

**Sorry about that :P**

**But I was in New Zealand for ages, and didnt expect not to have an interenet connection**

**Sorry for the long delay**

**Read, Enjoy, Review**

**and Enjoy Summer!**

**Should have the next chapter up by Sunday**

**xoxo**


	12. Chapter 11

**Hey guys, I didnt really recieve many reviews as I usually do for my last chapter, I hope people are still interested :S. I promised another chapter soonishly, here it is :**

* * *

"Marissa"

"Marissa, this way please"

"MARISSA, MARISSA" She gripped Ottilie's hand tighter as she saw the amount of photographers outside Kitson Boutique on Robertson Boulevard, wondering to herself if they always knew where they would be. She sat back into her chair as the light bulbs flashed brightly at their car window.

"Jake what do you think we should do?" She whispered to him, hoping that Ottilie wouldn't hear. Jake shrugged and parked on the side of the road and took his key out of the ignition,

"I told you the media would have a field day, but no, don't listen to me, I've only been there for you for the last 4 years, just take the kid and go in the shop, that's what you wanted to do wasn't it? I thought you weren't embarrassed of her." Jake said cruelly, Marissa looked at him shocked, she turned around to see Ottilie listening happily to her ipod, Jakes look of daring her to get out of the car with her daughter has really put her in a hard place, the paparazzi scared her, and she could rarely ever get past a crowd like that without Jake or a body guard, let alone what Ottilie would think about it all, if it scared a 23 year old girl then no doubt it would absolutely terrify a 5 year old.

"Can you make your mind up, I have to get to set," Jake said in a bored tone.

"WERE HERE!!" Ottilie said excitedly "Why are there so many bright flashes," she asked a bit more concerned.

"Its because your Moms famous and they all want her picture," Jake said bored, Marissa batted him with the back of her hand and fished around in her handbag for her sunglasses,

"Ottilie, wait for Mommy to get to your side before you get out of the car ok sweetie?" Marissa took deep breath to calm her nerves and opened the door. She was immediately swarmed with bright flashes and reporters shoving microphones in her face, she tired to dodge the crowd and walk to Ottilie's side of the car, she was pleased to see that the security men for the shop were trying to keep them at bay, although it seemed hopeless, to Marissa, she was drowning in a sea, and surrounded by sharks. She could see Ottilie's nervous face ask questions to Jake, about hwy all of these people were there, Marissa cautiously opened the door and Ottilie began to shift out of her seat. Marissa stopped her by picking her up and taking Ottilie's bag, Ottilie had buried her head into her shoulder and Marissa had her arms wrapped around her child and a hand on the back of Ottilie's head, as if to protect her child.

"MARISSA WHENS THE WEDDING"

"MARISSA WHOS THE KID"

"IS IT TRUE YOU ARE BECOMING A CHEERLEADER AND MOVING TO CHICAGO?"

"MARISSA MARISSA MARISSA" they all shouted at once. The security guards managed to for a shell around Marissa, but that didn't help the fact that it was taking what felt like ages to get to the door when it should only take a second. She held Ottilie tight in her arms, trying to protect her, not doing much good. As she reached the doorway and all of their complaints were muffled, she was relived to see there were not many shoppers in the store, She was about to place Ottilie no the floor when she felt Ottilie grip her tighter not wanting to let go,

"Its ok Sweetie," Marissa whispered against her, Ottilie opened one of her closed eyes and took a quick look at her surroundings. Marissa felt her relax and she placed her on the floor.

"Who were those people back there?" Ottilie asked timidly,

"Erm they were called the Paparazzi sweetie, they follow Mommy and Jake around trying to get some pictures of us." Ottilie thought over the answer in her head,

"But why?" Ottilie tugged her arm slightly, leading her over to the child section and Marissa followed, readjusting her bag on her shoulder.

"Because, you see, well Jake is an actor, which means that he is in lots of movies and tv shows, and whenever me and Jake are together they want to get a picture of the both of us to put in a magazine."

"Oh right" Ottilie said nodding

"Sawah said that you were a shhhlebriity" Marissa giggled at Ottilie trying to say 'Celebrity'

"Yeah that's right, well you see Mommy is what people would call a model, people pay money to sit in pretty clothes while they take her picture, and because I'm with Jake and I do quite a lot of work, that gets me noticed quite a bit, so that's why the people were there today" Ottilie nodded and Marissa asked her what things she liked, with full intention of spoiling her daughter, having missed out on 5 years worth of presents. Once they had racked up quite a hefty bill, Ottilie thought that they should go and get some lunch. Marissa wondered whether this was a good idea, wondering whether the paparazzi would be there also. But she couldn't bare to let down her daughter, not since Ottilie had so much faith in her, when truth be told she didn't deserve it.

"I have an idea honey, why don't we go over to the Grove, we can get some food then go and see a movie if you like," Ottilie nodded happily and put something back in her Chanel bag, that hadn't left her side.

"Well we can get a cab to the grove, then Jake can come and get us after." Marissa went to talk to the security guard, who organised a car to take them to lunch. When the acr pulled up, Marissa handed the man some money who stood by the doors waiting for them to make their exit. The Paparrazi, obviously on to the fact that Marissa was about to leave, all of them waiting for the shot.

"Ready sweetie?", Marissa threw her bags on her shoulder and bent down to pick Ottilie up.

"No I can walk its ok" Marissa thought about it and just took her hand, ready to pick her up at any moment. They walked to the door, and the security guards barricaded them again, to try and shield some of the lights. Marissa had put her sunglasses over her eyes, and Ottlilie had done the same, but she couldn't help but feel guilty, if Ottilie had a normal Mom she wouldn't of been put through the circus, if Marissa hadn't of been so shellfish, her daughter wouldn't be frightened right now.

"5 feet please" The guards shouted at the photographers.

"MARISSA MARISSA MARISSA,"

"THIS WAY PLEASE,"

"MARISSA WHERES JAKE, WHO ARE YOU WITH" She had no problem posing on the red carpet, or at shows, or shoots, but when she was trying to live an ordinary life that's when it annoyed her most, the crowd started to push and shove, Marissa kept her hand tightly on Ottilie's not wanting to let her go, in fear of losing her in the masses.

"MOMMMMMYYYY" Marissa felt her heart drop, in everything she had tried to keep a secret, to protect her baby, had just been revealed a second. Marissa whipped around and picked Ottilie up, dropping her bag and she went along, the guards picked her things up and Marissa help Ottilie close and began to walk faster to the car, the flashes now felt more prominent and she could hear Ottilie whimper.

"MOM, WHAT MARISSA IS THAT YOUR KID"

"MARISSA MOM? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO ADOPT"

"MARISSA, MARISSA, MARISSA, MARISSA,"

"HOW DOES IT FEEL TO ABANDOUN YOUR CHILD" As they made it to the car Marissa and Ottilie both clambered into the back seat, the guards had put her bags in the front with the driver and Ottilie had just moved next to her, scared and tearful. Marissa soothingly rubber circles in her back. Obviously it had been dreaming big to think she could take Ottilie out and act normally.

"Where to Miss Cooper" The driver asked her politely, he noticed that the both of them were still in shock and left them for a second.

"Erm, take us to the Beverly Hilton please, and could you stop by a blockbuster on route, and get us some Disney DVD's please" Marissa sighed and Ottilie has stopped crying and was now sniffling,

"Yes ma'am" The driver nodded to her in the rear view mirror, Marissa smiled appreciatively, and leant down to kiss Ottilie's hair.

"I'm sorry they frightened you sweetie, do you want to go back to Daddy's?" Marissa asked, hating the fact that she couldn't even make it last a few hours.

"Its ok, its not your fault" Ottilie said timidly, Marissa couldn't believe how mature beyond her years she was, proud that she was her mother Marissa carried on.

"We can have a girly afternoon in, go for a swim, and things like that yeah?" Marissa asked her, trying to sound optimistic.

"Maybe we could get our nails done?" Ottilie asked her with a smile,

"Of course, baby, anything you want" Marissa relaxed against her chair and took a deep breath, wondering how all of this mess was going pan out.

"I love you Mommy" Those three words bought tears to Marissa's eyes, she hadn't done anything to deserve love, yet her little girl still loved her,.

"You too sweetie, you too" Marissa wiped a tear and swallowed thickly, she knew she should call Ryan and tell him that the secret was out, but all she wanted was to be close to her daughter, the rest of the world could wait.

**_Hoped you liked the little filler, I thought it was necessary (however you spell it :P) to show what sort of celebrity Marissa was. Hope your all enjoying your Summer so far. Let me know what you think xoxo_**


	13. Chapter 13

**I couldnt resist another post - 3 in a week - amazing :P, still not a huge response like I once had, but whatevs Im still extremly happy with my usualy reviewers ;), hope you enjoy the latest, thoughts welcome as always **

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"Hello Summer Cohen's office" The receptionist said into the phone,

"Hi Lisa, its Sarah"

"O hey Sarah, hang on she's in her office I will just put you through" The receptionist connected them and Sarah was so happy to finally tell Summer all that had happened in the last 24 hours.

"Hey S, I have been dying to talk to you all day - have you seen the pictures on--" Summer said quickly into the phone, before she could say anymore Sarah cut her off.

"RYAN AND I ARE FINALLY A COUPLE" She shouted happily down the phone, Summer opened her eyes wide in shock, and continued to click on the links of her computer.

"Oh my god, that's so -"

"Unexpected I know, but then I think we have been fighting it for a long time and well now- we have both realised we really need each other" Sarah smiled happily, Summer however was a little bit worried, it was another thing upsetting Ottilie's life, and she knew from her own experience that when you have both a Mom and a Dad in the picture you want nothing more than them to get back together.

"He is just so amazing Sum, I knew the day when we were finally together would be amazing but, it was sooooooo amazing, we just spent the whole day in bed and--"

"You stop right there, I don't need details, he is my brother in law after all" both of them giggled into their phones.

"So your happy with us, I know you are best friends with Marissa but -"

"I am not and haven't been best friends with Marissa in years, you're my best friend, you were my maid of honour at my wedding, stuck by me while I took a pregnancy test, of course I'm happy for you sweetie, its long overdue if you want my opinion" Summer said convincingly,

"What's really the matter Summer, you sound a little distracted?"

"Are you near a computer at all" Summer said to her randomly

"No but can be, hang on" Sarah opened the top of her Macbook on and quickly logged onto the internet.

"So what are we looking at, is it a new collection that you just ordered" Sarah asked inquisitively,

"Go on , the first link on the page, it will explain everything" Sarah followed orders and typed in the above address, her jaw dropped when she saw the results, Ottilie crying in a crowd of paparazzi, and Marissa, bending to pick her up, with the title, 'Who's the kid Mama bear?' The main amount of photos were of Ottilie crying, she looked scared, overwhelmed and damn right frightened, the others were of Marissa trying to fend the paparazzi away and hold onto Ottilie,

"Oh my god, that bitch, does she know what she's done" Sarah said in disgust.

"I know, Ottilie looks so frightened, the crowd alone would-" Sarah said, her voice filled with concern.

"Some paedophile is probably downloading pictures of the both of them right now, how dare she just shove her in the spot light like that, this is a child she is flaunting not a new bag, Ryan will go crazy when he sees this-"

"Oh no, Ryan can not find out, well not yet, she has to talk to him overthis, if I knew the old Coop, and I knew her well, she has most likely tried to get Ottilie onside and is now hiding, to go in all guns blazing would just convince Otty to side with her more," Summer said, half defending the both of them,

"Summer, Ryan is taking her to court on this, apparently Sandy told him that even though Marissa has been gone all those years, law still states the daughter should belong to the Mother unless trialled, and Ryan is not losing his daughters, I was with him when he read over files this morning, I mean with this, he will take her down no question " Summer considered what had just been said, did Marissa really want to take Ottilie away, was Ryan really going to take this public?

"Oh, I didn't know, I had no idea she could actually get full custody" Summer said in shock

"Well she can, but she wont though, My Ry, will beat her, and then we can go on as we meant to carry on, as a little family of 3" Sarah said dreamily

"Don't you think your thinking a bit quickly" Summer said negatively and consciously rubbed her belly.

"No, me and Ryan are meant to be together, and I will take that Marissa Cooper down if she tries to get in our way, look I have to go, someone's on the other line, love ya bye" and with that she hung up the phone and left Summer to carry on looking at the pictures, all of them, of the two of them, she had always thought Ottilie was the exact double of Marissa but to actually see the two of them together was scary, and surreal, it seemed like everyone around her was getting what they really wanted.

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"Next outfit please, Miss Atwood" Marissa said, putting on a deep voice, whilst her and Ottilie giggled and walked down their pretend runway, marked out buy all of Marissa's stilettos in the middle of her and Jake's suite in the hotel. Ottilie walked along their shoe runway, shaking her hips dramatically and posing like Marissa had taught her, they had been modelling for the last half hour, all of Ottilie's clothes that they bought that morning, when they got back to the hotel, they were still a bit shook up, they had ordered room service and a personal beautician, and they sat and watched all of Ottilie's favourite Disney films whilst they had some 'girly time' as Ottilie called it having some treatments whilst eating lunch, then afterwards Marissa, curled her long hair like her own, and taught her to model walk, all in time for Jake to come in and watch all of the clothes, not that he cared in the slightest, all he had wanted a minute alone with Marissa, to mainly talk her out of the hole she dug herself.

"And pose, that's it sweetie, and then smile, that's it, well done you're a natural" Ottilie beamed at her Mom's encouraging words as she clapped her along.

"Well you are her Mom, and you are one of the highest paid models out there, so apples and trees" Jake finished off his sarcastic remark with a kiss on her lips, Marissa didn't intend to take things any further, especially since her five year old was currently changing into her next outfit, put she thought of how neglected Jake must be feeling.

"When does she leave baby, I miss you so much" Jake whispered huskily, Marissa faltered at his smile and smiled back at him.

"Please just make an effort with her, I can't tell you how important this is to me" Marissa pleaded as he began to place light feathery kisses on her neck.

"But then after, can we, its been ages" Marissa closed her eyes at his touch, and he smiled knowing he was winning with her,

"MOMMMMMYYYYYYY" Marissa jumped as she heard Ottilie shout her name,

" Tonight baby, I promise and I guess I should get that" Marissa gave Jake one last kiss and ran 'backstage' to help Ottilie get ready for her next 'walk'. When Marissa got there, Ottilie was in her final dress of the night, it was similar to the one that Marissa had worn that day, a white flowy Grecian style and it made Ottilie look as much of a goddess as it did Marissa.

"Oh sweetie, that looks so great on you here" Marissa bent down to zip Ottilie up and kissed her forehead as she did so.

"This has been the best day ever Mommy, Can I maybe, erm, maybe I could please" Ottilie began to ramble.

"Can you what Otty?" Marissa said bending to her level and readjusting her hair clip,

"Do you think I will be able to stay the night" Ottilie asked her timidly, Marissa felt like jumping for joy, she didn't want to push anything, sad if she pushed to much then she would of missed her chance.

"Well I would love you to, but I think we should ask your Daddy first, to see if its ok with him." Marissa said, remembering that Ryan had tried to be civil that morning.

"Ok, can we ring him now then please" Ottilie asked her excitedly, Marissa smiled and walked over to her bag where she had put all of Ryan's numbers. She dialled his number from the page, and shook her head, Ryan still had the same number as he did when they were in high school, as if she would ever forget it.

"Hello" Ryan spoke into the phone, he sounded somewhere loud and his voice was more pronounced

"Erm, Hi, its Marissa, erm Marissa Cooper" Marissa shook her head at her own stupidity, Ryan knew who she was already, but yet her nervousness caused her to stutter.

"Yeh, I know, hey Riss, Oh my god is everything ok with Ottilie?" Ryan spoke, he said 'Riss' _Don't read anything into it Marissa, it was a simple slip of the tongue, just because he used his all pet name on you doesn't mean you have a future together, Jake-Future-Jake-Future-JAKE!!_

"Of course, we went shopping this morning, then came back here, and well she just asked if she could, if she could maybe spend the night here" Marissa crossed her fingers subconsciously while she waited for him to speak

"I promise I will take amazing super fantastic care of her, maybe take her out for some dinner, then she can come back here, there is already a room she can sleep in, and she will be totally settled and please Ryan" Ryan thought about his options, eh would be in his daughters bad books if he said no, and he really wanted to believe in Marissa, and he was looking like he would have work tonight anyway, considering he now has to do a re-draw of the mansion he is commissioning.

"Well ok then, I suppose, but she wont have any of her things,"

"Its ok, I can have some bought up here, or Jake can quickly pop to the shops, you don't know how much this means to me Ryan" Marissa said sincerely

"Yeah well, I was going to ask Summer if she could baby-sit tonight anyway, I have a lot of work" Ryan said brushing her off.

"Oh, well thanks, I guess, I will get her to phone you before she goes to bed tonight, and again in the morning"

"Thanks, Bye" and with that he hung up the phone, _Love you_.

"So what did Daddy say" Ottilie came in to ask her excitedly, Marissa smiled at her brightly and Ottilie ran to her,

"This is so great, we get to have a sleepover, oooooooo, we should go out for dinner and I can wear one of my new dresses" Ottilie said wide eyed as she thought of a plan.

"Sure, we will get Jake to choose somewhere now," They walked into the Lounge area, Ottilie on Marissa's hip and Jake put down his blackberry and looked up at the two of them, it took him by surprise how much they looked alike, although in his eyes, Marissa was going through a phase, she would be over ti when she realised how much responsibility she really had.

"Ottilie's staying over tonight, isn't that great," Marissa said excitedly, Jake plastered a fake smile and sighed dramatically,

"Yep,"

"and Ottilie wants to go out as well, so if you could book somewhere that would be great" Jake rolled his eyes and walked towards him as she put Ottilie down

"Remember, you promised to make an effort" Marissa smiled at him seductively and he sighed again, as she kissed him, her tongue mixing with his. _Great, not getting laid tonight_ he thought.

"EEWWWWWWWWWWW" Marissa laughed as she pulled away at Ottilie's squeal, happier than she had been for a long long long time.

**Happy Friday everyone! R/R xoxo**


	14. Chapter 14

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Just a quick thank you to my reviewers! I havent found the will to write again

**Hope you enjoy this - its a semi filler, but I quite enjoyed it, **

**Quiz: Can anyone pick out the famous lines, I re-used, Hint: Its from the early episodes ;)**

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Ryan held Sarah's hand as they ambled along downtown LA, after their first official date, Ryan was surprised at how easy it felt, Sarah was a lot like Sadie, she seemed less, complicated than other people he had dated. They were both heading out to their first date, Sarah, instead of wanting to go anywhere romantic, had picked TGI Fridays, even though she was a becoming actress, she wanted nothing more to sit and relax and laugh. Besides she didn't want Ryan to waste his money on her, especially if he decides he wants to take Marissa to court with custody of Ottilie. As they walked along the boulevard, not far from where Sarah lived, Ryan began conversation.

"So are you sure you want to go there, we could easily get a cab, and go someplace a little more…" Ryan struggled for the word, "Less loud?" Sarah laughed at him, and carried on

"No TGI's is fine, I know you like the food, and it reminds me of the 2nd time we met, where you got up and sung karaoke on the bar top." They both smiled at the memory, romanticising of the times when Ryan would leave his responsibilities at home and let lose even if it was for one night.

"Well if it means that much to you then ok" Sarah stopped and kissed Ryan on the lips, she smield, to her it felt so right, and to want something for so long, to then finally have it was worth all the wait, she and Ryan were together, she wasn't going to let Marissa, or Ottilie take that away from her.

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Jake, Marissa and Ottilie, were all headed out to a TGI Fridays in downtown LA, Marissa had decided it was child friendly, and there was a chance that no paparazzi would be there, as they were expecting, to most likely go to a club. Ottilie and Marissa both happily sung along to the radio, and Jake just concentrated on driving. This isn't how he envisioned his night alone with Marissa, his manager had told him, whilst he was in LA, it was crucial to get photographed wherever they went, to publicise his movie amongst other things. He obviously hadn't told Marissa that he was behind the paparazzi being wherever they went, and if she found out then he was pretty certain it wouldn't go down well. When they pulled up on the road opposite the restaurant, Marissa's happy smile had faltered,

"They're here again" Marissa sighed unhappily, all she wanted was to take Ottilie out for dinner and not have to put her through the trauma of crazy photographers, every time she stepped out of their hotel door.

"Well she will have to get used to it!" Jake moaned, Marissa raised her eyebrows at him, as if to question him to carry on complaining about her daughter.

"Ottilie, we can go back sweetie, we don't have to eat here." Marissa said turning around to her,

"No s'allright. But will someone carry me please" Ottilie said a little bit more nervously

"Yes of course, Jake will, right I will go in ahead of that, and then if you could carry her in after that would be great," Jake sighed and rolled his eyes, and Marissa placed her hand on his knee, and looked at him seductively, knowing that would be the only she was going to get through to him at the moment,

"Please, Jake" Jake smiled smugly and nodded as Marissa tried to get out of the car as gracefully as she could, she was wearing a dress that finished slightly above the knee and high heels, so even if the paparazzi weren't looking for a picture of her and her daughter together, it would have been hard to lift her without falling flat on her face.

"I will see you in there sweetie" Marissa said to Ottilie, she nodded and un-did her seat belt, as the flashes now surrounded their car and were frantically shouting at her Mom.

"Ok then kid lets go" Jake said more of a chore, as he got out of his side, smiled at the paparazzi and then got Ottilie out, he was a bit unsure of how to hold her, she immediately threw her arms around his neck, and buried her head in his shoulder. Jake smiled at the paparazzi, taking his time, he never had a problem with them, he liked them taking his picture if he told the truth, he really didn't know what Marissa had a problem with.

"JAKE, JAKE, WHOS THE KID"

"IS SHE ADOPTED"

"DOES THIS MEAN THE WEDDINGS BACK ON"

Jake just smiled, and walked through the crowd, he could see Marissa impatiently waiting for him, and one reporter caught his eye.

"MR MATTHEWS, JUST A MITNUE TO TELL US ABOUT YOUR NEW PROJECT" the short blonde reporter asked him, she smiled at him seductively, and Jake turned around to talk to her, ignoring the shouts of the media, and ignoring the death glare Marissa was sending him, free publicity is the best kind.

"Jake, I want to go inside" he heard Ottilie whispered,

__

Like hell I'm going inside, free interviews, with a hot babe,

"Well you see, I play this guy, who loses the love of his life, and I am really lucky because my lovely fiancé is going to be acting opposite me, for a few scenes, her first ever Movie Appearance." Jake stated proudly, thinking all of the attention was on him, not realising that many of the cameras were pointing at Ottilie, who was standing too close next to him (for his liking) and gnawing on her thumb nail, a trait he also noticed Marissa had.

Jake thought. Marissa watched him put Ottilie down in the crowd. She was standing there scared, looking up at him waiting to do something. It took everything Marissa had in her not to go out there and take her daughter out of harms way. She knew though, if the paparazzi got a picture of the two of them together again, it would put more strain on Marissa winning any custody battle, as Ottilie looked upset and distressed whenever the photographers were around.

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"Oooohhh do you think its someone famous," Sarah asked as her and Ryan walked along the street towards the restaurant, noticing all of the lights.

"This is one of the reasons I love Hollywood so much, you never fail to get star struck" Sarah said happily, all the while keeping the secret her and Summer shared about Marissa flaunting Ottilie around earlier that day, what Ryan didn't know, wouldn't hurt him.

"I couldn't tell you, but there hogging the door, so I'm sure we will find out" Ryan said, as he took Sarah's hand, as Ryan took her hand, and they dodged the frantic paparazzi, it was impossible to see anything, there was a complete circle around whoever it was, all Ryan could hear was

"JAKE, JAKE" Ryan had a sinking feeling that it might be Marissa's Jake, but decided there was more than one Jake in the world, however when he got to the door, and saw Marissa standing inside alone, he realised his thoughts were wrong. Sarah was first to speak up, when Marissa saw them, a look of panic shot across her face immediately.

"Oh my god" She whispered, and looked down as she felt Ryan and Sarah both walk towards her, his hand still holding hers, was to much for Marissa to take.

"RISS, Where the hell is Ottilie?" Ryan asked her, she could sense the anger in his voice, Marissa was quiet for a while.

"Tell me you haven't just left her with some babysitter, she is not ready for that, she's not ready for you, I knew I shouldn't of let her stay with you, your not ready to be a Mom" Ryan said accusingly, as tears caught in Marissa's eyes, she looked up, mirroring the anger than Ryan showed.

"Would you just assume that I would leave, my daughter, with someone else?" Marissa asked incredulously, thankful that there were no other patrons in the waiting area and they could have their argument alone, or at least, the two of them and Sarah.

"Well excuse me for showing concern over _my _daughter Marissa!!"

"She's perfectly safe, she's with Jake actually" Marissa added to spite him, knowing that he wouldn't be ok with someone else playing Dad to his daughter.

"You mean, she's out there? With all of those?--" Ryan asked her shaking his head, he immediately dropped Sarah's hand like it was a hot potato and shot out the door into the sea of paparazzi. He budged and shoved past the photographers, and when he had made his way into the middle he could see Ottilie crying, and Jake talking to some blonde in a low cut dress. He shook his head, and all angered flowed towards Jake, shocked that he was letting her cry, Ryan bent down to his daughter, she looked petrified at first thinking it was a stranger, but when she realised it was her dad she leapt into his arms and Ryan picked her up, as quickly as he could. He began moving back to the restaurant waiting area, with Ottilie's small hand wrapped tightly around his neck. When he got inside he shifted her over on his hip, and Sarah immediately rushed forward to kiss Ottilie's temple and attempt to calm her down. Ottilie just whimpered softly and stayed with her Dad and Sarah, not even attempting to make her way to Marissa.

"Oh baby come here" Marissa said, as she shoved Sarah out of the way and over to where Ryan was holding their daughter, she waited for Ottilie, to hold out her arms and gester towards Marissa, but she stayed completely still, in Ryan's arms, she noticed that he was talking to her in a hushed voice, and kissing her forehead, even though all of this was Marissa fault, she wanted to be the one to calm her down.

"Mommy, I'm sorry" Ottilie whimpered from Ryan's shoulder, the first thing she had said since she came inside, she reached out to Marissa, and Ryan reluctantly gave passed her over.

"Hey, I'm so sorry about all of them outside, its Jake's job" Marissa said as she rocked Ottilie in her arms, the sort of thing you do when your child was a newborn, unfortunately Marissa never had that experience, you cant really do motherly things when your unable to connect with your baby.

"I was so card, and then Jake wouldn't pick me up, and the people kept shouting and trying to--"Ottilie said as Marissa quietened her down and held her close.

"Ill be right back," Ryan said angrily as he stepped outside, some security guards had now appeared and some of the paparazzi had now dispersed to a club over the road, Ryan saw Jake walk towards him and the left over photographers just hovered.

"Well, well, if it isn't Marissa's little ex boyfriend, dude you have to stop stalking her" He said, taunting him with his voice, Ryan had been in that place before, when that surfer had 'kidnapped' her that night, and Ryan was too angry to know what to do. But now he was fighting for Ottilie, not for Marissa.

"She can handle herself bro" Jake said a little to sure of himself.

"But she can't handle a kid, definitely not, she's only doing it because she feels guilty, it was Marissa who wanted to come out tonight, it was Marissa that, left, your kid" Jake said venomously, as if knowing how to play Ryan, Ryan just stood there, taken back to his Chino days, he walked closer to Jake, laughing to himself, a strange sense of de-ja-vu in his head.

"You know what I like about actors," he started, doing the same as he did years ago, and with one strong blow, proud to see he hadn't lost it,

"Nothing" Ryan shook of his hand as Jake immediately bought his hand up to cover his face and walked turned around to walk inside, hearing the clicking of camera's instantly regretting his decision, he felt Jake move, but when he stepped inside, Marissa stood with her hands on her hips, almost demanding an explanation. He saw Ottilie drawing over on some chairs, all previous worries had now completely escaped her.

"I don't know why I am doing this Marissa, but I cant bare to let Ottilie down, so as I said, you can take her for tonight, but tomorrow, I am meeting with my lawyer, and we are going to sort this mess out, I suggest you do the same" Ryan said looking at the ground, half regretting what he was saying.

"Ottilie, I will have Auntie Summer come and pick you up in the morning, and then she said she would take you to your dance practise after," Ottilie nodded and kissed her Dad on the cheek.

"Come on Sarah, we can pick something up on the way" Ryan kissed Ottilie's forehead, and shied away form Marissa's glance, he could see a tear trickle down his cheek, and he couldn't stand to be around them anymore.

"Thanks Ry,"

"Right, well don't mess this up" and with that they left Ottlie and Marissa alone, Jake was still outide, doing another interview, despite him having a bloody face.

"Can you draw me a cat Mommy?" Ottilie asked innocently, as she handed Marissa a red crayon,

"Yeah of course" She kissed Ottilie's forehead and sighed, doubting herself as a mother, like she had years ago**.**

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**Let me know what you think!**

**I should have another post up in the week**

**xoxo**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey Guys! Happy Sunday! **

**I've skipped forward about 3 weeks in this one, and its just a filler, although it could hint onto what could happen further on in the story ;)**

**Reviews are appreciated **

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"Well no surprise your involved in all of this, where is she?" Julie demanded to Ryan as she walked towards him

"I don't know, bus station, maybe a tropical island somewhere" Ryan said trying to protect her.

"Ryan" Sandy said warningly

"I cant believe your chaperoning this farce" Julie said in disgust

"Julie, sit down," Sandy said, trying to mediate the situation

"No I don't want to sit down"

"Alright, lets all talk," Sandy said again, trying to help

"Talk? Talk about what, what is there to talk about?"

"Well if you ever want to see your daughter?" Ryan said letting on to knowing Marissa's where about's.

"Watch it," Sandy warned him again "Julie, I know you have been through a lot, but Ryan isn't the problem,"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Julie said in shock, "You tell me where she is, and then I am taking her home, she just ran away from a hospital!"

"She ran away from you," Ryan shocked her to silence,

"Look your from Riverside right, well that's no far from where I grew up--"

"I am calling the police in like two seconds-"

"And I know this place has everything we never had, and I know your afraid your going to lose it all, everything you've ever wanted--" Ryan said, making his voice heard.

"I'm done--" Julie said before walking out of the kitchen

"WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER WANTS, ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS,"

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS"

"I KNOW WHAT SHE DOESN'T WANT," Julie looked some what defeated and Ryan carried on, "She doesn't want to go to San Diego, and she doesn't want to live with you!"

Ryan jolted and opened his eyes, it was another flashback dream, it was when Marissa said those exact words of 'What you want, and what our daughter wants, are completely different things' followed by Marissa then shouting at him 'She doesn't want to live with you' at a custody hearing last week, has made him remember that conversation from his past so vividly.

It had been 4 weeks, since Marissa had come back. The fighting between them had become unbearable, and as predicted, she sued Ryan for sole custody, despite her name possibly being tarnished and despite being back for the whole of 30 seconds. It was Ryan's worst nightmare, at first he didn't know what to do. Sandy was obviously his lawyer in all of this, and convinced Ryan he wasn't out. Not after having Ottilie her whole life, that counts for a lot in this case.

Marissa seemed un-phased that she could lose, possibly because she wasn't even going to think of that option, she knew that Ryan had all the rights, and there was no way she could leave her baby again. As suspected the media had been having a field day, following her every move, especially as more stories seemed to be leaked, regardless of Marissa had never said anything the whole time, she planned to though, she had an interview with another magazine this week a tell all, to try and save her reputation before it go to late, and she planned for Ottilie to accompany her, and be in the photo shoot with her. Although she had been spending so much time with her lawyer and with her daughter when she was allowed, Jake hadn't really been consulted much.

"Are you ok" Sarah asked him, as he turned on the side light and rubbed his tired face, it was 6:30 and he knew he would have to be up soon anyway .

"It was just a bad dream, you can go back to sleep" Ryan said thinking deeply.

"Of course not sweetie, I will go make us some coffee" She kissed the side of Ryan's head and walked out of his bedroom into the kitchen.

"Daddy" he heard his daughter call from her bedroom, Ryan sighed and immediately got up to go and see to her. Ryan smiled as he walked into her room, her very pink room. Which now had posters of Marissa's ad campaigns, stuck only as far as her arms could reach, all haphazardly on the walls.

"Is it today?" Ottilie asked excitedly, as Ryan sat on the edge of her bed, he smiled at her and nodded and she immediately jumped out of her covers and started jumping on her bed.

"I GET TO GO TO SCHOOOLLLLL" She sung happily as her and Ryan laughed.

"So I take it your excited for your first day of kindergarten then?" Ottilie nodded excitedly and then stopped to sit on Ryan's lap.

"I already picked my outfit last week" She jumped off Ryan's lap and pointed to her dress hanging over her chair and her shoes underneath it.

"Baby, we spoke about this remember, everyone has to wear the same, its called a uniform, yours is a skirt, with a white shirt and sweater. We hung it up over there last night" Ottilie looked from her favourite dress, to a plaid skirt and grey sweater with a white shirt over by her vanity table, she had white long socks and shiny shoes to match.

"O yeah, but I can still take my bag though can't I?" Ottilie said motioning to her Chanel bag that rarely left her side

"Of course baby, but do you think you should maybe have a little bit more sleep, you had a bath last night, and we don't have to leave for about another two hours." Ryan said carrying her out to where Sarah was making coffee at that hour. Ottilie smiled at her and shook her head.

"Nope, Mommy is coming over for breakfast before school and I wanted to go see Uncle Seth and Thurman as well he's sad without auntie Sum." Ottilie said as she wriggled out of Ryan's arms and over to the sofa.

"Well you should wait a while before you go see Uncle Seth, it is still early. But seeing as were all up, I'm going to go get in the shower quick." He walked over and turned the TV on for Ottilie and then walked over to Sarah, who greeted him with a kiss on the lips. Ryan really didn't expect them to move so quickly, she was practically living at their apartment, he also didn't expect her and Ottilie to bond so quickly, it was obvious that Ottilie was a tad put out, like any normal child would be but she also liked having Sarah around, like having another girl around - as she often pointed out. Although she had said so many times, that she wants Marissa to move in, without Jake preferably. Then she could have her Mom around, staying with Marissa once a week and seeing her in the day time wasn't enough, but Ryan wasn't prepared to give her anymore, that's where the courts come in.

Marissa lay enclosed by Jake's strong arms, she was awake and had been for a while now, but she knew if he woke up he would probably want to finish what they started last night, and she was meant to be seeing her daughter in less than an hour, and she didn't want to turn up with sex hair, even though that would really piss Ryan off. Although she seemed to be doing it a lot reason, pissing Ryan off wasn't her intention. It wasn't her intention to sleep with him a few weeks ago, it wasn't her intention to drag Ottilie in the media spotlight and most of all it wasn't her original intention to take Ryan to court - no that happened as a heat of the moment thing. Marissa lay contemplating her life at the moment, for a few more seconds, not believing that it was Ottilie's first day of kindergarten, she would be one of the eldest in her class being a September baby, and she seemed to have a maturity that normal kids her age didn't acquire, but then again she was the product of Ryan and Marissa so she was bound to be. She checked the time on her phone again, 7:13, they told Ryan they would be at his by 8. They had made a deal, the could shout and scream as much as they wanted to when Ottilie wasn't around, but in her company, there was no arguing or fighting, there was the occasional dig at her being a crappy mother and things like that, but there was no arguments, it was a good plan, even though her and Ryan have to put up with being nice to each other, and Ryan and Jake being nice to each other, which was obviously a task in its own.

Marissa took some deep breaths, she had a fluttering feeling in her stomach, and not the good kind, she quickly scrambled out of Jake's grip in time to make it to the bathroom in time to empty the contents of her stomach in to the toilet, she stayed there for a while, that fuzzy feeling that came with her sickness made it hot and cold at the same time, and the cool tiles felt like the thing she needed.

"MARIIISS? ARE YOU OK IN THERE?" She heard Jake shout from her bedroom, it was like him not to come and help her, not that she could ever remember getting sick in his presence before, thinking hard, she couldn't even remember a time since she had been that sick since she was pregnant with Ottilie.

"Yeah, I'm fine" She shouted back in response whilst deep in thought, she stared at herself in the mirror, whilst calculating things in her head, she took a deep breath and steadied herself against the marble countertop. She quickly dismissed her thoughts and brushed her teeth and ran herself a shower. Ignoring anything she thought in her mind, besides she had to be at Ryan's in about half hour.

Marissa and Jake rode the elevator in silence, it was no secret that Jake didn't want to be there, Marissa wasn't overly feeling herself at the minute anyway, but she would never break a promise to her daughter, not again, well not if she could help it. Ottilie's first day was such a big milestone and she was happy to be there for it, considering she had missed so many already. When the bell dinged and her and Jake exited the elevator she stopped quickly to talk to him, like she did every time they were in her ex-boyfriends company.

"Promise me you wont do or say anything" Marissa asked him pleadingly, she knew it was a lot to ask of him, considering him and Ryan had already come to physical blows, but she wasn't about to go there without Jake and watch Sarah and Ryan act couply whilst her fiancé stayed at their house and watched ESPN. Since moving temporarily into a condo in Hollywood, it had made things in LA seem more permanent, but she still had to go back to their town house in New York and move properly, but at least while she was over her, it was a place that Ottilie could call a second home, not that Ryan let her obviously. Jake nodded and Marissa knocked on the door, and she could quickly hear Ottilie on the other side shouting; 'Mommy's here, Mommy's here'. The door swung open and Marissa bent down to pick up her baby, but her arms felt weak and she felt a little bit nauseous again so decided to just hug her at her level.

"Hey baby, are you excited for your first day of school?" Marissa asked, masking her sudden wave of sickness.

"Yes!! Will you come and do my headband for me, I was waiting until you got here" Ottilie said brightly, Marissa nodded yes, and Ottilie's smile broadened in excitement.

"Hey Marissa, Jake, its good to see you" Sarah said falsely, that was the good thing about Ryan and Marissa's deal, they could fake liking each other, and hide their insults with polite voices.

"Hey" Jake grumbled behind Marissa,

"Ryan" Marissa said as Ottilie walked her into her bedroom to get all of her things that she wanted for the day. Jake tried not to acknowledge much of Ryan, he really didn't like him, and he was not in the mood for an argument today, their little brawl last time really got him in trouble with his manager.

"I have laid out food and drinks on the table, so everyone can just help themselves" Sarah said, walking around Ryan's kitchen.

__

'Well someone thinks that she owns the place'

Marissa thought bitchily.

They all sat down on Ryan's big table, with a gorgeous outlook of LA. Ottilie was talking excitedly, about everything she was excited for about school. Marissa thought she looked so cute, in her uniform, he blonde long locks held from her face by a simple red headband, as if it was her tiara. Her long white socks and grey skirt, looked so grown up for her first day of kindergarten, but private schools like the expensive one she is going to enforce such rules on the children. As Ottilie was the only one who was talking, she decided to speak up.

"So baby, Jake and I have something to ask you, don't we sweetie?" Marissa motioned to Jake and he nodded, whilst giving Ryan a death glare, that he chose to ignore.

"Really?? Ohh tellll me?" Ottilie asked excitedly, Ryan also looked at her, wondering what it was Marissa was asking her.

"Well as you know me and Jake are getting married at Christmas" Marissa said resting her hand on top of Jakes, and then quickly looking at Ryan to see if it effected him, when his profile didn't change she told herself he was putting up a strong front.

"Chrismukkah Mommy"

"And well, we haven't asked you properly, but we would like you to be our flower girl sweetie" Marissa said happily, Ottilie's face lit up, like it did when she saw her.

"What's a flower girl?" Ottilie asked naively

"It means you get to walk down the aisle when she, marries Jake Otty" Ryan said, and found himself stumbling over the 'marriage' part of the sentence.

"And you will get to wear a pretty dress and carry flowers like Mommy's and have you picture taken" Marissa encouraged,

"By those mans who follow you?" Ottilie asked pensively, and ungrammatically, Marissa smiled at her, forgetting she was just 5.

"No oh baby, of course not, by a real photographer, who we pay to take our pictures." Marissa said quickly

"Ok then, and Daddy can take pictures as well, of me in my dress" Marissa coughed and looked down at her food, not in the mood for croissants, but a huge stack of pancakes and a banana smoothie, _Don't even think about that, you cant be do so don't even think about it. _Marissa told herself.

"Like hell is he coming" Jake shouted up from his silence, all eyes fell on him, and Marissa turned around and swiped him with the back of her hand. She looked at Ryan, as if to silently apologise, but he seemed to be enjoying this, seemed to enjoy making her feel guilty.

"Well if I'm going, why wouldn't Daddy go" Ottilie asked as she picked at her toast.

"Umm, good question" Marissa answered, and then looked at her Cartier watch.

"O look, 8:30, Ryan don't you think we should be driving her to school." Marissa said, moving her chair away from the table and standing up. Ryan nodded, not speaking too much over breakfast, in fear of ruining Ottilie's morning.

"Are both of you going to take me?" Ottilie asked excitedly, when she received a nod from Ryan, she threw herself at his legs in excitement,

"Come on munchkin, you don't want to be late on your first day," Ottilie hugged her Dad's neck tightly and kissed Sarah goodbye, Ottilie and Sarah parted their ways, As did Jake and Marissa, he immediately left as soon as eh said he could go, without so much as a goodbye to Ryan or Sarah, but he had wished Ottilie good luck, well atleast he said something.

"Ill see you later" Ryan walked out after he kissed Sarah, Ottilie was in the middle of her Mom and Dad, it was everything Marissa had pictured when she was pregnant, it was everything Ryan wanted.

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**Hope you liked it! I hope I got American School ages right - I did have a little read on Wikipedia but I probably got most of it wrong!** xoxo


	16. Chapter 16

**Heyyyyyy! Everyone! **

**Thanks for the great reviews, hope you like this installment :P, and doesnt eveyrone hate septemebers? I know I do!**

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The playground was full of children, all 3 of them looked from the car and Ottilie had suddenly stopped talking, it also didn't help that there were a few photographers taking pictures of the car, Marissa instantly froze, worried that Ryan wouldn't let her take Ottilie in, she waited for him to complain, instead he just looked at her and shook her head before turning around to Ottilie.

"Are you ready baby?" He asked her, masking his disappointment, he could see Ottilie's bottom lip quiver and her eyebrows furrow, she reached over for her bag, looking for some comfort and stayed quiet.

"Come on Ottilie, you will have so much fun today, you get to do painting and drawing and look at the class rabbit and -" Ryan stopped speaking when he turned round and saw her chest rack with loud sobs. Marissa tried to turn around also and tried to help, although Ottilie did nothing but reach out for Ryan as she undid her seat belt. They both got out of the car, and Ryan moved the photographers away with his arm, and got his crying daughter out of the car while Marissa got her bag.

"MARISSA, MARISSA, THIS WAY PLEASE,"

"MARISSA A PICTURE WITH THE CHILD"

Both adults breathed a sigh of relief as they stepped behind the gates, and saw other parents, struggling to let go of their children as well. Marissa got out her own camera, and Ottilie looked kind of nervous as she posed for a photo at Ryan's leg, good job he got some earlier. Ottilie wiped the side of her face, and Ryan bent down to her level and dried her tears, this was new for Marissa, she hadn't seen him act so, un-Ryan like since Ottilie had been born, she remembers him walking around when Ottilie was crying and Marissa couldn't get her to stop, her therapist had said, that's when it had started, that's when she couldn't connect with the baby.

"Do I have to go in" Ottilie said hiccupping some tears as the other children started to form a line by the door, there was four other teachers, all smiling brightly but Ottilie wasn't buying it.

"Otty, you were so excited earlier, what happened?" Ryan asked her softly, she just put her small arms around her Dad's neck and gripped onto him with dear life.

"Ryan your being so harsh on her, she can be home schooled if she wants, come on sweetie, you can come with Mommy" Marissa stuck out her hand, angry at herself that she was forcing Ottilie to pick sides on this, making Ryan look like the bad guy.

"No Marissa" Ryan said with anger evident in his voice,

"Baby, you have to go into school" Ryan kissed her forehead. They noticed a lady about their age coming over to help the situation, Ryan smiled as she held out her hand to the adults.

"Hello, I am Mrs Ritchie, I will be your daughter's core teacher" She said politely, shaking both of their hands, Ryan smiled at Ottilie, hoping to ignite some hope.

"Hi, I'm Ryan Atwood, and this is Ottilie" Ryan said introducing his daughter, The teacher smiled down at her and then looked at Marissa expectantly.

"Hi, I'm--"

"Oh my god, Your Marissa Cooper!?" The teacher asked in awe, Marissa just nodded and stuck out her hand.

"I'm Ottilie's mother" Marissa said confidently, Ryan just rolling his eyes at her. The woman did a double take and then nodded slightly, obviously excited she had just got the scoop many magazines were willing to pay for.

"Come on Sweetie, The rest of the class is heading in now" Ryan said, trying to let loose some of her grip, more tears started to flow out of Ottilie's, she reluctantly let go of Ryan's hand and he bent down to kiss her once more. he pecked her cheek and after Marissa did the same, she collected her Chanel bag from to find some comfort, in the familiar accessory.

"We will both be here to be you up at 2:00, I promise, now be a good girl, I love you" Ryan said to her as she moved over to hug Marissa.

"Have the best day sweetie" Marissa said trying to cheer her up,

"Do, do, do you promise to be her afterwards?" Ottilie asked her sniffing, Marissa nodded yes whilst screaming mentally at herself, she was set to do an interview with E! News today and then the interview with US weekly and then the photo shoot with Ottilie, showing her new hand bag line and talking about her scandal, it was something she could not miss, yet she found it impossible to let her down, Ottilie nodded and she held the hand of the new lady and waved at them as she was being walked into class, crying all the way. Once all the children had gone in, and Ottilie was out of sight, Ryan moved away from Marissa and walked off without her.

"I wondered how long it was going to take you" Ryan said, as he moved towards the gate and the photographers started to take more pictures, Marissa hurried next to Ryan's side and immediately jumped in the front seat as the photographers shouted at Ryan as he walked to his side, when he slammed the door, Marissa then raised her voice as he started the car and tried not to run over and photographers

"What do you mean, I wondered how long it was going to take you" She argued back to him

"Well to break a promise, to my daughter" Ryan said smartly raising his eyebrows, while Marissa rolled her eyes

"OUR DAUGHTER RYAN, OURSSSS!! I GAVE BIRTH TO HER! YOU JUST HELPED" Marissa said getting angry at him and watching the LA scenery

"Marissa I hate to tell you , I have a girlfriend-"

"And don't you love to show it" Marissa said sarcastically but Ryan chose to ignore her and carry on

"Who is in touch with the celebrity culture, I know that you are working this afternoon, doing something for some news programme, she even watched them say it this morning on TV, how do you plan on being in two places at once, what are you superwoman" Ryan asked her as he continued to drive, there was a time where he and Marissa would be scared of confrontation, but now it seemed to be happening more and more.

"I have you know I will be there, I intend on taking Ottilie with me, I am going to take a break from shooting, it shouldn't take that long anyway, and then after I am taking her to MY photo shoot, its actually the first one since I have been public about her, and don't say you don't approve, because my lawyer said that he run it by you" She said putting her hands up in defence.

"So your just going to ask a television company to re-schedule?" Ryan asked disbelievingly, knowing that Marissa is trying to buy herself time, he watched her type furiously into her blackberry and then looked up to him smugly.

"Actually, My assistant is going to do it, so yes, I will be here to pick Ottilie up ,and yes she is coming to a photo shoot - at my house, happy are we?"

"I never agreed to her getting her pictures in the magazines Marissa, I don't really know how I feel about splashing my daughter around for the world to see, if you are going to be flashing her in the spot light, maybe we should have some rules," Ryan said as Marissa blinked several times, her vision become fuzzy and Ryan's voice become more distant, as Ryan looked over and he saw her eyes rolling back in his head, his old Marissa Cooper chivalry came out.

"Riss? Riss? MARISSA?!" Ryan pulled the car over just in time, Marissa quickly got out of the car in a hazy state and threw up on the side of the road, Ryan watched in confusion as she wretched and coughed, not really catching any attention of anyone in the back street. After a while Marissa walked back to the car and took deep breaths as she tried to calm herself down, Ryan just stood waiting for some answers. She shut her eyes and reached around in her bag for her water and some gum, the taste in her mouth making her want to be sick again.

"Ryan I need you to get me to the, the erm, the drug store" She said quietly shutting her eyes and rubbing her temples whilst leaning against the head rest as Ryan began to drive again.

"Marissa, I have an important job to get to, unlike some, people actually care if I don't turn up" Ryan said annoyed at her.

"Please Ryan, I need to get there and Jake has my car" Marissa said again, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths, as silent tears crept out.

"No Marissa, is it really that important, I have some important clients to get to, and If this is to get you some more I don't know, prescription drugs for some problem or whatever, it will have to --"

"RYAN! Please, I think I am, I might be," Marissa said stuttering and silent tears crept down her cheeks,

"What, making me late yes, that's exactly what your doing" Ryan didn't know why he was being like that, stubborn, he was never ever like that when they weren't together, but recently seeing Marissa wont go away and having to trust her so openly has made him put up those walls again, although sometimes he cant take his mind of her, and wishes they could both come to their senses.

"NO! RYAN, I THINK IM PREGNANT!!" She said her mood changing, and Ryan's jaw dropped as he stopped at a traffic light Marissa could tell he was thinking in his head, he turned towards a row of shops, neither of them saying a word to each other but both of them thinking the same thing,

There was a chance said 'Baby' was his.

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**R/R Muchos Gracias Chicklets xoxo**


	17. Chapter 17

Hey everyone!

Sorry about the long update, I really hate Septembers, getting back into the swing of things!

here it is:

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Ryan sat in his office, monitoring the time. It had been an hour and a half since he dropped Marissa off at her shoot.

Unwillingly, he had go out at the shop, and bought her a pregnancy test. Something he didn't think he would be doing that day. When he got back, he gave it to her and she put it straight in her bag, without a word. He had tried to talk to her, but she kept gazing out of the window, until a tiny 'thanks' when they had reached their destination she had hopped out and given him a time to pick her up so they could go and collect Ottilie. Where he would then drive back reluctantly and hand over his daughter to a magazine photographer with Marissa. He sighed thinking that he should really get some work done.

There was a picture on his desk, one of Ottilie laughing uncontrollably at the camera. As much as he loved his daughter, he personally didn't think he was ready for another. Especially with everything that was going on between, he couldn't handle another custody battle another 5 years down the line. That's if this 'baby' is even his. All he could think about was the look on Marissa's face, when they had first diagnosed her with post natal depression. She looked broken, and lost, like the smallest move would push her over the edge. Even if Marissa was pregnant on the off chance, and even if, on the off chance it was his, he was too tell him he wanted to even be involved this time.

With all of these deep thoughts swirling around his brain, he could hardly comprehend drawings of a new mansion. There was a knock on his door that startled him, and he looked up from his desk, covered with papers tiredly.

"Hey baby" Sarah said sweetly as she walked around his desk and came to sit on his lap. He smiled at her and she kissed his lips.

"Good Surprise?" She asked him happily as she went about moving papers into piles and settling herself on his desktop. Ryan nodded and relaxed in his chair.

"Are you busy?" She asked him, leaning forward and placing her hands on his shoulders as he shook his head in response.

"Good, How was Ottilie when you dropped her off?" Sarah asked, now both of them looking at the picture of Ottilie on his desk and smiling.

"She was quite bad actually, she didn't want to go in at all. To make it worse, the paparazzi were there trying to take pictures of Marissa, so that really upset them both,"

"I don't want to talk about her" Sarah said quickly and firmly.

"Ok then, what do you want to talk about?"

"Us" She said smiling, Ryan sighed, really not needing to discuss his current relationships at the minute.

"What about us?" Ryan said obliviously.

"Well, sweetie, what are you doing next weekend?" She asked him as she adjusted his tie.

"I don't know S, what are we doing next weekend" It was true, Ryan rarely got to make plans anymore, Sarah's was very forceful in that way.

"Well, you are going to wait for me at the end of the aisle." Ryan's eyes doubled in size and she laughed at him .

"Not in that way, unless you know, you want too. But my sister is getting married back home in one of those 1 week wedding things, and I want you to be my date! Also, because her fiancé is in the army, and some of his friends cant be there, they needed an extra groomsman, and my Mom asked if you would do it?" Ryan looked at how excited she was, and she had met his family, many times so it was only fair. Although he couldn't exactly leave Marissa at the minute, if she was, with child.

"That sounds great, but what about Ottilie, are you sure its ok to take us with you?" Ryan asked her, her face flattered a bit and she looked towards the ground.

"There's one more catch. Because its so rushed, and there doing this super romantic. It kind of means there's no kids, and I did ask my Mom, if we could bring her, but some of my family aren't even bringing their children, so she said it was unfair, I am so sorry, I did try"

"Its alright, I'm sure she can handle one weekend without me, Its not like she hasn't before." Ryan said faltering to Sarah, if he stayed, it would look like something was wrong, and If he stayed and possibly scenarios, it would create the wrong kind of waves for the moment.

"Thank you so much baby, I cant tell you how much it means to me" Sarah leaned in and kissed him again, until they broke apart at the buzzing of Ryan's blackberry, Sarah sighed and picked up the phone, and saw Marissa's name flashing on the screen, she raised her eyebrows and pressed busy,

"It was her, you can phone her back later"

"That's excellent Marissa, Give us more" the photographer yelled at her as she switched positions. This was the last thing she felt like doing today, she was practically naked in a lingerie set, her hair was teased into bouncy curls and she felt like she had so much make up on it was eating her face. The lights in the studio were dimmed, so she was grateful for that, as she felt extremely fat today. She took some deep breaths, ignoring everything, she was too scared today, too scared to take the test, too scared to talk to Ryan about it, and even more frightened to talk to Jake about it, God knows what Jake would do.

"Ok, HAIR AND MAKE UP, SHE NEEDS A TOUCH UP" The camera assistant shouted as the photographer changed the film. A countless number of women rushed towards Marissa full steam, and as soon as they reached her, they immediately started pulling at her, and trying to make room. All in aid for one good picture, she told herself.

Ryan looked around the studio, after waiting in the car, coming a bit early, he decided that he would just go and wait for Marissa inside. He managed to sneak his way past the receptionist from the morning and into the room with loud music inside of it. He opened the heavy door and was blinded by a prominent flash

__

That's excellent Marissa, Give us more"

He watched as Marissa, leaned forward more and gave a seductive look to the awaiting team, in nothing but a barely there piece of lingerie and some heels.

_Youve seen her in less Atwood_

He told himself, which was true, but she had never looked quite as glamorous as she ever had done before, she had never shone, and he had never seen her in so much make up, telling her she was already stunningly beautiful without it, in which she was smirk and look the floor in embarrassment. As the crew took a break, she glanced around the studio whilst what seemed like a million people fussed over her, and when their eye lines met, her beautiful blues widened, at the thought of him seeing her in her state of undress, and Ryan, well he was in shock that he had gotten caught. As she batted the people away with her hand she quickly pulled up her dressing gown and walked over to Ryan, with a scowl on her beautiful face.

"What do you think your doing here Ryan??" She asked him, trying to wrap her belt around her as many times as possible.

"We, we, erm, we have to go, and erm"

"Ottilie, right" Marissa said nodding before turning around walking towards the crowd of awaiting photographers, she addressed the photographer and he nodded his head, immediately telling everyone else, that their ad campaign shoot for the day was now finished and that Marissa Cooper enjoyed working with everyone. Ryan watched her grab her clothes and walk behind a curtain and her fast moving shadow made it obvious what she was doing.

A few minutes later, Marissa had taken off her make up, and reapplied a more natural look, she walked towards Ryan in a fast pace and stopped beside him.

"Ready?" She asked impatiently, as he snapped out of his gaze and nodded, she carried onto walk in front of him but stopped tentatively when they were near the door.

"No paparazzi" He said confirming her suspicions,

"Actually, I was going to ask, if you could stop staring, would be great thanks" She replied bitchily and stepped out with her big glasses covering her eyes and waited at Ryan's car, happy there was not a paparazzo in sight. Once they both got in the car, and had put up with the most awkward silence in the history of the world, Ryan spoke up.

"Do you think--"

"Nope" Marissa asked quickly

"You don't even know what I'm going to say" Ryan questioned her, looking over at her too see her taken a sudden interest in her cuticles.

"So, my answer is no, I'm not even thinking about the thing, I think your going to say, so no" She answered stubbornly.

"Fine by me, and you sound like Seth" The ends of Marisa lips tugged upwards slightly, but she willed herself to not let Ryan see.

"Do you think Ottilie had a nice day?" Marissa asked lightly.

"I hope so, she was so excited about it this morning, and thanks you know, and to Jake, for keeping it clean this morning," Ryan said sincerely

"It really shouldn't be like this should it?" Marissa said wistfully

"What do you mean?"

"We shouldn't have to apologise for not causing arguments, we shouldn't have to be fighting over Ottilie, you shouldn't hate my fiancé and I shouldn't hate your girlfriend, I should be friends with Summer, I should be there for her when she's pregnant, I should be a regular Mom, I should be able to talk to everyone that used to be important in my life, like Kirsten and my sister, and I shouldn't be sitting here 5 years later, and still wondering if you and me are going to have a baby. I'm so sorry Ryan" She said as she wiped her tears. Ryan was stuck for words, it was the first time since they had reunited that she had apologised.

"Marissa, something's are in the past, its best that we leave them there" She nodded and dried her face,

"Would it be ok if I had Ottilie this Saturday night?, I've been invited to a premiere in Disney Land for Enchanted 2 and I thought she might like to go, and I am totally ok with her coming, because the crowd is controlled and monitored, and Jake would be there, and it would have been after the magazine comes out, so she wont be startled by questions" Marissa said, trying ot think of some other reasons,

"Well If you promise she wont get scared," Ryan said putting up that wall again,

"You can have her all weekend if you like?" Ryan offered, he noticed that Marissa's face lit up,

"You think I'm ready? I would love too!!" She said excitedly, both of them still ignoring the elephant. The rode the rest of the way in silence and got out as they stopped at Ottilie's school, and they both got out, to only a few paparazzi, which was good, as they kept there. They waited for a few minutes until they both saw Ottilie coming out of her class with a smile on her face, running towards the both of them, it was the picture perfect moment.

"Hey baby, did you have a good day" Ryan said bending down to her level, Ottilie nodded and kissed both of her parents on the cheek.

"Wow sweetie, Did you make any friends" Marissa asked her, Ottilie nodded again and pointed to a blonde hair little boy stand slightly behind her, smiling at the both of them, as Ottilie walked away and towards him, Ryan's head shot to face Marissa's and a horrified look was on his face. Marissa just smiled at him and they both looked at their daughter as she moved over to the little boy and clasped his hand.

"Mommy and Daddy, this is Nate, hes my special friend," Ottilie said proudly as she giggled, Ryan however just stood there in shock.

"What do you mean by special friend honey" Marissa asked as her as Nate's parents were staring at her in shock,

"Well like Jake's your special friend, and Sarah is Daddy's, Nate is mine, if everyone else has one, I don't want to be lefted out" Ottilie said trying to be pointed, and grown up

"Well that's enough school for today, Come on Ottilie, we have places to be, it was nice meeting you…Nate, Marissa were leaving" Ryan said as he began to walk off, when he turned around and saw Ottilie hugging Nate and kissing him on the cheek and whispering with Marissa, he started to panic. When they were all in the car again, it was silent for a minute.

"Mommy, don't you just love Nate, I heard one of the older girls at break saying we were cute" Ottilie said proudly,

"Why would they say that sweetie" Marissa asked, acting a lot more happier than Ryan was right now

"Because he kissed me,"

"Oh my god, no, no no, no boys, until your 30, that's final" Ryan said, speaking his mind.

"Ryan, you can't keep her wrapped up forever, I kissed Luke on my first day of school"

"Yeah and look how well that turned out" Ryan said countering her.

"Sweetie, would you like to have Nate over sometime?" Marissa said as Ryan shook his head,

"Ok, but who's house?" Ottilie inquired. Marissa looked at Ryan who was shaking his head

"Well I don't want to see my daughter kissing anyone, even if it is the _Great Nate_" He said with sarcasm in his voice.

"At my house sweetie, seeing as Daddy is acting rather Neal Roberts right about now" Marissa said as they both continued to hear about Ottilie and Nate's day, Ryan was ready for a lot of things in his life, like tomorrow's work deadline, the upcoming wedding he had to attend, for Marissa to be pregnant again possibly, but most of all he was not ready for his baby girl to grow up, but then again, what father is?

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Hope you enjoyed it, Read and Review

have a great day

xoxo


	18. Chapter 18

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Hey everyone! I am so sorry that I hadnt updated recently, it started off with work, then I couldnt find any inspiration to write, then I didnt get many reviews or hits so i thought people didnt really care, but I was watching my favourtie episode of the OC last night and I found a will to write again! I just love Ryan and Marissa :P

**I know this is a short chapter, but I thought its better than nothing, having something else up by the end of the week **

**Enjoy xoxo**

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"Daddy! Did you paack my slubbers??" Ottilie asked as she looked between Ryan and Marissa. Ryan nodded and she smiled contently as she looked between them.

"Jake you would take Ottilie and her things to her room please, while I just talk to Ryan?" Marissa asked her fiancé, he raised his eyebrows, questioning her, then gave in.

"Be good baby" Ryan kissed Ottilie's cheek and she nodded with a few tears in her eyes.

"No tears, I will be back by Monday," Ottilie nodded and hugged him again, then left grudgingly with Jake to take her things upstairs. Marissa waited before Jake was out of earshot and then turned to Ryan.

"You know her bedtime don't you," Ryan asked her as she nodded

"And you know that when she goes to bed she will tell you that she needs a sample of every book she has before she can make a decision," Marissa nodded before he continued.

"And make sure she has no peanuts, she is allergic"

"Ryan I know, ok you told me all this before, now everything will be fine, I have both of your numbers" Marissa said again looking at the floor.

"You will call though wont you ?" Ryan asked just to clarify

"I said I would didn't I. I can be a mother you know" Ryan decided to hold his tonuge and not make a comeback, in their effort to get along.

"So, are you going to the doctor today then?" Ryan asked her nervously, Marissa had taken 2 pregnancy tests and one came out positive and the other negative. She hadn't exactly told him at first, she just told him that she was going to the doctor.

"There's no need" Marissa said firmly, fiddling with her engagement ring.

"Why?"

"Because I got the thing you get and you know your not pregnant" Marissa said, trying to help him along.

"What? But you took the test and--" he said confused

"Ryan I got my period" She whispered, finally.

"Ohh, ohh right then, well I best be off, plane to catch and all" He said awkwardly,

"Go go, you have fun at the wedding" Marissa said unenthusiastically,

"Yeah, good luck" and with that Marissa shut the door and Ryan walked down the drive, Marissa took a few claming breaths and wiped a tear, before setting up the stairs to find her fiancé and her daughter. When she reached Ottilie's room, which she had promised that she would make more child friendly over the weekend, she found Ottilie sitting on her bed, looking a bit sad.

"Sweetie, where's Jake?" Marissa asked her daughter as she sat down beside her.

"His blueberry ringed so he had to go answer it"

"You mean his blackberry babes" Marissa said, brushing her hair out of her face and smiling at her daughters naiveté

"Yeah that's the one"

"Baby are you alright?" Marissa asked her, fearing that she didn't want to stay with her and she would have the embarrassment of ringing Summer and admitting that she had failed her simple task for the weekend. Ottilie shook her head and fell against Marissa's arms.

"Nate told me he didn't want to be my special friend anymore" Ottilie said sadly, Marissa's face fell for her daughter, it is never nice to feel rejected, she had at Ottilie's age and she still did.

"Oh baby, its ok, your too young for boys anyway." Marissa said trying to comfort her.

"He said it was because I wasn't as pretty as Eloise" Marissa felt her arms tighten around her waist and she lay down on Ottilie's small bed and pulled her daughter on top of her. Like her Mom used to with her, she had lay Ottilie against her heartbeat and she as stroking Ottilie's fanned out hair.

"Don't let anyone tell you you aren't pretty sweetie. You were just on a magazine cover, you're the prettiest girl in the entire world" Marissa felt Ottilie smile, she had taken a lot of pride in the magazine shoot, telling everyone there that she was a natural, and showing everyone the pictures, just being so proud that her and her Mom were on a magazine together. Marissa sort of regretted the magazine cover, it would mean that it could jeopardise her work, it shouldn't, but it might. They both lay in silence for a while, comforted by the others relaxed breath.

"RISSSSSSSSSS?" Marissa hear Jake shout up the stairs, they were both startled by his loud booming voice.

"THE CARS HERE!" Marissa sighed and lifted Ottilie off of her. She no longer seemed upset, which made Marissa feel a lot happier,

"Come on Otty, lets go downstairs and watch some TV, Mommy has to pop out real quick, but I will be back in an hour." Marissa said

"Am I coming with you?" Ottilie asked her, Marissa shook her head and then bent down to kiss her cheek.

"No Sweetie, your going to stay with Jake, I will be back real soon though."

"Would I be allowed to go swimming?" Ottilie asked her as she opened her bag and dug around for her costume.

"Yeah sure," Marissa helped Ottilie into her costume and her floats and walked her downstairs to where Jake was sitting on his laptop in the kitchen.

"Jake babe, would you be able to watch Otty while she goes swimming, Im just popping over to the agency" Marissa watched Ottilie run over to a chair and leave her shoes and sunglasses there and then splash around in the Jacuzzi.

"Marissa Do I--"

"I will be as quick as possible, it shouldn't take to long" She lent over and pecked him on the lips before motioning that he had to go and watch her daughter. She then went outside and cancelled the taxi Jake had bought her and got her keys to her car. When the engine was running she got the adress out of her purse at a traffic light and her blackberry, and dialled the number for her Aunt Joanna, he was more or less her Mom now.

"Hey, Jo, its me"  
"Marissa darling, are you there yet?"  
"Yeah I'm on my way to the doctors now, they will be able to tell me my options"  
"Well its either your career or another kid"  
"I just want to know if I deffinilty am, then me and Jake can cross that bridge when we come to it"  
"And if it isn't Jakes, because you know as well as I do that -"  
"If Its not Jakes, I will cross that bridge when I come to it, look I have to go, I will talk to you later"

When she hung up and got out of the car, that feeling of de ja vu overcome her, it was weird to be thinking that she was pregnant again, but here she was nearly 6 years later, and no less alone. She took a deep breath and put on her 'normal' disguise and quickly got out of the car.

Stupid Pill for not working, Stupid Ryan and or Stupid Jake, Stupid hormones.

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**Let me know what you think **

**xoxo**


	19. Chapter 19

**Heyyyyy everyone! My faith has been restored! I have found a new will to write again, and have been trying so hard to impress you with this new chapter, it may seem a bit confusing, and you may have to read it twice, but I was happy with the end outcome, as this is a sensitive topic, let me know on what you really think of it**

**Enjoy xoxo**

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"Well Miss Cooper, it seems your suspicions are correct, you're indeed pregnant." Marissa took a deep breath and tears sprung to your eyes. She felt them hot against her cheek, her shock was as if the wind had been knocked from her, she didn't quite know what to say or to do.

"I take it that this is not good news?" The doctor asked inquisitively

"No, just a, shock, much unexpected" Marissa said, trying to bring herself together, but unable to find the words.

"Are you going to want to know your options?" The doctor questioned, Marissa head immediately shot up, she was in no fit state to think about 'options' or what it meant. It was obvious, she was pregnant, and engaged, why would any normal person need to think about options?

"No,erm…..no, its fine, I better be off" Marissa said gathering her bag and standing up as the doctor ushered her out.

"Your appointment is scheduled for next week, if you have any concerns, or anything you need to talk about, don't hesitate to call me, and Marissa, I deal with a lot of celebrity clients and I have complete client confidentiality" He said with a nod of his head, Marissa thanked him and made the quickest exit to her car, at least there was a private parking space, and she could get out without being noticed. Once inside the safe walls of her own car, she let her tears flow, this was not the right time, things were precarious with Ryan, even worse with the custody of Ottilie, she was a dying model who just starred in a crap film, and there was a high chance it wasn't her boyfriends baby.

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Ottilie continued to splash around in the Jacuzzi, the big and bluer pool was so inviting, but Marissa had specifically told her before she is not allowed to go in it if nobody was around to watch her. Jake had been sitting inside with his friend, watching some program and laughing loudly, she had asked him if he would get her a drink, and he said no, then she asked him if she could take off her floaties, and he said yes, being looked after him certainly had its upsides, her Mom or Dad or Summer never ever let her.

"JAKEEEEEEEE, JAKEEEEEEEEEEEEE, CAN I GO IN THE BIG PERSON POOL NOW??" Ottilie shouted out to them. She got a small response, not one that she could hear and decided to go for it, she wriggled out of her arm bands and placed them carefully on the deckchairs. Whenver she was going into a big pool , her Uncle Seth always told her to run and jump real fast, she had never tried it before without her floats before. She took a big deep breath and held her nose and ran towards the pool at full speed she made a big splash into the water and opened her eyes and mouth in excitement. It wasn't till that rush of water, in her eyes and mouth that she knew she was in trouble. The more gasps she took the harder the fight was, and slowly she sunk lower and lower to the floor of the pool.

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"Man, I cannot believe that you have a kid living with you now, no more sex in the shower and walking around naked" Frankie said laughing to himself, Jake just gave him a dirty look and got up to go and get more beers from their mini fridge they had set up.

"Dude, don't even" Jake said disapproving,

"She has set up so many rules, 'No Sex while she's around Jake, No swearing Jake, No drinking Jake, Do what the god damn kid says Jake' its taking over my dam life, god if she wasn't so hot and a good lay, I don't know what would be keeping me around right now" Jake said

"Not the fact that you love her?"

"I love her, I suppose, but I need her for my career, fame marries bigger fame, and it keeps everyone else of my back." Jake said shrugging his shoulders.

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"Jake sweetie, I'm back" Marissa said throwing down her bag and kicking off her shoes, she heard a big splash of water, from what she assumed was Ottilie making her waves, she walked in the direction of the living room where she could see a tv fuzz and she walked over and kissed his forehead as he carried on watching the game.

"Hey Frankie" Marissa greeted him and then walked off,

"Where's Otty?, Has she gone back upstairs?" She asked inquisitively, looking out at the pool and not being able to see her daughter she craned her neck to see if she was still bouncing around in the smaller pool, making splashes, not unlike the one she just heard a second ago.

"No she's there, I just checked on her" Jake said his eyes only moving to meet Frankie's silently asking him to back him up,

"Ohh, she must be hiding." Marissa walked around to the door and pushed it forward.

"Ottilie, Baby?" Marissa said looking around, it was all quiet, then suddenly she took in all her scenes at once, her stomach twisted into a million knots and her mouth flew open and her heart lurched.

"JAKE!! JAKE!! QUICK!! CALL AN AMBULANCE!!" Marissa shouted at her fiancé as she run out to the pool and jumped into get her baby, Ottilie lay face down and Marissa fought her hardest to get her, with all of her clothes weighing her down. Marissa grabbed her so tight, and rose to the water surface to see Jake and Frankie standing staring at her, with an ashen look on their faces.

"Call, 9,…..1.…1" Marissa said in-between gasps of air, she pulled them both out of the water, tears streaming down her face. Marissa lay her down gingerly on the grass, all of her body shaking, however Ottilie just lay there still, as still as a painting.

"Where are we?" Frankie shouted quickly, Jake told him and he moved towards Marissa, this was all his fault, if he had been looking after her like he should have, none of this would of happened. He leant forward to touch her shoulder, as he watched Marissa mechanically check her for any signs of life, she put her ear on Ottilie's mouth, and burst into a fresh fit of tears.

"Shes…..not…breathing…" Marissa starting crying uncontrollably, and her body shook violently. All she could feel was that Frankie had moved her out of the way and she watched him pinch her nose and breath two long breaths into her, he moved quickly and started to push down on her chest. Marissa fell against Jakes body and cried and cried, Jake took deep breaths also and prayed that she would wake up, that this was all a joke, another thing that kids did to make adults worry. When still nothing happened Marissa felt her world crumble, no matter if she was pregnant now, it didn't matter that there was possibly another baby, she had grown to love being Ottilie's mother, she couldn't lose her, and she was sure that Ryan would probably want to kill her. Frankie continued to repeat the CPR pattern and suddenly he halted.

"Marissa, its ok, she's breathing again" Marissa's tightly closed eyes flew open to see her baby

"Ohhh thank god" Ottilie was coughing and spluttering, she jolted to her side to comfort her child who seemed weak and disoriententated. All 3 of them could hear the sirens, and Jake ran to let them all in. At least she was alive, he thought, Thank God she was alive.

The paramedics rushed through the scene in full ambulance mode, Ottilie was put in a stretcher, covered in a silver blanket with a breathing mask over her face, she was so helpless, Marissa followed her around in a daze and insisted on riding with her in the ambulance.

"I'm her Mother!" Marissa stated and followed in behind her to hold her daughters cold hand.

"Jake follow us, CALL SUMMER, AND CALL RYAN, I will meet you at the hospital" and with that, the ambulance drove off, Marissa kept her eyes transfixed on her baby, scared to let her out of her sight. Ottilie just lay there, as the paramedics ran all sorts of tests. Never again would she leave her baby, she then put her hand to her stomach, either of them.

**Did I do this right?**

**Let me know Thanks Guys!**

**xoxo**


	20. Chapter 20

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Hey everyone! Thanks for the reviews on the last post, i didnt know how well that would go down. I thought I would write a little more, as a special thanks ;)

**I know it seems dark atm, but Ottilie is my favourite person to write, so there is no harm of her going anywhere. **

**Hope you like this little filler, R/R**

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Marissa watched blankly as the paramedic men hovered over her Ottilie, they willed her to keep her eyes open, but they kept rolling back in her head. It made Marissa sick to her stomach to know that she couldn't do anything.

"Miss, Miss??" The paramedic questioned her, she snapped out of her gaze and looked at the other woman.

"I said, how long was she under for?" Marissa watched helplessly as they attached breathing support to Ottilie. Marissa took some deep breaths to try and steady herself

"I don't know I…-" Marissa said and immediately started crying

"You weren't watching her?" The paramedic asked her incredulously

"I was out --, She was with my fiancé and then I heard some splashes and I--" Marissa began to sob and squeeze Ottilie's hand tighter, as if she was trying to squeeze the life back into her.

"Miss, I know this isn't the right time, but she is only 5, how could you leave her alone in a swimming pool--"

"I DON'T KNOW OK" Marissa snapped at her, she watched Ottilie lye still on the bed and began to cry, all she wanted was Ryan, Ryan to get there and tell her it was ok, Ryan to hold her hand, and Ryan to keep her strong.

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Jake sat in the front of Frankie's car in shock, the car was following the ambulance in hot pursuit, and he was in shock, he knew deep down that it was his fault about Ottilie, not that he would ever admit that. What he is more shocked about are the texts on Marissa's phone.

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From: Aunt Joanna.

How was the meeting? Do we know if there is a bun in the oven?

From Ryan.

Let me know when you have taken the test please Marissa. Whatever the outcome.

X

He could question why Marissa had been receiving texts from Ryan, because that made him angry enough. But the meaning behind the text. Marissa was pregnant, and obviously everyone but him knew it .

"Dude? Earth to Jake??" Frankie said snapping him out of his daze,

"What?" Jake replied coldly

"Call them! Marissa is going to be in such a state when we get to the hospital, do it for the kid Jake."

"If she ever wakes up that is, and maybe if she doesn't I can get the old Marissa back, the fun Marissa, drinking Marissa, thin Marissa."

"I know you can be pretty low sometimes, but I cannot believe you just said that" Frankie said shaking his head at him.

"What its true" Jake said,

"Whatever, just do this for her please" Jake sighed and looked at the phone. He scrolled through Marissa's number until it hit Ryan's name, but instead of pressing the call button, he held the phone to his ear and spoke into it.

"Hey Ryan its Jake" He pretended into his phone, he looked over at Frankie, who was buying it completely

"Look I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news man, but Ottilie has been in an accident," Jake said, waiting a while before he said anything else.

"Yeah, of course man, she's in LA Children's Hospital. Yeah, I will wait with them both until you get here, see you in a few" Jake 'hung-up' and turned to Frankie.

"That was a real brave thing you just did Jake, I mean telling a guy that his daughter drowned."

"Almost drowned, you were the one that told me to be optimistic about this." Jake told him, he reached into his own back pocket and received his own Blackberry, he quickly got his own text message screen out.

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Marissa Cooper's kid drowned , gone to E&R at LA children's.

Jake finished the text and sent it to 'Light Photography Agency', Angelina Pitt had had yet another baby there this week, so there was guaranteed press to be outside. He smirked to himself and looked up to where they were, nearly there. Once they were inside, and everyone told Marissa that Ottilie would be ok, he would question her about the 'baby'. Maybe he would get some of his questions answered.

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When the ambulance made a stop at the hospital, Marissa jumped forward to reach out for Ottilie again, the doctors tried to push her away, but she couldn't let them take her baby away, little movement had come from Ottilie since they had first got her breathing again, this worried Marissa more than anything right now. She stepped carefully out of the ambulance still holding Ottilie's hand, she could see a flash go off, and prayed it was just an accident, but when she could hear more clicks she started to walk faster.

"MARISSA, MARISSA, WHATS HAPPENNED"

"MARISSA IS IT TRUE THAT YOU WERE IN A CAR CRASH"

"MARISSA, HOW DID A 5 YEAR OLD DROWN ANYWAY" She tried to ignore it, but she was pretty sure they got a picture of her crying her eyes out, and her cold daughter. She shut her eyes and tried to keep up with the doctors as they spoke.

"5 year old girl, she was swimming then slipped under, were not sure how long, currently unconscious, we think she wasn't under as long as 3 but--" The rest faded off into Marissa's mind.

"Miss, I'm afraid we are going to have to stop you here," the nurse told Marissa as they wheeled her into a separate room with swinging doors.

"No, no you don't understand, I cannot leave her!" Marissa shouted at the nurse.

"Look, Miss, Cooper, it would not be a good thing for you to go in there right now, shes unconscious, and its critical she is checked over. It would only crowd things if you were in there, its not like you know what they mean-"

"Excuse me, are you calling me thick? Listen, my daughter is in there! And if you don't take care of her like she deserves, I am going to sue, not the hospital, but you!!" Marissa said with anger in her voice, she took a deep breath and calmed herself down, phase 1 of pregnancy, hormones, and they really weren't this bad when she was pregnant with Ottilie.

"I will let you know if there are any improvements." The nurse said to her as Marissa fell against a plastic chair and cried into her hands.

"Please, please, please let her be ok" She silently said to herself. With a comforting hand on her stomach, she began to pray for her baby, she had never been a religious person before, but in the way that the doctors were talking, she would need a miracle right about now.

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**Marissa seems super stressy,but lets face it, its totally understandable**

**hope you liked xoxo**


	21. Chapter 21

**Heyyyy everyone**

**Thank you so much for all of the positive responses, i always like to hear what you think.**

**Heres chap 20 (i dnt belive were there already :)**

**xoxo**

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Jake walked through the doors of the hospital quite happy with himself, he had stopped to talk to the press, and had even done a live interview with E! News, that would be played on their segment in 20 minutes. It really was 'breaking news'. When he turned a corner, and found Marissa sitting on a lonely chair, crying to herself There was a minuscule slight amount of guilt, but after a second it was gone. When Marissa noticed him, she shot up and ran straight over to him threw herself into his arms.

"Are you sure you should be running" Jake questioned her, she cried onto his shoulder and looked up at him confused.

"What do you mean?" Marissa asked choking back a few tears and drying her eyes.

"Bad for a baby and all?" Marissa shut her eyes and took a breath

"How did you--?"

"That's not the point" Jake finished in a harsh tone

"I really don't need this now Jake, my daughter is in there, because she drowned! You have no idea what I'm going through" Marissa said walking into the family room with him behind her.

"What your going through?" Jake questioned her, Marissa shook her head and sat down

"What do you want me to say Jake? Yes I'm pregnant, and if I'm honest I didn't really expect this to be your reaction! Did you phone Ryan and Summer, they need to be here"

"Marissa there is something that you don't know," Jake said moving closer to her, when he sat in the chair beside her, his tone of voice became darker, in a way that reminded her of Oliver, and she hated it, she was scared of it.

"I cant have kids, had that operation taken care of a while back" Marissa turned to face him, quickly thinking up a story in her head, Jake moved in closer.

"So my question is? Who the hell have you been sleeping with?"

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Ryan sat on Sarah's bed, back at her parents house, considering he had taken Bullits plane, they were there within an hour, and he had met her family within 2. It was nice to finally meet her family and they all seemed really happy about meeting him. He had never really done the whole family meet and greet thing before, for a moment he felt like a normal guy his age, going home to meet the parents, but not many normal guys had a daughter and a Marissa back home. Both Ryan and Sarah were sitting on her bed watching her old television, Sarah insisting on watching her daily E! News, but this time she had a reason, there would be news of her new series she was doing.

"You know you love it, I mean who couldn't!" She said happily as the opening credits rolled.

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Tonight's breaking entertainment news. Brangelina welcome yet another baby, Heidi Montag talks about season 15 of the hills, and we have a special interview with the one and only Chace Crawford. But first, in breaking news, only half an hour ago our reporters standing waiting outside of LA Children's hospital, caught a famous Model and her unconscious daughter getting out of an ambulance and being rushed straight into the Emergency Room.

As a picture of a tear stained Marissa holding Ottilie's hand as she exited the ambulance froze Ryan, he blinked but the picture was frozen on the screen, From what he could see Ottilie had a Oxygen Mask on.

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From the picture you can see a very distraught Marissa and her daughter exiting the ambulance, witness' say that the child was not breathing at all, but Marissa's own fiancé gave us the exclusive scoop.

"Me and Marissa had taken Ottilie for the weekend, She was swimming in our pool and shouted out for the both of us to watch her do some jumps, unfortunately she stayed under longer than any of us expected. She is ok though and her mother and I are just awaiting confirmation from her doctors to take her home and her whole family can then sit down to a dvd of The Little Mermaid," Jake said falsely

"Do you do normal regular things when she's around"

"Of course, we all sit down for dinners as a family, me and Marissa get called Mommy and Daddy, it really is amazing, she also does the funniest things. But I want to be in there now, ready for when she turns around and says "Dad can I go now"" Jake nods to the paparazzi and walks into the hospital, happy with the lies that he has created

"oh my god" Sarah stated in shock, Ryan kept his eyes focused on the screen, Sarah turned to face him, but his expression was unreadable. Ryan sat there processing everything in his mind.

"Ryan," Sarah said to him, to try and sound him out.

"I" Ryan sat there in shock and confusion, staring into space.

"I should--" Ryan shot off the bed and began to frantically put his things into his bag.

"Of course, how are you going to get there?" Sarah asked him

"I don't know yet, could you drive me…to the airport at least"

"Sure," Ryan looked up at her and the threw his bag on the floor.

"Screw it, there's no time, come on" He began to walk fast and out of the room, with only the thought of his daughter on his mind.

"Shouldn't you call them" Sarah said trying to be helpful as they drove on the quiet roads. However Ryan just stood there staring.

"I….I…yeah," Ryan tried dialling Marissa's number and waited for an answer,

"Come on Marissa, please" He said into the phone, the single picture of his daughter on a stretcher had changed his whole life, he wouldn't have a life, if Ottilie wasn't in it.

_"Hi, youve reached Marissa, sorry I couldnt get to the phone right now--"_

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So my question is, who the hell have you been sleeping with.

Marissa tried to search Jakes face, looking for an answer. Saying Ryan would probably result in Jake and Ryan fighting it out till one of them is beaten to a pulp.

"Come on Marissa, its not that hard to think through" Jake said with gritted teeth. Marissa however just sat there,

"I don't know what to say," Marissa started slowly.

"I never realised you couldn't" she wiped some tears and carried on, "I mean, you never said, I thought you wanted--". Before Marissa could carry on, the door was thrown open and she looked up in surprise. Seth was standing there, they hadn't really been together that much since they had been back, she certainly hadn't really stopped to talk to him, he had been there when she had needed Ryan the first time, when she was in labour, and now he seemed to pull through again. She ran up to him and he comforted her like she needed, she wept onto his shoulder and Seth just stood tried to catch his breath.

"I came…as soon as I had… Heard….it was on the radio…something about breaking news…" Seth said in between deep breaths. Marissa nodded and Jake sat in the corner, with a glare on his face. Seth wondered why he wasn't more bothered, he had heard the bullshit on the radio about Ottilie calling Jake 'Dad', he could at least act more concerned.

"Where is she?" Seth asked her, it was an odd feeling, he played a big part of Ottilie's life, always looking after her and being there for her brother, and knowing that there was a chance that she might not survive, it was too much.

"They wont let me be with her, they took her away when I got here" Marissa said wistfully.

"Look, man, we don't even know who you are, so why don't you just go back to where you came from, before I call hospital security." Jake said to him. Ryan rolled his eyes, he was exactly like Luke was before Ryan moved to Newport.

"Look, man, my niece, so just back off ok, I know where all upset, have you spoken to Ryan?" Seth asked Marissa.

"Yeah, Jake phoned them, he said he would be on his way as soon as he could get here" Marissa sniffled,

"So what actually happened?" Seth asked them. Marissa began to cry again and Jake shied the question.

"She was swimming, she had taken her floats off, and she just slipped under." Marissa said regrettably.

"It was a complete accident, I shouldn't have even gone out this afternoon. I am such a terrible mother" Marissa said, falling against Seth again and crying.

"It will be alright Marissa, she was born a month early, and she was fine. She's an Atwood." Marissa hoped that Seth was right,

"Ryan should be here in a few hours then, I should call Summer." Marissa nodded and let Seth go. The were all interrupted by the nurse standing at the door, she had her clipboard and a stern look on her face.

"Miss Cooper, if you would like to come with me please." The nurse nodded towards Marissa, she quickly got up and followed her, not even minding that her face was red and blotchy or that she had make up absolutely everywhere, or that her clothes were still a little bit damp. It felt like a walk of shame, with a lot of the people in the hospital looking at her. The doctor led her into a room, a cold and dark room and on the bed lay Ottilie, all wired up to machines and sleeping.

"Oh my god" Marissa just stared at the broken mess of her daughter laying on the bed.

"We managed to resuscitate her, soon enough after you bought her in, however these next 24 hours are critical, and she will most likely want to sleep for the most part."

"What exactly is wrong with my baby?" Marissa squeaked.

"It is crucial, after drowning to make sure of no memory loss or further brain damage, it could go one of two ways at this point, it could either worsen, or she will be completely fine, so its best to not give up hope." Marissa nodded and the nurse excused herself from the room, leaving Ottilie and Marissa alone. Marissa sat down at her side, not knowing how long it had been since the accident, time had stood still for her, but she hoped wherever Ryan was, that he was on his way.

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**Merci pour reading ;)**

**xoxo**


	22. Chapter 22

**Heyyy everyone! thanks for the positive comments I have been recieving! I love to hear from you and it really makes all the difference! This chapter isnt overly long, but I wanted to get to the point and i didnt want to over do it. But your in for a long one next chapter, already written some **

**Hope you enjoy, r/r **

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"Marissa come on were leaving now" Jake said as he rudely walked in Ottilie's private room, one of the perks to being famous.

"Marissa, I said we are leaving come on" Jake said more forcefully. Marissa turned around to face him, with shock on her face, she shook her head and turned back to her daughter, who was still asleep on the bed. She had been laying completely still, Marissa had not left her side, the only thing that was giving her any hope was the continuous beep of her heart monitor. Ryan had still not arrived, for her, this felt like the longest time of her life. In that time Summer, had come and they had both come to terms with the last 5 years.

__

The door flew open and Marissa's head shot up from where it was lying on the bed.

"RYAN?" She asked out, she turned around hopefully, but her smile faltered when she saw Summer standing at the door. Both of the girls saw each other, and immediately started crying, Marissa stood up and Summer ran at her, as soon as they were close enough, both of them hugged, and held each other tightly. Just like they had in the past, burying all of their problems.

"Oh Sum" Marissa said as she hiccupped some tears, and both of them hugged each other.

"I am so sorry" Marissa whispered and Summer heard her, she shook her head and stroked Marissa's hair.

"I'm sorry too," Summer told her, Marissa felt slightly better on terms with Summer, but compared with everything else, she still wished it was herself in Ottilie's bed.

"What happened" Summer asked her as the broke apart, and she looked at Ottilie.

"I don't know," Marissa said breaking into a new batch of tears

"I was out at, she was with Jake at the time, and was swimming. I came home and as soon as I walked in the door, I heard this big splash, and I walked through to Jake and Frankie, went to the kitchen, the to check on her, and that's when I found her at the bottom of the pool, I went in after her, and more or less I have been here ever since, I have tried talking to her and everything to get her to wake up, but she just wont" Marissa broke down again, holding Ottilie's hand. Summer couldn't believe how easy it was, how easy it is for a child to nearly lose their life in a space of a second.

"It will be ok Marissa" summer tired to tell her even though she was silently crying.

"I just want Ryan, Summer, I just need him to be here" As she hugged into Summer's shoulder, Summer prayed that Ryan was on his way, ready to help them all. She felt sick as she looked at Ottilie lying cold on the bed, all thoughts of he two previous miscarriages, couldn't leave her mind.

"JUST GET OUT JAKE, IM NOT LEAVING MY BABY" Marissa shouted at him. Summer had left them to give them some privacy and was standing outside with Seth.

"DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO ME LIKE THAT MARISSA--" Jake threatened her, she shook her head.

"No more Jake, I cant do this anymore." She walked over to him, and away from Ottilie, he saw her reach down to her 4th finger on her left hand and wiggle off her engagement ring. She shook her head and held it out for him to take.

"No Marissa, you cant leave me, I am not having my reputation ruined because you cant keep faithful. I have spent to much money for you to waste it on some shitty lowlife who knocked you up--"

"I don't want to be with you anymore Jake! You don't really love me, you almost killed my daughter" Marissa said pushing him back, and raising her voice. Jake held her arms, and scared her by looking in her eyes, she hadn't been this intimidated by someone since the night with Trey.

"I hope someone pulls the plug on her monitor, and does us all a fucking favour." Jake pinched Marissa's arms as he let them go and she stood there rigid.

"I hate you" and with that she hit him hard across the face, she watched him walk out of the room and past Seth and Summer who were waiting outside. . He shook his head and looked down at the expensive ring he had bought her, he didn't feel guilty in the slightest about the days events, all he was thinking was who could fill her position next. He was so deep in thought, he didn't even realise who he walked into next.

"I'm looking for Ottilie Atwood" Ryan aid desperately to a nurse, he had had the longest flight home to him, luckily he had caught Bullet just before he returned home from his meeting, once he had informed him of Ottilie's conditions they gave Ryan a flight home. He hadn't really said goodbye to Sarah, just ran off without her, it seemed as if everything was standing in the way of his daughter.

"I'm afraid I cannot give that information sir" The nurse told him

"I am her father--"

"Hey watch were you going" Jake snapped to a stranger, when he lifted his head, he realised he had walked straight into Ryan.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jake asked him with disdain written all across him face

"Are you kidding me, where are they?" Ryan asked desperately, Jake smirked, and realised he oculd have more fun with this.

"Why should I tell you?, Give me one good reason--" Before Jake could finish teasing him, Ryan had grabbed his collar and shoved him hard against a wall.

"Tell me where she is now!" Ryan shoved him harder when he gained no response.

"Down the hall, room 189" Jake said, with less and less air to breath.

"If I find out, you had anything to do with any of this, if I were you I would run, because I would hurt you so bad, you wont be able to walk--" As a doctor pulled them apart, Jake looked at him with a arrogant look on his face, Ryan stared at him, to get his point across, until he started to run past all of the different people towards Ottilie' room. He passed Seth and Summer, who looked relieved to see him, he definitely took in how upset and tired they looked, but happy they were there for his baby. He pushed open the door to see Marissa at her bedside and Ottilie, wired up to various machines, and prominent beep could be heard throughout the silent room. As Marissa turned round and realised it was him, she ran straight over to him. He was silent and still, but he still managed to wrap his arms around her, to try and comfort her.

"I am so so sorry Ryan" Marissa wept to him, he kissed her hair and tried to comfort her, all the while, is eyes stuck on his motionless daughter, he felt sick just by seeing her not bounce up to him and hug him so tightly.

"Heyyy, come on now, it will be ok" Ryan said to her. They continued to hold each other, he may not of been balling his eyes out but she could read him, and she could tell he was a bucket case inside.

"It was an accident, I am so --"

"Marissa please, she is going to be fine" He lifted her chin so they were face to face, she could feel her heartbeat speeding up at just being so close to him. She gulped as they both tried to read each others face, time stood still whenever they were this close. She lent her head sideward slightly, and into kiss him, when they closed the gap, it felt like fireworks were going off, knowing they could support each other through this, having the other there was all they needed. As the kiss ended they broke apart, silently agreeing to talk when all of this had cleared. Marissa lent her head against Ryan's shoulder and shut her eyes, thankful he was finally with her. They sat in quiet for a little while longer, until what seemed like a miracle.

"Mommy, Daddy?" Ottilie's tiny voice squeaked, Both of their faces lit up when they realised that their little girl was finally awake, it was their miracle, their family.

"Marissa come on were leaving now" Jake said as he rudely walked in Ottilie's private room, one of the perks to being famous.

"Marissa, I said we are leaving come on" Jake said more forcefully. Marissa turned around to face him, with shock on her face, she shook her head and turned back to her daughter, who was still asleep on the bed. She had been laying completely still, Marissa had not left her side, the only thing that was giving her any hope was the continuous beep of her heart monitor. Ryan had still not arrived, for her, this felt like the longest time of her life. In that time Summer, had come and they had both come to terms with the last 5 years.

__

The door flew open and Marissa's head shot up from where it was lying on the bed.

"RYAN?" She asked out, she turned around hopefully, but her smile faltered when she saw Summer standing at the door. Both of the girls saw each other, and immediately started crying, Marissa stood up and Summer ran at her, as soon as they were close enough, both of them hugged, and held each other tightly. Just like they had in the past, burying all of their problems.

"Oh Sum" Marissa said as she hiccupped some tears, and both of them hugged each other.

"I am so sorry" Marissa whispered and Summer heard her, she shook her head and stroked Marissa's hair.

"I'm sorry too," Summer told her, Marissa felt slightly better on terms with Summer, but compared with everything else, she still wished it was herself in Ottilie's bed.

"What happened" Summer asked her as the broke apart, and she looked at Ottilie.

"I don't know," Marissa said breaking into a new batch of tears

"I was out at, she was with Jake at the time, and was swimming. I came home and as soon as I walked in the door, I heard this big splash, and I walked through to Jake and Frankie, went to the kitchen, the to check on her, and that's when I found her at the bottom of the pool, I went in after her, and more or less I have been here ever since, I have tried talking to her and everything to get her to wake up, but she just wont" Marissa broke down again, holding Ottilie's hand. Summer couldn't believe how easy it was, how easy it is for a child to nearly lose their life in a space of a second.

"It will be ok Marissa" summer tired to tell her even though she was silently crying.

"I just want Ryan, Summer, I just need him to be here" As she hugged into Summer's shoulder, Summer prayed that Ryan was on his way, ready to help them all. She felt sick as she looked at Ottilie lying cold on the bed, all thoughts of he two previous miscarriages, couldn't leave her mind.

"JUST GET OUT JAKE, IM NOT LEAVING MY BABY" Marissa shouted at him. Summer had left them to give them some privacy and was standing outside with Seth.

"DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO ME LIKE THAT MARISSA--" Jake threatened her, she shook her head.

"No more Jake, I cant do this anymore." She walked over to him, and away from Ottilie, he saw her reach down to her 4th finger on her left hand and wiggle off her engagement ring. She shook her head and held it out for him to take.

"No Marissa, you cant leave me, I am not having my reputation ruined because you cant keep faithful. I have spent to much money for you to waste it on some shitty lowlife who knocked you up--"

"I don't want to be with you anymore Jake! You don't really love me, you almost killed my daughter" Marissa said pushing him back, and raising her voice. Jake held her arms, and scared her by looking in her eyes, she hadn't been this intimidated by someone since the night with Trey.

"I hope someone pulls the plug on her monitor, and does us all a fucking favour." Jake pinched Marissa's arms as he let them go and she stood there rigid.

"I hate you" and with that she hit him hard across the face, she watched him walk out of the room and past Seth and Summer who were waiting outside. . He shook his head and looked down at the expensive ring he had bought her, he didn't feel guilty in the slightest about the days events, all he was thinking was who could fill her position next. He was so deep in thought, he didn't even realise who he walked into next.

"I'm looking for Ottilie Atwood" Ryan aid desperately to a nurse, he had had the longest flight home to him, luckily he had caught Bullet just before he returned home from his meeting, once he had informed him of Ottilie's conditions they gave Ryan a flight home. He hadn't really said goodbye to Sarah, just ran off without her, it seemed as if everything was standing in the way of his daughter.

"I'm afraid I cannot give that information sir" The nurse told him

"I am her father--"

"Hey watch were you going" Jake snapped to a stranger, when he lifted his head, he realised he had walked straight into Ryan.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jake asked him with disdain written all across him face

"Are you kidding me, where are they?" Ryan asked desperately, Jake smirked, and realised he oculd have more fun with this.

"Why should I tell you?, Give me one good reason--" Before Jake could finish teasing him, Ryan had grabbed his collar and shoved him hard against a wall.

"Tell me where she is now!" Ryan shoved him harder when he gained no response.

"Down the hall, room 189" Jake said, with less and less air to breath.

"If I find out, you had anything to do with any of this, if I were you I would run, because I would hurt you so bad, you wont be able to walk--" As a doctor pulled them apart, Jake looked at him with a arrogant look on his face, Ryan stared at him, to get his point across, until he started to run past all of the different people towards Ottilie' room. He passed Seth and Summer, who looked relieved to see him, he definitely took in how upset and tired they looked, but happy they were there for his baby. He pushed open the door to see Marissa at her bedside and Ottilie, wired up to various machines, and prominent beep could be heard throughout the silent room. As Marissa turned round and realised it was him, she ran straight over to him. He was silent and still, but he still managed to wrap his arms around her, to try and comfort her.

"I am so so sorry Ryan" Marissa wept to him, he kissed her hair and tried to comfort her, all the while, is eyes stuck on his motionless daughter, he felt sick just by seeing her not bounce up to him and hug him so tightly.

"Heyyy, come on now, it will be ok" Ryan said to her. They continued to hold each other, he may not of been balling his eyes out but she could read him, and she could tell he was a bucket case inside.

"It was an accident, I am so --"

"Marissa please, she is going to be fine" He lifted her chin so they were face to face, she could feel her heartbeat speeding up at just being so close to him. She gulped as they both tried to read each others face, time stood still whenever they were this close. She lent her head sideward slightly, and into kiss him, when they closed the gap, it felt like fireworks were going off, knowing they could support each other through this, having the other there was all they needed. As the kiss ended they broke apart, silently agreeing to talk when all of this had cleared. Marissa lent her head against Ryan's shoulder and shut her eyes, thankful he was finally with her. They sat in quiet for a little while longer, until what seemed like a miracle.

"Mommy, Daddy?" Ottilie's tiny voice squeaked, Both of their faces lit up when they realised that their little girl was finally awake, it was their miracle, their family.

**Any thoughts, always happy to hear :)**

**xoxo**

"Marissa come on were leaving now" Jake said as he rudely walked in Ottilie's private room, one of the perks to being famous.

"Marissa, I said we are leaving come on" Jake said more forcefully. Marissa turned around to face him, with shock on her face, she shook her head and turned back to her daughter, who was still asleep on the bed. She had been laying completely still, Marissa had not left her side, the only thing that was giving her any hope was the continuous beep of her heart monitor. Ryan had still not arrived, for her, this felt like the longest time of her life. In that time Summer, had come and they had both come to terms with the last 5 years.

__

The door flew open and Marissa's head shot up from where it was lying on the bed.

"RYAN?" She asked out, she turned around hopefully, but her smile faltered when she saw Summer standing at the door. Both of the girls saw each other, and immediately started crying, Marissa stood up and Summer ran at her, as soon as they were close enough, both of them hugged, and held each other tightly. Just like they had in the past, burying all of their problems.

"Oh Sum" Marissa said as she hiccupped some tears, and both of them hugged each other.

"I am so sorry" Marissa whispered and Summer heard her, she shook her head and stroked Marissa's hair.

"I'm sorry too," Summer told her, Marissa felt slightly better on terms with Summer, but compared with everything else, she still wished it was herself in Ottilie's bed.

"What happened" Summer asked her as the broke apart, and she looked at Ottilie.

"I don't know," Marissa said breaking into a new batch of tears

"I was out at, she was with Jake at the time, and was swimming. I came home and as soon as I walked in the door, I heard this big splash, and I walked through to Jake and Frankie, went to the kitchen, the to check on her, and that's when I found her at the bottom of the pool, I went in after her, and more or less I have been here ever since, I have tried talking to her and everything to get her to wake up, but she just wont" Marissa broke down again, holding Ottilie's hand. Summer couldn't believe how easy it was, how easy it is for a child to nearly lose their life in a space of a second.

"It will be ok Marissa" summer tired to tell her even though she was silently crying.

"I just want Ryan, Summer, I just need him to be here" As she hugged into Summer's shoulder, Summer prayed that Ryan was on his way, ready to help them all. She felt sick as she looked at Ottilie lying cold on the bed, all thoughts of he two previous miscarriages, couldn't leave her mind.

"JUST GET OUT JAKE, IM NOT LEAVING MY BABY" Marissa shouted at him. Summer had left them to give them some privacy and was standing outside with Seth.

"DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO ME LIKE THAT MARISSA--" Jake threatened her, she shook her head.

"No more Jake, I cant do this anymore." She walked over to him, and away from Ottilie, he saw her reach down to her 4th finger on her left hand and wiggle off her engagement ring. She shook her head and held it out for him to take.

"No Marissa, you cant leave me, I am not having my reputation ruined because you cant keep faithful. I have spent to much money for you to waste it on some shitty lowlife who knocked you up--"

"I don't want to be with you anymore Jake! You don't really love me, you almost killed my daughter" Marissa said pushing him back, and raising her voice. Jake held her arms, and scared her by looking in her eyes, she hadn't been this intimidated by someone since the night with Trey.

"I hope someone pulls the plug on her monitor, and does us all a fucking favour." Jake pinched Marissa's arms as he let them go and she stood there rigid.

"I hate you" and with that she hit him hard across the face, she watched him walk out of the room and past Seth and Summer who were waiting outside. . He shook his head and looked down at the expensive ring he had bought her, he didn't feel guilty in the slightest about the days events, all he was thinking was who could fill her position next. He was so deep in thought, he didn't even realise who he walked into next.

"I'm looking for Ottilie Atwood" Ryan aid desperately to a nurse, he had had the longest flight home to him, luckily he had caught Bullet just before he returned home from his meeting, once he had informed him of Ottilie's conditions they gave Ryan a flight home. He hadn't really said goodbye to Sarah, just ran off without her, it seemed as if everything was standing in the way of his daughter.

"I'm afraid I cannot give that information sir" The nurse told him

"I am her father--"

"Hey watch were you going" Jake snapped to a stranger, when he lifted his head, he realised he had walked straight into Ryan.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jake asked him with disdain written all across him face

"Are you kidding me, where are they?" Ryan asked desperately, Jake smirked, and realised he oculd have more fun with this.

"Why should I tell you?, Give me one good reason--" Before Jake could finish teasing him, Ryan had grabbed his collar and shoved him hard against a wall.

"Tell me where she is now!" Ryan shoved him harder when he gained no response.

"Down the hall, room 189" Jake said, with less and less air to breath.

"If I find out, you had anything to do with any of this, if I were you I would run, because I would hurt you so bad, you wont be able to walk--" As a doctor pulled them apart, Jake looked at him with a arrogant look on his face, Ryan stared at him, to get his point across, until he started to run past all of the different people towards Ottilie' room. He passed Seth and Summer, who looked relieved to see him, he definitely took in how upset and tired they looked, but happy they were there for his baby. He pushed open the door to see Marissa at her bedside and Ottilie, wired up to various machines, and prominent beep could be heard throughout the silent room. As Marissa turned round and realised it was him, she ran straight over to him. He was silent and still, but he still managed to wrap his arms around her, to try and comfort her.

"I am so so sorry Ryan" Marissa wept to him, he kissed her hair and tried to comfort her, all the while, is eyes stuck on his motionless daughter, he felt sick just by seeing her not bounce up to him and hug him so tightly.

"Heyyy, come on now, it will be ok" Ryan said to her. They continued to hold each other, he may not of been balling his eyes out but she could read him, and she could tell he was a bucket case inside.

"It was an accident, I am so --"

"Marissa please, she is going to be fine" He lifted her chin so they were face to face, she could feel her heartbeat speeding up at just being so close to him. She gulped as they both tried to read each others face, time stood still whenever they were this close. She lent her head sideward slightly, and into kiss him, when they closed the gap, it felt like fireworks were going off, knowing they could support each other through this, having the other there was all they needed. As the kiss ended they broke apart, silently agreeing to talk when all of this had cleared. Marissa lent her head against Ryan's shoulder and shut her eyes, thankful he was finally with her. They sat in quiet for a little while longer, until what seemed like a miracle.

"Mommy, Daddy?" Ottilie's tiny voice squeaked, Both of their faces lit up when they realised that their little girl was finally awake, it was their miracle, their family.

**Any thoughts, always happy to hear :)**

**xoxo**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hi everyone! Thanks for the last chapter's reviews, i love all of your responses**

**Apologies for it being pasted 3 times. I am so not sure why that happenned :S**

**Anyway on with the story - and Happy Halloween for friday!**

**xoxo**

_" Mommy, Daddy?" _

Marissa began to cry at Ottilie's small and tired voice, thank god she was ok, Ottilie tried to open her eyes a little bit, but they kept drooping and become heavy. Ryan moved to her side, Marissa could tell just by looking at him, that he was choked up with emotion. He reached Ottilie's hand and stroked it softly.

"Its ok, baby, Daddy's here" Ryan said to her reassuringly, she tried to smile when he held her hand but Ryan shook his head, telling her not to, not if she was too tired.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" Marissa asked her quietly, Ottilie just continued to stare in Ryan's direction.

"Ottilie?" Marissa asked her stroking her other hand. Ryan noticed the awkwardness, and didn't know what to do.

"Daddy, where am I?" Ottilie asked him, Marissa noticed that she was being ignored , and began to silently cry. Ottilie didn't want Marissa that much was obvious.

"You were swimming don't you remember, I came home, and you were under the water?" Marissa asked her, trying to get through to her, it was the first time since Marissa had came home from New York that Ottilie had refused to be around her. Ryan stood there, unknowing of what to do. Ottilie shook her head and stayed in Ryan's arms, staring into space over his shoulder. Marissa looked at him worried and he just shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe I should go get a doctor" Marissa suggested. When she opened the door of Ottilie's room, Seth and Summer both came straight in happy to see she was awake. Ottilie immediately left Ryan's hand, and leaned straight towards Summer and hugged her just as tightly. When Marissa re-entered she looked confused to why Ottilie was happy hugging everyone else except her.

"Is Sarah with you?" Seth asked Ryan and he shook his head, Marissa looked straight at the floor, feeling like an outsider, as she watched her daughter act with everyone else bar her, and to see the man she was sure she loved, and had just kissed, talk about his girlfriend.

"She will be here soon" Ryan said raising his eyebrows, as if asking Seth to stop talking, Seth took the hint and Summer became worried for her friends.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" Summer asked her niece, as she sat on her lap. Ottilie shrugged her shoulders again, and hugged tighter into Summer. Ryan noticed Marissa's sad expression,

"Come sit with us Riss" He said, trying to extend an olive branch '_Why are you sending her mixed signals?' _he asked himself whilst Ottilie and Summer looked at her expectantly. Marissa moved tentatively towards the bed, and smiled to Ottilie.

"We were so worried baby" Marissa breathed, hoping Ottilie would leave Summer's arms and come to her own. But to her sadness, she carried on staring at all of them not speaking.

"Ottilie," Ryan asked her, she began to cry lightly, and Ryan quickly was there to soothe her, He stood up, with Ottilie wrapped around him as he rubbed small circles on her back. Marissa stood next to him and rubbed Ottilie's back also, but it did no good, she was still ignoring her.

"I'm sorry" Ottilie squeaked quietly, Ryan and Marissa both looked at each other, Ottilie appeared to be fine, if she was apologising for swimming where she knew she shouldn't, everything in her memory was intact.

"O baby it was an accident, its not your fault ok" Marissa said trying to comfort her. Ottilie nodded and Marissa kissed her forehead, when the doctor came in.

"Miss Atwood, how are you feeling today" The young lady asked her, Ottilie nodded shyly and took a place between Ryan and Marissa.

"I know its scary honey, but I have to run some tests with you?" She stuck out her hand and smiled at her, Ottilie nestled further towards her father, knowing whenever she was with Ryan, he would let no harm come towards her.

"I'm real sorry, to take you away from your Mom and Dad, but I promise it wont take to long, you will be back here before you know it, and back home soon enough. My name's Angela" Ottilie sighed and shyly took the lady's hand. She looked back at Ryan and Marissa with a sad look on her face.

"We will be right here, when you get back baby" Ryan reassured her, she stuck her thumb in her mouth for some comfort, and slowly walked with the nurse.

"We are just going to get some coffee guys" Summer said, not so subtly dragging Seth with her, to leave Ryan and Marissa alone to talk. When it was just them, it felt like the biggest elephant in the room, and neither knew how to fix it. Marissa looked at Ryan awkwardly, wondering whether she should start talking first.

"So how did it all happen?" Ryan asked her curiously, he had started to look out of Ottilie's window over LA, concentrating on the fast moving lights of the cars to distract himself.

"I'm not sure, I was out and she was swimming, I made sure she had her floats on and--" Marissa tried to reason

"If you left her, then she definitely took the floats off, she likes to think she's braver than she is."

"I didn't know she would"

"Where's you sense in leaving a 5 year old alone in a pool Marissa?" Earlier that night he seemed so helpful, so ready to protect them, she knew it was to good to be true, and now this, he was reacting how she had expected, and she desperately wanted to change it, back to the way things were.

"I don't know I, she was with Jake I thought she was ok, she was in the small pool and--"

"She could of died Marissa! You didn't even phone me!!" Ryan turned to face her and Marissa began to cry again, she already knew it was her fault, she had taken that blame, but it hurt a lot more Ryan blaming her.

"It was an accident, and Jake phoned you! He told me he--" Marissa shook her head as she realised Jake hadn't phoned him and felt even more guilty, she wasn't sure how he found out at all, but she knew it should have been from her.

"I'm sorry" Ryan said to her unexpectedly looking at her,

"I'm sorry too, your right it is my fault"

"I'm sorry for accusing you, Its just, she's my baby, I raised her and,"

"Ouch Ryan" Marissa said shaking her head, knowing what he was getting at, using her going away for a long time against her again.

"No Marissa I didn't mean that, she's just as much yours as-"

"But she never will be all mine will she? Because you raised her, because you have the say so, because its when she's under my care she comes to harm!!!"

"I never said that Marissa! Your twisting things here!"

"You may as well have Ryan, ugghh, this is so you, I had honestly thought that you would help me with this, I thought we could be there for each other! For god sakes, why the hell did you kiss me?" Marissa shouted at him

"I think it was the other way round, you kissed me!"

"I know what it feels like to be kissed Ryan! It was all you" She shouted back childishly, it was always like the old fights, they would shout and argue and then Marissa would cry and be hugged by Ryan, it was a tale as old as time. Although neither of them saw Sarah standing outside the ajar door, overhearing their fight. She cautiously walked forward to make her presence known,

"You kissed her?" Sarah asked her, with her glassy eyes. Ryan sighed and looked at Sarah who was shaking her head at him.

"Sarah it--" Ryan said moving towards her

"You couldn't even be in the same room as her for two seconds without jumping her bones" Sarah said accusingly

"It wasn't like that at all" Ryan said, holding her arms, that she was trying to move away from him.

"It was a mistake" Ryan told her, Marissa felt like she could of died when he said those words, to Ryan she was his mistake. No matter how much she loved him, or wanted him back, she will always be the girl he dated and knocked up when he was a teenager. Sarah looked over to Marissa and could see from her face that he heart was breaking, and took comfort in that fact.

__

'What the hell did you just say that for you idiot?'

Ryan asked himself.

"Well alright then, but it will not happen again, where's Otty" Sarah caved, She hugged Ryan and smiled knowing that she had not lost Ryan to her, she was winning once again. Marissa didn't quite know what to do, she was stuck in the corner of the room, with Sarah and Ryan, making up for lost time.

"Sarah I think you should wait outside, only family is allowed outside of visiting hours." Marissa told her,

"Then why are you in here then? I mean, you may be her blood mother, but she has never been in the hospital when she's with Ryan and I" Although Ryan was angry at Marissa, he meant it when he kissed her, he did love her. Although too many things were standing in between them. With her there is Jake, and her career, and for him there was Sarah, and the fact that they always end in an arguments and too lose her again would really be too much.

"Well Ryan would be around if you hadn't taken him away from LA, so don't go blaming me you selfish bitch"

"Guys, please stop it" Ryan said in between the two of them

"O so your protecting her now" Sarah asked him incredulously

"All I'm saying, is that Ottilie is fine, she is with doctors now, and us arguing is only weakening us all, it has been a long hard day." Marissa felt the need to be sick, she felt tired and light headed and stressed, and she assumed it was about morning by now, and the sickness does come at odd hours.

"Excuse me Sarah" Marissa said politely as she tried to move past her, Sarah shook her head and stood still.

" No I don't think so, your not running out again? How about you tell Ryan and I how it happened huh, how did our 5 year old nearly drown?, you may not want to admit it Marissa, but you're an unfit Mother!" Marissa shook her head and hit her hard across the face. Ryan stood completely still and Sarah was still in shock

"She is not _your _five year old, it wasn't you who gave birth to her, and contrary to what you think, I happened to know you DIDN'T raise her, she doesn't call you Mommy, and you have no share in her DNA and you know this, you may think that you can live happily ever after with Ryan and my daughter, but I know that my child wants nothing more than a proper family with her MOM and her DAD, that's why she hated Jake, and that's why I'm sure she despises you, now if you don't mind, I do not want you in this room with us when I get back" Marissa moved straight past her and ran out of the room, her bitchy tone shocking herself, she had never meant to come across that mean, at all. Seth and Summer saw her ran past them and into the toilets, where Summer followed her.

"Coop, are you ok" Summer saw Marissa slam the toilet door. As soon as she heard retching and vomiting she knocked on Marissa's door.

"Coop?" Summer heard the toilet flush and Marissa opened the door, as soon as she saw Summer she fell into her shoulders.

"Summer, I didn't mean for it to happen, I really want to be a good Mom" Marissa said as she cried

"I know you do sweetie, and Ryan knows that"

"Ryan hates me, and I don't blame him, I have always been bad for him, I always ruin him" Marissa said shaking her head and wiping her tears as Summer got her a tissue.

"Sweetie, you gave Ryan the thing he loves most in the world, you gave him Ottilie, and despite his life being slightly difficult, he would not of traded these years for anything. I promise" Summer told her truthfully.

"He has every reason to hate-"

"Marissa if you think for a minute that Ryan hates you, your crazy. I know that you were over a long time ago, but sometimes just at the sound of your name, or your picture, his way changes, just like it always has done," Summer said as she tried to reassure her.

"You should of seen him when the cover of you and Ottilie came out, he may never of told you the response, but it was pride Marissa. He was proud of the **both of you**, just by the way he was looking at the pictures, you could see it in his face, he loves both of you."

"Summer, he loves Ottilie, not me"

"Riss, you never stop loving your first. I want to say that everything will be ok, but while you are engaged to Jake and he is with Sarah I --"

"Jake and I actually broke up" Marissa whispered quietly, showing Summer her bare left hand

"Oh my god, I'm sorry" Summer said to her newly found best friend

"No, its ok, you never liked him anyway" they both said smiling.

"Well, that's true. Why did you break up?" Summer asked her, as they lent against the counter,

"He found out I was lying to him" Marissa said truthfully, wondering whether she should tell Summer what she was lying about. She had trusted her the first time back when she was pregnant with Ottilie, and they had made up again, and Summer was pregnant as well, They could help each other.

"Summer he found out that I'm pregnant" Summer's face looked shocked then she smiled for her best friend and sister.

"Congrats Coop" Summer said, placing her hand on Marissa's impeccably flat stomach.

"Wait? Why was Jake angry about this?" Summer asked her confused,

"Because, this is news to me also, he can't exactly have kids" Marissa said whilst biting a nail

"oh my god, so its not his?" Summer questioned her

"Nope, I'm in this on my own." Summer held Marissa close as she cried a fresh batch of tears. She really was in it alone, Ryan had practically told her he wanted nothing to do with her, by having Sarah around. She had been pregnant before, she can do it again. She doesn't need Ryan, or at least she thinks she doesn't need Ryan. But then again, she was wrong when she thought she hadnt needed him before, who's to say she isnt incorrect this time over.

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**R/R everyone =]**

**xoxo**


	24. Chapter 24

**Heyyyy guys. **

**Thanks for the great reviews, I just wanted to get one up for you =]**

**hope you like?**

**xoxo**

Marissa and Summer had spent a little while longer talking together in the bathroom. Mainly about Summer's pregnancy and how she was coping. Summer had informed Marissa that while she was away she had suffered two miscarriages, and even though she was so young, she loved being around Ottilie as a baby, and she knew how much Seth loved her, so having babies at a young age did not scare her at all. The sisters had reconnected again, and Marissa was overjoyed. She could understand how protective she was being of Ottilie, and now she is thankful, that if she wasn't around to witness and protect her daughter as she grew up, she knew she could trust Summer to do the job just as well.

"I should probably get back out there" Marissa stated quietly,

"and apologise for hitting Sarah" she said whilst rubbing her hands over her face, Summer shook her head at her and smiled.

"I know you will both never ever get on, I mean its way to weird, but she isn't a bad person Coop, when you left, I felt so alone, my best friend was gone, we did bond quite quickly, and all I'm saying given the chance you might be able to--"

"Summer, I am never going to like the girl, that's the way it was always going to be. I gave up trying with Ryan's other girlfriends when I found out Theresa was pregnant, I'm not going to start that again." Summer nodded and both of them walked out of the bathroom,

"I love you Sum" Marissa said as she hugged her

"You too Coop" As Marissa walked along the corridor, she could see Ottilie and the nurse, as she saw her baby smile, she walked straight over to them and bent down to hug Ottilie.

"How did everything go?" Marissa asked as she repositioned Ottilie on her hip.

"Why don't we talk everything over Ottilie's father, Miss Cooper. The nurse said to her, motioning her to come in.

"There not married" Ottilie said from Marissa's shoulder, interrupting them.

"Mommy has a special friend, and so does Daddy" Ottilie said trying to conceal a yawn and both of the lady's smiled awkwardly, the nurse pushed open the door's to Ottilie's room , where Ryan and Sarah were anticipating both of their returns.

"I am sorry Miss, but I ask that only Ottilie's parents are present at the minute" The nurse addressed Sarah, she sneered and looked rather annoyed, while Marissa tried her hardest to conceal her smile. All 3 of them sat on the bed with Ottilie in-between them, there was no denying the tension between Ryan and Marissa, although Ryan was confused and had a funny way of showing it sometimes, he really did love Marissa and want nothing more than for him to kiss her again. The doctor sat on the chair opposite and smiled as she looked down at her clipboard.

"Ottilie had a very serious accident, and I am sorry to say, it is probable that you will receive a visit from the social services, not that we are insinuating anything, it is because a child was involved in an accident and it is the state law." Marissa nodded to show that she understood, when all she could think is how much it is going to affect her winning custody of Ottilie, it would jeopardise her chances of winning anything that she hoped. Her hands found her stomach for some comfort, forgetting the lie that she had told Ryan and she squeezed onto Ottilie's hand that was laced through hers.

"Although on a happier note, from our test results, it shows that Ottilie is a happy and very healthy little girl" Marissa and Ryan could feel the weight that had been lifted immediately, they both smiled happy that their daughter was ok. As the nurse continued to talk to them, and to Ottilie, Marissa got herself smiling at Ryan,

__

Please just tell me how you feel Ryan, please

she found herself saying to herself.

"Ottilie will be able to go home tonight if you would like, although you have to wait a further hour or so maybe until she can be discharged." The nurse stood up and shook Ryan and Marissa's hands.

"Thank you so much for your help" Marissa told her gratefully.

"Its my job Miss Cooper, you have a lovely daughter" Marissa smiled at her as she walked out of the door. When she left, the door opened and Sarah, Seth and Summer all came in all happy that Ottilie was smiling again.

"Otty, I am so glad you're okay baby" Summer said to her niece as Ottilie hugged her,

"I'm not a baby anymore Aunt Sum, this is the new baby" Ottilie said as she placed a gentle hand on Summer's rounder stomach. Summer smiled as Seth intertwined his fingers with his.

"Yep, it sure is, then you have to be the big older cousin, who can teach it all sorts of things." Summer said happily, Ottilie nodded and sat back with her Dad and Sarah who was stuck at his side.

"It will be like a brother or sister" Ottilie said unaware, Summer smiled and then looked up at Marissa on the other side of the bed, she noted where her hands where placed, and felt happy for her new found best friend.

"Make it a little girl, I would really love a sister, I mean, a baby girl" Ottilie said with her head laying against her father,

"I will do my best honey, but I think that the decision has already been made" Summer said as she smiled at Seth.

"I think we should get going Sum, leave Ryan and Marissa to get on with things," Seth said hinting towards the couple. Summer nodded and kissed Ottilie's forehead.

"Sweet dreams Otty, we will come over to the apartment in the morning" Summer told her as the adults said their goodbyes. Ryan stood up to shake Seth's hand

"Thank you for being her man, for Ottilie and for Marissa, I really appreciate it." Ryan told his brother seriously,

"Its no problem man, its just a shame Mom and Dad are in the Caribbean, the Sandman lives for hospital coffee" Seth said sarcastically as they both smiled.

"I will talk to you tomorrow Coop" Summer said as she hugged her goodbye

"Thanks Sum, it means a lot"

"Bye Sarah" Seth and Summer said, Sarah thought it were a bit odd, how Summer was slightly cold with her, they were normally quite huggy, but Summer had been acting odd a bit recently, and she really didn't like the fact that she was hugging Marissa could bye over her.

_____

One hour later, Ryan was signing forms on letting Ottilie out of the hospital while Marissa sat with her in her arms, as she was slowly drifting back to sleep. Marissa felt Ottilie yawn one last time and then her breathing fell into a rhythm and she knew her daughter had fallen to sleep. She thought back on her day or more hours since she hadn't been to sleep, how her and Ottilie had been so close this morning, and then how she shouldn't of left her with someone as irresponsible as Jake, coming to the hospital and seeing her wired to the machines, not being allowed near her at all, and then mending her relationship with Summer, Ryan coming back just in time, again. Their kiss, Ottilie waking up Sarah returning and putting everything off balance, telling Summer she was pregnant. It had definitely been tiring, and as Ottilie's repetitive breaths became heavier, so did her eyelids, and she wanted nothing more to shut her eyes and let herself drift slowly to sleep. When Ryan came back into the room, he smiled when he saw a relaxed Ottilie.

"I just called us a cab" He told her in a soft voice as he stroked Ottilie's hair out of her face. Truthfully Marissa had been upset ever since Sarah came back, but she just couldn't be angry with him, there were too many feelings rushing through her veins at that point.

"Thanks, could you drop me off at a hotel on the way back?" Marissa asked him

"Why aren't you going home?" He asked her confused.

"Jake and I broke up," He raised his eyebrows when she told him,

"I can't lie to him like you can to Sarah, I can't pretend that I didn't cheat on someone" Marissa told him, trying to dig at the fact that he had slightly cheated on Sarah

"You didn't seem to mind back in Newport" He retorted, she looked down ashamed, she had hoped he wouldn't remember that night, and at least when she had the baby she could tell Ryan that it was Jake's.

"If it's a problem, I will just take my own cab" She said back to him, she could tell where this was going, they used to always snap at each other.

"I am not letting you stay in a hotel whilst this is going on, Marissa, it is not smart, you hate hotels anyway, ever since Oliver, you can stay with us, you can go with Otty and I will take the sofa" Ryan said as he smiled at her, Marissa smiled back and stood up as she shifted Ottilie on her hip.

"Thanks Ry" Ryan offered to take a sleeping Ottilie from Marissa's hands and she passed her over, and followed Ryan out of the door.

"There will be paparazzi Marissa, but you are going to have to put your head down ok, I'm sorry" Marissa nodded solemnly and the family of 3 stepped outside into the madness of flashes and microphones, which quickly woke up Ottilie. When she heard the noises, she burrowed her head into Ryan's shoulder and held on tighter.

"MARISSA, MARRISA, THIS WAY PLEASE, WHO ARE YOU WITH MARISSA"

"HOW DID YOU DAUGHTER END UP IN THE ER"

"ARE YOU HAVING AN AFFAIR"

"IS THE WEDDING STILL ON"

Marissa used her arm to shelter her from the cameras, a day of not wearing make up and the excessive tears was not good for any model. Ryan turned around to Marissa, and could tell she was nervous, so he grabbed her hand, and helped her thorough the crowds. When they were all safely in the taxi, the driver turned around in surprise, until Ryan gave him the address. Neither of them realised that they were still holding hands.

"Daddy?" Ottilie asked tiredly,

"Its ok baby, go back to sleep" Ryan said as he placed her next to him, so she could fall back to sleep. As Ryan shifter closer to Marissa, he rubbed his thumb across her hand, an old habit. As she slid down the seat and leant her head against his shoulder, he kissed her head, whatever was going on could wait, whoever wanted to come between them could wait, he needed to protect his girls, both of them.

**So this is a little confusing - will be unraveld in chaps to come ;)**

**r/r xoxo**


	25. Chapter 25

**Hi everyone, Thanks for the reviews and support this far, hope you like the chapter. xoxo**

**r/r**

* * *

Marissa and Ryan both quietly walked into the apartment. Ryan was carrying Ottilie who had fallen into a deeper sleep as they drove home from the hospital. Marissa smiled at him carrying their daughter, he looked so natural, she wished she could of seen him carrying her around when Ottilie was a baby, or being there when Ottilie said her first word, or to see his face light up when she took her first steps. She wanted to see all of those things that she had missed, between the both of them.

"Mommy" Ottilie whispered quietly, as she tried to open her tired eyes.

"sshhhh baby, go back to sleep," Marissa said to her, as they all moved around the penthouse, with only the moon highlighting its features. Ottilie stretched her arms out to Marissa and Ryan passed her over,

"I don't want to go in my bed nunight" Ottilie said as she yawned. Marissa nodded to Ryan, the doctor had warned them that Ottilie would be very clingy and she would possibly be having some nightmares for a while.

"You can sleep in my bed both of you" Ryan told them, Marissa smiled and walked through to his room whilst Ryan made them coffees, she hadn't actually been in before. Ottilie was in a nightgown that Summer bought her at the hospital shop, so she immediately got under the heavy covers. Marissa however was taken by the photos that adorned the largest wall. There were some from Newport and the majority were of Ottilie as she was growing up, the one with him and the Cohen's on their first Chrismukkah, one of him and Ryan graduating Harbour. There is one of him and Marissa dancing at some event she hadn't even remembered they had attended together, she thought it was odd how he had kept it, and what Sarah must think whenever she sees it, but that didn't matter to her, because in that picture, she hadn't seen them look any more in love.

"Mommy, will you lay with me?" Ottilie asked her tiredly, Marissa nodded and went to lay on the outside of the covers, she stroked Ottilie's fine blonde hair contently watching her daughter. When her hand crept down to her stomach, she finally seemed pleased about being pregnant again, an emotion she hadn't encountered on that pregnancy yet.

"Mommy, how comes you're here with us?" Ottilie asked her as she rolled over to her side to face Marissa.

"Because I wanted to stay with you and your Dad tonight, to make sure your ok, that is alright isn't it?" Marissa asked her as she brushed a hair out of her face.

"I like it that you're here with us," Ottilie told her smiling.

"Otty Atwood, your supposed to be asleep" Ryan told her as he entered the room with the two of them, Marissa suddenly became very nervous. Her she was lying on his bed, and they had to pretend there was nothing between them.

"I'm not tired anymore" Ottilie said smiling slightly. She reached up to Ryan, as he had bought in hot chocolate for both of them, Marissa smiled shyly as he handed her his cup, the same way he always made it to her.

"Can I sit with you two" Ryan asked them, but directed the question at Marissa, not knowing where his relationship stood with her. Ottilie nodded brightly, and Marissa shifted her gaze, she wondered if she ought to go and be somewhere else and leave them alone, because as sad as her situation was she was starting to really enjoy being a family of 3. When Ryan joined them, He pulled his arms around Ottilie as, Marissa moved some hair out of her face. Ottilie faltered her happy smile and let out a yawn.

"Come on baby, you have had a really long day" Marissa told her as she nodded

"I no want to go to sleep, coz then you not be here tomorrow, you will go home and then daddy will be with me and not you, and not all of us" She said sadly, Marissa kissed her forehead, her speech was becoming harder to understand as she spoke.

"I promise I will be here in the morning" Marissa told her as she looked at Ryan, he smiled awkwardly, not knowing how to behave or act around her.

"We both will, now come on get some sleep" Ryan told her as he motioned that he and Marissa should leave her, she kissed Marissa and Ryan goodnight as they left her.

"Night baby, I love you" Marissa told her as she shut the door behind them. When they both stood outside of his bedroom, they stood and looked at each other awkwardly, Marissa thought back to a time when it had ever been like this between them, that much tension and awkwardness, and the first thing she thought of was when she had told him she loved him and he had replied with thank you.

"So" Ryan said breaking the ice and snapping Marissa out of her daydream.

"I should get to bed--"

"Would you mind, you know, if we talked maybe?" Ryan asked her, she nodded and went to sit down on the sofa., he quickly wondered whereabouts he should sit, where would be too close or far away.

"What do you want to talk about?" Marissa said avoiding his gaze, and avoiding the obvious.

"I'm sorry," Ryan told her, She looked confused and he continued.

"I had never actually apologised you know, for today, the way I acted around Sarah, the way I hurt you, it was a lie, as I'm sure you have worked out. And for treating you like I have since you have come back, there are a lot of things between us, I had never apologised for, Marissa, and I'm sorry" Ryan told her sincerely,

"Erm, thanks I guess, but its not all you. Who knows what may of happened if I had never gone to New York,"

"I ask myself the same question" Ryan told her truthfully.

"I regret it you know, I wish I had never left Newport"

"Lets not go back there, we shouldn't-"

"No we should, I mean, you know my reasons, they were awful and shellfish, and hand on my heart was the worst decision I had ever made, but I just couldn't be-" Marissa told him, she had to admit, they had to talk about things whether they liked it or not,

"I remember, when I got to the house that night, and your Mom and Neal told me, I had never been more scared of anything in my life, I hadn't even been that scared when you told me you were pregnant, because then I knew there would be the both of us, but just to see her look up at me, and all I could see was you, I didn't want to let either of you down" Ryan said as he averted her eyes, having not told anyone anything about that night. She leant across and put her hand on his,

"I am so sorry" Marissa took a breath in as she felt their electricity, she had never had that with anyone else in her life. Ryan looked at her, and read her mind, she quickly took her hand away, as if she had just touched fire.

"I didn't mean to, it--"

"Marissa, we both need to stop finding excuses." Ryan told her exasperatedly.

"What do you mean?" She tried to act dumb, but they both knew their feelings were eventually going to come out. Ryan thought about what he wanted to say, and questioned himself on whether it was the right thing to do or not.

"What I mean is," Ryan took a deep breath and carried on, "we both know how much it hurt for you to go away, and we both know what happened again when you came back" Marissa shut her eyes, and tried to steady her breathing, although her heart was beating faster and faster with every second.

"Ryan I-"

"Marissa, this is so hard for me, I have tried so hard to ignore it since you came back, it would only complicate things more and more, and from our past experience, the odds have always been against us" Marissa nodded and tried to speak but Ryan wouldn't let her start, he needed to finish what he was saying. She moved closer to him and was reading his face as they both stopped to look at each other

"What I am saying Marissa I love you, and truth be told, I had never really stopped" Ryan waited for her to say something but she just looked at him in shock, her eyes began to water,

"I…I..-" Marissa was unable to find the words to say back to him, Ryan felt as if someone had pierced through his heart again, Ryan looked at the floor and stood up, Marissa immediately joined him and stepped in front of him.,

"No, I shouldn't of said that I, it was--"

"I love you too" Marissa told him as she blocked his path, they both smiled and Marissa giggled out of happiness, Ryan smiled at her as Marissa nodded, they both lent into a kiss that didn't stop. Marissa hadn't been this happy in a long long time, there was still everything they needed to sort out, but they were everything they needed, and they always had been. When they broke apart, Marissa leant his forehead on his and smiled. Being held by Ryan, and being kissed by Ryan, she had wanted it for such a long time, and now she finally had it, it was to good to be true.

"So what does this mean?" Marissa asked him giddily. Ryan reciprocated her smile.

"Well, we both love you, and I know I never want to make a mistake as bad as what I did last time, but I'm not going to push you, this is your terms and all I want you to know is that now, Im not going anywhere" Marisa's bit her lip in excitement, still getting her head around everything that had just happened.

"What about Sarah?" Marissa asked him slightly doubtfully,

"I don't want to let anyone else come between us again Riss," She smiled happily and drew in his lips, they stood kissing in the lounge for a while longer, reconnecting. Marissa thought about the baby, and decided she would wait a while longer before telling him, telling him in a memorable way, seeing as when she told him about Ottilie, it was more of a heat of the moment thing. She stood in the lounge, and rested her head on his shoulder, she sighed happily and held him close.

"You called me Riss" She said to him, as she sat down on the sofa and he wrapped his arms around her as they sat in silence.

"Old habit I guess" They both smiled, Marissa had forgotten the feeling, the feeling whenever he told her he loved her, and how warm it made her feel, he really did make her whole. How she lived without that feeling was beyond her, but they were here, together, that was all that mattered.

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I can only smile at this point, I hope people liked it, I was going to drag them out a little bit longer but I saw some inspiration for this chapter on youtube.

Its called Ryan& Marissa: You're still the one, look for it guys deffinitly, it wouldnt let me put a link.

It actually bought me to tears, god I am sad, any RM fan **needs** to watch this.

look out for the next chapter xoxo


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the amazing reviews! It means a lot that everyone is taking their time to read it :)**

**hope you like the latest edition **

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"DADDYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!" Ottilie's loud voice rung through the apartment, on Sunday morning. It was actually 12:05, but after the day they all had, it didn't do them any harm to sleep in.

Marissa and Ryan both stirred from their sleep in each others arms, Marissa lifted her head from Ryan's chest on the sofa and smiled at him.

"Morning" She said happily, when Ryan opened his eyes to see Marissa smiling down at him, it felt to good to be true.

"Very good morning" Ryan told her, Marissa smiled and yawned and lay her head on Ryans chest again, he looked down to see her light curls all messed up from her sleep. Marissa shut her eyes and tried to hear Ryan's heartbeat.

"DADDYYYY" Ottilie called once again from Ryan's room. Both of the adults sat up and rubbed the sleep from their eyes. Marissa turned to face him, and couldn't get over how great he looked in the morning. Better than memory, she told herself.

"What are we going to tell her?" Marissa asked him cautiously, wondering whether he even wanted to explain anything to Ottilie.

"I don't know, do you want to tell her?" Ryan asked her back, knowing whatever decision he made could possibly upset Marissa, and considering things were finally back to how he wanted them, a long time coming.

"We will work it out when you get back, our baby's calling you" Marissa said giddily as Ryan stood up and planted a kiss on her forehead. Marissa lent back against the sofa, which was overlooking the big glass doors of downtown LA. She felt like she was home, she was with the one she was meant to be with, she was with her daughter, and was now pregnant again, even though at first she wasn't so sure of qualities of a mother, but being with Ryan made her feel that. Marissa sighed happily, wondering if she pinched herself, would she wake up from her dream, and face the harsh reality. When she saw Ryan at the door entry, with Ottilie on his hip, she couldn't believe how lucky she was, he looked so hot, being the doting dad, more so than she had ever notice before. But then again, he was only wearing jeans and a wife beater from the night before, and did have pretty good 'I just woke up' hair.

"Mommy!" Ottilie said as she saw her, Ryan and Marissa both giggled and Marissa stood up to take her daughter from Ryan.

"Hey baby" Marissa said kissing her forehead. Ryan watched the mother and daughter pair interact as they sat against the sofa and Ottilie played with her hair.

"Shall I make us some breakfast?" Ryan asked them whilst looking at the clock

"I mean lunch" Marissa sent him a grin which was quickly reciprocated. She wouldn't be needing any coffee, she already had that warm feeling inside.

While Ryan busied himself in the kitchen, stealing glances at the both of them. It was so weird, how he wanted nothing more than to fall back into that pattern with Marissa, the pattern of them both being together again, and this time try being a real family. Ryan was startled out of his daze when Marissa called over to him,

"I think I am going to go get in the shower, freshen up a little, god knows how long I have been in these clothes" She said referring into her top and jeans.

"Yet you still look hot" Ryan commented eying her up and down, as she moved around the kitchen with him

"Ryan Atwood, sweet talker" She said sarcastically. She kissed Ottilie's hair as she walked out of the living room, enjoying the fact that Ryan's gaze never left her. She turned around and winked at him, and continuously walked towards the bathroom, with a swing of her hips. She may be a mother, but she is also a supermodel, she knows the sexy walk.

* * *

When Marissa made it into the bathroom she looked the door and squealed in happiness, although her reflection in the mirror may of not been picture perfect, the happiness that she had was. She started to run the water in Ryan's marble bath and put a had to her stomach.

Their baby was minuscule, even on a scan picture that she remembered having when she was pregnant with Ottilie, she would have a trouble knowing where it was. But the excitement of having another baby in there was just too much. She hoped that Ryan shared the same excitement. Giving Ryan a thought in this whole process made her think, really think. Her and Ryan had barely spoken about what they were doing here. She currently, had no place to live, and a very precarious modelling contract. She had to clear up what is bound to be messy with Jake, she was pregnant, and then there was Ryan. Her mind was racing, what if Ryan didn't actually want them? What if he was going to go back to Sadie. She swallowed hard, as mist from the bath took up the room, a strange sense of de ja vu taking over her.

* * *

Ottilie watched the television intently, not even noticing that Ryan was studying her profile, various things running through his mind. Wondering how she would take it, if suddenly Marissa became a huge part of his life, and hers, not that she would mind having her Mom around 24/7. When he should tell Sarah, and then discus what was going on with Marissa. He really hoped that she had finished with the douche bag for good, and that she wasn't going to go back to him like last time. Because he loved her, and losing her again, would be the final break his heart could take. Ryan snapped out of his daze, by Ottilie waving his Blackberry around, indicating for him to take it.

"Daddy, your blueberry" She said, her eyes never leaving the screen. Ryan walked back around the breakfast bar to take his phone from his daughter.

"I will just be in the other room babes ok" Ottilie nodded and Ryan walked into his room, and answered his phone.

"Hello"

_"Morning Baby, how's Ottilie, is she home yet?"_

"She's good thanks, Look Sarah, we need to talk"

_"Shoot, what about, are you going to fly back out?"_

"I don't know how to say this at all, I never meant for you to get caught in the middle of any of it, you are one of my closest friends S_"_

_"Ryan, your scaring me, what are you saying?"_

"We both know, this isn't working between us"

"_No, your wrong, I'm happy with you, were happy together"_

"Look I am really sorry, but I can't do this anymore"

"_What do you mean you cant do this anymore, we are fine Ryan,"_

"I hardly wanted to be doing this over the phone, but"

_"Is there someone else"_

"Sarah, there has always been someone else, and we both know that" He told her truthfully, he could hear her whimper and felt even worse, the only thing that was good about the situation, was the fact that him and Marissa could be a proper couple when it was over.

_"I can not believe you are leaving me for the coke whore"_

"Marissa isn't a coke whore Sarah, and I get why your upset, but we have a history, we have always loved each other, we have a daughter and-"

_"Yeah, well I hope for all your sakes she doesn't fly out the next chance she gets, I hope you know what your sacrificing Ryan, and I hope you know she wants you for nothing more than a bodyguard"_

"Sarah, you can say whatever you want about Marissa, or me, but you have no clue about our relationship."

_"Fine then, Bye Ryan"_

"Hey, what was all that about" She asked a little nervously.

"Erm, Riss can I speak to you a sec" He said motioning for her to come back into his room wit him. She wandered into his bedroom, her heart beating against her chest. They both sat on his couch at the end of his bed, nervously, about discussing their would be relationship.

"Who was that on the phone" Marissa asked him, still not sure of herself.

"I broke up with Sarah" Ryan told her slightly relieved, Marissa smiled and looked at him, much more confident than before.

"So I guess what I am trying to say is…" Ryan told her rambling, his heart was beating much faster than it was a few seconds ago, Marissa silenced his nervousness by moving forward and capturing his lips in hers. Ryan moved his hands around the back of her head as she ran her tongue over his lips, gaining access. When they both broke apart quite breathless they smiled at each other happily, all nerves of a second ago, washed away.

"So this is it yeah," Marissa asked him while he laced his fingers through hers.

"I want to give us a go, if you will" Marissa nodded at his question and kissed him again out of happiness.

"I love you" She told him honestly as he held her tightly.

"I love you too,"

"There's a lot of craziness you know, I don't want to mess up your life" Marissa told him sadly.

"Marissa, I would gladly put up with a few photographers, if it meant having you back." Ryan told her,

"Shall we tell Ottilie?" Marissa asked him, he nodded and they both stood up, she smiled then kissed him as he pulled her close. They opened the door, still hand in hand and found Ottilie smiling at he happily. They did nothing but walk hand in hand over to sit either side of her, they hands clasped around their daughter, who was quiet, but her smile spoke a thousand words.

"Are we a proper family now?" Ottilie asked them both, looking between her Mom and Dad. Marissa nodded and Ryan put his arms around the both of them. They were all content in the quiet, Marissa was smiling to herself, she was so lucky, so lucky to have the both of them, so lucky they had given her another chance.

"Yesssssssss" Ottilie whispered as her parents looked down at her.

"Its about time" She commented again, as they both smiled.

"Yeah, it is about time" Marissa said as she looked over at him, Ryan leant in to kiss her and she kissed back,

"That's gross you guys!" Ottilie commented as they broke apart, she shifted herself onto Ryan's lap as he leant forward and reached for the remote to change the channel onto something different. When they all settled on something else, the first thing they all saw was Marissa's crying face and Ottilie on the hospital stretcher. Marissa immediately looked down, still embarrassed from yesterday's events. Ryan noticed her change and took her hand, to show he was there for her.

"Its alright Riss honestly. These people don't know what they are talking about""It seems that Marissa, 23, left her daughter alone to swim and-"

"Riss"

"Everyone is going to think that I am a terrible mother, this will be in magazines and-" She said thinking off all the possibilities. Ottilie shifted from Ryan's lap and onto Marissa's where she then put her small arms around her neck.

"Please don't be upset Mommy" Marissa nodded and hugged her daughter back, the media was going to twist everything anyway, she couldn't let herself think about it too much.

"Why don't we go downstairs, and go get Penny from Auntie Summer, and take her for a walk in the hills?" Ryan asked them both, Ottilie nodded and immediately began to move to her room , to get her things that she usual wears when they walk the dog. Marissa turned to Ryan and he moved closer to her, and brushed away a few stray tears that she let fall down her cheeks. She held his hand in place and turned her face to his. He pulled her in and she felt a huge sigh of relief when she felt his arms around her.

"Hey, don't worry about it, someone will get a nose job tomorrow and this will be old news" Ryan said trying to reassure her, stroking her back as she just breathed in his scent.

"I wonder what they will say about us?" She mumbled from his shoulder,

"What's there to say, They don't know anything about our past"

"What if someone sells their story?" Marissa asked saddened by the thought. Ryan thought about it, who else would know their story? He knew that their family wouldn't betray them, and he hadn't told anyone but…Sarah. He sighed and hoped she would keep her information to herself.

"No one would Marissa, I promise you" He said half lying to her. She lifted her head and kissed his lips again, his strong arms keeping her warm.

"I don't have any clothes that I can wear" Marissa told him with a wistful and tired smile on her face.

"You can borrow something of mine," Ryan told her as he went into the other room and bought out his UCLA jumper. She pulled her arms through the sleeves, and smiled at the jumper that drowned her small frame. Ryan helped her up and his arms circled her waste.

"Hardly Haute Couture is it?" Marissa asked him jokily, he smiled into their kiss as things become more heated, Ottilie complained again.

"EWWWWWWWW" The broke apart and Marissa giggled on Ryan's shoulder. They both held hands and Ryan offered a hand to Ottilie. She skipped over to take it and they all walked out like the family of 3 they were. They rode the elevator in silence, all the while Marissa and Ryan sharing knowing glances and smiles. The bell dinged indicating they were at Seth and Summer's floor and Ottilie bounced out happily, when they arrived at the door, Ryan took Marissa's hand, a sign to show he was hers.

"Auntie Sum" Ottilie said happily as Summer answered the door. She eyed Ryan and Marissa, who were both smiling like idiots as she bent down to greet her niece.

"Look I'm wearing my hugs Mommy got me" Ottilie said displaying her new footwear.

"You mean Uggs babe?" Summer corrected her whilst laughing, Ottilie nodded brightly and walked into find Penny.

"So" Summer said with a hint of happiness in her voice. They both smiled shyly and Marissa felt her face blush.

"COHEN! GET OUT HERE QUICK" Summer shouted to her husband, and he immediately ran out to the hallway where the three of them were standing. When he reached them, he smiled at Ryan and Marissa and looked at Summer, like she was injured. But then double took when he saw Ryan's arm wrapped around Marissa's shoulder, and there close embrace.

"Oh my god, dude how could you not tell me" Seth said to him as Summer just carried on smiling at the both of them.

"Its fairly new" Marissa told them both and lifted her head from Ryan's shoulder.

"Well were happy for you" Summer said with tears in her voice, Marissa immediately, put her hand on Summers arm.

"Sum, what's wrong?" Marissa asked her concerned.

"I'm just so happy, guys, were finally the core four again!" Summer hugged Marissa tightly, but her pertruding stomach got in the way.

"Well, I suppose its core six" Seth said told them as they broke apart.

"What with Ottilie and the baby and all" The girls smiled at each other, and Summer sent Marissa a look that said 'we need to talk about everything later!'.

"We were just wondering whether we could take Penny out for a walk in the Hills" Ryan asked them

"We needed a bit of fresh air didn't we babe" Ryan said to Marissa as he kissed her cheek, Summer 'awwd'

"That would be great, Save us from doing it"

"Cohen you told me you walked her earlier!" Summer said chastising him, whilst Ryan and Marissa smiled at the pair.

"You wouldn't need to borrow our dog all the time, if you went ahead and got Ottilie one" Seth told them both and Ryan put a stern look on his face.

"We have been through this before Seth, I am not buying a Dog, so you can go to the training classes and flirt with the instructors" Summer turned to him, with her hands folded over her bump and her eyebrows raised.

"I'm just going to get Penny" Seth said backing away from them.

"So, you guys should totally come over tonight and we could get take out" Summer said excitedly,

"Actually Sum, we already have plans, but we you be able to take Ottilie for like 2 hours, while me and Marissa go out and get something to eat" Ryan said whilst Marissa looked at him in surprise.

"We have dinner plans?" Marissa asked him sweetly

"Well it looks like you do now, it will be no problem Atwood." Summer told him as Ottilie and Seth came back with Penny, and they all said there goodbyes again. Whilst they were back in the lift, Marissa bent down with Ottilie, and was admiring Seth and Summer's cocker spaniel.

"You know I had a dog when I was your age" Marissa told Ottilie as she looked at her to continue.

"He was called Dustin, and me and Kaitlin used to pretend he was our horse, and ride him about for hours." Marissa said reminiscing at the memory. Ottilie smiled at her and then turned to her Dad.

"I want a Puppy" Ottilie said giving her Dad a pouty look, Marissa caught on, and joined in with her daughter.

"Yeah come on Ryan, how can you say no to these faces?" Marissa asked him jokily. He had never pictured his life turning out this way, he was so lucky to finally have Marissa back, and so lucky to have a beautiful family. They exited the building the back route, to be safe that there was no paparazzi, and walked along hand in hand to the Hollywood Hills with Ottilie and Penny walking a little bit in front of them. Every so often they would stop and kiss each other, laugh and joke, but they never left each others side. The happiness from all three of them was so obvious, it made any onlooker jealous.

"I cant tell you how happy this makes me" Marissa told him as he put his arm around her shoulder.

"For me as well, seeing my beautiful girls together, I am the most luckiest 23 year old in the world" Ryan said as he smiled.

"2nd luckiest, I believe I take first place" Marissa said smiling into their kiss, when they broke apart, they carried on walking behind Ottilie, who was dancing and singing to Penny.

"You know, we are going to have to pay a visit to the pet shop, who am I to deny her of that happiness" Ryan said smiling at his daughter.

"You are the best dad in the world Ryan Atwood."

"And you are the best Mom in the world Marissa Cooper". Marissa clenched his hand, and Ryan could tell the motherhood thing really made her doubt herself.

"And the hottest" With that he kissed her cheek and run up behind Ottilie to pick her up and swing her around, as Marissa watched the two most important things in her life laugh and play together, she became excited for her new life ahead of her. One that had both Ryan and Ottilie as the most important characters, she touched her stomach in happiness and sighed with relief, she may not be the best Mom at that point, but she would be, and who knows, maybe the best wife for Ryan.

With all of their judgement, Ryan turned the TV off, to see Marissa with glassy eyes. And with that, she hung up the phone and left Ryan to speak, there was nothing keeping him and Marissa from being together now. He stood up and made his way back to the door, and found Marissa sitting with Ottilie on her lap, her soaking wet hair sticking back in the clothes she had had on before. She asked spitefully, Sarah told him a little more desperately, Ryan sighed and carried on. Sarah asked him chirped happily into the phone, which made Ryan feel even more guilty, although, there was no way he wanted to stay with Sarah now.

* * *

**R/R **

**xoxo**


	27. Chapter 27

**Everyone IGNORE THE LAST PARAGRAPH**

**I have no idea what happened But I didnt put that in that place it must of been muddled up**

**It finshes with Ryan saying something about Marissa being hot :P**

**Sorry about the confusion**

**xoxo**


	28. Chapter 28

**Thanks for the tres nice reviews :)**

**I'm still in shock that people like my writing, hope you like the new chapter! **

**Also, I think there should be more Ryan and Marissa stories in the world!**

* * *

Marissa sighed as she changed the channel for what like the hundredth time, Ottilie was with Seth and Summer for the evening, Ryan was out getting Thai food, and all she had to do was wait. But the nervous and excitable fluttering that came whenever she was alone with Ryan, made her patience run thin, all she wanted was for him to come home. She sighed and looked at the clock it had only been about 15 minutes since Ryan left, and he told her he could be ¾'s of an hour.

She was never a patient girl. She looked at her phone, and noticed that she had missed some calls and noticed the date. It was Sunday night, and in two days, she would be opening the LA fashion show for Victoria's Secret, to kick-start LA fashion week. She knew tomorrow would be all make up tests, and last minute fittings, but she had agreed weeks ago she would do it, and she couldn't back out now. It would look even worse if she backed out now, as well as she wanted to start doing normal things with Ottilie, she wanted to wake her up, and make her packed lunch and take her to school, and then she kind of wanted to get some things from Jake's house, not wanting to wear Ryan's clothes for a 2nd day. She picked up her phone and dialled a familiar number, and awaited the dial tone.

"Hello"

"Um, hi Jake, its me" Marissa said nervously, now scared of him and his raging temper.

"What do you want?" He asked his ex fiancé grumpily.

"Well, I was wondering whether I could come and pack my things tomorrow" Marissa asked him, hoping he would say yes.

"So that's it then?"

"What's it?"

"You finally dumping me, to piss off with your baby daddy" Jake commented snidely.

"Jake, we didn't work together, surely you knew--"

"No Marissa, what I knew is that I had to put my face out there, you think I wanted to marry you, everyone knows you were damaged goods, I was only with you because-"

"Jake say what you want, but we both know that I wasn't happy in that relationship"

"I really don't care if you were happy, because I did what I needed to do to further my career, thing is, I just wished I had chosen someone who was at least a decent lay"

"Don't be at the house tomorrow morning"

"Don't be there when I get back" Jake countered

"Bye Jake"

" Marissa one more thing--" She paused waiting for him to continue,

"Your last child may of lived but I hope you have a miscarriage" Marissa let a tear fall and threw her phone against the wall, she buried her head in her hands, and waited in silence, awaiting Ryan to come home.

* * *

When Ryan his dark apartment, he squinted through the light.

"Marissa?" He spoke out as he searched round to find his girlfriend asleep on the side of the sofa, her head resting in her arms. He walked over and smiled to her sleeping form, he lightly grabbed the blanket and put it over her body, and moved a hair out of her face. She stirred at his movements and her eyelids fluttered opening,

"I must of fallen asleep" Marissa told him her voice scratchy with tiredness. Ryan shook his head, and she moved her feet so he could sit down with her, as if reading her mind, Ryan bought his arms around her body and pulled her towards him.

"What time is it?" Marissa asked Ryan whilst trying to conceal a yawn.

"Just gone half eight, are you still hungry" Marissa shook her head on Ryan's shoulder, and then immediately sat up her body gone rigid.

"Are you ok?" He asked her curiously, her nostrils flared and her face contorted as she got a whiff of the Thai take out Ryan had placed on the table opposite her, she opened her mouth but quickly shook her head and sprang off of the sofa and ran for the bathroom, leaving Ryan in confusion, he heard the bathroom door slam and Marissa gagging and retching in the toilets. He quickly followed her steps to the bathroom and knocked tentatively on the door.

"Marissa?" He tried to decipher any words over the loud sounds of Marissa being sick. He opened the door to see her draped over the toilet bowl, taking deep breaths. He moved to sit next to her, and held her hair as she once again throw up.

"Hey, come on, its alright" He tried to say encouraging things as he rubbed her back in smooth circles, he heard small whimpers and she reached up to a towel to dry her lips.

"Don't look at me Ryan," Marissa told him looking away from him, his brow furrowed in confusion, and she faced away from him.

"Marissa what's this about"

"I look so ugly about now," She told him sadly, he remembered when Marissa was pregnant with Ottilie how moody she would become straight after she got sick.

"Marissa, you couldn't look ugly if you tried and wished for it, you know how beautiful you are" Ryan told her sweetly,

"Shut up I look like ass!" She snapped and said taking more deep breaths, feeling herself about to be sick again.

__

"Summer! We nicely came over her for you to cook us breakfast but your going to bail and go back to bed! I'm offended" Seth feigned shock. Summer turned around on the stairs

"Coop morning sickness, I said I would hold her hair, you know where the eggs are baby!"

Summer began running up the stairs again and was followed by Ryan,

"It's alright Summer I'll go." Summer thanked him and went back downstairs to Seth while Ryan went in Marissa's bedroom.

"Riss? Are you in there?" He lightly tapped her adjoining bathroom door, He heard the toilet flushing and Marissa shuffling around.

"Ryan?" She opened the door and you could see the evident bump in her nightdress, he smiled when he saw her stomach, he had been really happy about everything so far, well almost.

"Don't look at me I look like vomit!" Ryan smiled at her as she turned around sheltering her face.

"You couldn't't look anything less"

"You always know what to say," she said as she went back into her wardrobe to pick out her clothes

"Marissa what's wrong you were fine a minute ago" Ryan questioned her, it was so odd, she usually loved Thai food, the mere smell of it never used to make her sick.

"Just leave me alone Ryan!!" After silence for a minute he started to piece things together in his mind, she was being sick, mood swings, and she was quite emotional, he had lived with pregnant Marissa before, he thought he knew the signs.

Telling himself not to panic, she told him to her face the other day that she wasn't pregnant, she wouldn't lie to him, would she? His train of thought was interrupted by Marissa being sick again, he then resumed to taking her hair and rubbing her back. They sat in silence apart from the odd wretch from Marissa. A while later, Marissa decided she was finished and stood up to splash cold water on her face and washed her mouth out with mouth wash, Ryan awkwardly motioned that he would wait for her outside and she nodded her head in understanding.

Ryan sat down in quiet, he didn't know whether to be happy or disappointed, was she or wasn't she? why didn't she tell him, is it his, would she want to be around for this one, how long does she want to stay around for anyway? Marissa stepped out of the bathroom, and come to sit next to him.

"Are you alright?" Marissa asked him nervously, her mood how now swung in the opposite direction, and she was feeling happy once again.

"Yeah, how are you feeling?" Ryan asked her compassionately,

"I'm fine now, Sorry about all that"

"What do you think made you sick?" Ryan asked her suspiciously, Marissa looked back at him, wondering if it was the right time to tell the truth, also wondering what his reaction would be like.

"I'm not sure" Marissa lied, she shifted and looked down at the floor.

"Oh" Ryan said quietly, Marissa thought about the two of them, right here right now felt like a good enough time to tell him, there relationship was definitely new, but it wasn't like they hadn't been together before, and they both knew how much they meant to each other without saying it.

"Ryan, I have something to tell you" She said as she moved closer to him and he turned to face her.

"Look, I had no intention of this happening alright, and I just want you to know that it is completely your choice if you don't want anything to do with me" Ryan shook his head and held her hand, which gave Marissa a lot more confidence.

"Never, after everything we have been through Marissa, I never want to let you go again, nothing you could say can make me go away Marissa smiled at him.

"Hold that thought, I don't know how to say this at all, you think with us I would have had enough practise but" She smiled out a tear.

"I'm pregnant" She held her breath and waited for his reaction, after what felt like the longest time in her life, a huge grin broke out on Ryan's face

"Your pregnant?" He questioned her again, she nodded and smiled happily.

"_We're_ having a baby" She cried as he held her close, whispering into her ear, this was definitely how she expected to tell him, with Ottilie it was a screaming match, but this time it was filled with love and happiness .

"I love you" Ryan told her in the silent room.

"Thank you" Marissa croaked out before turning to meet his lips. This time she knew things would be perfect.

* * *

**R/R xoxo**


	29. Chapter 29

**Thankyou everyone for my reviewing on my previous chapters, so more fluff because I couldnt help it :P**

**This makes me happy like disneyland =]**

**enjoy the chap**

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Ryan blinked as the sunlight hit him through the curtains, he turned over, and lazily through a hand over to shade his eyes. Waking himself slowly, he pulled himself higher on the pillows, and realised the sheets were thrown off on one side and Marissa was no where to be seen, as he stifled a yawn, he could hear her singing lightly to herself in the kitchen, he smiled at her voice and reached over to his pyjama bottoms and wife beater which were strewn over the floor to go and find her.

__

You dont need money, dont take fame,Dont need no credit card to ride this train  
Its strong and its sudden and its cruel sometimes  
But it might just save your life  
Thats the power of love  
Thats the power of love

Ryan laughed as she happily cooked their breakfast singing along to the radio, she swung her hips to the beat, whilst pouring out things and laying them on the table. Ryan stood still for a while and she was completely oblivious, to him and his happy smile. Ryan walked up behind her whilst she stirred at the stove top and put his arms around her to feel her jump. She smiled to herself as she felt Ryan's warm and strong arms wrap around her.

"Morning" Ryan whispered into her ear and kissed her neck, she whipped herself round to meet his lips and met him passionately. Marissa felt his tongue on her lips as she granted him access to his mouth, she had become addicted to him once again. She reached round to cup his neck and his arms snaked lower on his shirt she had put on that morning. When they broke apart she smiled at him happily and he held her tight.

"Morning"

"Have you made breakfast" Ryan asked her surprised as he walked over to take a raspberry, which resulted in Marissa throwing a dish cloth at him.

"Not until we all sit down!" Marissa scolded him like a child, he smiled at her and sat down at the plates she had laid out. Marissa followed him and went to sit on his lap, her legs draped sideways over his. She lent into him, and she felt him snake his hand onto her still flat stomach. They both didn't say anything, but Marissa bit her top lip in excitement.

"I can't believe were doing this again" Ryan told her,

"We both are this time Ryan, no more mistakes." Marissa told her firmly, they both sat happily in the quiet, until Marissa made some rather large sniffs into the air, and then jumped in surprised.

"MY BACON!" She said in horror, She looked upset at the burnt breakfast meat on the stove and slumped her posture.

"Its ok, we don't-"

"I wanted breakfast for all of us to be perfect, and I cant even cook bacon!" She said in disappointment, Ryan shook his head at her smiling, knowing it was definitely her hormones, she caved in his arms and he stroked her back

"Marissa, its all perfect don't worry" Ryan reassured her, pulling her close and tracing patterns on her back, she mumbled onto his shoulder and he kissed her hair.

"Its getting late, one of us should wake Ottilie" Marissa told him, lifting her head from his shoulder, Marissa broke apart from him and walked into her daughters room, before she made it she turned around and saw Ryan staring at her retreating form, she winked at him suggestively and quietly went into Ottilie's room, leaving Ryan dumbstruck.

Marissa walked into the pink covered room, the curtains covering the room in a light pink colour. She leant down at her daughters bed, her peaceful face, the double of her own and Ryan's lay peacefully with her eyes closed. She stroked a hair away from her face and little started to talk.

"Ottilie baby" Marissa whispered to her, and stroked her arm.

"Ottilie" Ottilie replied by moaning and turning over to the other side.

"Come on babe, its time to get up" Marissa placed a light kiss on her forehead as her eyelids started to flutter open, a frown laced her forehead as she shook her head at Marissa.

"I don't want to get up," Ottilie moaned to her as she pulled the covers up over her face, Marissa giggled then pulled them down to find Ottilie smiling mischievously up at her from her covers.

"Come on, breakfast, then Daddy will drop you off at school" Ottilie held out her arms, and Marissa picked her up and placed her on her hip, the mother and daughter duo walked out to Ryan where he moved happily making their drinks.

"hmmmmm what's for breakfast?" Ottilie asked sleepily, whilst Marissa placed her on a chair between herself and Ryan, they loosely held hands behind Ottilie's chair as she spoke animatedly about school that day for her, Ryan and Marissa both contributed to 'yeahs' and 'how interesting!', but all they were really doing was smiling at each other and swinging the hands loosely behind her chair.

"Mommy, mommy!" Ottilie whined, realising she did not have Marissa's full attention, Marissa happily broke her gaze with Ryan and turned to her daughter, brushing her hair affectionately,

"I said I don't like raspberries or eggs" Ottilie informed her, Marissa's profile changed and she looked crestfallen, disappointed in herself. Ryan noticed then immediately felt bad, Marissa was only trying to make everything nice for them, but Ottilie and himself did not need fancy breakfasts, they just needed her.

"Oh well, ok, what do you want then baby?" Marissa asked trying to please her.

"A croissant please" Ottilie asked curtly, Marissa hurried out of her seat and tried to and locate a croissant in the mess she had created in Ryan's kitchen.

"I think its time you went and got dressed for school Ottilie Atwood, you can have your breakfast when you come out." Ryan moved her chair and she nodded happily, and went to go and get dressed for the day ahead in the uniform that Marissa had laid out for her the night before. Ryan walked over to Marissa, in the kitchen where she looked slightly saddened.

"Marissa, I'm sorry-"

"No I am, its something that I am going to have to deal with, I mean we haven't struggled with what she likes and dislikes yet, so it is a miracle to be honest that we haven't come across this sooner" Marissa said trying to make excuses.

"Well, don't let Ottilie upset you, she is grouchy in the mornings-"

"True Atwood" Marissa replied sarcastically,

"and she has had a pretty big weekend" Marissa nodded and they broke apart to go and get ready for their day. When Ryan was at his doorway he turned to where she was sitting reading a magazine.

"Hey Riss, Just so you know, I cleared out the other closet" Marissa looked up in confusion while he stood their smiling smugly,

"What do you mean?" Marissa asked him confused

"Well you need somewhere to put your stuff," Marissa arched an eyebrow

"and we need to stock the fridge so we could do that later"

"Ryan what are you talking about?" Ryan smiled at her, and then reached over to the cabinet and grabbed a key.

"We have 3 parking spaces, which 2 of my cars take up, number 66, 67, and 68" Ryan said holding a key in the palm of his hand.

"Head's up" He said as he threw the key in her direction, on the key was a note attached to it, Ryan walked into his bedroom whilst Marissa stood studying the key and reading the note.

__

Move in with us

Xxx

Marissa smiled and her demeanour was instantly happier.

"Of course" She shouted through to him. Meanwhile in Ryan's room, he stood awaiting her answer, when he heard her he smiled in happiness and walked into turn on a hot shower. In his bathroom, that was now his and Marissa's.

_**R/R lovelys**_

**xoxo**


	30. Chapter 30

**Hi everyone! Thanks for my reviews, and i hope you enjoyed the last chapter and like this one :)**

**Just a shameless plug to my other fic, LOVE BEGINS, its an R/M future :)**

**R/R enjoy.**

* * *

"Marissa, can you get Ottilie from school today?" Ryan asked her as she sat in their room applying some make up she had in her bag. She thought about her days plan, it would be a while before her test shoots were ready, and then she had to go and get her things from Jake's with Summer, and with Jake there it would be a mission of its own.

"Um, my test shoot is a 3, and I have to go get my things,"

"To bring back here" Ryan told her happily

"Yes to bring back here" She said her eyes rolling.

"I could have her at the test I suppose, if she finishes at 2, I could drop by and then take her with me, but they usually carry on well into the night." Marissa explained to him as he watched her move happily.

"Ok, if that's alright with you," Ryan said moving in to kiss her, Marissa returned it just as hungrily as she felt him stroke small circles on her stomach

"Baby Atwood will be here by May time," Marissa whispered to him, as he looked up at her amazed by her words.

"Or March time, if it is anything like their sister" They both smiled happily at each other, knowing how complicated Ottilie was when she was born.

"When are we going to tell people?"

"Leave it a little while yet, just our little secret" Marissa placed her hand on top of Ryan's and looked down between them

"Oh and Summer knows, but I told her before I told you, but she wont say anything" Ryan nodded to her, still amazed in stroking her stomach,

"You know there is no evidence there yet, I mean, I still have to model in my underwear tomorrow night" Ryan's face changed quickly, showing his unconscious discomfort for Marissa to be prancing around in hardly any clothes.

"Oh come on Ry, its not like I haven't done it before, and you have seen me in much less" Marissa said going to kiss him again, but instead getting his cheek.

"Yeh well I'm not the only person who is seeing it" He replied grumpily

"Tell me you are not jealous?" Marissa asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Ryan, its my job, I have strutted around and done this since we broke up, its how I make money, its why I am famous"

"I know, its just, I don't want anyone pawing over you or staring as you get changed, and I don't want you to hurt yourself, you have precious cargo in there Marissa"

"Ryan, as much as I appreciate the concern, I do love my job, and I promise I wont hurt either of us, and as for the staring part, my contracts specify my own room, and the dressers I'm usually given are most likely gay" Marissa stared at her, this time raising his own eyebrows.

"Most likely?" He joked, Marissa smiled at him.

"Well I suppose you could always fill in the job, you could be my personal dresser" Marissa asked him, kissing him when she wasn't speaking.

"I would rather be your personal undresser, but if we carry that on, I am going to be late, and although my job isn't as glamorous as parading around in my underwear, they still want me to be there on time." He kissed her one final time, and then they separated, so he could get Ottilie.

"Come on Ottilie its time to go baby" Ryan called to her as she come happily skipping out of her room with her school uniform and shiny shoes.

"Will you be here when I got home?" Ottilie asked her Mom hopefully. Marissa nodded and then lifted her up to say goodbye.

"I am picking you up from school today, so look out for me there sweetie" She kissed her and handed her over to Ryan who was balancing her and his briefcase, before leaning in to kiss Marissa goodbye. She lightly pecked him on the lips, knowing if she let it get further, Ottilie would want therapy, and then she stood at the elevator door, saying goodbye before their day began.

"Bye Mommy!" Ottilie exclaimed quickly as the doors closed. Marissa smiled in happiness, she hadn't been this happy in what felt like a lifetime.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" She was startled by a little noise coming from her step sister, standing by the stair well door. She rubbed her large stomach happily for the smaller family.

"God Sum, you scared me" Marissa catechised with a happy smile still planted on her face, she motioned for them to both go in Ryan's apartment, no, _their _apartment , Summer watched Marissa move happily around Ryan's kitchen and she raised an eyebrow, even after years apart, and the things they had missed out on in each others lives, they could still read each others minds.

"Stop looking at me funny Summer" Marissa chirped

"Something's happened, hasn't it Coop, see what you forgot is how I could always read your mind"

"I'm moving in!!!!!!!!!!" Marissa told her excitedly,

"Oh my god" Summer told her in surprise

"This is so great, you get to be here all the time!!!!!" Marissa nodded happily as they hugged before she went to go get her bag and things so they could make their way.

"There's going to be loads of press outside isn't there?" Marissa asked her nervously

"Yeah, but you wont have to see them, my car is parked in the basement. So where to first?" Summer asked her excitedly

"Well, I have to go pick my things up from Jake's and then I have test shoot, but I was wondering if you wanted to come with me, I get my own private room at these things, and all the celery sticks I can eat? Gift bags? Can I tempt you?" Marissa said hoping to persuade her. Really she needed Summer there more than she would like to admit, the models were hopelessly bitchy, and Marissa had only a few friends in the industry, they would spend the night gossiping and bitching about each other, and Marissa knew this time she was in the port of call.

"A test shoot? That's so exciting, of course I will come, who's it for?" Summer asked excitedly

"Only Victoria's Secret, I'm the fresh face of-" Marissa carried on like it was what she had bought at the supermarket, not a hugely exciting thing.

"Marissa Cooper! that's amazing, although I may have to sit front row," Summer told her, they both smile and Summer carried on

"So how are you feeling with the other thing?" Summer asked her cautiously, whilst holding her own stomach, Marissa caught on and thought Summer deserved the truth, from the hospital she hadn't even told Summer who the father was.

"Yeah, all's good, I have felt a little nauseous, but It comes and goes as I am sure you know."

"Marissa, I don't mean to pry, but who is the father?" Summer asked her cautiously

"I feel terrible about this, because we both cheated on someone we were with, but on the other hand, I'm not sorry, because it bought us together after a while of being apart and if I hadn't seen him then, then --" Summer's eyes widened as Marissa continued

"Oh my god, you and _Ryan _are having a baby?" Summer asked her excitedly, Marissa nodded as tears sprung to her eyes, happily, both of the girls hugged each other.

"Oh Marissa, congratulations! Does he know?" Marissa nodded happily when Summer threw herself into her arm again.

"I am so happy you have both worked everything out"

"I just know it will be so different this time" She told her best friend reassuringly, Marissa smiled appreciatively and began to get her things.

"And we are so baby shopping" Summer told her as they walked out the door.

_____

When they arrived at Jake's mansion, she shuddered in scared memory, thinking this was tv place she had been before she had found Ottilie. Her car was still on the drive, and the window was still rolled down slightly.

She knew Jake was out, from her own schedule from the movie they both shared a role in. As much as she loved Ryan and he wanted her to stay away from Jake, so much of her life was intertwined with his, and she was worried whether or not Ryan would be able to handle the ditching that Jake would undoubtedly do to the paparazzi.

"Its ok Marissa, you know the maid has packed up your things, all you have to do is get in a get out." Summer told her reassuringly, Marissa nodded and exited the car, the both of them walking up the drive. Once they were in the house, they were right, the maid had left Marissa all of her things at the bottom of the stairs with a letter from Jake. Summer looked cautiously at Marissa, as she icked up the named envelope and read it.

__

Marissa

I know you think I'm harmless, but I guarantee your little escapades will be made public.

I hope your aware of what your letting yourself in for, and if it all goes the wrong way with the baby daddy, you can come find me,

I mean you weren't that bad in bed.

Jake.

Summer read the letter of Marissa's shoulder, and put a comforting hand on her best friends arm.

"Are you ok Coop?" It was obvious she was a bit shook up, the last 4 years of her life she had spent with a man who she thought she loved, at least a little, and now he is willing to ruin hers.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Marissa said sure of herself, Jake was a time passer, Ryan was the real thing. They started to wheel things to Summer's car and load them in, ready for her to move properly in with Ryan. When a few paparazzi photographed them from the gate. It was now media official, there is no more Marissa and Jake.

"MARISSA, MARISSA? ARE YOU AND JAKE OVER?"

"MARISSA MARISSA, LEAVING SO SOON?"

"OVER HERE PLEASE MISS COOPER" Marissa continued to ignore them, carrying on loading things into Summer's car, Summer was shocked, at how normal she acted at something so annoying bothering her on a daily basis.

"Are you ready Coop?" Summer asked when she finished, she nodded and Summer started the car, having to wait along time for the paparazzi to move out of their way. Both of the girls put their sunglasses over their eyes and the sun mirrors pulled down, but you just couldn't hide from the frantic clicking of their cameras and the flashes. Summer began to honk the horn, and they slowly started to part. All the while Marissa looking down. When they began to drive again, Summer broke their silence.

"Are they always that bad?" Summer asked her cautiously, Marissa nodded

"Do you think I am doing the wrong thing, you know, pushing Ottilie and Ryan into the spotlight like that? Do you think we can handle it?" Marissa asked unsure of herself

"Marissa, Atwood would run through fire if it meant having you at the end" Summer told her truthfully

"Besides, once the media circus dies down, you wont have to deal with it, that crazy everyday" Marissa nodded and they remained in silence for a while longer, only disturbed by Marissa's phone. Marissa glanced at the number, answering it when she saw her agents name flash across the screen.

_"Well it is good to finally hear from you"_

_"Hi Bridge, is everything still on for Victoria's secret tomorrow?""Yes, and I was also calling to remind you of your prior commitments to fashion week you made, way before you even moved to Los Angeles."_

_"Um, refresh my memory?" _Marissa asked her politely, trying to recall any contracts she had signed, possibly in a vodka induced haze that was her New York life_._

_"How does, one week in London, then onto one week in Paris, then One week in Milan and then some promos back in New York? Don't you remember, we spoke about the non stop travel, and you asked for a private jet, well it took me a while but-" _

_"Did I sign to all of them?"_ Marissa asked warily, hoping that there was someway she could get out of her commitments.

_"Yes unfortunately, you did, Marissa I know you are getting used to the motherhood thing, god knows why, but these contracts are iron clad, you did know this from the beginning, I will call you again tomorrow to discuss final details, you're a professional supermodel Marissa, one of the best out there, you need start acting like it again" . _Bridget remarked.

Marissa hung up the phone, and a few tears started to fall down her cheeks, why is it when everything is good again, someone has to rattle things for 's felt like she was going to be sick, she had only just gotten Ryan back, and she wasn't sure how he would cope, letting her go round the world, things were finally right between them, and she had to shake it up.

* * *

**R/R XOXO**


	31. Chapter 31

**Hi, sorry for a while on the updates, on both of my stories, a very stressful time at home at the mintue. I only updated because i got a review saying "what the hell are you waiting for" or something along those lines, now I think that could be taken as a little rude? That could be me taking things the wrong way, but theres the tale old saying "If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all". That being said, thankyou to my other reviewers, you know I appreciate it. **

**Enjoy the filler. **

"Ottilie, what has Mommy said, about staying near me" Marissa whispered to her daughter, who was playing with a doll and sitting by her foot of her chair. Marissa had been in the make up chair for an hour, and the it still wasn't finished. The assistants eyed her curiously as she referred to her daughter, and using the word 'Mommy' not able to believe that she did actually have a child. She turned quite a few heads when she walked in, with Ottilie on her hip. But Summer had assured her it was fine, however she wondered off 20 minutes ago to find a bathroom, and Marissa hadn't seen her since.

"Can we go home yet?" Ottilie asked tiredly. Marissa sighed from her seat, she looked up from her blackberry, where she was typing furiously, trying to dissuade her agent from making her go away. Each time the messages got worse, _You are not backing our of this Marissa, or If you do back out of this, you will no longer have my representation or my contacts that come with it. _As much as she wanted to pretend she could get everywhere in the world without her manager, she knew she couldn't, not in the fashion world at least.

"No baby, I told you that Mommy would have to come here, and you said you didn't want to go with Auntie Sum" Marissa told her, her daughter sighed in annoyance and carried on.

"But Im hungry Mommy!" Ottilie complained, yet again. Marissa snapped away from the hairdresser, who looked n worriedly, and turned to Ottliie.

"I know your hungry, but your complaining isn't going to help anything!" Ottilie saw her eyes glass over with tears. Marissa instantly felt bad in taking her anger out on her daughter, and bought her to her lap, where Ottilie became rigid and refused to look her in the eye.

"Im sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you," Marissa said guiltily, Ottilie shrugged her shoulders and looked downwards.

"How about I send someone out to get you something?" Marissa reasoned with her, Dhe nodded her head, and Marissa turend to the Victoria Secrets intern that was witnessing the whole tihng.

"I need someone to go and get me a Mccdonalds happy meal" Marissa said to the girl, who was there to cater for her every whim.

"A normal bruger, and strawberry milkshake, and I will have an apple pie please" She spoke to the girl who wrote down her order furiously.

"Food its on its way honey. I just need you to be a good girl until Daddy comes" Marissa aske dher fed up. Ottilie nodded, in one of her moods, when they were interrupted by a knock on Marissa's dressing room door.

"Miss Cooper, we are ready to do the walking shot and test shots now"

"Ok, Ottilie are you going to come with me?" Marissa asked her as she stuck out her hand, Ottilie nodded and walked behind Marissa, Ottilie let her mother lead her throw throngs of tall grown up women, that with crunching on celery sticks and eyeing her mother in a peculiar way.

__

"I heard Marissa, like totally got back into drugs after she had her, and the dad took the baby away because she was totally hyped up on crack."

"I heard that Marissa left the baby on an aeroplane and someone else found it and raised it."

"I heard that it was an abortion gone wrong and she never meant to have the baby"

"She obviously never wanted the baby, why else would she pretend it didn't exist"

Marissa ignored there malicious gossip and carried on walking past them, she couldn't belive that the girls were so fickle, there was a time when she would of called them her friends.

"I just need you to stand under the light miss cooper and you know the drill" ,t the cameraman instructed her, Marissa left Ottilie at the side of the white material, and proceeded to sit on a chair, and test out the camera flashes. She tried out different poses and positions, all with ready hair and make up, but still in a juicy sweatusit, and she then became suddenly embarrassed of having to walk down the catwalk, people would be looking at her stomach, having to walk around in nothing but wings and lingerie. She would have to suck up her stomach and hope no one noticed, especially her manager, pregnancys never went down well in the business.

"Ottilie baby are you ok?" Marissa asked her concerned from where she was sitting in the middle of the lights, she had been quiet ever since Marissa had snapped at her. Ottilie nodded sadly, and Marissa excused herself to attend to her daughter.

When she bought Ottilie back to her dressing, past all of the gossiping modles, she took out her phone and dialled Ryan's number, she walked over to the window of her room, and looked out while she waited for him to pick up the phone. She noticed all of the paprazzi that were camped outside, no doubt waiting for a picture of her and Ottilie.

_"HI you have reached the voicemail of--"_

Marissa put the phone down helplessly, and sighed, Ottilie had gone back to her colouring, but Marissa was sure that she upset, and she just didn't know what about. On a second thought she dialled another familiar number.

"Hello" Julie answered.

"Oh thank god Mom, I think something is wrong with Ottilie but I don't know what" Marissa said panicky

"_Marissa, Shes probably just overwhelmed, shes at a fashion test shoot, how many kids her age can say that" _Marissa silently agreed knowing it was her own making for her daughter not feeling herself.

"I shouted at her" Marissa said guiltiy

__

"Oh sweetie, don't feel bad about yourself, all Mom's have to shout, you cant just not let them have boundaries, god knows how many times I shouted at you and your sister"

"More me, than my sister" Marissa replied

"_Never look a gift horse in the mouth Marissa, I am trying to help you here, look all you have to do is not shout at her for a while, and you will be best friends again, trust your mothers years of experience"_

Marissa hung up the phone and turned towards her daughter, she moved over in front of her, and put her hands on her knees.

"Ottillie, is everything ok?" Marissa asked her concerned, Ottilie responded with a shake of her head and Marissa became more worried over her daughter.

"Oh baby, what's wrong" Marissa asked stroking a hair away from her face, the intern who was in their room, decided to take a moment to leave the mother and daughter to their selves.

"Did something happen? Are you not feeling well?" Marissa asked putting a hand to her forehead, _What am I even doing, I have no clue what I'm feeling for! _

"I scared to tell you," Ottilie said shyly, Marissa bit her lip in doubt and carried on.

"Baby, you can tell me anything" Marissa said, pulling her daughter into her lap.

"Is it to do with school, you have been acting quiet ever since we got here" Marissa offered, willing for her to speak. Ottilie looked at her with tears in her eyes.

"I don't want you and Daddy to have another baby" Ottilie said quietly, Marissa's eyes widened and she gulped thickly, wondering if Ottilie had heard overheard them talking at any point.

"Why would you say that?" Marissa asked her, when they had spoken about Summer's baby in the hospital, and Ottilie had said then she wouldn't a mind a brother or sister.

"Because, Zoe in my class said that her Mommy and Daddy don't love her now she gots a brother, and I don't want you to stop loving me" Ottilie said wiping a tear that was falling down her face. Marissa moved her to sit on her lap and she rocked her until she stopped crying.

"Oh darling, please don't ever think that me and Daddy would stop loving you, it doesn't happen ok. All kids think it at your age. But its not true, Mommy and Daddy's love all their babies the same" Marissa said trying to be even, although she was sure she was her Dad's favourite growing up.

"So you promise" Ottilie bargained with her.

"Promise what?" Marissa asked, hoping she wasn't going to ask what she expected.

"Promise you wont replace me with another babies?" Ottilie asked her quietly

"Oh darling, you're irreplaceable" Marissa said hugging her. Really doubting that Ottilie would take the news of her upcoming pregnancy well.

A knock on the door interrupted them and Summer stuck her head through. She smiled at the both of them, however when she saw that Ottilie had recently been crying her face etched worry. Marissa nodded it off, and Summer took the hint, that was something they had always been able to do, read each other.

"Hey Coop, some woman just asked if you would do a live segment piece for Fashion TV?" Summer asked her, Marissa nodded and then kissed Ottilie's forehead.

"Yeah tell them we will be right out" Marissa told her,

"Babes, have you ever been on TV before?" When Marissa looked down and Ottilie's eyes widened in excitement of being on the TV with her Mom.

"Quick! Have someone do my makeup" Ottilie jumped off her mothers lap, and used the sentence that Marissa had announced on her arrival.

_______________________________________________

Ryan was sitting in his office, Seth had come over in his lunch break, saying he wouldn't waste any of his time, and had been there for 4 hours ever since. Ryan knew how bored Seth got working from home, and he didn't object the company of his brother taking up his office space, but all he wanted to do was get home to Marissa and Ottilie, and Seth's constant chatter about things that Ryan really didn't care about, was not making things easy for him.

"Seth! I have told you, I don't care who wins in a fight between Batman and Superman--"

"Dear Brother, this isn't any fight, it's a fight that could possibly wipe out mankind" Seth stopped talking when he saw the look on Ryan's face.

"Fine, fine, Jesus, someone's in a bad mood, what? Marissa not putting out?" Seth said jokingly but stopped when Ryan sent him another look.

"she's really not?" Seth asked shocked.

"But, in the core four days you two were always going at it, more than Summer and I--"

"Seth, this conversation is about to get awkward, and we haven't exactly been alone yet have we?" Seth nodded with a smug look on his face, one he knew would annoy Ryan and carried on reading the paper.

"Dear brother tell me who do you think --"

"Do you really want a dead arm? Because I am not to mature to give one to you" Ryan asked his head lifting from his papers momentarily.

"No thank you" Ryan broke their conversation to look at the text he had just received.

_Hey, Turn on Fashion TV, right now, Hope it brings a smile to your face, and no im not in my underwear yet. Cant wait to see you_

_Xoxo Marissa_.

"Do you know what channel Fashion tv is Seth?" Ryan asked walking over to the flat screen he had on the wall of his office.

"879" Seth told him automatically., Ryan looked at him strangely, but Seth shrugged it off and looked back to his comic. Ryan shook his head laughing and turned on the television. They waited through some adverts, and when Ryan saw a picture of his daughter and Marissa fill the screen, both giggling he smiled in happiness, Marissa was wearing nothing but a plain juicy, with her hair and make up teased and applied to perfection, and Ottilie was still in her school uniform, looking delighted next to Marissa. She was Marissa's double, he had never noticed it quite so much before.

"Hey, I'm Marissa Cooper, and your watching Fashion TV" Marissa said to the camera, her smile mirroring Ottilie's

"Miss Cooper, you time in LA has been quite eventful to say the least, would you like to comment on that?"

Ryan wondered if she was going to say anything, say what had happened with Jake, whetere she was with him now.

"Yes, it has, been an amazing trip, one I am going to make permanent. The most important people in my life are in here in LA, so I see no reason to leave." Marissa said proudly, as Ottilie looked at everything around her with an amazed look on her face.

"Including your daughter and exboyfriend?"

The interviewer asked nosily.

"Including my daughter and Boyfriend yes," Marissa answered the question with such grace made Ryan feel extremely proud, she had a smile on her face, that immediately made his way onto his.

"That is a private issue, for my family to deal with, although her father and I were very lucky she has come out without any injuires." Marissa finished her answer with a smile and carried on.

"And you relationship with Ottilie's father?"

The interviewer pestered her.

"Better than ever" Marissa smiled again hoping that Ryan was watching, and Ryan just sat mesmerized by her picture in his office.

* * *

**XOXO**


	32. Chapter 32

**Hi everyone, I'm sorry for the delay again, I'm just having major writers block when it comes to this fic, I think I'm sensing the end is nearing? :( It has been amazing to write though, and not for a few more chapters. **

**Thanks to my reviewers. and read Love Begins :P**

* * *

"Marissa are you sure we have to go to this?" Ryan asked her, Marissa smiled and lent across to catch his lips in a kiss.

"I'm sorry baby, but I really have to, its work." Ryan felt the limo stop, and Marissa took a deep breath, Ryan leant over again and whispered lightly in her ear.

"But all I have been able to think about since I saw you on the runway, is you, in lingerie, preferably in _our_ bed" Marissa blushed at his words.

"hmmm, I want that to" Marissa told him, succumbing to his words as Ryan kissed her neck.

"Great then, Driver, Sunset Boulevard Complex, Hollywood Hills" Ryan told the limo driver, smiling smugly,

"No driver, were staying here" Marissa said more to Ryan.

"Come on, Ryan you will love it," Marissa tried to tell him enthusiastically, Ryan looked at her, questioning her reasons.

"Oh yeah, because I really love big fancy parties with paparazzi and a red carpet and television cameras" Ryan said sarcastically. Marissa sighed dramatically, she still hadn't told Ryan that she was meant to be going to Paris, she kind of hoped he would come with her, but if he wont even do one red carpet event, there is little point of him even coming to Europe with her.

"Ryan, this isn't something I want to do, something I have to do. Look, all people are going to do is ask questions about us, and I would rather have at my side when I answer them," Marissa told him stubbornly, folding her arms over her chest.

"But you obviously don't care about anything I do in my job, so you can just go, I will see you at home later" Marissa said angry at him, and it didn't help that that Ryan smiled as she said home and laughed at her slightly.

"I forgot how bad your mood swings could get" Ryan told her as she turned to widen her eyes and have a shocked expression on her face.

"Are you calling me some crazy pregnant woman Ryan?" Marissa asked him incredulously, Ryan smiled at her again, and she felt nothing but anger towards him at that moment.

"Yes, that's exactly what you are, but your not any pregnant woman, you're my pregnant woman, and your pregnant with my baby, so it makes everything ok" Ryan said leaning across and kissing her cheeks, feeling her smile at him.

"Nice save"

"Thanks"

"Look when we get home, we can do all the things you want, but first, I really need to show my face, to show Jake and the other people who have been saying things about me, that they aren't right, that I don't slink away, ok?" Ryan nodded and held her hand as she opened the car door to what seemed like a million flashing bulbs going off continuously, Marissa grabbed Ryan's hand and dragged him through the sea of people, a man had pointed her in the direction of the back drop sponsor board to stand in front of for cameras.

"I want you here with me" Marissa whispered with Ryan, as the thought for a second to leave her alone, Marissa stood in front of the back drop, her arm around Ryan's waist as the both of them pose for the cameras shouting her name. For Ryan it was a surreal experience, people demanding his picture that much, Marissa had briefed him he needed to look natural and not Posey, so he wouldn't look like an Abercrombie and Fitch model, although his good looks and sex appeal certainly resembled one. Marissa turned her head expertly, and placed her hand strategically on her hip, and raised her eyes in a way to lengthen her face, all tricks she new for such occasions.

"MARISSA, MARISSA, THIS WAY, AND WHOS THE GUY"

"MISS COOPER, THIS WAY"

"MARISSA! MARISSA!"

Marissa followed a director as he led her to her first interviewer as the next big celebrities walk onto the carpet, Ryan stood following his girlfriends every move and every supportive hand squeeze.

"Hello Marissa" The friendly reporter addressed to her as if they were best friends,

"Hi" Marissa replied full of grace, Ryan watched proudly, trying to be out of the camera shot but still holding her hand,

"And who are you wearing tonight?" The reporter asked her nosily,

"Marc Jacobs dress, Christian Louboutin shoes, and Harry Winston jewels" Marissa replied with a happy smile on her face,

"Victoria Secrets underwear?" The reporter joked, Marissa smiled and looked back to Ryan,

"I've already dragged my boyfriend to this, I wouldn't want to torture him with that knowledge" Marissa winked at Ryan, before puling him closer where he blushed,

"How do you feel, about Marissa walking the runway in her barely there underwear?" The reporter questioned Ryan, and he felt worried about being under such scrutiny, he smiled at the woman, who looked quite flustered and continued.

"Well I have no complaints," The interviewer and Marissa laughed, and Marissa acted shocked.

"We aired your interview with your daughter this afternoon, how is she taking to being in the media limelight" Ryan felt Marissa's grip on his hand tighten and he could see how uncomfortable she felt.

"She doesn't really like it that much, she likes the television, and she loved how she is on it sometimes, but she gets really scared by the paparazzi doesn't she?" Marissa asked, silently asking Ryan to help her out, Ryan nodded and the interviewer started again,

"How did you decide on Ottilie? Are you following the trend of celebrity baby names?" Marissa arched her eyebrow, and Ryan sent her a confused look.

"No, you have to remember that she is 5, and when I named her, I had never done any photo shoots, we just sat down didn't we?" Marissa turned her attention to Ryan, "and went through the ones we liked and decided on Ottilie" Marissa answered thinking about the randomness of the question.

"Can you tell me anymore on your European tour next month, how hard is it to go non stop on the fashion road for a month?" Marissa froze slightly, not having spoken to Ryan at all about it yet.

"Well, I have been in this business long enough now" She shook the interviewers hand and walked away with Ryan, while he sent her a confused look.

"We will talk later, just for now I ask you to hold my hand and get me through the night" Ryan nodded solemnly as Marissa took him to the next interview.

* * *

They walked into their apartment and 2 o'clock that morning, Marissa was tired and sleepy and they were silent in the elevator ride to the apartment. Ryan had done what was asked of him the whole night, he had held her hand, smiled through photos and interviews, and mingled with all of the people Marissa had. Yet she seemed to be angry at him. As soon as they walked through the door, she bent down to take off her shoes and sighed instantly once her feet hit the ground.

"I'm sorry about tonight" Marissa told him quietly.

"It was fine, I quite enjoyed it" Marissa rolled her eyes as she placed her hands around his neck and his around her waist.

"Liar" Marissa laid her head against his shoulder and took a deep breath,

"Want to tell me what your thinking about,. you've been thinking about something all night" Ryan kissed Marissa's neck lightly, and she closed her eyes at the feeling.

"I was thinking about how I wanted to come home to be with you all night, I mean with Ottilie at Summer's we have the whole apartment to ourselves" Marissa said with a devilish glint in her eye, Ryan smiled back at her and she lent into kiss him, Ryan smiled into her kiss, taking that answer and not wanting to pester her about the question about her going away.

"So what do you say, want your own show of what I was wearing earlier?" Marissa asked him seductively, as she stepped back to un-zip her green Marc Jacobs dress, Ryan smiled instantly when he saw Marissa's still thin body clad in nothing but a pale pink matching lingerie set. She stood there with her hand on her hip, Ryan moved forward and crashed his lips into hers and her hands started moving around his body, from his hair, to his shirt where she was working on undoing the buttons. They broke apart and Marissa took him by the hand and walked him to their bedroom.

"Come on Atwood, lets christen our bedroom" Ryan smiled as he and Marissa fell onto the bed and lost one another in their limbs.

* * *

**I cant write smut, R/R xoxo**


	33. Chapter 33

**I am so truely sorry, that I have been so crappy with updates, a mixture of things really, but I guarantee another update of both of my fics by Wednesday**

**This is for all of the people who I hope are still reading, you know who you are. **

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Marissa wheeled her suitcase, out of her bedroom and looked back sadly. She hated the fact that she had to leave Ryan and Ottilie for nearly a month. When she first told Ryan, he didn't respond well, after about 3 hours of not talking, and awkward silences around the house, Ryan decided he had put Marissa through enough, and went to apologise. They had come to the conclusion, that Ryan and Ottilie would fly out in two weeks, and meet her in Paris. Where they would spend time just the 3 of them, see the sights and take Ottilie to Disneyland, until she had to move onto to go to Rome, Ryan would fly back with Ottilie, then meet with fly out to New York, 2 weeks later, to spend the night with her and fly back the next day.

She looked down and her still flat stomach, she was just hitting two months, and there was not even a rise, if they hadn't heard the heartbeat themselves at their last sonogram a week ago, they wouldn't of believed it. Marissa still obviously gifted in her genes, to not of gain any obvious weight, which is good, as her managers of the fashion shows would of given her a harder time if she didn't fit into all of the couture. Ryan felt uneasy about her travelling alone, especially while she was pregnant, despite her constant telling him she was fine. Ryan managed to convince Kaitlin to her go with her, although it didn't take much convincing at all, and to look after her big sister, even though hormonal Marissa, had made it clear that just because she was carrying a child, doesn't mean she is one. Kaitlin, however, was more than happy to become Marissa's entourage, and couldn't wait for the free hotel suites and free champagne, that come with being Marissa's 'keeper'.

"Mommy, I really don't want you to go" Ottilie said with tears in her eyes, Ottilie had taken the fact that Marissa was leaving slightly harder than everyone else, saying that Marissa would never come back and that she wanted to come with her, Marissa looked helplessly at Ryan, who was standing by the door, with her other suitcases.

"Baby, I will call you everyday I promise" Marissa said lifting her daughter up and kissing her lightly on her head and holding her closely.

"But….But--" Ottilie's lower lip started to tremble, and then released a loud sob.

"Oh baby, you have to be a good girl, for Daddy, here, big girls don't cry" Marissa said trying Ottilie's tears for her, she had fallen into the motherhood step, so quickly, and she absolutely loved her daughter, more than life itself. Ottilie was getting more and more used to paparazzi trying to take their picture now, and she would even pose and smile, much to Marissa's displeasure when she was trying to get somewhere in a hurry.

"and remember, that its pink day at school on Monday, I have left out your dress for you in mine and Daddy's room" Ottilie nodded at her and tried to wipe some of her tears,

"Promise to bring me presents?" Ottilie bargained with her mother, Marissa nodded to her and kissed her head for one last time

"I Love you sweetie," Ottilie replied and when Marissa stood up and she grabbed her Louis Vuitton that was standing behind her and moved towards Ryan who was standing at the door.

"So I already put Kaitlin in the limo, she's just on her first glass of champagne and is playing the windows" Ryan said smiling at her, Marissa chuckled at her younger sisters antics, and looked woefully at him.

"Two weeks will fly by" Ryan whispered, the both of them thought it was be a nice idea to surprise Ottilie with Paris, and had kept it between the two of them. Marissa moved so she was leaning on Ryan's shoulder, he wrapped his strong arms around and her, and rubbed his arms soothingly up and down. Ryan turned his head so he could lightly kiss the side of her face, and held her tightly.

"Promise to take good care of number 2" Marissa nodded, without saying any words as she knew she would cry, they still hadn't told Ottilie about the baby, and figured they would tell her once they were in Paris, it will be a memorable way of telling her, and she is less likely to throw a tantrum if she was surrounded by the excitement of being somewhere new.

"Promise to call me everyday" Marissa asked him, as she kissed his lips lightly.

"Of course" Ryan kissed her lips one last time passionately, and held her once again.

"I love you," Marissa told him as she took a deep breath.

"I love you too" Both parents turned around to where Ottilie was crying lightly, Ryan picked her up, and helped Marissa with her suitcase.

"Come on, lets go wave Mommy and Auntie Kaitlin off" Ottilie nodded solemnly as and they followed Marissa out of the door. They all stood in silence in the elevator, Marissa's hand clasped tightly with Ryan's and Ottilie leaning on his shoulder. When they got out to the bight LA sunshine, Marissa was happy to see that there was no paparazzi and allowed the driver to load the rest of her things into the limo, where she could hear Kaitlin singing loudly to Low by Flo Rida, severely out of tune. Marissa turned back to her small but perfect family with a watery smile on her face, and blew them both a kiss, and entered the limo, they waved her off quietly, until the limo was out of sight, and Ottilie broke down into a huge fit of tears.

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When Marissa near to landing in Paris, 11 hours later, she tiredly tried to shove Kaitlin as they landed over the city of love. Marissa missed Ryan crazy already, and it was killing her having to be away from them. She held her stomach reassuringly, the doctors had told Marissa, that she was ok to fly, only if she took extra care of herself, she needed to take all of her vitamins, and if she starts to feel like something's wrong, get herself straight to a doctor, but seeing as how her last pregnancy was fine, she didn't think she had anything to worry about.

"Kaitlin, please" Marissa said shaking her younger sister, she had drunk quite a lot of champagne in the limo, and had a messy bed hair from sleeping in first class all night, on top of the loud snore that had been ringing through Marissa's ears for the whole plane ride.

"God Marissa, I'm awake, just resting my eyes" Kaitlin moaned tiredly.

"Fine, fine, but I should tell you now, that you have embarrassed yourself in front of the male cast of Gossip Girl" Kaitlin's head immediately shot up, and looked at Marissa with wide eyes.

"What are you talking about? We were the only ones in this cabin when the plane took off" Kaitlin said smiling smugly.

"Au Contraire" Marissa nodded to where Chace Crawford, Penn Badgely and Ed Westwick, Kaitlin's idols, where all sitting opposite them in the cabin, oblivious to their excited fan. Kaitlin gasped and immediately tried to subtly comb down her messed up brown locks.

"We have been on this plane, like a day Marissa, you bitch! I swear they weren't hear when we took off, Why didn't you tell me, one of them and me could be having sex in the tiny bathrooms by now!!!" Kaitlin said scathingly, Marissa laughed at her and raised an perfectly arched eyebrow.

"Don't you kind of have a boyfriend?" Marissa asked her.

"But that totally don't count if, heaven is sitting 2 rows away from you, besides, me and Max aren't even that serious" Marissa nodded along, and tried to shut her eyes.

"So how do you think I should strike up conversation, because you know the blonde one is the only single one." Kaitlin said, staring at the men she had watched religiously on TV, and film, for the last 4 years. Kaitlin, shook up her hair lightly, and looked over, just as Chace Crawford flashed his smile at her, Marissa watched her sister, try to be coy, when really she was jumping around with excitement on the inside.

"Hey," Kaitlin said, smiling brightly, Marissa watched her younger sister, quickly search for a topic to talk about, when her eyes, landed on Marissa's open bag of peanuts, she immediately swiped them from her and offered one out to her favourite star.

"Want some peanuts" Kaitlin said offering her cashews, as her older sister, collapsed in a fit of laughter.

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8 days later, Marissa and Kaitlin were starting their breakfast of croissants, and a wide array of strawberries in their suite. The night before, Kaitlin had been out for the 7th night in a row, with her Gossip Girl friends and had returned in the early hours, drunk, and had awoken on a deck chair on their balcony with a very large headache, and bird crap, all over her Gucci she had swiped from Marissa's shoot. Marissa however had not had such a great time, she felt homesick, and morning sick, it was a bit better this morning though, and it did make it better to see her younger sister completely hung-over and surrounded by pigeons, after taking more than enough pictures, she woke her up and they had breakfast at their marble table.

"So when are your little friends going home?" Marissa asked Kaitlin as she poured her a coffee, Kaitlin immediately took the hot beverage, and pulled her sunglasses over her eyes, blocking out the bright daylight.

"I think they said there on a promo tour, but I don't really listen to what he has to say, come on Riss, have you seen how pretty he is to look at?" Kaitlin asked her incredulously.

"No babe, I've not had the chance, you may of noticed."

"Hmmmmm, only slightly, and Ryan rang for you yesterday afternoon, while you were with the Louis Vuitton people"

"I text him last night, but I didn't speak to him, so I am going to ring him back, try not to throw up over anything will I'm gone" Marissa said to her as Kaitlin mumbled swear words at her in a tired voice. Marissa dialled the familiar number and was met with the dial tone, she smiled in anticipation, it was only 11 in LA, so Ryan should still be awake.

"Hello," Ryan said into his phone, having not looked at the ID.

"Why, hello" Marissa purred happily into her cell, as she smiled brightly at hearing his voice.

"Elle I've told you not to ring on this phone, my girlfriend could find out" Ryan said jokingly as Marissa laughed at him sardonically.

"You are hilarious Ry" Marissa said sarcastically as he chuckled to himself.

"I've missed you" Marissa said helplessly, more homesickness washing over her.

"I've missed you too, Riss" Ryan said, she could hear him shuffling around the apartment.

"How's my baby?" Marissa asked, eager to find out how her daughter was going, she had followed Ottilie's rules and picked up all the things she had time to buy, that she assumed her daughter was asleep at this late hour, but could hear Ryan trying to wake her, and her tired persists. Marissa smiled at everything she was missing back home.

"Otty, I have Mommy on the phone" Ryan said trying to wake his sleeping daughter

"You probably shouldn't be getting up her Ry" Marissa said wistfully wishing she was with them at that point.

"She will kill me in my sleep if she finds out I spoke to you and she didn't, here" _"Ottilie, just say hello to Mommy real quick baby" _Ryan passed her the phone and Marissa smiled instantly at hearing her daughter's voice.

"Hello Mommy" Marissa could tell her excitement even over her sleepy sounds.

"Hey baby, Ive missed you"

"I've missed you too, guess what happened at Ballet today" Ottilie told her as she let out a yawn.

"What happened?" Marissa asked her just as excited to hear her news, that makes her day happier.

"I got the main part for the show soon, and I gets a solo" Ottilie told her proudly.

"Wow! Well done honey! That's so good, if I was there now, I would give you a big kiss" Marissa told her, Ottilie yawned again, and Marissa told her to pass the phone back to Ryan.

"I'm so proud!! We have a star in our family!!!" Marissa said tearfully.

"I know, you should of seen her face, her teacher come up and said, she is the most advanced in the class, and can go up an age group" Ryan said proudly.

"See, she takes after you, I mean, you were the Zac Efron of Chino" Marissa said teasingly.

"I was not Zac Efron, I actually was Snoopy" Ryan said jokingly,

"How are things in Paris?, Not been swept off your feet by any gorgeous looking Parisians."

"Well there was a few, but I told them I'm spoken for" Marissa joked with him.

"And you will never guess where I found my keeper this morning?"

"Where?"

"Asleep on the deckchairs, wearing one shoe with a bunch of pigeons, she had been partying hard with her new friends last night, and obviously couldn't find her way to her room"

"Well as long as your not the one partying, you need to take care of yourself, I cant wait to see you, only 6 more days." Ryan told her happily.

"I know, wait until you see Paris, Ryan, your going to love it, the architecture alone will leave you in shock"

"Well that and being reunited with you after 2 long, alone weeks." Marissa smiled at him.

"Oh baby, I'm blowing a kiss down the phone as we speak, not long now I promise"

"I know, look, I'm going to head off to bed, but I will call you in the morning our time, I love you" Ryan told her and her heart jumped at hearing those words being spoken.

"I love you too" Marissa hung up the phone happy, but then the homesickness started t creep up more, she decided to drag her sister into a shower, so they could get ready, and hit the famous shops of the Champs Elysees

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Marissa stood at the arrivals gate of Charles de Gaulle airport, waiting for Ryan and Ottilie, she hadn't spoken to them that day, as the flight was so long, but when Ryan text her last, he said that he had just told Ottilie, that he had to go away with work, and she was coming with him, so it would be a total surprise to see Marissa there. She awaited them giddily, and it felt as if time had stood still, as she watched countless amounts of people walk through the gates and some into the arms of people who they loved, it is quite an emotional scene, seeing people greet each other at the airport, especially when they run into the arms of their loved ones, and Marissa felt her eyes water at a young man and woman, probably about 16, running up to each other and holding the other so tightly. When Marissa turned her head towards the door, she saw Ryan, smiling back at her, her face instantly broke into the happiest grin she had had since being away from him, she began moving towards him, her face never taking her eyes away from his. As she made it to the end of the walkway, Ottilie saw that her mother was there, she immediately let go of Ryan's hand and run straight over to her mother. Marissa bent down to pick her little girl up, and spun her around whilst she peppered her with kisses. Marissa felt some tears creep down the side of her face as she held her daughter closely.

"I missed you so much" Marissa told her, other people had started to notice that it was indeed Marissa Cooper, standing in the middle of the airport holding her daughter, she had started to get more attention than before, but she didn't care, she absolutely hated being away from Ryan, even if it was only for 2 weeks, it was much to long. Marissa put her daughter on the floor next to her, and held her hand tightly, then smiled at Ryan, who was pushing a cart with 2 suitcases, and holding Ottilie's chanel bag, that had she dropped when she was running over to Marissa. Marissa moved forward sand immediately kissed Ryan hard on the lips, her hands tangling in his hair. She smiled into their kisses and when they broke apart she held him close. To her it felt like they had never been apart, not for Paris, but she felt as if she never left her family all those years ago, and she knew, staying with Ryan and their daughter, and the impending baby number two, was where she wanted to stay, forever.

**Let me know what you think, I hope you are still liking this story, 32 chapters in. **

**r/r xoxo**


	34. Chapter 34

**Thankyou to all of my loyal reviewers once again! I know this one is late, but I realised today this is starting to come to a close now, and Its made me kind of sad, I got rather emotional whislt writting this,and have watched all of my old Classic R/M OC's recently, just to get in that spirit. **

**R/R and tell me your thoughts please :)**

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Ryan sat in the living Room of Marissa's suite in the Ritz in Paris, he had been out on the balcony for about an hour, just staring at the amazing buildings, being an architect in Paris, was like being in his element, also being with the woman he loved more than anything else in the world and his gorgeous daughter, made him the happiest man alive. He was just waiting for his beautiful girls to get ready, then Marissa was going to take them to the best sites in Paris, not that Ottilie would really care, but it was their first family vacation and even if it wasn't the most conventional holiday.

"Daddy look! Mommy bought me new clothes" Ryan turned his head and saw his daughter wearing a white sundress with red patent shoes and a red headband,

"Looks like Mommy has very good taste, you look beautiful" Ryan complimented her

"Yeh, you don't look to bad yourself" Ryan laughed at his daughters funny words and looked up to see Marissa, who was dressed in beige shorts and a white top, walked over to him and planted a kiss on his lips. He was unaware of quite how much he missed her, missed the ordinary and mundane things such as being around her, and holding her hand, and listen to her sing as she does anything , Marissa leant over and put her mouth near to Ryan's ears, carefully whispering so Ottilie couldn't overhear.

"I want to tell her," Ryan tightened his squeeze around Marissa's waist, telling her it was what he wanted to do as well, and when they broke apart, Ryan bent down to where Ottilie was, picking her up, and the family of 3 moved towards the sofa, and sat down in the comfortable furniture.

Marissa twirled a piece of Ottilie's hair around her finger, as she listened intently to what her daughter was saying about the time away from home she had missed, Ryan caught her eye and Marissa nodded to him, telling him it was the time

"Baby, Daddy and I have something to tell you" Marissa started while Ottilie looked on inquisitively

"Yeh?"

"Yep, I think you will like what you have to say Otty" Ryan told her hopefully as she looked excited,

"Really?"

"Well, your going to get a baby brother or sister" Marissa told her with a smile on her face while hoped Ottilie wasn't about to cry or throw a tantrum

"Really???" Ottilie asked as her eyes widened with surprise, Ryan and Marissa smiled at each other, happy that she was taking it so well, Marissa felt some tears leak out of her eyes,

"Oh this is so exciting! I get to be a big sister" Ottilie grinned happily and flew straight into Marissa and Ryan's arms. They were all content and silent for a while, when Ottilie broke their hug in Ryan's arms and looked at them both worriedly.

"You wont love me now you have a baby in your belly?" Ottilie asked timidly. Marissa shook her head immediately

"Oh sweetie no, we will love you both the same, I promise, Mommy's and Daddy's don't have favourites" Marissa told her daughter, knowing she would love them both the same, although thinking back to how her Mother always preferred her sister.

"Ok, then, will if you promise" Ottilie said, happy again. Their family moment was interrupted when the door swung open, and Kaitlin then followed, her lips attached to her actor friend, as they anxiously tried to take off each others clothes in an instant hurry. Ottilie's head swung round to see her favourite aunt, in a hurried rush.

"AUNTIE KAITLIN!!!!!!!" Ottilie jumped from Marissa's lap, leaving Ryan and Marissa laughing as her baby sister, turned round with a shocked look on her face, and her friend, with red lipstick smears around his mouth, with his shirt un-buttoned.

"Otty, B, indoor voice, Auntie Kaitlin has had a long night" Kaitlin said to her niece, who stopped to look at the new man standing next to her auntie.

"I didn't know you guys would be back here, in the suite, where we are now" Kaitlin said, trying to laugh to conceal the embarrassment of getting caught, Marissa raised her eyebrows at her younger sister

"Who's that?" Ottilie asked her inquisitively, while Marissa and Ryan tried to conceal their laughter.

"I'm Chace" The actor said to the younger girls whilst Kaitlin grinned with pride and smugness.

"Chace, Come and meet Ryan, he's like my brother" Kaitlin ushered him over to Ryan, where Ryan unlocked Marissa's arms and awkwardly shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you man" Chace looked nervous, as Ryan looked him up and down, to try and scare him, not that he meant to, but he liked to see Kaitlin squirm.

"Ok, right, so, lets get out of here" Kaitlin said, thinking of a quicker exit, she raised her eyebrows at the actor, who nodded reverently

"I will see you guys, later, bye Ottilie babes" Kaitlin quickly grabbed Chace, who smiled at the other couple nervously, and quickly followed Kaitlin out of the room, when they left and looked at Marissa with a smile on his face,

"Did I forget to mention? Kaitlin, made some new friends, he's been back here everyday" Marissa said laughing, as she moved back to cuddle into Ryan's chest, while Ottilie went over to her bag to finish her colouring off the day.

"No you hadn't, rather her than you, I'm so glad to see you again" Ryan tilted her chin and met her lips in a long passionate kiss,

"Gross!!!!!" Ottilie interrupted them, forcing them to break apart.

"You wont say that when your older" Marissa joked, moving herself to stand up.

"Mommy, are we still going to that tower thing?" Ottilie asked her, Marissa nodded towards her and then turned round to look at Ryan, who was shaking his head at her,

"No, no, Eiffel Tower" Ryan said, trying to still sound brave

"Oh come on, Ryan, you got over this years ago, I promise you will love it," Marissa said, trying to reason with him.

"I doubt it" Ryan told her, his mood having changed, Marissa walked back over to him and planted another kiss on his lips, convincing Ryan to forgot about his fear,

"Come on, I will make it worth your while" Marissa told him as he smiled into her ear.

"Fine" Ryan said succumbing and smiled seeing her grin flash at him.

"Venez sur l'amoureux, Paris attend" She turned and winked at him, moving over to collect the rest of her things she would need to go around the city, as Ryan just looked at her in amazement, wondering how he ever got so lucky.

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It had been quite a tiresome afternoon, only a few photographers had taken their pictures as they wandered around famous sites such as the Champs Elyesees, The Notre Dame, The Arc di Trimuph, and the flagship Chanel store in 31 Rue Cambon, where she bought Ottilie another one of her favourite Chanel 2.5, from the famous store in the world, too which Ottilie had been delighted about, then Marissa told her she was a 'grown up fashionista' toting around a Chanel Carrier in the fashion capital of the world, after this compliment, that Ottilie had no clue about the meaning, she tried to model walk, like Marissa had taught her, much to her parents amusement.

Ryan, had been just as excited to see the famous city as his daughter had, as an architect, he was amazed by the designing of some of the most famous buildings in the whole world. Although it was such a happy day, there was something that made Ryan feel nervous and anxious. Little did Marissa know, that in his pocket was a ring, an diamond engagement ring. Encased in a tiffany blue box, that he had bought when he was back in LA, he didn't know when he was planning to ask her, but he knew he wanted to, he loved her more than anything, and he knew she was the woman he wanted to be with, forever and always.

"One more stop, and we will be at the Eiffel Tower" It was still daylight, but for not much longer, and they were on a whistle stop tour bus of the city, Marissa's long sandy blonde hair was flowing against the wind, and she had their daughter on her lap, who's exactly the same coloured hair was doing the same thing. Ottilie giggled as Marissa whispered something into her ear and her hair tipped back, and in the light, you could see the faint speckering of freckles on the bridge of her nose, Ryan sat and wondered what their second child would look like, would it be another girl, or a boy? Either he would be thrilled with, although he was starting to become outnumbered again. Marissa looked over to him, and smiled that mega watt smile, that made him just want to kiss her, yes the love he felt for this woman was out of this world.

"Is that the tower thingy Mommy?" Ottilie asked in her California girl accent

"Yes, sweetie, where here" Marissa stood up, and grabbed Ryan's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze, as she saw his eyes double over at the size of the building. He opened his mouth to say something but Marissa stopped him,

"I'm here, come on, do it for us" Ryan took a deep breath and Marissa smiled at his nervousness, she squeezed his hand, and grabbed onto Ottilie's as the family of 3 walked towards the huge monument, Ryan gazed above them at the tower, which seemed to go on forever, Ottilie spoke incessantly about how she was excited, as they neared the elevator, which would take them to up the tower, Ryan become quiet, and his grip on Marissa's hand tightened.

"You just need something to take your mind off of it is all" Marissa smiled as she leant into kiss him, just as she had on the Ferris Wheel all those years ago, Ottilie watched out of the window, as the Elevator rose higher and higher above the city, amazed at the world outside the box, however Marissa was trying to direct as much of Ryan's attention she could onto him kissing her, so then hopefully, he wouldn't realise that they had been kissing way past the first drop off point, and were now heading for the 2nd floor. Marissa broke the kiss and planted a kiss on her small nose,

"Come on, this is our stop" Ryan took a deep breath, and bent down to pick Ottilie up, at least he had something to keep his mind occupied, and followed Marissa cautiously onto the step, keeping a tight grip on Ottilie as they all looked over the beautiful city of Paris, with a backdrop of pink in the sun setting sky,

"I want to go to the edge, and look" Ottilie said as she struggled to get down, Ryan let her down, and she moved closer to the edge, to look through the bars, Marissa crept up next to him and held his hand, he pressed a kiss to his ear.

"Although I feel like this thing could fall over, Its beautiful and I'm glad you made me do it" Ryan said pressing a kiss to her cheek, he moved to stand behind her, so Marissa stood against his chest, and he knew that it was the moment he had been waiting for.

"Its just so breathtaking, you feel like your on top of the world" Marissa said, smiling at their daughter, who was looking all around intently.

"I love you" Ryan told her randomly, pressing a kiss into her head, and letting go of her one hand to get the box out of his pocket.

"I love you too" Marissa said sighing in happiness.

"Marry me" He said it more of a statement, than a question, her eyes widened in surprise and she turned round in shock, he smiled at her, one that melted her heart, and she noticed him holding a tiffany box, she was lost for words, trying to speak however none were coming out, all she could do was smile and nod as tears flew out of her eyes,

"I known since the day I met you, that I loved you, and we have come so far, lets go the rest of the way, together, as man and wife"

"Yes" Marissa squeaked before she threw herself into his arms, in a fit of tears, of happiness only, when they broke apart, she planted a huge kiss on his lips, excited for the new life she was embarking on. When they broke apart, Ryan placed the diamond onto her ring finger, it was a perfect fit, just like her and Ryan were, Marissa was lost for words, it was one of the most happiest moments of her life, besides Ottilie being born.

"Otty baby, you can come over here now" Ryan said, ecstatically

"I asked her," Ryan said bending down to pick his daughter up, so she could share their moment.

"What did you say Mommy?!" Ottilie asked her, Marissa shed more tears, realising that her daughter was in on the plan as well.

"I said yes baby, I said yes" She finished off her sentence with another kiss on Ryan's lips, while she carried on shedding tears of happiness. Excited for her new life, as Mrs Ryan Atwood.

**What did you think?**

**xoxo**


	35. Chapter 35

**I am awful! I have become so slacky with writing it really has been put to the back of my mind, I need to finish this though, for all of my loyal reviewers, I was just going to not write anymore, after the last one, but its only fair I finish, and when I started writing again, I realised how much I loved it. **

**This contains a COMPLETE PLOT TWIST, I hope you like it :), and even though I have been a terrible updater, let me know what you think please please please :) and then i guarantee, my last chapters will be up faster, (say by sunday/monday?)**

**Thankyou xoxo**

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It had been another 2 weeks since Ryan had proposed to Marissa, making it one of the happiest days of his life, since then, he and Ottilie had to return back to LA, to a paparazzi frenzy, what seemed like hundreds of photographers had awaited their arrival, the news of the engagement had leaked whilst the couple were still in Paris, and had only gotten worse since they got to LA. However, thankfully, Ryan had become a bit of a pro at handling and protecting his child in these situations and had gotten her over it safely.

Marissa's plane was now due to land at JFK in New York City, Ryan had flown out to meet Marissa, where they would spend one day and night and fly back to Ottilie after, and as shellfish as it was, Ryan had never been so excited to spend that time with Marissa, they were newly engaged, but never celebrated _properly_ seeing as Ottilie had had a nightmare that night and had insisted on sleeping in their bed until she came home, saying the hotel bed was not a nice comfy place to sleep, which had slightly put a dampener on things. Although all was forgotten when they had seen Ottilie's face light up when she was in Disneyland, she couldn't control any of her excitement, neither of them could, the smile on her gorgeous face was contagious, Marissa had spent more or less the whole time thinking of her future with Ryan, his company had just expanded to another area in California, which gave him more work, and even though he sounded exhausted when Marissa spoke to him, she knew the excitement in his voice made it all worth it. Now Marissa had finished her European Fashion commitments, she didn't have to be jetting off like that for a long time, at least until after the baby was born. She didn't know how to tell Ryan that she wanted to carry on modelling, she also has a few film commitments, that would have to be worked around when she got home to LA. Safe to say, not much would be happening until after the baby was born. Until their family was complete.

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Please fasten your seatbelts, as we are about to land at JFK aiport, New York City. Thankyou.

Marissa reached her hand down, and held her bump lovingly, it was the teensiest bump, and probably not even there, as no one had guessed when she had done the shoes, but in the mornings when Ryan was in Paris, and Ottilie was asleep, Ryan would reach his hand over, and lay it on her stomach, and rub soothing circles on her skin, protecting her and the baby, it was safe to say Marissa never felt happier.

As the plane descended, Marissa could see Kaitlin looking longingly out the window, she was just as excited as Marissa, seeing as she was going to meet her new 'boyfriend' the actor, Chace, their whirlwind romance, had sadly finished in Rome, when he had to return to begin filming, yet that didn't throw Kaitlin off, having spent every moment together in Europe, she was more than happy to fly to New York and see him again,

As Kaitlin and Marissa, stepped off the plane, and collected their Louis Vuitton Luggage, Marissa anxiously awaited to go around the corner and see her Ryan, she hadn't spoken to him since a day and a bit before, because of the time difference and flight times, but she knew how excited he would be. She checked that Kaitlin had everything, only to see her quickly opening her case and apply some make up, she was a scene starter enough, being Marissa Cooper, she didn't need the extra attention that came with Kaitlin being unable to find her MAC lip-gloss. As they made it round through the gate, Marissa's face caught a smile, a huge ear to ear, happy to be with Ryan for two days alone smile, and it was heart-warming, it made her whole body swell with excitement from the tips of her toes to the last hair on her head. She heard Kaitlin yelp with excitement, as she ran up to meet Chace, in a flurry of kisses and hugs, dropping her bags on the floor, Marissa smiled to her sister, knowing Ryan would greet her like that in a matter of seconds.

Time stood still, Marissa looked past everyone that was hugging each other, and she felt her heart hammer, why wasn't he here to see her, he promised that he would be, it was slightly embarrassing, people knew who she was anyway, but to wait for him to turn up but standing alone, made her want to cry, Her brow furrowed and she continued to look for him, nope, he definitely wasn't there. She sighed, and picked her up suitcases, and wheeled them to some chairs, as she was doing that she heard a familiar voice call her name.

"MARISSA" Her head whipped round, confused. She saw the voice run towards her, and a thousand different thoughts ran through her brain.

"Seth? What are you doing here?" She looked up to him for answers, but instead he shook his head and wrapped her in a tight hug.

"Seth! Where's Ryan? Where is he??" Seth kept quiet, until he broke away from his tight grip.

"TELL ME!" She quickly lost her patience, and fidgeted away from him, her hormones were already raging, and needless to say she was worried.

"he…um he is, god this is..--" Seth stuttered, wiping a tired hand over his face, he ushered Marissa to some benches, and Marissa began to feel more and more nervous, what if something bad had happened, she wouldn't be able to cope without him.

"Seth just--"

"There's been an accident Marissa" He lowered his head to look at the floor, so he wouldn't have to see her cry, and swallowed thickly. Marissa eyes, sprung with tears, and she felt like she was going to be sick, all the breath caught in her throat as she tried to speak.

"what…what do you mean?" Her lip quivered, and she forgot all about the people around her,

"He was driving on the freeway, a truck lost control, and hit him straight on, he was by the edge, and it…made the car spin and he went over the edge" Marissa paled, and her body slumped at Seth's quiet words, he could see the tears stain her face quickly, as he retold her the story. Marissa shook her head reverently as if trying to convince herself it wasn't true.

"Is he? Oh my god no" Marissa cried openly and Seth wrapped his arms around her again, Summer had given him strict instruction that he was to comfort Marissa as much as he could, seeing as she couldn't fly.

"He's in the hospital," Seth informed her, she felt relived that the worse hasn't happened.

"Is he? How bad is it?" Marissa asked him cautiously.

"Bad, its bad" Seth's body shook with some light sobs and Marissa closed her eyes tightly.

"How bad?"

"He's on life support" Marissa hand flew to her mouth, and her body bent in half, it wracked with sobs of frustration and upset.

"look, I came out here to get you, so I could take you straight home to him" Marissa nodded, but the tears kept coming, she couldn't hold her own strength

"My baby! What about Ottilie?!!" She immediately panicked, feeling awful that she hadn't asked sooner.

"She's fine, she doesn't know what's going on, The Nana, came up from Miami, and she's taking care of Ottilie in Newport, while everyone else is in LA." Marissa nodded at him, unsure of what to do. She stood up, but felt sick and dizzy from the weight,

"Get me on the next flight out of here, I need to be with him now" Her voice was low and edgy, She stood up, and held on tightly to Seth's hand, she needed the support.

"Were booked on the next flight out of here in an hour," Marissa nodded, and fell into him, as they both sat there worried for Ryan.

"Come on, lets get you some coffee, its not good for the baby " Seth stood up and tiredly took her things for her.

"How did you know?" Marissa questioned him, as the walked along in silence, bigger things occupying their minds.

"He told me before it happened, he had just bought you all a new house as a surprise, and was describing what he was going to put in the rooms" Marissa cried some more, more than she realised possible, and held tightly to her friends hand.

"I cant lose him Seth, I just cant" She wept quietly, as they walked through the airport.

"He's an Atwood Marissa, you know he would never go down without a fight." They both took deep breath, and prayed to god those words were true.

* * *

**Thoughts? There always appreciated! xoxo**


	36. Chapter 36

**Hey guys! **

**First of all, you are all stars, thank you so much for reviewing my last chapter! it gave me such a push to write, and I am so happy to know that nearly a year into this fic I think, people still want to read it :)**

**Hope you like this chapter, **

As Marissa walked up through the hospital, all of her dreadful thoughts, about Ryan not making it through this, suddenly reappeared stronger than in her mind than before. She has anxiously sat on the plane back to LA, safely to say it was the longest hour of her life. Knowing that in that time her and Seth were in the air, something could happen to Ryan, and none of them would know until it was too late.

Seth had told her to expect the worst, but the worst was ether she lose Ryan forever, or Ryan lose her from his memory, both of which she didn't know if she could handle. Right now, as she wandered through the hospital, all she could think about, was how important he was to her life. How much she needed him, and how she couldn't lose him, she had never been religious but they say in times of desperation, you would do anything to save the person you love.

She turned a corner and saw Sandy sitting outside Ryan's room. As soon as she saw the man that acted more of a father in her life than her own, she ran straight into his big comforting arms, and shed new salty tears. Seth stood back helplessly, he had been a saint on the plane ride, telling her it would all be ok, and how Ryan would come out of this completely unscathed.

"Hey Kiddo, come on, don't start all of these tears now, its not good for you or the baby" Sandy looked up at her knowingly, silently asking him how he knew, he only nodded with a huge smile on his face.

"Congratulations," She smiled through her pained tears, and tried to dry her eyes.

"Can I?" Marissa asked, ushering to Ryan's door.

"He's just being checked over by the nurses, at the minute they asked me to wait outside"

"How is he Sandy?" Marissa asked woefully as she sat on some plastic chairs next to her future father in law. She had totally forgotten that her and Ryan had gotten engaged, she nervously twisted the rock on her engagement finger, and it took the notice of Sandy's watchful eye.

"Me and Kirsten cant wait you know, to have you as a daughter, to be grandparents for a 3rd and now 4th time," Marissa tried to smile, but her heart to much, if Ryan didn't make it, how would she ever cope with 2 children alone.

"Could you please get Ottilie to LA Sandy" Marissa asked him

"Are you sure you can cope with her-"

"I will cope, I want my baby with me" Marissa said firmly, while Sandy nodded, and Seth went off to make the calls to get her niece back to the city.

The door opened and Marissa's tearstained face whipped round immediately. The doctor came out, wrote a few things on his clipboard, and looked up, initially for Sandy.

"Excuse me doctor, can I go and see him now?" Marissa asked the man as she stood up to shake his hand.

"You're his fiancée I presume?" The doctor said looking up from his notes, Marissa just nodded, doing whatever she could to get to Ryan the quickest,

"I will let you see Mr Atwood first, then if you press the call button, I will be in to explain everything, it may seem scarier than it is, I take it you have been filled in on the fact that Mr Atwood is in a temporary coma, this sounds more serious than it is, so please do not be alarmed" Its funny, when someone says not to worry, how you panic a thousand times more, how could a coma be seen as not serious?

Marissa nodded, and walked into Ryan's room, as quiet as a mouse. Shaking her head to herself, its not as if he would be waking up any time soon. She was taken aback, and felt sick from the look of Ryan so helpless in his hospital bed, he was completely covered with cuts, he had a support around his chest and was balanced up on some pillows, she immediately rushed over to the bathroom located on the other side of his room, and threw up in the toilet, gagging and crying. She tried to regain her strength so she would be able to stand up, but felt dizzy from the sudden movements, as she splashed some water over her face, she worked up the courage to go and see him again., and as she moved out to sit at her bed side, it her a again, she couldn't bare to see him laying there, so weak and so helpless, Ryan was always there to save her, selfishly she never thought as herself as the one that wanted to be saved. She cautiously moved to his bedside, where she took hold of his cut hand, the beeps on his machine were steady and monotonous, although they were greeting, the steady lull was also very reassuring. She didn't know how long she sat there for, just watching him, crying, clutching her stomach, but as day turned into night, the doctor re-entered the room again, and called her to his office.

She sat down in the seat, and the doctor poured her some water, Marissa drank her quickly, forgetting that she couldn't actually remember the last time she ate or drank.

"Miss Cooper, I believe that you have been informed over Mr Atwood's condition, by his family" Marissa nodded slightly

"Well we should tell you, that Mr Atwood is improving, from our results we can see that his body is starting to react well, and we may well expect him to make a recovery quickly." Marissa's face brightened slightly at this information

"However, that's if, he is on life support at the minute, but we believe soon he will be able to cope by himself, but without a doubt there will be some side effects" Marissa frowned again at the doctors words and held her stomach for reassurance.

"Such as"

"Well, Mr Atwood suffered a severe blow to the head, so he may get migraines often, but whenever there is a blow to the head, we always have to deal with the fact that memory loss may be an option here." Marissa nodded as more tears came out,

"What if he doesn't wake up?" Marissa asked him quietly, trying to avoid his gaze

"You wont do yourself any good thinking like that Miss Cooper" The elder man told her,

"I take it from the rock on your left finger, that things are supposed to be serious?" Marissa tried to smile and nodded at him

"Well then its best for you, if you not think of the worse, I know you may want to be with him right now, but I strongly recommend that you go home and get some rest, and come back to him first thing in the morning" Marissa nodded, thanked him stood up to shake his hand,

"Can I just go and say good night to him?" Marissa asked hopefully, the doctor nodded and Marissa left the room, when she entered Ryan's room, she took in the sombre mood and decided she needed to bring in some things that would cheer him up later, she moved over to his bed, and took his hand before kissing his fingers lightly, as she re-laid them on the bed again, she shed a tear and placed a kiss on a finger then transferring it to his cheek, and that's when she heard it. The most terrifying sound she had ever heard. A loud piercing beep screamed through the air, and she jumped at the sudden noise, quickly looking to see what was going on. She thought she was going to be sick when she saw Ryan's body shake and shudder quickly, after that it was a blur, she knew she was crying and she knew she was screaming but it was as if it didn't register, she was shoved by doctors, who quickly saw to the man she loved, looking into his eyes with a torch, whilst another wheeled over a machine. Marissa stood helplessly screaming at them to do something, Sandy tried to move her away, but she wouldn't have it. She watched scared, as they placed the two parts of the machine on his chest, she loudly heard them shout, when it became to much. After that, all she saw was darkness.

**R/R!**

**xoxo**


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